Shocked (14 page)

The third set of headlights behind us is proof that Mason doesn’t know how to listen. Lucas contacts the Captain who confirms that Mason disappears the day after we leave. Lucas knows that I don’t really want to hurt him (tempting though it may be) so we basically resort to ignoring him and hope that he goes away.

This is also the reason that we’re still on the move after dark. Ordinarily we’d have set up camp while it’s still light out. Instead of resting now the whole group’s stuck on the move—all because of me.

I really want to run away: from Mason, from nanobots, from everything and everyone except for Brie and B…and maybe Lucas. I don’t know.
As if the whole Lucas thing isn’t confusing enough!
Mason’s here to make everything worse. Why can’t he understand that I need time to process him betrayal?

I note the time and the speed before I touch the driver’s shoulder. Mike nods and understands that it’s time to stop and let me zap around us. Lucas snores lightly in the passenger seat the same as Lou does behind him in the seat next to me. Behind us the rest of our team and the techs stop. Of course the blasted Humvee behind them does too.

I step out of my own door and shoot a glare at the third windshield. No one else gets out. Each of them is used to me doing this to some degree or another. It’s better than the first few times when I had soldiers and techs gaping at me. I’m not one to be put on the spot unless Brie’s pounding the drums behind me and there’s a guitar in my hands. Brie won’t be rocking the drums for a few years now.

I walk a large circle around us and throw a bunch of energy spheres in every direction. I feel a bit better—not as restless. It’s usually like this after and it won’t last long. It’s not like before. Long ago when I’d get worn out and even have to recharge. Those days are long gone.

I lose myself in thought as I approach the door of the vehicle. I don’t notice the figure beside me until the last moment. Instant recognition hits.

“What are you doing, Mason?” I hiss into the quiet night surrounding us.

“I just wanted to talk to you.” His expression’s pathetic. Even in the dim light from the moon above and the few steps between us.

“There’s nothing to talk about. You made your choice, remember?” My words have bite and my spin back around to mark the end of the conversation. I feel a hand on my shoulder and freeze. “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

“Kat, come on. I messed up, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can do.”

His hand still sits on my shoulder and my patience is up. Just a small zap and he rubs his offending appendage while he looks at me wide-eyed. “I said don’t touch me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” My voice is louder now. I take a step closer to him and notice him flinch back. His eyes are full of fear and it instantly sobers me. “You hurt me, Mason. I need time to deal with it before we can face us.” My hands move in the space between us to illustrate. “You need to give me that. You need to back the hell off for a while.”

“You don’t understand, Kat. I can’t lose you. I’d do anything to take it back.”

“You can’t take it back, Mason.” I can barely whisper. “You can never take it back. That’s the problem.”

A clicking sound from behind reminds me that we have to move.

“Is everything okay, Kat?” Lucas asks.

“Yeah,” I take the final two steps to the truck. My hand grabs the handle and pulls the latch open with a click. “Let’s go.”

The techs seem to be getting faster doing whatever the hell it is that they do. At least that’s something. The past few days have been tedious and it’s the only the techs begging that makes me cave about stopping tonight. We’ve been keeping on the road the past few nights. Sure we’re all tired—but we’re ahead of schedule!

Mason continues to be an ever annoying and painful presence. It hurts even more that I’ve come to think of him this way. Not so long ago he was all that I longed for and one of the few things that get me by. A nauseous wave passes over me whenever we make eye contact. Will that ever stop? Will this pain in my chest give me peace? There’s this gaping all-consuming black hole of hurt where my heart should be. It doesn’t seem to be letting up, that’s for sure.

The reason I beg the Captain to call Mason off of our last mission stands true for why I don’t want him here now. It’s the same reason I tell him a few nights ago. Neither my heart nor my head is able to deal with him. My heart is spiteful and betrays me. I still love him—how can I not? You don’t just stop caring for someone. There’s no switch. The hurt and the trust that’s been lost refuse to be ignored.

The mental images and tricks that my own tormenting imagination plays on me is by far the worst of it all. I don’t have any real-life experience to base my dark fantasies on. They’re free to flitter about and depict distorted versions of media images into the worst possible scenarios starring Mason and his faceless harlot. Just how can I move forward with him here, with his face reminding me at every turn? Why won’t he just go?

Fed up with the whole situation I eagerly embrace the idea to go with Lucas and a small team to clear a place for us to rest tonight. We pile into the truck and head northeast towards the nearest town. It’s not until we stop at the edge that I realize there are no headlights behind us. The knot between my shoulders loosens slightly and everything seems a little brighter.

Lucas notices right away and doesn’t say anything. In fact it’s Lou who states the obvious. “Don't worry, we tricked stalker boy into helping the techs so you could have a break.”

Everyone tenses around me and before I can help myself I’m laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face. When my breathing returns to something resembling normal I answer. “Thanks, guys. I really did need a break.”

“I can shoot him for you.” Mike offers.

“Nah, she doesn’t want to hurt him,” Lucas tells him. “But if that changes I get first dibs.”

We share another hearty laugh before we begin to move through the town. Once we’re sure it’s clear we take the long way home so I can handle the perimeter. It’s not wise to leave a huge energy signature where we plan to sleep with Carch still out there. It’s bad enough to leave one at all, but we’re deeper into the infected area now. It’s too risky not to take precautions. I move through this ghost town and my memories remind me that the infection and Carch aren’t the only threats out there. I pus
h everything else out of my mind and force myself to focus on our surroundings.

All of these small American towns now devoid of life begin to meld together after a while. It makes it hard to depict one from another. The main street sits empty. No birds chirp, no small animals skitter about. Not even a bug (though it’s not quite spring) and we are further south saving the worst of the infection for the last part of our mission.

To call it eerie is a gross understatement. In the movies when the world ends everything is always the picture of destruction: windows shatter, chunks of buildings gone and left smoldering from the fire now raging a block away. The Northeast where we came from is a picture of such chaos when it first begins. That first half hour it is hell. Not the rest of these towns though. Everything outside of the Northeast is picture perfect…and completely empty.

It’s worse (I think) to have everything look so normal. Some kid’s bike sits waits on the lawn for its owner to return. The stoop it leans against attaches to an intact house. Nothing is out of place. A silent memorial to those who once were and are now lost to the unknown. At least in the chaos you know where you stand.

Once we declare the town officially empty and fit for use the real work begins. Mike and Lou nod to Lucas who gives me a grin. The other two walk back towards the truck. “What’s going on?” I ask. I know a scheme when I see one.

“We figured we’d try to prolong your break for as long as possible.” He spins away and takes off so I have to follow. “The guys are going to drop your bag back here before they go get the others. They’ll take their time getting them all back, by which time you’ll hopefully be refreshed and ready to take on the perimeter.”

When the smile bursts across my face I finally acknowledge how much I’m dreading seeing
him
again. This is a very welcomed plan that these fine soldiers execute. “You guys rock.” Lucas laughs now. “I’m serious. It was…stifling.”

Lucas’ smile changes to a knowing look and he answers softly, “Everyone deserves a bit of space when they need it.”

Neither of us says anything. Soon the rumble of the truck grows louder. Lou tosses my bag out to Lucas and gives him a mock salute before they turn the monstrosity around and leave. Since this is Lucas’ plan I wait for his cue.

He slings my bag over his shoulder and grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s go find a place to claim for the night.”

For the first time in days my steps feel lighter. It’s seemingly natural to let Lucas lead me towards out little break in civilization. I can almost pretend we’re still making our way to camp, before my world comes crashing down.

Hot water is the surprise that kicks my happy gland in the ass (for the moment at least.) The first real shower in days is too sumptuous to allow even an iota of grouchiness or sadness. The water pulsates into my hair and I indulge in some fancy shampoo the previous owner has left. It smells nice and the matching conditioner actually untangles the massive rat’s nest that my hair has become—its protest to its recent lack of care.

I wish I can spend the entire night in this shower, but if the “plan” is going to work properly I’m on the clock. Ordinarily this may upset me until I consider the alternative. I quickly shut off the water and towel off, hanging my just hand washed clothes over the shower curtain rod. I don my last clean clothes until the others dry.

The only thing that’s kind of a bummer is the lack of electricity. Apparently the house we picked has some pilot light that gives us hot water. Lucas explains it earlier and maybe I don’t listen like I should. The allure of the hot water is too strong.

I pull on my boots and comb through my hair. I braid it in an attempt to keep it from getting all knotty again. A rap sounds on the door as I fasten the band in place.

“You can come in,” I call.

The door cracks open and Lucas appears. “We should get moving soon. Mike and Lou are already back with our Humvee.”

Like one of our older adventures Lucas does his exaggerated ninja moves through the surrounding backyards. It causes me to laugh and completely defeat his stealthy purposes. Turns out they (well
he)
isn’t here yet so our horseplay is of no consequence. We’re nothing but a dusty trail before any other headlights hit the town.