Something Like Winter (36 page)

“
Yeah. Got kicked out of a
fraternity because of it too.”

“
Seriously?”

“
Yeah. It was stupid, since
I’d slept with half of them before coming out. Well, not
half,
but you know.”
Great. Now he was making himself sound like a slut. Tim rewound the
conversation to coming out. “A lot of the frat boys were the same
way I used to be. Some just liked to mess around, which was all
right, but other guys were so closeted they couldn’t even admit it
to themselves. I got a good taste of what I put you
through.”

Ben lapsed into thought.
Everything had changed. Surely he could see that now; would realize
the implications. They could be together. Nothing was in their way
anymore.

When Ben remained silent,
Tim bumped shoulders with him gently. “So tell me about your life.
Was Chicago just a lie to keep me away from you?”

“
No. I was there for almost
two years.”

“
Did you like
it?”

Ben’s face lit up “I loved
it. Everything but the weather. The museums were amazing, the
shopping—just the city itself. There was always something going on.
Culture thrives there. It didn’t feel like a dead city, like
Houston.”

“
Austin must seem boring in
comparison.”

Ben shrugged. “Not really.
It’s taken me a little while, but it’s starting to feel like
home.”

“
You know,” Tim leaned
toward him, “they say home is where the heart is.”

“
They also say you can
never go home again,”

“
Touché!
” Tim did his best not to
frown. He needed to know. “So what about guys? I guess you’ve
probably dated a lot?”

Ben seemed to hesitate
before he leaned away to get at his back pocket. He pulled out a
photo, handing it to Tim. “His name is Jace. We’ve been together
for over two years. Someday he’s going to take me to
Paris.”

Tim took the photo
reluctantly, not wanting to see. There was Ben, wearing a grin free
of inhibition, his face pressed against that of another guy with
killer cheekbones and a cool expression. To Tim he almost looked
smug, as if he knew Tim would see this moment captured in time and
realize how damn happy he could have been. That should be him
there, pressing his cheek to Ben’s and stretching out his arm to
snap the photo.

“
I guess I deserve this.”
Tim’s throat burned with the effort of holding back
tears.

Ben stared, as if seeing
something he never expected. When he spoke again, his voice was
soft, like it used to be. “I’m sorry.”

“
Don’t be.” Tim pulled
himself together. “I missed my chance, right? A guy like you
doesn’t stay single.”

“
You either.”

Tim shook his head. “Nope.
Not since you.”

“
But you said— The frat
boys?”

“
That was just sex. All the
guys I’ve been with were nothing more than a one-night stand or
fuck buddies. None of them meant anything.” Not even Travis. Next
to Ben, he had been nothing. Only Eric mattered, but who knew if he
even counted. Since him, Tim hadn’t connected emotionally with
anyone else.

“
You can’t tell me none of
those guys fell for you,” Ben said. “If not a frat boy, then
someone.”

Fair enough. Tim had hit
the bars a few times since Eric died, and he did find guys
interested in more than a single night, but Tim hadn’t felt that
spark. “There were a few, yeah, but they weren’t…” He let a glance
at Ben finish the thought. Time to slink home and lick his wounds.
He stood and stretched. “I tracked you down tonight in the hopes of
seducing you, but instead the evening was completely
embarrassing.”

“
No, it wasn’t.”

“
You aren’t the one who
almost cried. I think I’m going to cash in my chips and call it a
night. Hey, you still have my phone?”

“
Yeah.” Ben stood to dig it
out.

“
Good. Here, trade me. You
can have this one,” Tim handed him the new phone. “It’s all paid
up.”

Ben looked uncomfortable.
“I can’t.”

“
You can. Besides, I like
the idea of being able to get a hold of you whenever I
want.”

“
Oh. Well,
thanks.”

They began a slow walk back
to the car, both introspective. Tim wished it would have gone
differently, that they could have met again while single, but he
understood. If things had been good between him and Travis, had
they fallen in love, been together all this time, and Ben had shown
up in his life again— Honestly? Tim would have dropped Travis in a
second. He couldn’t picture loving anyone more than Ben.

Eric was right. Those
feelings didn’t go away, even when someone else was in the picture.
Ben hadn’t spent their years apart sad and lonely, which was good,
but it was time for him to come home. Tim would have to be smart
about this, not mopey or jealous.

“
I’m happy for you,
Benjamin,” he said. “I’m glad that someone recognized how special
you are and held on tight.”

“
Thanks.” Ben stopped next
to Tim’s car. “I’m sure there’s someone out there for you
too.”

“
Oh, there is.”

Tim wanted to kiss him
right then and there, but he was going to do this right. He winked
instead, hopped into his car, and drove into the night. Tomorrow he
would return and keep coming back every day if that’s what it took.
He glanced in the rearview mirror at the rapidly shrinking figure
and smiled.

See you soon,
Benjamin!

Chapter
Twenty-two

Tim called first thing the
next morning. Ben was already up, and from the noise in the
background, he seemed to be driving.

“
Hello?”

“
I dreamt about you last
night,” Tim said.

“
I don’t want to know,” Ben
replied.

“
You really don’t. Horribly
obscene things happened.”

“
I bet they
did.”

“
Worst of all, we were both
wearing clown makeup.”

“
Ugh.”

“
I know.”

“
I have to go,” Ben said,
but he sounded amused.

The conversation was short,
but it was a good start to Tim’s day. He called later in the
afternoon between classes. The phone rang longer this time, and
when Ben answered he sounded angry.

“
How the hell do you turn
the ringer off on this thing?” he grumped. “I got kicked out of
class!”

“
You took me to class with
you? That’s so sweet! Tell me where you are, and I’ll come carry
your books for you.”

Ben laughed. “I’m going
back to class. Don’t call me again.”

“
Then let me take you out
tonight.”

“
No, Tim.”

“
Go-karts. Me and you. We
need to finally settle our differences.”

“
I have to wash my
hair.”

The line went dead, but Tim
wasn’t discouraged. That evening he went home, got gussied up, and
was halfway to Ben’s duplex when he called again. “I’m picking you
up in ten minutes. That’s enough time to brush your teeth, check
the mirror, and get your butt to the curb.”

After a long pause Ben
said, “Hurry up.”

He wasn’t waiting at the
curb, but he did answer the door a few seconds after Tim rang the
bell. Tim offered his arm, which was ignored, but soon enough Ben
was in his car. If he could find a way to permanently lock the
doors, he would have driven straight to Mexico and never looked
back. Instead he made good on his promise and took him to a family
fun center that had a lot more than just go-karts.

They were walking through
the arcade, game cabinets buzzing and bleeping, when Tim put an arm
around Ben’s shoulders. “High school, take two,” he
said.

Ben smirked. “You couldn’t
pay me to go back there again.”

“
You sure? Five hundred
bucks? A thousand?” The reaction to this was strangely awkward, so
Tim tried again. “It wasn’t all bad. Junior year was pretty
nice.”

Ben didn’t exactly sigh and
lean into him, but he didn’t pull away, either. When they were out
on the track, racing each other, Tim became frustrated. Usually he
loved engaging in a miniature race, but not when it meant being
separate. Then again, when he purposely lost near the end, Ben wore
the same goofy smile as in the photo. Take that, new guy! I can
make him happy too!

“
Another round?” Ben asked
when they were getting out of the karts.

“
I can’t stand the
humiliation of another loss. Besides, I owe you your
prize.”

“
Prize?”

“
Yeah, the loser always
buys the winner a beer.”

Ben shook his head. “You
don’t have to do that.”

“
I can afford it, trust
me.”

Now Ben looked downright
uncomfortable, but Tim couldn’t figure out why. “Still don’t
drink?”

“
I do. Not often, but
occasionally.”

“
Then let’s go.”

Tim supposed it would be
like this for a while. Ben would have fun with him and get caught
up in the past before remembering his current boyfriend. But
eventually he would make a choice, and Tim was feeling more and
more confident about what that choice would be. A couple of beers
and some horrible chicken wings later, Tim was driving Ben home
when the storm that had been hovering over the city finally broke,
rain pouring down.

“
Good.” Ben sighed in
relief. “We need that!”

“
We do?”

“
I mean plants and things,”
Ben explained, but Tim had already hit a button on the car’s
console. “Hey, what are you doing?”

With a whirr of motors, the
convertible top opened, letting the weather in. Ben shouted in
shock, and Tim howled with laughter. Soon Ben joined him as they
cruised through torrents of rain. They reached Ben’s home a few
blocks later, but it was enough to thoroughly soak them both, Tim’s
shirt and shorts plastered to his body.

“
Mind if I come in for a
towel?” he asked once the convertible top was up again.

“
Allison is
home.”

“
So? Just think of what we
used to do when your parents were home.”

“
Ha.” Ben gestured toward
the duplex with his head. “Come on. But in and out,
okay?”

“
Of course.”

Allison was on the couch
watching TV when they entered. She didn’t look happy, shutting off
the television and rising to have a hushed conversation with Ben.
Tim idly examined the surroundings, feeling like a home wrecker.
When the whispers became more like hisses, Ben broke away
briefly.

“
Wait in my room,” he said,
pushing Tim in the right direction.

Perfect.

He didn’t find anything
recognizable about Ben’s bedroom, the furniture and decorations
completely different from those of their teenage years. With one
exception. The painting Tim had given Ben for his birthday—two
hearts overlapping—hung on a wall opposite the bed. Tim stared at
it, part of him criticizing his work from so long ago, but the rest
of him feeling elated.

He spun around when Ben
came in, wanting to scoop him up into his arms. Instead he took
inspiration from the towel Ben had fetched for him and started
stripping off his wet shirt. Slowly.

For one fleeting moment,
familiar lust made those brown eyes appear anything but innocent.
Then Ben tossed him the towel and looked away. “I need you to
go.”

Need. Not want. Tim dropped
his shirt on the floor and towel-dried his hair. “Mind if I keep
this? The car seats are pretty wet.”

“
Sure.” Ben remained in the
doorway, eyes on the carpet.

Just come closer, Tim
thought. We both want this. “I had fun today,” he said. “Just like
old times. Better maybe, since I’m hiding in your bedroom from
Allison instead of the whole world.”

“
It was a nice day,” Ben
admitted.

“
How about dinner tomorrow?
You deserve a better meal than those chicken wings.”

Ben raised his head. “You
broke my heart. You know that? I picked myself up and brushed
myself off, but it never stopped hurting.”

Tim swallowed. “If it’s any
consolation, I broke my own heart in the process.”

“
Did you?”

Tim put his hand over his
chest. “I swear. I won’t pretend to know what you went through, but
I sent myself straight to Hell. I deserved everything I got, but
you didn’t.”

Ben looked away, chewing
his bottom lip. Tim struggled to find another way of expressing how
much regret he felt, but there were no adequate words. He was sure
he had lost when Ben said, “Maybe a quick lunch.”

“
Deal!” Tim walked toward
him, towel draped over one shoulder, and Ben stood aside for him to
leave. That was okay. Tim showed himself out, nodding cordially to
Allison on the way. Not bad for the first date. Not bad at
all.