Siempre (19 page)

Sean sighed and shook his head. There was only so much he could do to pretend that he was fine, and he couldn’t do it when he had to sit around waiting to find out if Jaime was okay with whatever Lupe wanted to talk about.

“She hates me. She hates that he’s gay, and he keeps saying he’s fine, but I know he’s terrified she’s going to tell his whole family.” Sean looked away from her and leaned forward to hide his face in his hands instead. She didn’t answer him right away, but she moved closer and rubbed his back the way she had when he was eight and he’d come home from school and asked her why they’d never told him liking boys wasn’t normal.

“He’s twenty-four, and he hasn’t told them in all this time?” she finally asked.

“They’re not like you guys.” As Sean said it, he couldn’t help remembering when he’d pressed Jaime about it the first time. At the time, his simple “Your people change, not my people” had sounded ridiculous. That was before Sean had seen it.

“What is he going to tell them if you stay together? Or is he just planning to break up with you before he has to?” she asked. He wanted to be surprised that she didn’t just comfort him the way he wanted her to, but he wasn’t. If he hadn’t known somewhere in the back of his mind that she wouldn’t, he would have called her right after Thanksgiving.

“That’s not really what I’m worried about right now.” He wanted to feel better from the comforting arm around him, but he couldn’t.

“Maybe you should be,” she said. “If he’s not ready to tell his family, he doesn’t have to, but that’s not healthy for you.”

Sean sat up and turned to look at her. He tried to see it from her point of view. She didn’t know Jaime. She was worried about her son, who seemed unhappy. A few months ago, Travis had almost told him the same thing. But that wasn’t enough because it was one thing for Travis to tell him he shouldn’t get involved in the first place. Pushing Jaime away after already committing to him was a different story.

“You think I should leave him just because it’s gotten hard? He told her he was staying with me no matter what she said. It’s not his fault his family isn’t like mine.”

“I’m not saying it is. But it’s not your fault either. It’s not fair for him to put you through the stress of hiding a relationship when you don’t have to. That’s not your problem, and he’s hurting you by making you deal with it.”

“It’s my problem because I care about him. Yes, the situation sucks and it hurts, but
he’s
not hurting me. He didn’t put himself in a bad situation so I’d have to go through it with him. I knew he wasn’t out to them before we even started dating. He told me.” Sean stood and turned away from her. “I decided I wanted to be with him then and I’m not blaming him now because I care enough to hurt when he hurts. I can’t believe you are.”

“He shouldn’t ask you to deal with it.”

“He didn’t ask me. He never asked me to. I just said that I would because I care.” The most ridiculous part of this whole argument was that Jaime still wasn’t asking him to do anything. He was still saying he was fine. He was still telling Sean not to worry.

“Sean, you can’t change people. Sometimes they just aren’t right for you,” she said from behind him. Her voice was calm like it had always been. She had never yelled when he was growing up, like she knew it would make it impossible to yell in return even if he wanted to.

“I can’t do this with you. I’m tired and you’re not helping. I’m going home tomorrow—to New York,” Sean said before walking to his room. She called after him, but she didn’t follow or knock on his door when he closed it behind him and started to pack. Jaime still hadn’t texted him back when he’d finished and bought a new plane ticket for the next afternoon flight, so he texted Travis again instead. Maybe she meant well, but he couldn’t worry about Jaime and argue with her about it at the same time. At least he could count on Travis to know his limits.

I’m going home tomorrow.

Go ahead and buy me a plane ticket. I’m not letting you sit in the apartment with Alana for five days without me. It will be a mess when I get back.

Thanks. I’ll e-mail it to you.

He was already in bed and trying to fall asleep when his phone buzzed with a text from Jaime.

It’s ok for now. Annoying, but nothing bad. Stop worrying. Sorry I can’t call right now, but I’ll try tomorrow.

Sean typed out an
okay
and his thumb hovered over the letter L for a second before he changed course to letting Jaime know when he’d be on the plane with his phone off instead.

E
LIZABETH
DIDN
’
T
ask questions when he asked her to take him to BART the next morning, but she passed the station and drove him all the way to the airport instead. They were almost there when she turned down the radio.

“Mom told me what happened last night,” she said.

“Do you agree with her?”

“I don’t know.” Elizabeth glanced at him for a second before turning back to the road. “I’m worried. I know he hasn’t said he loves you, or you would have told her that last night, but you wouldn’t go through all this and fighting with Mom over it if you didn’t love him.”

“I haven’t told him either,” Sean said.

“That’s fair,” Elizabeth said with a short nod. “And that doesn’t make her right either. They found out Eric had student loans and bad credit, and they thought he was marrying me for the money. They said he was going to bring me down, and I should wait to marry him until he’d paid everything off. Then when I didn’t want to do that, they said I should get a prenup. They’re all about not conforming to gender roles, but they don’t like that he stays home with the kids.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me that?” Sean tried to think back to when she’d started dating Eric. He’d already been out of high school, so it wasn’t like he’d been too young to understand any of it.

“I wanted you to like him, and I wasn’t sure you’d get it. Why didn’t you tell me about Jaime’s family?” Elizabeth turned to look at him as she pulled into the airport.

“I wanted you to like him, and I wasn’t sure you’d get it.”

“I’ll give him a chance,” Elizabeth said. “Let me know when you’re home safe.”

Chapter 17

“D
ID
T
RAVIS
call you, or have you just been living in our apartment the whole time we were gone?” Sean said when he walked in the apartment to find Alana on the couch watching TV.

“You’d cry if your plants died without Travis to water them, but yeah, he called me.” Alana moved over on the couch so he could lay down with his head on her lap. “Have you heard from Jaime?”

“Not really. I got a text he must have sent while my phone was off, and I let him know I was here, but no answer. He’s probably busy.” He closed his eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“Yeah. Did you sleep at all last night or on the plane?”

“I couldn’t.” Sean felt himself start to relax as she massaged his scalp. “I haven’t heard his voice in three days, and he says he’s fine, but he always says he’s fine. He’d say he was fine if he were in the hospital with a brain injury. I can’t be sure unless I can hear him and see him.”

“I know. But he’ll be back in four days. He booked his flight in time to be home for New Year’s Eve just for you. So you’ll know then.”

“I think I love him.”

“We figured,” Alana said as she picked up the remote to mute the TV. “It’s okay. Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up if he texts or calls. I told Travis to text my phone when he gets in so you wouldn’t get your hopes up for nothing.”

When Sean woke up hours later, the TV was still muted, and there was a pillow under his head instead of Alana.

“I know,” Travis said in a hushed voice behind him. “But that’s all we can do. We can just be here.”

“I can’t believe you’re not flying to Arizona to yell at him or something,” Alana said.

“I think he’s trying. I don’t think there’s anything I can do that would actually make it better, and he hasn’t actually gone a day without any communication.”

“Until now.”

Sean sat up, and they both turned to look at him. Travis had the decency to look at least a little guilty for talking about him.

“The day’s not over yet,” Travis said. “If you’re up, I’m making dinner and you’re eating it.”

“Thanks,” Sean said as he stretched and got up to sit next to Alana at the kitchen counter. “Not just for the food. And technically, he texted me this morning while I was on the plane.”

Travis nodded and glared at Alana when it looked like she was going to give an opinion. When she rolled her eyes and got up to take the TV off mute, Sean was pretty sure she put it on Lifetime just to spite them, but it helped that the movie she found made so little sense that Travis picked on the stupidity of it for the entire hour until Sean’s phone finally vibrated.

I’m sorry. I can’t talk tonight. I just can’t. I don’t know if I can talk tomorrow either.

Are you ok?

Sean could feel Alana and Travis watching him as he stared at his phone, hoping for at least one answer. They weren’t even trying to pretend they were doing anything else. After a minute of nothing, Alana reached over to squeeze his knee.

I’m fine. Stop worrying.

It was the shortest of the long variety of
I’m fine
messages he’d gotten in the last two weeks.

“You don’t actually think that means he’s fine, do you?” Alana said. Travis had the decency to not look over his shoulder to read, but it wasn’t like he had to when Alana was there to do it for him.

“He’s usually more specific. He’s fine, but all his cousins are over, and he can’t get any time alone, but he’ll promise to make an excuse to go to the store tomorrow and call me then.”

“But you at least got a lot of texts from him yesterday, so it hasn’t been that long,” Travis said.

“That was before Lupe decided she actually wanted to talk to him,” Alana said before he could say it himself.

“You’re not helping. If you’re not helping, you’re going home,” Travis said over his head when Sean ran his hands over his face and then kept them there to block them out. When he didn’t move, Travis’s hand settled on the back of his neck. “You should get some more sleep. You’re still tired.”

“I slept half the day.”

“So you didn’t sleep last night if you’re still tired.” When Sean didn’t move, Travis added, “If something’s wrong, you can’t do anything now, and if you don’t make yourself rest, you’re not going to be able to help if he wants your help later.”

“Why are you being so nice to him?” Sean’s words were muffled behind his hands, but Travis could understand him when he was drunk and brushing his teeth, so he didn’t expect any different now.

“It’s less about being nice to him and more about keeping you from going crazy.” Travis squeezed his hand for a second before standing up and pulling on Sean’s arm until he stood up after him. He pushed Sean toward his bedroom that he hadn’t even bothered to enter. “Get in bed. I’ll let Alana come in and sleep with you after she promises to sleep and not make you freak out some more.”

Sean stopped when they got to his door.

“What?” Travis asked when he resisted Travis’s attempts to push him inside and held on to Travis’s arm instead. “I’m not tucking you in. This is as far as I go. You can undress yourself or sleep in your jeans. That’s up to you, but I’m not sure how you even slept on the couch in jeans that tight.”

Sean’s laugh didn’t sound happy, even to his own ears.

“I know. It’s just—” Sean shrugged. “Thanks for trying and giving him a chance and flying all the way back here before you were supposed to. You didn’t have to.”

“You’re welcome,” Travis answered before pushing him inside. “Now get some sleep.”

S
EAN
HEARD
nothing all of the next afternoon, and the text he sent to Jaime went unanswered. When the day moved into evening, he gave in and texted Aleksandra to see if she could at least confirm that Jaime was busy, but that went unanswered also. It was dark again when his phone rang with Aleksandra’s ring tone.

“Please don’t tell me he’s fine. I know he’s not fine. Please just tell me what’s wrong,” Sean said, leaving out a greeting the way Jaime always did.

“I know. I’m not. And he’s really sorry he can’t call you himself. He hasn’t even been able to call me. It’s taken him all day just to get a few minutes of privacy every few hours to tell me what happened in a million texts, and he could have done the same with you, but he thought it would be faster and easier if I called you because texts aren’t personal anyway. Please don’t be mad he texted me first. I think it’s just that it’s easier to keep himself together for me.”

“It’s okay. Just tell me what happened.”

“You knew Lupe wanted to talk to him. She wanted him talk to someone at their church about not being gay or something. She said she wasn’t going to tell anyone, but she wanted him to get help. He wasn’t happy about it, and I don’t think he was going to do it, but it wasn’t that big of a deal,” Aleksandra said. “But I guess his older brother overhead some of the conversation. He didn’t figure it out, but Enrique asked him about it yesterday. He thought Jaime was having problems with me or cheating on me, and Jaime just kind of brushed him off, so he went to Lupe.”