Authors: Sara Alva
Rebecca
offered him a piece of her biscotti. “Still no word on what’s wrong with her?”
Connor
shook his head and popped the cookie into his mouth. “They won’t tell him
anything since he’s not family.”
“Damn.”
She sipped her tea. “Sounds to me like she’s just nuts.”
“I
don’t really think that’s a diagnosis.”
She
giggled. “Sorry. Guess my media studies major isn’t helping you out here.”
He
wanted to laugh, too, but couldn’t quite reach that carefree mood.
“Seriously,
though, if you want the relationship to work, you need to step out of the
nuthouse and get back to real life. Wallowing around in misery is not healthy
for him…or you.”
“I
know, but—”
“Why
don’t you meet us at Newcomb for dinner? You won’t have to pry him away from
her bedside then, will you?”
“Well,
no…”
“There
you go. And what’s more low key than meeting up with friends at Newcomb? He’s
still got a lot of work to do in that whole ‘out’ department. I mean, he spends
all his time with either you or his wacko ex…not exactly being social. You
should really—”
“Okay,
okay.” Connor put his hands over his ears to stop the onslaught. “I get it. I’ll
ask him.”
Rebecca
was good enough not to gloat over her triumph.
“Good.
I look forward to seeing him again.”
Connor
rolled his eyes and snatched the last piece of biscotti. “Well I hate to say
this, but I really should be getting back to work. I have a bunch of reading to
do.”
She gathered
her belongings and tossed away the empty cup. “Sure. I’ll walk you halfway.”
He
held the café door for her, then stepped out onto the busy sidewalk of The
Corner, where he immediately collided with a massive body.
“Oh,
shit,” the body said. “I didn’t see you down there.”
Connor
opened his mouth to give the obligatory
it’s okay,
but the words
disintegrated as he found himself staring up at Michael’s commanding bulk.
“Oh,
shit,” Michael said again, the scent of beer carrying on his breath. “It’s the
little anthro queer.”
A
dousing of shock left Connor speechless.
Rebecca
backtracked to them in two swift steps. With a hand on her hip, she drew
herself up to her full six-one, even though Michael still had several inches on
her. “Excuse me?”
Michael
let out a low whistle, filled with more beer-stench. “Whoa. Call off the queer
cavalry. It’s not like I’m gonna beat him up or anything.”
Queer cavalry?
Anger boiled through Connor’s system, temporarily muting the fear.
He
stepped back around Rebecca and attempted to mimic her move of squaring
shoulders and amassing height. If he hadn’t been so nervous, he probably would
have laughed at the futile effort. “Don’t talk to her like that.”
Michael
did laugh. “Seriously, dude. Chill. I just never thought a little thing like
you would have it in you to seduce a big football player right off the team.”
“Seduce?”
Rebecca fumed. “Listen, asshole—”
“You
need to chill.” He pushed his hands down in front of her face. “Jared was a
lousy player anyway. I really couldn’t care less who he fucks. You people
should just be honest about it…and keep it out of the locker room. A guy’s gotta
feel secure there.”
Rebecca
took another step toward Michael, eyes livid. She was either getting ready to
unleash a tirade or a fist, but her fury inspired Connor to make use of his own.
This
time he didn’t try to appear any taller. He had a hard enough time being
himself—no sense pretending to be something he wasn’t. “Y-you know, I don’t
think you ever had any reason to worry about Jared,” he said, only a hint of a
tremor marring his voice.
Michael
crossed his arms. “And why is that?”
“Well…it
doesn’t exactly look like you’re his type, now does it.”
Rebecca’s
hand came down on Connor’s shoulder to pull him away from the flabbergasted
Michael, and together they dissolved into the mass of student foot traffic.
“Oh,
Connor,” she choked out, nearly doubled over with laughter. “I could kiss you! But
I guess I’ll just have to leave that to Jared.”
Chapter Twenty-six
“Are
you fucking kidding me?”
Jared
sprung off the bed, his hands clenched.
Definitely
not a kiss.
Connor stretched out his
arms, trying to recapture the hug they’d been sharing moments ago, but missed
by several inches. “It’s…it’s not that big a deal—”
“He’s
a bigoted asshole to you and it’s not that big a deal? I knew he was kind of a
jerk, but this…this is fucking bullshit.” Jared paced, crossing the length of
the room several times. “Why is everything in my life such shit right now?”
Idiot,
Connor berated himself. Like Jared
didn’t have enough to worry about, he had to open his big mouth to bring him
more bad news.
“I think
he might’ve been a little drunk. It’s not like he threatened me or anything. Really,
it’s okay.” Connor stood and tried to pull Jared back to the bed, but Jared
spun around to cast him off.
“Damn
it! Quit saying it’s okay. It’s not! It’s not okay for someone to talk to you
like that!” Jared thrust his hands into his hair and tugged mercilessly at the
curls. “Jesus, Connor, when I first met you, you were so shy it seemed almost…
painful.
”
Connor’s
arms warmed in his embarrassment, but he let Jared continue.
“And
I wanted so badly to help you get over that…but…but I just made it worse, didn’t
I?” Jared stopped and blinked a few times, eyes darting left to right and then
back again, like he’d just discovered a sheet of answers to read. “I made you
feel like you had to keep hiding yourself…like you didn’t deserve to be
recognized, like people could keep treating you like you were no one…”
The
heat rose to Connor’s face, and he’d heard enough. He launched himself at Jared,
throwing his arms around Jared’s waist, and fell onto the bed with his full
weight—the only way he could make any impact. He managed to knock Jared’s
legs against the bed frame and together they toppled over onto the mattress.
“I
told you already.” Connor took advantage of Jared’s shock to interrupt. “You
did help me. Even the breaking up part helped me in some ways—I don’t
know that I was ready for a relationship before…but I am now.”
Jared
shook his head. “If I helped you so much, how come you let that jackass get
away with speaking to you like that?”
“You
didn’t let me finish the story. I didn’t let him get away with anything. I was
only afraid for like, two seconds…”
Jared’s
lips pressed into a firm line, his nostrils flaring.
“…but
then I stood up to him. You can even ask Rebecca. And it’s okay—”
“Stop
fucking saying it’s—”
Connor
clamped a hand over Jared’s mouth. “Let me finish,” he said sternly. Jared’s
eyes shot wide, but he didn’t resist. “It’s okay because what he said…doesn’t
affect me. I have good friends, I have you…and I’m happy, just being me.”
A
smile spread across Connor’s lips, growing so wide it stretched his cheeks and
exposed nearly all his teeth. Happy just being
him.
It was the first time in his life he’d ever uttered those
words.
He
released his grip on Jared’s face. “Really, baby?” Jared pulled him into a more
comfortable embrace.
“Yes.
Really.”
Jared
reached out to tuck some hair behind his ear. “I’d still like to kill him for
you, though.”
Connor
smothered his laughter in Jared’s chest, listening to the beat of his heart
settle into a calmer rhythm. “Well, it’s the thought that counts.” He wriggled up
to meet Jared’s lips, and for that sweet moment, all was right with the world.
But
then Jared pulled away. “It’s getting late, and I have some assignments to do.
You wanna just grab a snack at the Treehouse for dinner?”
“Oh…”
Connor rose from the bed slowly, stalling for time. “Actually, Rebecca wanted us
to meet up with her and the rest of my friends at Newcomb. Do you think we
could?”
Jared
flipped over and began smoothing his comforter until it complied with his
standards of neatness. “I dunno…I have a lot of work to do if I’m gonna bring
up my grades…”
Disappointment
threw Connor off for a moment, but he quickly regrouped. He grasped Jared’s
hand with saddened eyes and a slight frown. “O-oh. Okay.”
“Don’t
do that.” Jared sighed, running a thumb over Connor’s lips. “I guess I can
swing it if you really want. C’mon, we can go.”
Victory.
Connor
smiled in triumph the moment Jared turned to get the door. Maybe manipulation
wasn’t the best skill to make use of in a relationship, but it was definitely a
new achievement for him.
He
couldn’t help being just a little proud.
***
Only
a low rumble of voices came from Newcomb Dining Hall in the evening—the
place was much more sedate without the chatter of all the lower classman who
frequented the spot during the day. Jared grabbed a tray and loaded up as he
normally would, the uncomfortable sideways glances at a minimum.
Relieved,
Connor did the same. He headed to the salad station and smothered some greens in
cheese and croutons before he caught sight of a petite strawberry-blonde across
the dining hall. A few too many spoonfuls of dressing wound up on his lettuce
before he accepted he had no choice but to face her.
“Hey!”
Beth threw her arms around him as he set down his tray. “Long time no see!”
He
tensed, but the flare of nervousness in her embrace was surprisingly mild. And
really, after all that had happened, the fact she’d once terrified him now
seemed pretty foolish.
Beth
murmured near his ear, “Rebecca told me about things. I hope that’s okay.”
“I
told her she could. Beth, I really have to apol—”
She
put a finger on his lips to stop him. “Nope. No way. It’s completely cool.” Then
she smothered him in another hug.
Jared
approached, but he stood back a ways until Beth had unclasped her hands from
around Connor’s waist.
She
turned to him. “You must be Jared.”
“And
you must be Beth,” he responded, one eyebrow lifted as if to say,
and I
know all about you.
Beth’s
cheeks went crimson, but a cheer roared inside Connor. This was a sign of the
old Jared—the confident man he’d first fallen for.
“Oh.”
Beth recuperated, her eyes traveling up and down Jared’s body. She had to tilt
her head a little to capture his full height. “Well, I have to say, I think
Connor made the right decision…”
Now
it was Jared’s turn to blush.
“…but
you can’t blame me for trying.”
Jared
lifted his gaze over her head for a second, locking onto Connor’s. “No. I can’t.”
A
shiver of pleasure caused goose bumps to spring up on Connor’s arms. He ended
up blushing as well, completing the trifecta.
“Oh
good, we’re all here.” Rebecca arrived at the table, with Tate close behind. “Jared,
I think you met everyone before, except Chrissy.” She pointed to Chrissy, who
sat munching on some sugar snap peas beside A.J. “Oh, and Beth.”
Jared
smirked. “We’ve met now.”
“Food’s
getting cold,” Tate mumbled over Rebecca’s shoulder, and she turned around to
give his arm a light slap.
“All
right, let’s get to the eating.”
They
tucked into their meals before making any small talk, and the silence threw
Connor into a momentary panic. Would conversation be an issue with Jared at the
table? Would everyone know to avoid sensitive subjects? He
really
needed this to be a stress free evening.
But
the worry gradually faded. A.J. asked Jared where he was from, and once they
discovered they’d gone to rival high schools, they turned the talk to
football—which A.J. was surprisingly well informed on, as he’d been in
the marching band. Chrissy interrupted to object to the rigidity of musical
expression when one was forced to march to the music, and Connor couldn’t help
but giggle at Jared’s amused expression. Chrissy did an excellent job fitting
the Brown-residents stereotype he’d always had in mind.
A
slight nudge from Tate captured Connor’s attention. “Don’t look now,” Tate
whispered, “but I think we’re about to get more popular.”
Following
his gaze, Connor spotted Ben’s wiry frame several feet away. He was speaking to
someone vaguely familiar-looking—possibly one of Jared’s
suitemates—and shifting his eyes back and forth between their table and
one on the other side of the cafeteria.
Finally
Ben seemed to make up his mind, and he turned—toward them.
“Shit,”
Tate said, speaking louder this time so all could hear. “Everyone act cool. Don’t
let on how nerdy we are.”
Jared’s
head swiveled around until he spotted Ben and the boy trailing behind him. The rest
of the table erupted in giggles.
“Uh”—Ben
pushed a hand through his hair as he arrived—“so, I’m kinda used to being
the funny one at the table—not so sure how I feel about being laughed at.
Maybe we should find somewhere else…”
“Oh,
shut up and sit down.” Jared scooted over to make room. “Guys, these are my
suitemates, Ben and Will.” They took their seats, and the rest of the table
gave out their names in quick succession.
“I’ll
forget all those in a second,” Ben said, “but I think Will has a better
memory—maybe I can just cheat off him.”
Will,
a shorter guy with a spattering of friendly freckles, rolled his eyes. “Can’t
remember names of a few people? How’n the hell do you expect to be a history
major?”
Jared
snorted and Ben gave him a mock glare.
“A
history major?” Chrissy repeated, tapping her chin with a snap pea. “And just
which version of history will you be studying?”
Ben
was silent for a moment, poised with a grilled cheese halfway to his mouth, until
his lips moved into a knowing smile. “Oh, that’s right.” He set down the
sandwich. “You guys all live in the Brown dorm. Maybe a better topic of
conversation would be…um…let’s see…indie flicks?” He stole a french fry off
Jared’s plate and chewed it innocently.
“Don’t
be a dickhead,” Jared admonished.
“Actually,”
A.J. piped in, “that sounds good to me.”
Everyone
laughed, and Ben snuck another few fries from Jared with a self-important grin.
“Hey!”
Jared elbowed him in the ribs. “Get your own. The place is a damn buffet. Why
do you have to take mine?”
“I’m
sorry
,” Ben said slowly. “I thought
all you guys were supposed to be really health conscious—I was just
trying to lend a hand.”
Jared
dropped his chicken wrap to grab a hunk of Ben’s chest—possibly including
some nipple—and give it a hearty twist.
“Ow!
Kidding! Kidding!” Ben cried, rubbing the spot after it had been released. “Only
kidding.”
Jared
went back to eating his fries. “Keep it up. There’s more where that came from.”
A
twinge of jealousy welled up in Connor as he observed the playful camaraderie,
though he quickly pushed it back down. It had been nice to be Jared’s whole
world for a while, but it wasn’t sustainable. Just like it hadn’t been when
Jared was his whole world.
The
time had come to find a balance.
Beth
leaned over the table, her tiny hand on his arm interrupting his thoughts. She
got close to his ear so she could whisper only to him.
“Hey,
do you happen to know if Ben’s seeing anyone?”