Something Like Winter (37 page)

* * * * *

Tim had an enemy in
Allison. A shame, since he really did like her, but her intent
became obvious the next day. Tim met Ben for lunch on campus, which
was nice, but not conducive to romance. When they made plans for
that night, Tim knew they were on the fast track. He could feel the
tension between them growing. A little more time spent together and
the outcome was inevitable.

Then Ben called in the late
afternoon to cancel, saying Allison needed a night out with him.
Tim didn’t hold it against her. She was only trying to protect Ben
from getting hurt again. She’d come around when she saw how happy
Tim would make him. Instead of getting angry, he made further
plans.

Saturday morning, Tim
collected Ben and whisked him away to a nearby amusement park for
another blast from their past. It wasn’t the same park they’d
visited as teenagers, but it wasn’t so different either. They fell
right back into their old routines, except this time Tim was
desperate to touch Ben in public, to hold his hand or just put an
arm around him. He didn’t, not wanting to move too fast, but Tim
did mentally kick his teenage self around for all the missed
opportunities.

The day was ideal, the sun
steadily sinking, when Ben’s new guy found a way to ruin their fun,
even from out of town.

“
Samson!”

“
Who?”

“
Jace’s cat. I totally
forgot to feed him today.”

Tim had forgotten the new
guy’s name until Ben said it again. Jace hadn’t come up in
conversation at all, and Tim had been happy to pretend he didn’t
exist. Ben—well, who knew what he was thinking? But now they had to
head back to Austin just to feed the damn cat.

“
I hope Samson’s okay,” Ben
fretted once they were back on the highway. “Usually I stay over
there when Jace is out of town.”

“
So why haven’t you
been?”

This earned a thoughtful
pause, but one that ultimately backfired on Tim. “I’ll crash there
tonight. Gotta make sure the apartment looks nice before Jace comes
home.”

“
When’s that?”

“
Tomorrow
night.”

“
So I have you to myself
until then.” Tim glanced over at him. “We can do dinner tonight.
We’ll feed the cat and then head out. My treat.”

“
You don’t need to pay for
everything,” Ben said. “I have money too, you know.”

“
I can afford
it.”

“
How?”

That single word was
loaded. Heavily. Come to think of it, Ben acted weird every time
the topic of money came up. Tim’s stomach sank. He knew what people
said about him at school. The rumors had started after he moved in
with Eric. The following fall, the fraternity had sent their usual
fund-raisers to the alumni, including Eric. Tim had answered the
door, recognized one of the brothers, and told them they could go
fuck themselves. The rumors had spread after that, lies that would
explain Ben’s curious reactions.

“
I inherited some money,”
Tim said. “A lot, actually.”

“
From who?”

“
No one you would know,”
Tim snapped. He regretted it and took a few steady breaths. “His
name was Eric. He was a friend of mine. He died last
year.”

“
I’m sorry.” Ben paused.
“Still, it’s a bit unusual. Inheriting money from a friend, I
mean.”

“
Is it?”

“
Yeah. Unless he was your
sugar daddy or something.”

Tim felt his temper rising.
“I guess Allison has filled you in on the rumors, then?” Why did
people have to be so stupid? Maybe the situation was unusual, but
that didn’t give them the right to cast judgment. Especially on
Eric. He was amazing and wouldn’t have needed to buy anyone. Ever.
“I guess there’s no point in telling you what you already know.
Eric was rich, old, and gay. What else could it have been,
right?”

Ben looked guilty. “I don’t
know.”

“
Well, it’s bullshit!
People think the whole world revolves around sex and money, but
they’re wrong. Eric was a good person and one of the best friends I
ever had. All he ever wanted was friendship.”

“
I didn’t mean to
pry.”

“
Yeah, you did, but it’s
okay.” Tim exhaled. “I just get tired of what people say. They
don’t know me. They take a couple of facts and warp them into
something they can feel superior about.”

“
Yeah, that does suck.” The
hum of tires on the freeway accompanied an awkward pause. “So
what’s the truth, then?”

Complicated, to say the
least. Tim explained the parts of it he could, how Eric was like
the father he’d always wished for. How they could spend hours just
being in each other’s company and talking. And how, at the end, Tim
found himself playing a role he never expected to. That part was
much too complicated to express, so he kept it simple. No details,
no breakdown of those final days. Tim had been his nurse. Simple as
that.

“
So sex was never
involved?”

“
No! Christ! Can’t gay
people just be friends?”

“
Sorry. It’s just the money
thing—”

The money. Sometimes Tim
felt like burning it all just to shut people up. “Yeah, well, what
else was Eric supposed to do with it? He didn’t have any kids. Just
a sister. She got most of it. I got a small part, which was still a
tremendous amount. And the house. She didn’t want it,
anyway.”

His little outburst made
the rest of the drive awkward. It only got worse for Tim when he
followed Ben into Jace’s apartment. He wished it was a horrible
dump, cluttered by empty beer cans and smelling like a dirty litter
box. Instead it was respectable and comfortable. Samson was cute, a
gray furball who Tim felt gave him knowing looks. As soon as the
cat was fed, Tim was eager to get Ben away from there, luring him
back to the car with promises of dinner. But he needed to step up
his game if Jace was due back tomorrow, and that meant finding
somewhere private.

“
Why don’t we avoid the
crowds? We’ll go back to my place and I’ll cook for
you.”

Ben’s spidey sense must
have tingled. “Eh, I don’t know.”

“
It’ll be cool.” Tim
switched lanes without waiting for permission. “You’ll like it
there.” As he took the next exit, he wondered if that would be
true. He couldn’t imagine anyone but him and Eric in that house;
the idea of Ben being part of the scenery seemed somehow surreal.
But he had to try.

* * * * *

Ben sat on one of the bar
stools, glancing around at the large kitchen, unaware that Tim
watched him from the doorway. In front of Ben, the countertop held
little except decorative bottles of oil. And a container of dry
cereal, which had a surprising number of memories surrounding it.
Eric loved a bowl of cereal in the morning. Tim always found this
amusing. Eric had been such a food connoisseur, but in the mornings
he went for artificially colored and heavily sugared cereals,
usually with marshmallows. He would always sit where Ben sat now,
Tim on the next stool over, as they munched away
together.

“
It’s a huge house,” Tim
said, startling Ben as he walked into the room. “Too big for me. I
plan on selling it and finding a place in Allandale, so don’t go
getting used to it.”

Ben rolled his eyes.
“Allandale is a nice neighborhood, but I don’t know if you’re
enough of a hippie to fit in there.”

True enough. Besides, Tim
doubted he could really part with this place. He walked around the
kitchen island and leaned against one of the counters.

Ben considered him. “So
Eric lived here alone?”

“
Yeah, when I first met
him. It wasn’t long before he asked me to move in. Don’t give me
that look! I can see what you’re thinking.”

“
What would you think if
anyone told you the same story? You have to admit it sounds
fishy.”

“
Yeah, I guess so. You
believe me, right?”

Ben shrugged. “Why not? The
world’s a crazy place.”

“
I would have,
though.”

“
What?”

“
Slept with Eric.” Tim kept
his head held high, not ashamed of this confession. “If it would
have made him happy, I would have, but he never even hinted at
it.”

“
Did you want
to?”

“
I don’t know.” Tim turned
around and opened one of the cabinets, grateful for the excuse not
to face Ben while he talked. “Sometimes you can’t tell your friends
from your lovers, you know what I mean? The line gets kind of
blurry. That’s how it was with me and Eric. Maybe if he wasn’t on
so many meds he would have wanted something physical. Maybe
not.”

“
What was wrong with
him?”

“
Cancer. Multiple kinds,
multiple places.”

“
Geez.”

“
Yeah.” Tim grabbed a
handful of ingredients and turned to set them on the island. “Eric
toughed it out until the end. He never complained, never felt sorry
for himself. He had so much spirit. That’s why I can’t sell the
place yet. I feel like he’s still here.” Tim stared at the tiled
surface of the island, thinking how he’d give anything for one more
shared breakfast there. When he noticed Ben watching him, he tried
to sound chipper. “Anyway, what did you have in mind for
dinner?”

“
You don’t know how to
cook, do you?”

Tim glanced down at the
ingredients for the first time. Pineapples and pasta? Brown sugar
and rice? Tim laughed. “No, I don’t, but I had to get you here
somehow. We could do delivery. Or we could get nostalgic and you
could cook for me. I’ll even lay myself out on the couch and
pretend my ankle is jacked up.”

“
Tim—” Ben’s warning tones
matched his expression.

“
Too far? Sorry. I just
wanted you to see my home, since it’s so connected to my past.” And
because he hoped Ben would be part of its future. “You being here
really livens the place up. I wouldn’t mind you visiting more
often. Bring Jace along. I’d love to meet him.”

Ben scrutinized him. Okay,
so maybe Tim was laying on the nice guy act a little
thick.

“
All right,” Ben said.
“I’ll cook, but you have to help. I don’t care how rich you are,
everyone should know how to make at least one meal. What have you
got here?”

“
Just a bunch of canned
stuff.” Most of it had been in the cabinets when Eric was alive.
“Uh, you better check the expiration dates. I eat a lot of
take-out.”

Ben was at his side,
rustling through the counters. “Canned tomatoes—these are still
good. Where are the spices?”

Tim followed Ben around,
discovering cupboards he’d forgotten about, which was refreshing.
Eric used to cook with these things, and now Ben would too. Tim
liked that.

“
Seriously? No
onions?”

“
I think there are green
ones in the herb garden out back.” Automatic sprinklers watered
those. “Lots of things grow wild out there, if you know what you’re
looking for.”

They raided the garden,
tearing leaves off different plants to taste them and laughing
about getting poisoned, but they found some familiar flavors and
the onions. Ben fired up the oven, put a pan on the flames, and
threw in some olive oil. He made Tim wash and slice the onions
while he put water to boil on another burner.

“
Toss the onions in and
stir them around,” Ben commanded like a drill sergeant. “Now the
can of tomatoes and the spices.”

“
Yes, sir!”

Then Ben started stirring
the concoction with a wooden spoon. “I learned to cook when taking
care of you,” he said.

“
Seriously?”

Ben nodded, smiling at the
memory. “You didn’t notice? For two whole weeks everything you ate
was either burnt or undercooked. I didn’t know what I was doing.
I’m surprised you survived.”

“
I remember it all tasting
good.”

“
Must have been the
painkillers.” Ben glanced over at him, his eyes shiny. “I loved
taking care of you.”

“
Well, you know where I
live, and I’m still needy as hell.”

“
It’s different now,” Ben
said.

“
Exactly.” Tim came up
close behind him. “So is there a trick to stirring? Let me
try.”

He moved his arms around
Ben, who let go of the wooden spoon before Tim could place his hand
over his.

“
Seriously?” Ben said.
“That tired old move? Stir away.”

Tim took the spoon and
jabbed at the sauce. “I don’t know how.”

“
Oh, come on!”

Tim moved forward, their
bodies in full contact now. “Guide my hand.”

“
So lame!” Ben shook his
head, but then he put his hand over Tim’s.

And it felt so damned
wonderful. Ben made a little effort to stir, but Tim let go of the
spoon, splaying his fingers and inviting Ben to interweave his own.
Ben moved his hand away and rolled to the side to free himself from
his embrace. He didn’t look angry though. Instead his skin was
flushed.