Something Like Winter (35 page)

Damn.

“
Man,” Tim breathed,
grasping for a lifeline. “So are you just visiting or
what?”

Ben’s jaw clenched. Tim
could see a hint of afternoon stubble. That was new. He stared as
Ben’s mouth formed words that puzzled him. “I’m enrolled
here.”

“
Since when? I thought you
were in Chicago?” Tim looked at Allison for an explanation, but she
focused on Ben, trying to explain everything in a meaningful
expression.

“
I’m guessing we go to the
same school?” Ben asked her.

Allison pressed her lips
together and nodded. “Yeah.”

“
Jesus!” Tim took a seat.
All these years and they had been so close without even knowing
it.

“
I have to go.” Ben stood,
his chair scraping across the floor. He practically tripped over it
on his way out the door.

Tim stared helplessly
before turning a glare on Allison. “You should have told
me!”

“
Why?” Allison crossed her
arms over her chest. “What would be the point? You might have
pushed him away, but he made the decision to move on and never once
said he regretted it.”

“
Fine.” Tim watched through
the window as Ben rushed off. “I know I fucked up, but things are
different now.”

“
Are they?”

He didn’t have time to
answer her, not unless he wanted to risk another five-year
separation. Maybe Tim should have searched for Ben in that time,
and maybe Allison was right and there wasn’t a point. But now that
Tim had seen Ben again, he wasn’t going to let him get away without
at least telling him one thing.

Tim was on his feet and out
the door, leg muscles pushing hard against the concrete when he saw
Ben was already halfway down the block. Not this time! Tim was
running to him, not away. The world seemed to move in slow motion,
as if no possible speed was fast enough to close the distance. Tim
called his name, and eventually Ben halted, but he hung his head
like it was the dumbest thing he’d ever done. The world sped up
again, Ben just inches away from him now. Tim wanted to reach out
and touch him but didn’t dare.

“
Hey,” he tried.

Ben studied the ground.
“What do you want?”

“
I don’t know,” Tim
admitted. “I just want to talk to you, I guess.”

After a barely perceptible
shake of his head, Ben said, “I can’t.”

Can’t? Or won’t?

“
I know you’re mad at me.”
Tim lowered his head, trying to catch his eye, but Ben still
wouldn’t look at him. This was bad! If he didn’t back off now, he
would scare Ben away. But Tim couldn’t leave without a way of
finding him again. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell
phone. “Take this.”

Ben was so despondent Tim
had to place the phone in his hand.

“
I’ll call tonight, okay?
We’re both in shock right now and need time to think, but I still
want to talk to you. Cool?”

Ben nodded. Thank God,
Allah, Santa Claus, or whoever was out there, because Ben
nodded.

“
All right. I’m going now.”
Tim started to back away, but it was possible Ben would change his
mind and throw away the phone. Then Tim would never see him again,
so he decided to tell him the one thing he needed to say the most.
“You were right, Benjamin.”

Ben raised his head, the
line of his mouth relaxing. “About what?”

“
About a lot of things.”
They looked at each other for one eternal moment. “See you around!”
Tim smiled at him, because if this was the end, Ben might as well
know how he made him feel. Then he did one of the hardest things
ever. He turned and walked away.

When Tim was sitting in his
car again, he allowed himself a nervous laugh. Another chance. Was
it possible? What in the world would he say when he called Ben
tonight? What he needed was advice. Tim started the car, thinking
of Eric before a dart of sorrow hit his heart. Fuck it. He wouldn’t
let that stop him. Putting the car in drive, he headed across town
to Austin Memorial Park where Eric was buried.

The grave was at the edge
of the property, the last at the end of a row, shaded by trees. Tim
came here sporadically, only sometimes feeling the need for extra
closeness. As he parked his car, he was glad to see the wildflowers
covering Eric’s grave were still thriving. The headstone could
barely be seen beneath a floral wreath, which was just as well.
Marcello had chosen the headstone, and although it was elegant,
there wasn’t a grave in the world that Tim would describe as
beautiful.

“
I found him,” Tim said
once he was sitting at the edge of the flowers. “I found Ben. Or he
found me. Neither, I guess.” He laughed, picturing Eric’s patient
expression. “I need to know what to do. I mean, I know what I want,
but Ben didn’t seem happy to see me.”

He waited for comforting
words he knew wouldn’t come, his thoughts wandering to the life he
once shared with Eric. One fall day came to mind, when the weather
was mild enough that he and Eric opened all the windows in the
house. Then Gabriel had called, which was a rare occurrence. Eric
went out on the back patio, staring into space or pacing
occasionally as he spoke to him on the phone. Tim had sat nearby in
the recreation room, pretending to read a magazine while listening
as Eric laughed and chatted, mentioning names and places Tim wasn’t
familiar with. The call had lasted nearly an hour, Eric smiling
when he came back inside.

“
I love that man,” he had
said cheerfully.

“
I don’t see how you can,”
was Tim’s reply. “I mean, he left you for another
person.”

“
Ancient history. And
besides, you never stop loving someone, no matter what happens. Do
you still love Ben?”

“
You know the answer to
that.”

“
And have you loved anyone
since?”

That had given Tim pause.
His relationship with Eric felt like love. But they were never
intimate. Not physically.

Eric continued anyway.
“Take it from an old man with a lot of experience. When you do fall
in love again, you’ll still love Ben just as much. You might not
think of him every day or yearn for him, but those feelings will
still be there to catch you off guard. They never go
away.”

Tim had been skeptical.
“Tons of couples break up or get divorced.”

“
Even love can’t stop
people from becoming incompatible.”

Tim breathed in the scent
of wildflowers, addressing the present once more. “I hope you were
right. Ben and I are compatible now. I think. If he still loves
me—” The thought was too huge to finish.

Tim allowed himself more
time lost in thought, mulling it all over with Eric’s ghost. Then
he stood, determined to make Benjamin Bentley love him
again.

* * * * *

Had life existed before the
Internet, a time when endless information wasn’t just a click of
the mouse away? How else had people stalked their former flames,
mapping a route to their houses in the middle of the night to peep
in their windows? Tim hadn’t gone
quite
that far yet. He was leaning
against his car and staring at dark windows, but from a respectable
distance. Maybe Ben wasn’t at home.

Tim sighed, wishing he had
more liquid courage coursing through his veins. Since his
snowmobile accident, he was careful about drinking and driving, so
he’d only indulged in one beer before coming here. While at the
bar, he went over every possible outcome this night could have.
Some were good. Most were bad.

Tired of wondering, Tim
used the new phone he bought to call the one left with Ben. He
watched the windows as it rang, waiting for one to light up. None
of them did, even when the line clicked and Ben’s groggy voice
answered.

“
Hello?”

“
Hey! Were you
sleeping?”

Ben suddenly sounded much
more alert. “No! I mean, yeah.”

“
It’s only 11 p.m.,” Tim
chided. “What sort of college boy are you?”

There was a heavy pause on
the line. “Where were you?”

“
Oh. I had a study group,”
he lied, “and we went out for—”

“
No. I mean,
where were you?
”

“
What? You mean the last
five years?” And there he goes, ladies and gentlemen! Benjamin
Bentley, right out of the gate! “All right, uh, high school. Fuck.
Senior year I went to Conroe High School instead.”

“
Just to get away from
me?”

“
To get away from myself.”
Tim paced in front of the duplex. All remained dark. Was this the
wrong address? “Man, you aren’t going to make this easy, are
you?”

“
No.”

“
Maybe doing this over the
phone was a bad idea.” There! A light on the side of the house.
Checking the street to make sure no one was watching, Tim walked
toward it. “Can’t we meet up? Talk face to face?”

“
No, I don’t think
so.”

He reached the window and
peeped in. Jackpot! Not only was Ben in bed, phone pressed between
shoulder and ear as he flipped through some photos, but he was
stark naked. Well, nearly. He had underwear on, but Tim could see
enough to get his libido raging. Many a moon had passed since Tim
had gotten laid, and the rush of hormones sent his courage meter
hurtling up to the max.

“
Why? Are you indecent?”
The window was open, only a screen separating them. “Lying in your
bed with nothing but your boxers on?”

Ben tensed and turned
around.

“
You’re still so damn
scrawny!” Tim closed his phone. “But it suits you.”

Ben’s expression was pure
disbelief. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Tim pressed his face
against the screen. “Let me in before somebody calls the
cops.”

“
I should call them myself!
How did you find me?”

“
Looked up Allison in the
phone book.” Another lie, but it sounded slightly less stalkerish.
“C’mon, let me in.”

Ben flashed a hint of a
smile before getting out of bed. Tim hurried around to the front
door, like a dog desperate to get out of the rain. Except it was
hot, humid, and sweaty out, which made him even hornier. When Ben
opened the door, he was wearing a T-shirt. Unfortunately. Tim
stepped close to him, but Ben placed a hand on his chest to hold
him at bay and shook his head.

“
You know what? This isn’t
a good idea. Wait outside. I’ll get dressed and we can go for a
walk.”

Tim shrugged and stepped
back. The door closed. He took a deep breath, trying to summon his
brain’s higher functions again. Ben wouldn’t let him off the hook
unless he explained… well, everything. He strolled back to his car,
wishing it was the old 3000GT, if only for the nostalgia factor.
Still, a brand new Mazda Miata was easy on the eyes, and who didn’t
love riding in a convertible? Tim leaned against the car, imaging
Ben’s impressed response. Except when Ben came outside, he walked
right past Tim and down the street.

“
Same old Benjamin,” Tim
said, hurrying to catch up. “Always knowing what you want and
getting it.”

“
Yeah, well, not
everything’s the same.” Ben glanced over at him. “So how did Conroe
High treat you?”

“
Same shit, different
school. Well, not completely the same. There was no
you.”

The obvious flirtation was
ignored. “What about girls?”

Tim fought down a grin. Ben
was in for a big surprise if he thought girls were still in the
picture. “Tried to avoid them. Just had a prom date senior
year.”

“
Krista Norman again?”
Ben’s voice dripped with venom when he said her name. Eric would
probably claim it proved underlying passion. Jealousy equals
passion equals love—or something like that.

“
No. Not Krista. I stopped
seeing her shortly after we beat the crap out of Bryce.” That broke
the ice. They both smiled at the memory, the space between them
feeling a little warmer. “That was another reason to switch
schools. I’m sure Bryce was aching for a rematch. They give you any
more trouble?”

“
Not really.”

Well done, Stacy
Shelly.

A small park at the end of
the block became their destination, a view of the river past some
overgrown brush. Ben sat on a flat rock, its edges buried in the
dirt. Tim joined him. Their legs brushed against each other, Ben
shifting uncomfortably and pulling his legs up close. Not a good
sign. This wasn’t going well. Maybe Ben had someone.

“
So what about you? Drag
any lucky guys to the prom?”

The question was ignored.
“So straight from high school to Austin?”

“
Yeah, pretty much. My dad
graduated from here and insisted I do the same. I didn’t know what
I wanted to do, so I agreed. It’s worked out pretty well so far.”
Time to pull the ace from his sleeve. “People are so liberal in
Austin that it’s easy to be gay here.”

Ben’s reaction was
priceless. Flabbergasted was probably the right word. Best of all,
Ben was so surprised, he let down his guard completely. “You came
out?”