So Much to Learn (42 page)

"No, it's just
a handy by-product," I said sharply, hating myself the minute I let
the words out.

Jack flinched
slightly, but didn't pull away as I had hoped. "Why do you always
have to do that?" He asked, but his tone wasn't accusatory, it was
more disappointed and sad but not for himself, I realised, but for
me.

"I don't know,"
I answered honestly and miserably. I thought then that he wouldn't
be able to make me feel much worse, but his next words blew that
totally out of the water, creating surely the same, if not greater,
amount of pain that open heart surgery without an anaesthetic
would.

"If there was
anything that would make me stay it would be you." He interlinked
his hands with mine as he spoke, squeezing my fingers so tightly
I'm sure if I hadn't already been focused on the fact that I was
dying inside it would have hurt.

There it was.
Proof that his misguided sense of chivalry and obligation to me was
holding him back from his life, from something that he wanted more
than anything in the world.

"Don't say
that!" I said shrilly, my heart pounding and my eyes returning to
that damn watery state. "Promise me that you won't say that again,
or even think it," I clarified. "You've got to go," I said more
calmly after I had let my words sink in.

"I know," he
replied with a frustrated sigh. "And I will, but I'm not going to
pretend it's not going to be bloody hard."

"Of course it will be, but wherever you are I'm-" Whoa, too
personal, retreat! "
We’re
here for you," I said, my voice shaking a little
with emotion. "It doesn't matter how far away you are, if you need
us, we're there. I'll bloody learn astral projection if I have
to!"

Jack smiled his
lopsided smile that I knew I was going to miss like anything. "Or
you could just take a plane," he suggested.

"Yeah," I
admitted, "but it's more expensive and not as cool."

We smiled at
each other and then the next thing I knew, although I knew I
shouldn't and had promised myself I wouldn't, we were kissing.

His lips were
soft against mine and so gentle. He disentangled one of his hands
from mine and cupped my face, his fingers disappearing into my hair
and playing with a few strands. I unconsciously leant in, wanting
more, needing to be closer to him at that moment. Obviously
reassured by my eagerness Jack let his lips press a little harder
against mine, I responded in kind and soon found myself parting my
lips slightly to invite even closer contact.

The awkward
angle we were having to sit at frustrated me as we couldn't get
properly close and Jack must have been thinking the same thing
because the next moment he gave a little growling sound deep in his
throat and stood up, pulling me up with him. He kicked backwards at
the chair he had been sitting on, sending it spinning across the
room where it crashed into the wall with a significant bang,
neither of us caring whether it left a dent in the plaster, getting
bond money back seemed so petty at that moment.

Still tightly
locked at the mouth and now with my hands tightly grasping his
shoulders and his hands on my hips, we moved as one, our bodies
pressed together as if we were trying to morph into one person.

At some stage
Jack broke his lips from mine and began trailing kisses down my
neck leaving me grasping and weak at the knees, an interesting
phenomenon which I had never believed to be a true affliction until
the whole thing with Jack had started.

Wanting to feel
his skin under my hands I ran my fingers down shirt until I reached
the bottom fastening. He was wearing a shirt which was held
together, not by buttons, but by metal poppers. I smiled and said
breathlessly in imitation of his words about my button up jeans
that first time, "I love these shirts, get the right angle and-" I
pulled the fabric in different directions and the poppers popped
open with a truly satisfying sound.

Pushing the
shirt off his shoulder and down his arms I relished in his smooth
tanned skin and the heat I could feel radiating off it. Running my
hands all over his chest I didn't realise I was smiling like the
Cheshire cat until I saw Jack's raised eyebrows and self satisfied
expression.

"Like what you
see?" He asked cheekily and I pretended to think his question
over.

"I've seen
better," I lied.

"Oh really?"
Jack said disbelievingly.

"Yes," I said
in mock earnestness, "but you're definitely in the top ten."

"I'm glad to
hear it," he laughed, and the next moment he had heaved me over his
shoulder, fireman style and started walking towards the couch.

"Jack!" I
squealed, laughing but giving him a few half-hearted thumps on the
back to keep up appearances. "Put me down."

"As you wish,"
he said gallantly and I landed with a soft thump onto the cushions
of the couch. The next moment Jack was balancing himself above me
and I only had to lift my head slightly to catch his lips and start
the madness off all over again. I wrapped my legs tightly around
his hips and ran my hands up and down his toned shoulders and back
thinking as I did so that there was no better feeling in the
world.

A little while
later I felt, with a surge of excitement, Jack's hands playing with
the hem of my T-shirt. Lifting myself up off the couch slightly I
gave him the go ahead to pull it off over my head and the next
second he did so. The brush of cold air over my skin was quickly
replaced by the feel of Jack's hands caressing me so gently and
reverently that I didn't even think to be embarrassed over my not
totally flat stomach.

I closed my
eyes to enjoy the sensations his hands were summoning up and felt
Jack suddenly grab me by the hips and pull me up so the next moment
he was half sitting, half lying, leaning back against the couch
armrest and I was straddling him.

"Relocation?" I
asked, opening my eyes and smiling down at him, aware of hammer
pressing against me.

"Better view,"
he replied, making me blush despite everything.

I felt like a
priceless piece of art the more he looked at me. He ran his hands
gently across my shoulders, stomach, neck and the fabric of the bra
covering my chest, occasionally leaning up to kiss a patch of skin
as if it particularly pleased him. There was no sense of urgency
between us, no sense of danger which was, it turned out, my
downfall.

I enjoyed his
ministrations on my body but missed his lips on mine so I lowered
my head and brushed my mouth against his teasingly, sucking his
bottom lip briefly before pulling away. His dazed expression and
hands tightening on my hips told me my actions had had a
significant effect upon him and, enjoying the sense of power, and
just about every other sense which had sprung into a happy dance at
the kiss, I lowered myself down and did the same again.

As I was
pulling away the second time, however, I froze as, out of the
corner of my eye, I swore I saw a movement in the open doorway to
the flat. My gaze snapped onto the hinge gap and I definitely saw
someone go past and, as I listened intently, the next second I
heard quiet footsteps going down the stairs.

Jack clearly
hadn't seen or heard anything and when I looked back down at him he
wore a quizzical expression. "Are you OK?" He asked, moving his
hands up to gently rub my shoulders.

"No!" I snapped
pushing his hands off me and scrambling backwards off him, looking
around for my T-shirt and spotting it near the beanbag.

"Hey," Jack
reached out and caught my hands tightly in his, holding me still,
"what's wrong?"

"Let go of me!"
I said fiercely, struggling against him. I had to run after the
person who had seen us, I had to know who it was, but Jack was
showing no signs of letting go, obviously wanting to know what had
happened. With my brain in crisis mode and precious time slipping
away I blurted out the only thing I knew would make Jack let go of
me at once, without thinking of how much I was going to hurt
him.

"Sheep," I said
brutally. "I'm uncomfortable and scared and I want you to let me
go."

It was almost
like a magic spell. The instant the words were out of my mouth Jack
dropped my hands and stared at me in absolute horror. "Tally, I-"
he began, his tone suggesting he was ready to cut off his own hands
for what he thought he'd done to me.

I didn't wait
around to hear the end of what he had to say, jumping off the
couch, scooping my T-shirt up off the floor and pelting out of the
flat and down the stairs outside, pulling on my top as I went. As I
flew down the second flight of stairs leading to the ground floor I
hoped desperately that it wasn't Matt who had seen us. I was fairly
sure it wasn't as he wouldn't have sloped off like a coward, he
would have come in, guns blazing (metaphorically of course…well I
hoped anyway).

As I rounded
the stairwell and began to descend the last flight of the stairs to
the ground floor I began to suspect that I wouldn't catch up with
the mystery voyeur because Jack had held me back.

Looking up to
see if I might be able to see whoever it was going out the main
door, I froze, one foot raised in the act of descending to another
stair. Loathing and horror caused little goosebumps to rise up all
over my body and my hand clenched the cold, metal banister so
tightly that my knuckles rose up showing the white of the bone
through the thin skin there.

Leaning against
the grimy concrete wall next to the building exit, his arms folded
arrogantly across his chest and clearly waiting for me was Micky.
And the evil smile which had spread across his face as he had seen
me did not bode well.

Not well at
all.

"Micky!" My
voice came out as a kind of strangled squeak and my obvious shock
and fear seemed to amuse him as his grin spread even wider across
his face. It was this evil smirk that made my spine snap straighter
and I took a deep breath to swallow my fright before I continued my
descent down the stairs until I stood directly in front of him.

We didn't say
anything at first, Micky was presumably just taking pleasure in the
moment and I had no idea where to start. Eventually, however, I
realised that the longer we stood there the more likely it was that
someone would come by so, crossing my arms protectively across my
chest, I spoke up.

"So what are
you going to do?"

"Aw come on
Talia," he said silkily, his green eyes sparkling maliciously.
"Give me a couple more minutes to enjoy this."

I struggled
with the reactions that warred within me, not knowing whether I
should slap or try and placate him. As it turned out he began to
talk again before I had decided on which approach to take.

"So it seems,"
Micky smirked pushing himself off the wall and coming towards me,
"that as well as being the world's biggest bitch you are also the
world's biggest hypocrite, after all your 'my family is perfect',
'nobody should ever do anything to hurt Matt and Jack'
bullshit."

"It isn't
bullshit," I snapped, automatically taking a step back from him and
then fervently wishing I hadn't as I didn't want to show any more
fear in front of him.

"No?" He said sarcastically. "Have you asked Matt that yet?
'Cos I reckon if he knew you were screwing his best friend he'd
probably think all the stuff you say about doing them no
wrong
is
bullshit." He paused, presumably for effect, then added, "He
doesn't know, right?"

"You know he
doesn't," I said through clenched teeth.

"And why would
that be…?" He mused out loud, tapping his finger against his chin
in a mockery of contemplation. "Oh that's right!" He clicked his
fingers as if stumbling across a great discovery. "Because he
would’ve killed Jack by now if he knew and, as I saw up there, he's
very much alive."

"What's your
point?" I asked desperately, hoping that Micky would get over his
little power trip and just tell me whether he was going to tell
Matt or not.

"No point," he answered innocently. "Just making sure I've got
the gist of what's been going on. So, you got close while doing all
that
studying
?"

How is it that
he managed to make a word like 'studying' sound so dirty?

In answer to
his question I just muttered, "Yeah, something like that." Because
there was no way in hell I was giving him the real reason!

"Wow, and there was Matt-Man constantly telling us to leave
you two alone so you could
study
, he'd be furious if he knew
wouldn't he? I mean there he is trusting you and Jack, protecting
the pair of you, basically pretending that the sun shines out of
your bloody arses and all that time his best mate is rooting his
little sister. What happened to your Virgin Mary impersonation, by
the way? Or was that a lie as well? Jesus, Talia, how do you keep
track of all the crap you spin people?"

"I could ask you the same thing!" I exploded, knowing that he
was deliberately trying to rile me up, but unable to stop myself
rising to the bait. "How dare you go all holier-than-thou on me,
you're not exactly Mr Sunshine and Light yourself. What the hell
would you know about the truth? You've been lying since the first
day I met you. Whatever it is that's going on with you, Sam and
Simone obviously affects all of us including Matt, have
you
told him what's been
going on yet? No, you haven't, so don't give me a sermon on lying,
thanks very much."

The words flew
out of my mouth and in the silence that followed I realised that I
had clearly hit a nerve with my little speech. Micky's face turned
purple and he clenched his hands by his sides leading me to wonder
for a second there if he was going to hit me, but his abuse, when
it came, was solely verbal. He obviously didn't care that the whole
building could probably hear him.