Signed, Sealed, Delivered (16 page)

Better give Tracy a call and hit a meeting tomorrow.

“What is Tracy to you?” Juliana whispered in the dark, as though she’d read his mind.

“What?”

“Is she truly just a friend? An ex, perhaps? A cousin?”

“Just a friend. My best friend,” he replied. “We met in middle school and were inseparable ever since. She’s always been there for me, no matter how rough the road got. Middle school. High school. She got me through my parents’ deaths.” He shrugged, not sure how to make Juliana understand. “To me she’s like a twin.”

“Oh. I guess I just… worry.”

“Worry? Why?”

“Never mind.” She tried to roll away, but Connor wouldn’t let her.

“Tell me what you’re worried about.”

She heaved a sigh. “You’re with her a lot. Sometimes I can’t find you when I need you, and you always tell me you were with Tracy.”

“Are you jealous, Red?” While it was flattering, he wasn’t about to let her think he had any intention of being unfaithful. “There’s no reason to be. Tracy and I are close because we’ve known each other forever. She helped me through some tough times—keeps me on the straight and narrow. When my parents died, she kept me from totally losing it. I’ve lost track of how many times she’s saved my hide.” How could he explain it so Juliana would understand without tossing his past at her feet?

He wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. Not until he was positive he had her heart.

Once Juliana admitted that she loved him, he would tell her everything.

Then he’d pray she would be understanding enough not to run like the wind in the other direction.

“So you don’t like her? I—I mean, she’s not—”

“There’s zero chemistry between Tracy and me,” he said. “Zero. We’re friends—
good
friends. I need her in my life, but as a
friend
.”

She eased up to stare at him. “Zero chemistry?”

“Subzero.”

She settled back against him. Without another word, her breathing grew deep and even, which helped relax him, too.

He was worrying for no reason. Things were going well—
great
, actually. The firm was going strong and would only grow stronger now that Tracy was here to work her magic.

His relationship with Juliana was also growing stronger, and he hoped one day soon, she’d be able to give him the three words he craved. He’d try to be patient and let her take the lead. At least he would try, unless her inability to express her feelings dragged into the winter months. Here in the heat of August, he was willing to wait.

But not forever. If he had to say
I love you
first, he would.

One sentence from Tracy, uttered rather matter-of-factly, rocked Juliana’s world to its foundation.

Juliana had arrived at the Carpenters’ house first, hoping to help Mallory with last-minute chores for their back-to-school cookout while Connor went to pick up Tracy.

The memory was burned on Juliana’s brain.

When they arrived, Connor made introductions before Ben had taken over as host. He’d held up a bottle of Miller Lite.

“Want a beer, Tracy? We’ve also got some local brewery labels, an assortment of wine coolers, and a couple of different wines.”

“No, thanks.” Tracy waved him off. Then she dropped the thermonuclear warhead. “I’m an alcoholic.”

Juliana didn’t remember much anyone said after that.

She sat down rather hard on the bench. The world spun as all the implications whirled through her mind. Everything suddenly added up—from Connor’s far-too-close relationship with Tracy to why he was starting his life over in Cloverleaf.

Connor’s an alcoholic.

No. No.

No!

But she couldn’t ignore the truth staring her right in the face.

What was going to happen to her now? What was going to happen to Kelley-Wilson Realty?

She was too stunned to cry, not that weeping would make things any better. No crying. But screaming and running around like a crazy woman, tearing at her hair?

Maybe.

She’d sworn she would never walk that path again. No more drunks for her. One had been enough for a lifetime.

Jimmy was an alcoholic—one of those guys who turned good and mean when he tied one on. Not that he would ever admit it. After all these years, he still wouldn’t acknowledge he had a problem with alcohol because he didn’t have to. No one, other than Juliana, had ever confronted him or forced his feet to the fire.

His family was full of alcoholics, so they accepted Jimmy’s behavior as normal. The high school swept his two DUI convictions under the rug since he’d participated in court-ordered counseling that eventually helped expunge his record. But they knew. They didn’t want the school’s reputation tarnished. At least the administrators watched him like hawks. One more fuckup and he was out of a job. That threat was the only thing that kept him in line.

Oh, he still got drunk. A lot. He’d just learned to hand over the car keys or call a cab.

By not telling Juliana everything about himself and his past, Connor had, in essence, lied. If he was an alcoholic, he should’ve confessed the day they become partners. Information like that might have forced her to make a different choice. Instead, he’d kept silent about the most important thing in his life, something that now impacted
her
life as well.

What would happen if he started drinking again? Would he start missing appointments—or worse, show up to meet clients while he was intoxicated? Would she find herself holding the bag, trying to do the work of two people?

Two people?
More like four, since both of them already worked inhuman hours, tackling enough projects to keep that many people well occupied.

What it boiled down to was that she was good and stuck, not only because he was her business partner but because she loved him.

Her world was falling apart and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do to stop it.

She bowed her head.

Mallory came to sit at her side. “Jules? Did you want a soda?”

Juliana lifted her face, unable to utter a single word. She was in a stupor, feeling as though someone had hit her over the head and she was too stupid to fall down.

Mallory gripped Juliana’s knee. “Oh my God. What’s wrong?”

Closing her eyes, Juliana shook her head. Although she wanted to talk to her best friend, she wasn’t going to do it—not here, not now. Too many people, and she hated to cry in front of anyone.

Especially Connor and Tracy.

Tracy.

His best friend.

She had to be his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, which explained why he needed her so much. She was the one he called whenever the urge to drink struck. AA also explained his mysterious absences—he’d been attending meetings. That made perfect sense considering how each of those times he’d been missing in action had been a period of high stress. He’d felt the need to drink, so he’d gone to a meeting.

Juliana almost wished he’d had a secret girlfriend instead.

A scornful laugh slipped out. Only strength of will kept it from turning into a pathetic sob.

Mallory stood, grabbed Juliana’s hand, and tugged. “C’mon. We’re going for a walk.”

“I—I can’t leave.”

“Sure you can.” She pulled Juliana to her feet. “Ben?”

Ben flipped some chicken breasts on the grill before calling back to his wife. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“Jules and I are taking a walk. I want to show her Joanne Fritz’s flowers. Will you keep an eye out for Bethany and Danielle? They should be here any minute. I think Robert’s coming, too.”

“Don’t be long. Stuff might burn.” He went right back to tending the food.

Connor had been playing lawn darts with Tracy. He glanced up and frowned. “Red? Did you say you’re leaving?”

Thankfully, Mallory replied. “We’ll only be gone a few minutes.” She dragged Juliana out of the fenced yard to the front sidewalk. Then she set a slow pace as they headed up the long block. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

Juliana had no idea where to begin. “Mal, I can’t.”

Mallory could make a rather impressive growl for such a tiny woman.

“Fine.” Juliana took a deep breath. “Did you happen to hear what Tracy said to Ben?”

“Tracy said a lot of things to Ben. Which one in particular?”

“She said she’s an alcoholic.”

“That’s what turned you into a basket case? You had me scared to death it was something important.”

“It
is
important,” Juliana insisted.

“At least she’s open about it.”

A heavy sigh slipped out. “Think about it for a second. She’s Connor’s ‘best friend.’ ” Juliana sarcastically punctuated the quotes with her fingers. “How many guys check in with their best friends a couple times a day? He goes missing sometimes for a couple of hours at a stretch. And he’s here in Cloverleaf, trying to start a new business even though he had a super job in Indianapolis. What does all that add up to?”

“I don’t know. I guess…” Mallory’s jaw dropped. “No. You don’t think Connor’s an—”

Not wanting to hear the word, Juliana cut her off. “I do. In fact, I’m sure of it.”

“Oh shit.”

A tear spilled over Juliana’s lashes. She scrubbed it away. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me! I mean, we have a business together. For Christ’s sake, we’re partners!”

“That, and he’s still living with you,” Mallory added. “Not to mention you’re carrying his baby. I think I’d be more pissed about the personal side of this mess.”

“What am I gonna do?” Juliana swallowed hard, hating the frantic timbre of her voice. She tried to stay calm, even if she was on the verge of crying like a baby.

“I’d say the only place to start is Connor. Talk to him. Give him a chance to explain.”

Juliana stopped, gaping at Mallory. “Explain? What’s there to
explain
? The man’s an alcoholic. How can he possibly have a good reason for not telling me that before we went into business together?”

“If you think the only reason you’re pissed is because of the partnership, you’re lying to yourself. You love him, and you feel betrayed that he wasn’t honest with you. Besides, don’t you think you should confirm your suspicions first? You could be wrong.”

A sarcastic retort formed, but Juliana refused to let her temper have free rein, especially since it was aimed right at Mallory instead of the guy who deserved it.

Of course she felt betrayed! Everything had changed, everything that she’d gambled her new life on, and she wasn’t sure there was anything she could do that would make things better.

Juliana wrapped her arms around her middle. “What am I going to do, Mal?”

“I already told you what I think you should do.”

“Talk to Connor.”

But that was the last thing she wanted to do. First, she’d throw all the stuff he’d moved into her house in a big box and set it on the porch. While she was at it, she’d be tempted to pour gasoline over it and toss in a lit match.

How could she love the man as much as she did and still want to punch his lights out?

“Please don’t tell Beth and Dani,” Juliana begged.

“I won’t. I haven’t said anything about the baby, either. But they’re bound to know something’s wrong the moment they see you. Besides, they might be able to help you through all of this.”

“I don’t need help. I need a huge stick to beat over Connor’s head.”

Mallory stopped and put a hand on Juliana’s shoulder. “Connor isn’t Jimmy. Don’t let all the anger you have at him shift to Connor.”

“Meaning?”

“Connor really hasn’t done anything wrong. It kinda sounds like he’s done everything right.”

Juliana quirked a brow, trying to let her friend’s words ease her fear and fury.

“Think about it, Jules. Whenever he feels too stressed—something that might make him want to drink—he gets his ass to a meeting.”

“That’s what I think he’s doing, but he might not be.”

“Don’t start overthinking everything,” Mallory said. “For once in your life, adopt Beth’s optimism.”

Juliana snorted.

“I know. Thinking positively isn’t in your DNA.” She squeezed Juliana’s shoulder. “Another thing in his favor is Tracy. If you’re right and she’s his AA sponsor, he’s in close contact with her, which means he’s committed to staying sober.”

Now that her temper had a chance to cool, Juliana was able to let everything Mallory was saying soak in. “He’s had tons of opportunities to drink with me, but he always had soda.”

“See? Optimism isn’t that tough.” Mallory smiled. “You should try it more often.”

“Oh my God. I drank in front of him.”

“So?”

“I could’ve made things easier on him if I hadn’t.”

Mallory gave her head a shake. “First of all, you didn’t know. Second, aren’t alcoholics supposed to be responsible for their own actions despite what other people might be doing around them?”

“All I know is what drunks like Jimmy do. I’ve never even talked to someone who follows AA.”

“Then we’re back to square one,” Mallory said.

“Talking to Connor.”

“Bingo.”

* * *

Connor kept stepping to the gate to see if Juliana and Mallory had returned from their walk. His relief that they’d returned was short-lived the moment he got a look at Juliana’s distressed expression.

Something was wrong.
Very
wrong.

Her face was flushed, and her eyes seemed a bit swollen. Had she been crying? Didn’t help that Mallory kept patting her shoulder.

They’d only been gone fifteen minutes. What horrible thing could have happened in so short a time? A phone call about a relative dying? Had her parents been in a car wreck or something?

As if aware he was thinking about her, Juliana stared right at him.

Connor swallowed hard. He knew that look. They might not have been together more than a couple of months, but he knew it anyway. That stormy green her eyes turned. The way her mouth pulled into a grim line. Her hands fisting tight enough that her fingers blanched.

Juliana was good and angry.

At him.

“Uh-oh.”

Tracy picked up her lawn dart and tossed him a quizzical frown. “Pardon?”

“I’m dead meat.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

He folded his arms over his chest. “Juliana’s pissed at me about something.”

She scoffed at him. “You can tell that all the way across the yard? What are you, psychic?”

“Don’t have to be psychic. I can tell by the way she’s looking at me.”

“Seriously?”

Tracy had only been around a couple of weeks. Once she got to see him interact with Juliana more, she’d understand. “Seriously.”

“And here I thought you were clueless.” Tracy came to his side, setting the lawn darts down on the grass with the rest of the outdoor toys.

“Why?”

“You didn’t even know she was angry earlier. I had to tell you.”

He just shrugged. “Maybe I’m paying better attention now.”

“I guess I can stop asking whether you two should’ve moved in together so quickly. Seems like you know a lot about each other for such a short time.”

Her words hit him like a skillet upside the head. They might know a lot about each other, but Juliana didn’t know everything. “I haven’t told her yet.”

“You haven’t?” Tracy put her fingers against her forehead, rubbing as though she was getting headache. “You mean you started a new firm with her, moved in with her, but didn’t tell her? Are you stupid or insane?”

“Maybe a little of both. I only wish I knew what made her so upset.”

“You don’t think she figured it out, do you?”

That was exactly what he thought—Juliana had somehow learned his secret. “I don’t know how… but…” He watched her, hoping to see that she’d calmed down.

She hadn’t torn her gaze away from him, and he could feel the heat of her accusing stare burning straight through him.

Oh, she knows all right.

“I think someone told her,” Connor said.

“But who?” Tracy asked. “Who in Cloverleaf knows? Did you tell anyone?”

He shook his head.

“Then how?”

“Beats the shit outta me.”

“Look, Connor, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate already, but I need to tell you something.”

As if things could get any worse. “Spit it out, Trace.”

She glanced around before she spoke. “Your old partner called me right before you picked me up. I didn’t want to tell you until you took me home—thought it would spoil the party if I did.”

Great. Just great.
“Jason called you? Why?”

“To tell me Max Schumm took a trip to Indianapolis. He went to Jason and asked about you. Jason said it was like playing Twenty Questions.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. At least Jason still cares enough about you to let you know, even if it was through me.”