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“You couldn’t sleep on the plane or the train over here, but you can doze off the second you’re with me. I should be offended,” Jaime said, but he couldn’t be too offended because he was still stroking through Sean’s hair.

“I sleep better with you,” Sean mumbled, still too asleep to think about what he was saying.

“Yeah,” Jaime said, pressing a kiss to Sean’s temple. “But it’s better inside. In the bed. And I’m not carrying you up the stairs, so you have to wake up and walk there.”

Then Jaime was gone. He got out and walked around to open Sean’s door to pull at him until Sean got up and stepped into the cold. The wind whipping against his cheeks jolted him awake and he cursed, but it gave him the energy to follow Jaime up the stairs and into the warm apartment.

Aleksandra was on the phone, but she waved as they walked past on the way to the bedroom. They’d just stepped inside when there were loud knocks on the front door.

“Lie down,” Jaime said. “It’s probably the Mormon guys that live upstairs. I keep trying to just tell them we’re not interested in a nice way, but I think that’s making it worse. Maybe I should just go ahead and admit I’m gay.”

Sean had unbuttoned his shirt and started push off his jeans when he heard a loud mix of Spanish outside. It was too fast for him to even pick out any of the common words he knew. He pulled his jeans back up, not stopping to think past worrying about how upset Jaime sounded before opening the door to the bedroom. He swung the door open just a second before he recognized the female voice and realized he should have stayed hidden.

Aleksandra moved to step in front of him, but Lupe was already staring at him with his hair messed up from Jaime running his fingers through it to wake him up and his shirt still hanging open. There was silence as time seem to freeze on him before Lupe turned back to Jaime and started yelling in Spanish all over again, and Sean jolted into action, buttoning up his shirt as though that would make anything better. He looked at Aleksandra, hoping she could give him some idea of what they were saying besides Lupe saying his name multiple times, but she looked as lost as he was. Either way, he couldn’t let Jaime deal with how badly Lupe was taking his presence alone.

“Lupe.” Sean said her name as he stepped toward them, and she turned to look at him again.

“Don’t talk to me. You don’t want to talk to me,” she snapped, so much stronger than the eager student he was used to seeing at the studio.

“If you let me explain,” Sean started.

“Sean, don’t,” Jaime said, stepping between them as Lupe spoke over him.

“You don’t need to explain,” Lupe said. “I can figure it out. What I can’t figure out is why you thought it was appropriate to fuck up my cousin’s life. You want to be how you are, that’s fine. I don’t care. I didn’t care, but he has a family.”

“I’m not trying to mess that up.” It wasn’t like he had some kind of awful plan to take Jaime away from her.

“Well, you are,” Lupe snapped, just as Jaime said, “Stop. Leave him out of this.”

Jaime turned to Aleksandra, not even looking at him as he said, “Lexi, can you take my car and take him home? Please.”

Sean stepped toward him, but Jaime backed away.

“Sean, just go. Let her take you home.”

He wanted to say something. He wanted ask Jaime to call him and let him know if he was okay. He wanted to ask if he was even going to hear from Jaime again, but Jaime turned away from him.

“Come on.” Aleksandra touched his elbow, pulling him enough to make him move with her past Lupe to where he’d left his boots by the door. The seconds of silence it took for them to both get their shoes on and grab their coats felt like forever, but nothing was as bad as the way Jaime turned his head away when Sean tried to look at him before they went outside.

“I’m taking you to the station. I know he said to take you home, but you can’t really want me to leave him alone for that long,” Aleksandra said, rushing to the car now that they were outside.

“I don’t,” Sean said as she pulled out of the parking lot. “I don’t want to leave him either.”

“I know.” She sighed and turned toward him for a second when they stopped at the intersection. “But I don’t think we can really argue with him about that on top of everything.”

“I can wait at the station and come back if he wants me to.”

“Sean, probably not tonight, but I’ll try to get him to call you. I promise.”

“Thanks.” Sean was silent for a minute before he couldn’t help adding, “If he won’t, can you just text me and let me know how he is?”

“He’ll probably ask me not to,” she said, but then added, “I’ll text you something if I can.”

The rest of the ride was quiet until they pulled up to the station he’d only just left. He was reaching for the door when she took his wrist to stop him.

“If he doesn’t call and doesn’t talk to you right away, don’t give up on him. Please don’t give up on him.”

“I won’t, and I’ll come back tonight if he changes his mind. At any time.” It might cost a lot to come back in the middle of the night if he had to, but how could he not do it when everything felt like his fault?

Sean let the first few trains leave without him. He told himself he’d wait an hour. Then he let himself wait two hours. After three hours without a call or a text, he had to face the reality that he should go home. He was still tired, but now he wasn’t sure he could sleep at all.

Alana was sitting at the kitchen counter watching Travis cook when he came into the apartment. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped when she looked at him. Sean stumbled to the couch and she met him there, sitting close to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

“Do we have to kill him?”

“No. It’s not his fault.” The last thing Jaime needed was for Alana to make things worse.

“Do you want to be more specific?” Travis asked as he came to sit on Sean’s other side.

“Lupe caught us.”

They sat for a minute soaking in the situation.

“She didn’t like,
see
anything, though, did she? I mean, you weren’t naked or anything, right?” Alana asked.

“No. Seriously? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know! I was just trying to assess the damage! So she just saw you together and she was smart enough to draw the right conclusion.”

“I think? I don’t even know. We went in, she knocked, and Jaime went to get it. Then there was just a lot of yelling that I didn’t understand. I tried to talk to her, but she just yelled at me.” Sean leaned forward to put his head in his hands. “Then he told me to leave.”

“He just kicked you out?” Travis said.

“No. He told Aleksandra to drive me home, and she drove me to the station because she didn’t want to leave for a long time. I sat there for a while in case he wanted me to come back, but he didn’t call or text or anything.” His eyes were watering, but he ignored it as he pulled out his phone. The battery was dying from how much he’d kept checking it, as if he wouldn’t have noticed it ringing or vibrating. “I should plug in my phone. In case he calls.”

“I’ll get it.” Alana went to where he’d dropped his messenger bag by the door and pulled out his charger. She plugged it in by the TV so the cord could stretch to the coffee table where he could still see it.

“Have you eaten since lunch?” Travis asked.

“I can’t eat.”

“You can eat something small. I was making soup anyway.” Travis kept talking as he walked to the kitchen. “You need to eat and take care of yourself, or you’ll make yourself sick. You can’t help him if you don’t eat.”

“What if he doesn’t call?” Sean took the bowl of soup from Travis but set it on the coffee table instead of trying it.

“Give him some time before you worry about that.”

“You’re telling me to give him time? You don’t even like him.”

“I don’t hate him. I just thought this was a bad idea because this could happen. You’re lucky, and your parents are amazing, but I’ve worked with a lot of dancers who weren’t so lucky, especially dancing in Texas in high school. Lupe might be okay. She knows you. She has at least one other gay friend. But it might take some time.”

“She said it was my fault. That I was fucking up his life and his family.”

“It’s not your fault. You know that. Jaime knows that. You never made him do anything,” Alana said. She picked up the bowl from the table and put it back in his hands. “Drink half, and I’ll drink the rest.”

Sean expected one of them to fight him when he handed the bowl back with a bit more than half left, but Travis let it go and didn’t even complain when Alana turned on the TV to the same awful movie Sean had laughed at with her last week.

He was dozing off on Travis’s shoulder when his phone buzzed and jolted him awake. If he’d jumped for his phone any other day, Alana would have laughed at him, but now she just put her hand on his knee in a small gesture of comfort.

It was Aleksandra and not Jaime.

Sorry it’s late. I wanted to get Jaime to approve of me texting you because that seemed better. He’s not really okay and Lupe is very upset. They argued for a while, but she did agree not to tell the rest of his family for now. He doesn’t want to talk to you yet.

Sean waited a few seconds, hoping there was more before he gave in and replied.

How did she know? Did she just happen to be there when we got in?

Somehow he knew it wasn’t that simple. She’d never been there before. She never stopped by without warning. When Jaime had talked to him the night before, he’d mentioned knowing Lupe had plans. When Aleksandra took a few minutes to answer, he knew it wasn’t good.

One of the other dancers saw him at your show last week. She mentioned it to Lupe in class. I guess there have been rumors you were dating someone, and she planted the idea. Then she noticed Jaime texting and calling someone while she was here. She heard him say something about Saturday afternoon and waited.

Jaime had asked him if it was safe, and Sean had told him no one would notice. Aleksandra sent another text before he could think of a reply.

I don’t think he really blames you. I told him that dating you was risky in the beginning and he did it anyway. He’s just really overwhelmed right now. Get some rest. We all need sleep now. I’ll work on getting him to call you tomorrow. If he won’t, I’ll at least let you know.

Sean typed back a simple
Thanks
before putting his phone back on the table.

“It’s my fault.” He hadn’t even had to ask her if Jaime blamed him. She wouldn’t have brought it up if it wasn’t at all true.

“Did he say that?” Alana asked.

“No. It wasn’t even him. He didn’t want to text me. It was Aleksandra. She didn’t say it either, but it is.”

“Can we just read?” Travis asked before Alana could ask another question and Sean handed him the phone. Travis scrolled through the texts before passing it to Alana. Any other time, Alana would have taken advantage of having his unlocked phone to scroll through all his texts with Jaime, but now she set it on the table after only a few seconds.

“She didn’t say it was your fault,” Travis said.

“She said that ‘he didn’t really blame me,’ which means he said he blamed me. He should. He asked if anyone would notice if he was there. I told him they wouldn’t. I told him it would be okay.”

“And he still knew the risks as much as you did. He always knew,” Travis reminded him.

“You told me and I didn’t listen.” Sean knew he hadn’t even tried to listen.

“I didn’t really expect you to listen. You liked him, and obviously he cares about you because he took a lot of chances. I’m sure he knew what could happen. Either way, you didn’t do this. You didn’t force him to do anything. He was gay long before he met you. It probably would have happened eventually.” Travis stood and pulled him to his feet. “She’s right that you should sleep, though.”

“I’m not going to be able to sleep.” He was supposed to be with Jaime, in Jaime’s bed, with Jaime wrapped around him.

“Yeah, you will.” Travis pushed him toward the bedroom. He started to argue that he needed his phone, but when he turned around, Alana was already unplugging it and walking past him with it to the bedroom.

“I made all your ringers so loud they’ll wake up the whole apartment. If you don’t wake up and he calls, I’ll wake you up.” Alana set the phone on the bedside table and climbed in the bed ahead of him.

Sean nodded. Even changing into pajama pants felt like work. Alana wasn’t Jaime, but it was better than sleeping alone. The exhaustion pulled him into sleep within minutes.

W
HEN
HE
woke, Alana was sitting up next to him reading a book and it was already almost eleven o’clock.

“Sorry. No calls or messages,” she said as soon she noticed he was awake. “It’s early, though. You’re normally still asleep at noon on a Sunday.”

“Should I try texting him?” He wasn’t sure what he could say that would mean anything. They hadn’t even said “I love you” yet. He hadn’t been sure he was there. He tended to fall fast instead of slow, but it was probably a sign now that he cared more about Jaime being okay than he cared about feeling better himself. But he wasn’t going to tell Jaime that through text—not when he’d gone to the trouble to learn the words in Spanish in case Jaime said it in Spanish first, and he hadn’t heard anything that sounded similar in the Spanish Jaime had whispered into his skin.

“It’s early. Give it a little more time. I’m sure he knows you want to talk to him. Aleksandra told him.”

“What if he never wants to talk to me?” He reached past her to pick up his phone and scroll through the contacts. He couldn’t help hovering over Jaime’s name before dropping the phone back on the bed.

“I’m going to beat Travis to telling you that’s overdramatic. Please don’t say that to him, or he’ll drag us into the studio because he thinks you need a distraction.” Alana slid out of bed and walked to the door. “I’m telling Travis you’re awake, so you probably want to get out here.”

He made it through Sunday with Alana trying to distract him until she had to make an appearance at her house. On Monday, he plowed through every class and checked his phone during every break, but there wasn’t even a message from Aleksandra.