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As threats went, Sean had heard five from Alana in the past few hours that were a lot worse than forcing him to spend the night with Jaime, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t try to figure out the issue anyway. Sean ignored the looks Travis and Alana gave him as he stood from his seat at the bar and moved to his room.

“Can you give me some examples?”

“You need examples?” Aleksandra might like him enough to call him, but her tone didn’t convey much faith.

“He really hasn’t said anything to me to make me think anything is wrong. If you can give me some idea of what he’s saying to you, it will be easier for me to try and fix things.” Sean refrained from pointing out that she had to suspect this, or she wouldn’t be calling him.

Aleksandra was quiet for a moment, and Sean almost gave up and started guessing when she spoke.

“I think maybe he doesn’t remember how to be with someone, so he thinks it’s a lot more complicated than it is, and he won’t tell you the million things he’s unsure about because he already messed up once, and he thinks he has to be perfect now.”

“I never said he had to be perfect.” It came out softer than he planned, but Aleksandra must have heard him anyway.

“I didn’t really think you did, but maybe you could make sure he knows that. Because right now, he’s so scared he’s going to do something wrong that he’s not even enjoying having you. I had to scream at him that you were not going to be mad if he didn’t call you tonight because he has a three-hour class tonight and an early day tomorrow. Yesterday he started saying that calling you his boyfriend was too much of a commitment, and then three hours later he was worried that you hate children, and he’s always assumed he’d have kids.” Aleksandra paused, and then continued when he didn’t say anything. “And I really should not have told you those last two. Pretend I didn’t say that.”

“It’s okay.” Sean sat on his bed as he tried to process everything. “It’s probably better that you said both of them and not just one or the other. Balances things out.”

“Are you worrying about stupid things now too? I have Alana’s number.”

“No.” Sean probably said it too quickly, but Alana was already in the apartment, and she’d repeat everything to Travis. “I’m just not sure how to fix all that in a date that’s only a couple hours tomorrow.”

“You probably can’t, but if you can convince him that it’s okay to call you and talk to you about it when he starts worrying about stupid things, I can probably not go back to Russia. Also tell him you aren’t going to dump him if he’s not perfect. Right now, I can’t even get him to call you and ask you about stupid stuff like if you want him to sleep at your place again Saturday night because you have a show Sunday afternoon, or if you want to come here like you usually do. He’s also worried that you won’t want to do either because you’re busy, and he doesn’t want to admit he misses you.”

“Well, at least one of those is easy to fix tomorrow,” Sean said. If Travis argued that he needed his sleep, he was going to point out that he’d sleep better if Jaime wore him out.

“Great. If he is less annoying tomorrow night, I will even volunteer to drive the kids back and forth so you have more time. If he’s more annoying, I’m handcuffing him to your bed until you figure something out.”

W
HEN
S
EAN
turned the corner the next day to walk toward Jaime’s car, the November weather was cold enough that Jaime’s leather jacket was zipped, but he still stood outside the car instead of waiting inside where it was warmer. Soon it would be too cold for them to meet outside, where the street was empty enough to feel like they had a few minutes alone. Sean was only a few steps away when Jaime heard him and looked away from his phone. He smiled, but Sean could see tension there that hadn’t been present a few weeks ago. Still, Jaime pulled him in once he was within reach, and Sean felt some of his own nerves drain out as they kissed. Jaime let him pull back sooner than he had in the past, but that just made Sean move back in for more. The third time, Jaime laughed against his lips.

“Are you actually going to take me up on the backseat this time?” Jaime tightened his grip on Sean’s waist to pull their hips together, and Sean almost gave in. Somehow it had been almost three weeks since they’d had sex, and that hadn’t seemed so long until Jaime was in front of him again.

“No. I can admit I almost considered it this time, but still no.” Sean pulled away and held out his hand. “Coffee?”

Jaime only hesitated a second before threading their fingers together, but it was long enough for Sean to see it. When he didn’t let go on the walk to a coffee shop, all Sean could hear was Aleksandra’s voice in his head telling him Jaime thought he had to be perfect—which would mean holding Sean’s hand whether he wanted to or not.

Sean let his hand go as they went through the door without glancing back to see if Jaime reacted to it.

“I can get it,” Jaime said, putting his hand out to stop him when Sean reached for his wallet after ordering.

“You don’t have to.” He would appreciate the gesture more if he wasn’t doubting everything Jaime did.

“I want to.” Jaime gave him a look that was half-lost, like Sean was rejecting him though he would have been happy about the offer two weeks ago. The barista looked back and forth between them as she tried to decide whose card to take.

“Yeah. Sure.” Sean agreed, because they needed to talk, but a four-dollar cup of tea was not worth trying to do it while holding up a line of people.

Sean led them to a table in the back corner. It was far from private, but better than the counter by the windows. He fiddled with the cardboard sleeve on his cup as he tried figure out how bring up any of the things Aleksandra had thrown at him. He’d just about decided to start by making it clear how much he wanted Jaime to come over on Saturday when Jaime spoke up.

“Was that bad? Am I not supposed to buy your drink?”

“No. It’s fine if you want to.” When Sean looked up from his cup, Jaime met his eyes.

“I said I wanted to.”

“Okay.” Sean took a deep breath. Even if Aleksandra hadn’t called him, he would have read the insecurity in Jaime’s eyes. He just would have been lost on what it was about. “So if you want to come over Saturday, I want you to. I don’t have time to come to you because we close the show in New York on Sunday, but if you can stay, I want you to. It feels like I haven’t gotten to sleep with you in forever.”

“I can work that out somehow. It might be late if I have to drive Lupe home first.” Jaime smiled with just a hint of the cocky smile Sean knew was going to lead to another invitation into the car.

“Aleksandra said she’d do it.” Sean blurted it out before he could talk himself out of it. It was probably not how she wanted him to start the conversation, but it seemed worse to make Jaime think he was psychic while Jaime couldn’t figure anything out on his own. Jaime stared at him a second before he pulled away. Sean hadn’t even noticed he was leaning over the table toward him until Jaime was leaning away from him and pressing back against the wall instead.

“She called you.” Jaime crossed his arms over his chest.

“I was probably not supposed to tell you, but it felt like lying not to,” Sean admitted, but it didn’t seem to make Jaime less closed off, so he tried again. “Yes, she mentioned you might want an invite for Saturday, but I was going to do it anyway. It just saved me the time I was going to spend planning out how to talk you into making the trip again so soon.”

“But there was a plan?” Jaime seemed to relax just a little at the suggestion.

“Yes. It probably would have ended with me making out with you until you couldn’t think and promising you sex on Saturday.” Sean shrugged. “Sorry. I think I would have chickened out on just asking you and gone with the classic.”

“Tease.” Jaime smirked as he leaned forward again.

“It seems to work for me.”

“But asking worked too.” Jaime’s smile dropped a bit as he added, “Did she say anything else?”

“She might have said a few other things.” Sean caught his wrist before he could close off again. “Can I say at least a few things before you shut me out?”

“I’m not. I know it’s not your fault she called you,” Jaime said. He didn’t look back at Sean, but he didn’t try to pull his wrist free from Sean’s grasp either. “But I don’t even know what she said, and if I wanted to talk to you about something, she should have let me do it myself. I’m sure Alana wanted to kill me last week, but she and Travis let you deal with it mostly. And I’m sure Travis knew he had your permission when he talked to me. She doesn’t know when to mind her own business.”

“Would you have talked to me if she hadn’t?”

“Eventually.” Jaime flipped his hand over so he could hold Sean’s hand across the table. At least Sean didn’t doubt that he wanted to do it this time. “Can you just tell me what she said so I know what this conversation is about? She was probably overdramatic.”

“Okay.” Sean took a few seconds to sort out the main points in his head. If he chose to forget the part about the children, he was sure Jaime would appreciate that. “She said you’ve been worrying about various things and not telling me because you think you already messed up too much. She thinks you think you have to be perfect now, and that’s keeping you from talking to me.”

When Jaime didn’t argue, Sean figured that was enough confirmation.

“You don’t have to be perfect. What happened with Juan is over. Yes, I want to meet him at some point, but I trust you, and I don’t want you pushing yourself to do things because you think you have to. It’s okay if you want to buy my drink as long as you really want to do it—and as long as you let me buy you coffee or dinner sometimes too. If you’re uncomfortable holding my hand when we’re walking, you can say that instead of just doing it to make me happy.”

“I’m not. I’m just not used to it,” Jaime interrupted, and followed his statement by squeezing Sean’s hand. “I can get used to some things that make you happy if they don’t really bother me.”

“But if they do, you can tell me. Or if you just need things to be slower or you’re not sure what I’m thinking, you can just ask me. I’m not just going to get frustrated or anything like that. Okay?” Sean rubbed his thumb in circles on Jaime’s wrist until he nodded.

“Okay. I’ll try to remember that maybe I needed to hear that when I go home and yell at her.” Jaime released his hand to pick up his coffee and take a drink. “On that note, can we talk about something else now? I’ll tell you if something’s bothering me, but we kind of just covered a lot when I wasn’t prepared. So can we just relax and talk about something else? I’m sure there is some story about Alana you can tell me.”

“She’s been too nice this week. Last time she was this nice for this long, we realized a week later she’d taken a sky diving class and was trying not to tell us about it.” Sean laughed as Jaime’s eyes widened.

“Why did she ever tell you?”

“She cut her arm landing. She was fine, but Travis started freaking out that someone attacked her until she caved. So I don’t have any new stories this week, but I’ll probably have something soon.”

“I’m going to have nightmares about Lupe hanging out with her.”

Chapter 11

“A
LANA
SAYS
I was supposed to get whole cloves instead of ground. Does that ruin everything?” Sean asked as he let Jaime in the apartment. He should have known mentioning Jaime could cook would make Alana crash their plans Saturday night. All he wanted to do was pull Jaime into the bedroom and make up for all the time they’d lost in the last two weeks, but Alana had started in on how his friends barely knew his boyfriend, and it wasn’t worth the fight.

“I can work with it. Don’t worry.” Jaime leaned in for a kiss, but it was over earlier than Sean would have liked as Jaime looked over his shoulder to where Alana and Travis were watching from the bar.

“I can’t believe you even let Sean buy ingredients. He should have taken me with him, or Travis at least,” Alana said. Travis just gave Jaime a nod before moving to the couch to watch TV instead.

“I can make something work if there’s stuff missing.” Jaime looked through the groceries Sean had left out on the counter.

“He didn’t know the fish had to thaw until I told him.” Alana smiled back when Sean glared at her. “He probably didn’t know that snapper was fish. I’m sure he just asked at the store.”

Jaime was biting his lip to keep from laughing, but he handed Alana a cutting board and the garlic to chop. Sean thought about objecting to giving her a knife, but it did give her something to do instead of talk as Jaime squeezed the juice out of the limes and lemons. Sean decided not to point out it would have been less work to just buy juice in a bottle. It couldn’t make that much of a difference if he was just going to mix everything together and throw it in the refrigerator.

“When you asked what kind of pans he had, I had to explain that it mattered. He also thought pots and pans were two words for the same thing, so telling him you needed a sauté pan was kind of a waste of time.” Alana was evil. She could make him sound like a moron and cut an onion without crying at the same time. For someone who always made Travis cook for her, she was chopping vegetables as fast as Jaime gave them to her.