Six Years (21 page)

I leaned against the passenger door and let the cold of the metal sip through my light top. A shiver ran down my spine and I closed my eyes. I hated this. Making a scene like this? It wasn’t me, not usually.

“Climb in, it’s open.’’ His voice was cold, colder than the metal of the car biting through the material of my top. He didn’t wait for my answer and turned on the car.

I climbed in, buckled my belt and crossed my arms as if I was pouting like a little kid. “You’re being an ass.’’

He growled and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He even took a turn too fast and too sharply. “You’re a pain in the ass.’’

“We’re very much into asses, then.’’

In the corner of my eyes, I saw his lips twitch and his lip ring popping out of his mouth. “You’re nuts,’’ he finally said, a chuckle in his voice.

I relaxed and uncrossed my arms. I leaned my head against my seat and let the rich rumble of the car lull me some. “We both are. Look how well our night out turned out to be.’’

He stopped and I glanced outside. We were back in front of my building, parked in the deserted parking lot only lit by a couple of lamps. Yeah, one fucked up night. There was just one perk; the epically good kiss. For me, it wasn’t enough to deem this date as successful, though.

“I’m sorry.’’ He turned to look at me and ran the very tip of his fingers along my bare arm. “I should act like an adult and yet, whenever it’s about her I feel like the same angry at the world kid I was back then. And I clam up.’’ He retreated back against the door.

“I understand, Nolan.’’ I played with the hem of my top, my fingers twisting the cheap fabric of the top I’d bought in a thrift shop a few weeks ago. “I’m no better when it’s about my own fucked up family, but next time, don’t take it out on me. It’s easier for me to tell you what to do, but that doesn’t mean I’m saying you’re wrong. I don’t attach the same feelings to this situation and I want to be able to help you.’’

“It’s such a mess,’’ he mumbled and shook his head. “Most of the time I don’t even know what to think about her. I have spent these last few years trying my damnedest to forget about her.’’

My heart ached for him. My family never did to me what his mother did to him, but in some ways, I related to how he was feeling. It was painful to be the rejected child in a mess the adults created. Both of us never asked to be born, but we were here, very much alive and when someone decided to have a kid, they had to act as much as possible in the kid’s interest. It was a duty, a responsibility and when someone forgot about it, it was the kid who suffered. It wasn’t fair, but in life, not everything was fair. You had to deal as best as possible according to the hand you’d been dealt and try to never repeat the mistakes of your parents.

“It hurts when you truly look deep inside you and face what you need or expect, but you can’t push it all away forever.’’ I opened the passenger door and stepped out of the car. I inhaled and closed the door more forcefully than I intended. My frustration was still running high it seemed.

I fished my keys from my handbag and started walking to my building when another car door closing broke the quiet night. Startled, I turned around and watched Nolan run to me, frozen in the middle of the parking lot with my keys tangling from my finger.

He cupped my face in between both hands, his big palms and long fingers caging my whole face to better tilt it up to face him. I felt fragile and cared for at the same time and it wasn’t something I was used to. His skin seemed cold against my heated one and I shivered.

“I don’t want to end the night with you mad at me,’’ he whispered roughly, his eyes now solely focused on my lips tingling by such an intense gleam in his gaze.

“We’re fine.’’ My breathing was all choppy, coming out short as my heart was beating hard, hammering in my chest.

He tugged on his lip ring with his perfect white teeth. “I want us better than fine.’’

Then, before I could answer, before my brain could start coming up with a semblance of a sentence, Nolan’s mouth was on mine, demanding. Scorching. I let a moan escape my lips and wound my arms around his shoulders. When his tongue began to dance with mine, making me shiver and bringing hot waves of pure lust in my belly, I brought one of my hands into his hair at the nape of his neck and tugged wantonly. He growled and broke the kiss. Both of us breathing loud and fast, our eyes locked into each other’s, we stayed with our bodies flushed together. Against my soft curves I felt his firm, tight body and the outer edge of his muscles, muscles I craved to trace with my fingers and mouth. I closed my eyes and licked my lips, ready to enjoy the last taste of him.

“Let me stay with you tonight.’’ His voice didn’t leave any doubts as to his intentions and he wasn’t asking. He was clear, ready to claim me and drop everything else. It was hot. What woman in their right mind wouldn’t enjoy some alpha male behavior thrown in a sweet package?

“Only if you’re sure. I don’t want you to leave me tomorrow because you’re second guessing us.’’

He smiled at me crookedly and kissed the top of my head before he released me, but he kept me linked to him by the hand. “I couldn’t be more sure. You?’’

At that exact moment I knew that we were onto something else, another part of our life, another path. It’d be different from now on and it hit me so deliciously because no matter what would happen in the end, I wouldn’t have any regret or any questions unanswered. It was the right moment to embrace this with open arms and ignore the shitty date experience we had. In the bigger picture, it was nothing, but this, right now? It was everything, it was my everything.

“Follow me, then,’’ I whispered with my mouth so close to his.

“Can I ask you something?’’  I wasn’t looking at the TV anymore, but at Big No who was munching on some chocolate while his eyes never wavered from the screen watching an action packed movie with some actor I couldn’t remember the name of. I was pretty sure that Big No chose this movie more for the beautiful blonde actress than the story that was basically nonexistent.

He swallowed his mouthful and my eyes trained on his Adam’s apple, bobbing up and down. I liked to watch him doing pretty much anything, unless a girl was in the mix, and even eating he did it well. My friends at school were jealous of me whenever they saw him picking me up and I reveled in it.

He shrugged and glanced at me with a real smile that reached his eyes. “You know you can. What’s up?’’

“Do you really think that I’ll be able to leave this town and go to college?’’

His smile disappeared and instead his frown settled, darkening his otherwise clear eyes. “I’m sure you’ll leave if it’s something you really want and if you work at school. But, Little B, you’re only twelve. You have years to make it happen. One bad grade will not ruin your future.’’

I focused again on the TV, not wanting to think too much about my horrible D in algebra. When I got my copy back, I had to hide in the girls bathroom because my tears wouldn’t stop. I wasn’t a good student like Big No. I couldn’t concentrate long enough, stay still long enough and I didn’t like to study all that much. But I wanted to be good enough to do like Big No and leave here. I wanted to go to San Francisco because it was far away, on another coast and it felt good. Just like an adventure.

“I’m not like you, Big No,’’ I said in a sigh, not looking back at him.

He grabbed my chin softly and turned my face toward him. “You’re not because you’re your own person and you’re perfect. Don’t doubt yourself. It’s really not how you usually are.’’

“We all have our bad days. Even when you’re only twelve as you love to point out all the damn time.’’

He released my chin and chuckled, but it seemed forced, almost self-conscious. He played with his lip ring between his finger and thumb. The skin around it turned red. “I need to remember how old you are. You always sound so much more mature.’’

“And you feel the need to protect me because?’’

“It’s the role of a big brother, right?’’

I didn’t know what to say to that, but my silence was answer enough for him because he went back to watching the movie while I was still open-mouthed with my eyes fixed on him.

I had always seen him as my best friend while secretly I prayed for more one day, but if there was one thing I never thought about was him as a stand-in brother.

I hated these six years that created such an invisible, and yet very present obstacle between us. I hated to feel so young next to him. I hated that day that made me question my plans for the future. I hated my parents who once again didn’t even realize that I wasn’t feeling well. I hated everything today, even this movie night with Big No. I closed my eyes and hoped that sleep would save me and end this day sooner. Even if it meant getting closer to the day when Nolan would leave for college.

BROOKLYN

I opened the door to my apartment, my heart racing and my hands slightly shaking when the enormity of what was about to happen hit me square in the chest, and very low in my belly, making it obvious how very much in lust I was. I was about to have sex with Nolan afte
r
year
s
spent fantasizing about him.

I searched for something to say as I switched on a lamp and turned around to watch him walk into my tiny living-room and he swaggered towards me. His eyes devoured me, taking in my body in a slow and intent perusal starting at my eyes and down until he reached my feet in high heels.

Once he had his fill, he closed the small gap between us and crashed his mouth on mine. His hands went to my ass to better push me against him. His hard length against my stomach turned me on even more, something I never thought possible. I dropped my keys and they clattered to the ground, the metallic noise muffled by the old carpet. I wound my arms tightly around him, one hand dangerously close to his behind while my other one was exploring his back, more muscled than I thought.

When he nibbled on my lower lip, I felt like free-falling. I clawed at his back and he growled before he hoisted me up very much against him. Without a thought but with eagerness, I wrapped my legs around him.

“Bedroom,’’ I mumbled against his lips as he attacked me again, with even more vigor. “Left door.’’

“Lead the way,’’ he said, his voice husky in my neck as he pecked me, his tongue barely grazing my skin, but enough to make me break into goosebumps.

I sighed louder and played with his hair as he let me slip down the length of his body. Every inch of his body rubbed against me, giving me an idea of what to expect without his clothes, and I wouldn’t be disappointed.

Without looking where I was going but keeping my eyes on him, I led him to my room, bumping just once into the wall before I kicked open the door and turned on the light. I wanted to see all of him and not just use my imagination for once. I didn’t want to miss a thing.

I had a hard time looking away from his lips, red and swollen by the force with which we kissed. But when he tugged on my hand, I didn’t want to just look at him anymore, I wanted to touch him. No, I wanted him to touch me more.

I went to him willingly and plastered myself against him. My heavy breasts brushed against his firm chest, my hard nipples aching to be touched, aching to be freed from my soft bra. I sighed and went on my tiptoes just when he lowered his head and captured my lips.

He released my hand and put both of his on my body, trailing sensuously from my shoulders to my hips, his thumbs brushing the outer edge of my breasts. I tightened my hands in his hair.

“If you want this to stop, say so before I start peeling off your clothes,’’ he mumbled slowly between kisses. He then focused a lot of time on exploring my neck, not missing a quarter of an inch, letting his scruff brush my skin. I bit back a moan when his lips and piercing touched one area where it made me weak at the knees. “Tell me now if you’re ready for me.’’

I chuckled and put some distance between us, just enough to unbutton my top, one button at a time, my eyes daring him to watch, daring him to touch my silky skin. I ran a fingernail on my stomach, on the swell of my breasts before I let my top fall at our feet.

He sucked on his breath, reached forward and kneaded my left breast before he started kissing the other one. My head fell backward as my mouth opened on a moan ridiculously loud. I couldn’t stay quiet, couldn’t keep all these sensations bottled up inside. Not when his hot skin on mine made me shiver. Not when his mouth and tongue made me hot and a pool of desire moistened my panties so much so that I blushed and squirmed against him. It was really happening.

“Nolan—‘’ I fisted the hem of his shirt in my hands. I wanted it off, but I didn’t want him to stop touching me and kissing my body, even for a couple of seconds. I needed him too much, it was painful.

He stepped back and in one forceful motion, took off his shirt and threw it away somewhere in my small bedroom. I drank in his naked chest, the bulge of his pecs, and the outline of firm abs. He was perfect, more so than what I could remember from back when he was still a teenager. Right now, he was all man, all hard lines and strength and so very ready to pounce on me.

With shaky hands, I touched him, traced the muscles visible. The light dusting of hairs made me wonder how it would feel against my naked breasts, but it was the goosebumps that appeared on his skin that got to me and I kissed his left pec, just above his heart. A low groan erupted from his throat and he delved a hand in my hair, tugging on it to better access my mouth as he unclasped my bra with one swift movement of his free hand.

The small item of fake silk fell between us and then we were both naked from the waist up. He pulled me into him and we both sighed at the first skin on skin contact. His lips fell on me again and I moaned into his mouth when his tongue played with mine, coaxing it into a furious dance that left me breathless and dizzy once again.

“You’re gorgeous, Brooklyn.’’ He brushed my hair away, his movement so soft and sweet that it made me wonder who he was in the bedroom; the controlling and dominant guy he let me see when he kissed me or the sweet and thorough guy he was being right now? “Do you know how much I want you?’’

“Not enough to not stop.’’

He gazed at me, suddenly thoughtful. He tilted his head and ran a hand along my spine, drawing out a shiver from me, moving his delightful hands over my body. “I’m afraid and it’s not something I’m used to.’’

I frowned and caressed his unshaven cheek. “About your performance? Because, the first time is not always the best. I just want to be with you, to feel you in me.’’

He chuckled and blushed slightly before he pecked me on the lips. “Believe me, I know I can make you feel good. I could even make you beg for it to stop or better yet to never stop if I wanted to.’’ He caged my face in his big hands and tilted my head up. “I’m afraid I can’t give you all the things you’ll want from me. I don’t want to be your biggest regret.’’

“It’s not the time to think, Nolan. All I want is your mouth and hands on me. I want you in my bed and that’s all that matter tonight. Let’s not go into deeper shit right now.’’ I didn’t want anything to come in between us, not anymore.

He nodded and kissed me, his tongue seeking entrance to deepen the kiss as much as possible. So as not to fall to the ground, I clawed at his shoulders and he hissed in pain, but then, when I was about to apologize, he groaned and kissed me harder, pushing his hips and his hard length into me. But I wanted it lower, not on my stomach.

“No—Nolan,’’ I stuttered when he assaulted my breast again. “Oh god!’’ I fumbled with his belt and the button and zipper of his pants, my fingers tingling so much that I missed the button twice before it gave in. I was like a virgin stripping a guy for the first time and it was the most beautiful thing ever to happen. Everything felt new, every kiss, every touch and every needy sound we were both making. It was new, not because we had never slept together before, but because it was meaningful, even if I knew Nolan’s feelings weren’t as strong as mine.

I took off my shoes and then, he took care of my pants before I could get rid of his and I was left in just my panties for his eyes. I didn’t want to hide my breasts or suck in my stomach. I’d never been self-conscious about my body—I knew that I wasn’t about to turn him off—and I wanted him to really see me, just like I’d always wanted him to see me as a woman. I was a woman, a real one and he was about to devour me, to be inside of me. Damn, just thinking about him inside me made me shiver with anticipation.

He bit on his lip ring, making it clink against his teeth before a devilish smile I’d never seen twitched up his lips. My insides quivered and my panties got even more drenched. I pressed my thighs tighter together, but it didn’t ease my carnal craving.

“You are perfect,’’ he said with a voice deeper than usual. It caressed my skin and I smiled, feeling a blush creeping over my face. His eyes went back to their discovery and stopped where I knew they would once he’d seen it, my small tattoo. A year ago I decided to get a tattoo — a small red bow on the lower part of my stomach. “Fuck,’’ he groaned and closed his eyes as if in pain. “It’s hot.’’

I chuckled and closed the gap between us, ready to get rid of his pants. He was too damn clothed. His pants were open, barely holding onto his narrow hips, the front showing his impressive erection only hidden by his white boxers. If I had a camera… I shouldn’t even finish my train of thoughts or I’d lose it.

As soon as I was close enough for him to grab me, he attacked my breasts, his eyes on them with some kind of veneration, quite funny if I didn’t find the wicked gleam in his eyes such a turn on. I put my hands under his pants, right on his tight ass. His muscles tightened under my palms and his breathing increased. My heart accelerated, pumping my blood faster. I bit on my lower lip before I started kissing the round part of his broad shoulder and I pushed his pants down until they fell, joining the rest of our clothes at our feet.

He kissed my collarbone, tasting my skin with the tip of his tongue and I bit lightly on the skin of his shoulder as a moan found its way out of my mouth. It was an overload of sensations and feelings, all colliding and exploding. He twisted his fingers in my panties and jerked them down, his movements impatient and so very eager as he found my mouth again. I tried to strip him of his underwear, ready to explore the proof of his desire for me, but I had a hard time. He broke the kiss and stripped himself. He stood, defiant and naked in front of me, his cock hard and ready for me. His firm chest perfectly muscled, but not too much, was rising and falling fast. His face was tense as wild desire was battling with his caring side in his eyes. He took my breath away and I didn’t want it back.

I reached out and touched his cock. As soon as my fingers tightened around his hard, thick length, he closed his eyes and groaned. Muscles in his neck appeared as I started stroking him, my eyes watching his face. His eyebrows furrowed and his nostrils flared. His lip ring disappeared into his mouth when he bit down on the flesh of his lower lip. I pumped faster and played just a second with the tip of his cock already glistening. He groans painfully and crushed his mouth to mine in a searing kiss that distracted me from the task at hand. Literally.

He broke the kiss and pushed apart my legs and pushed two fingers into me, so very torturously slow that I whimpered, my grip on his cock tightening some more, making him hiss in lust. All I knew was that it was pure bliss. The way his fingers moved steadily but with strength in and out of me, the way our breathing was labored, the way my nipples hardened and caught his attention again at which point he decided to use his free hand to play some more with me.

It didn’t feel like foreplay. It felt like sex in itself.

I moaned in his neck and cupped his balls in my other hand, all the while never stopping the pumping motion along his thick length, that very thing I craved inside of me, that very thing I fantasized about, but my fantasies never came close to what it truly was.

He pushed my hands away, pulled his fingers out of me at once and glared at me, his eyes and face showing nothing but seriousness. And maybe something akin to crazed lust, something that worried me almost, but that above anything else, propelled me closer to him.

“Bed. Now,’’ he mumbled and pushed me toward the bed until I fell gracelessly on it. The bed springs cringed and I chuckled. Damn, it’d be loud in here. I hoped that the walls weren’t as thin as they looked or the neighbors would be in for a noisy night.

I laid down and watched him crawl over me, his eyes swiping my body from my feet to my eyes drinking him in. His cock twitched as soon as it landed on my hipbone and I bit my lips, ready to beg him to take me now.

He kissed my breasts, cupped them and pinched my nipples until he heard my moan echo in the bedroom and then, he trailed kisses higher. He took extra care on my neck and behind my left ear before he went back to my lips. I tugged with my teeth on his lip ring and bunched his hair in my right fist while I cupped his ass with my other hand, pushing his hip into me.

“Do you have a condom?’’ he asked me with a strained voice, blowing air into my left ear as he panted, ready to make this happen. He supported his weight on his forearms to not crush me, but right now I wanted him closer. I didn’t care if he crushed me to the point that I couldn’t breathe anymore. He had already taken my breath away.