Shocked (16 page)

The following days pass quickly (and more tensely) the further we venture into the infected territory of the Northeast. We’re all on high alert. It’s not so much from the infection as it is Carch. It only takes one lesson to identify the real threat out here.

Some of the team doesn’t think that Carch will venture this far into the original infection. She’s good at spreading the nanobots but when it comes to pushing them back—not so much. I suppose that’s counterproductive to her plan. When it comes to crazy, who knows?

Once we hit what’s left of Pennsylvania the scenes change. Gone is the quiet unaltered reality and replacing it is a smoldering residue of the chaos I remember so vividly. For a split second every moment rushes back: the terror and panic, explosions and screams, the unfathomable amount of pain and loss…all now a part of me.

My surroundings return to normal but it takes a few breathes to calm down. The team’s already spread out and everyone’s apprehensive in the new landscape. If it’s something you haven’t witnessed firsthand it’s hard to process. The illusion is gone and the dystopian obviousness is thrust down our throats. This is what so much of our world has become. Only now it’s unavoidable.

We stop much more frequently. Whether it’s because of our new surroundings or due to the overwhelming sense of foreboding in the air remains unseen. I let the sphere’s fly. We do some quick recon and we’re back on the move. Navigation becomes an issue the deeper in we travel because abandoned cars congest the road. I recommend we try the back roads. Surely they can’t take much more time to traverse than this current cluster-flock.

Tension between Lucas and Mason reaches an all-time high the past few days. Mike and Lou are reluctant to get in between them. There’s gregariousness with Mason now and Lucas is not just their friend but their team leader. The others are on the outside and seem to appreciate the entertainment. On a personal level it’s plain annoying.

Tonight we stop in what’s now nothing more than a suburbia wasteland. Shells of houses stand and few remain whole. We maneuver the vehicles down sidewalks until we locate one that’s intact enough for us to sleep in. All of us except for the techs move out to clear it. It doesn’t take long. We claim rooms quickly and I opt to stay in the living room. It hardly matters to me where I sleep anymore—if I do at all.

Perhaps this is not my first encounter with MRE’s (and certainly not my last) but they’re just another reminder of where we are and how much is still left to accomplish until we can get back. At this moment I only want to finish this mission and get back to my friend before she has her baby. It’s been a few weeks already so the time has to be getting close.

Can that be what has me so restless? After expelling countless spheres the energy still pulsates through every facet of my body. It thrums from my ears to my fingertips and beyond. I can’t dwell on it for too long because there are far too many ‘what if’s’ to worry about. So far so good, but
seriously
—there’s no way radiation can be good for you.

The others rest in their various chosen places and I sit quietly. I envy the rest that I can’t seem to find like the others. No one realizes that I haven’t slept in days now. There’s rest: with my body dormant, my heart rate slow. Just no sleep. The upside is that no sleep means no dreams. The downside? More time to think. Where’s a good book when you need one?

Dawn’s light breaks through the broken slats of the blinds and I can’t sit still any longer. I quietly pick my way through the sleeping bodies and other various forms of debris until I slip out the door and into the brisk morning air.

Since I’m already up I decide to do the typical morning perimeter walk alone and get it done before we go. The more time we save the quicker we get home. My feet move faster.

I hike to the first ridge and toss a sphere over it. Everything looks clear so far. Something strange catches my eye. Further down the ridge deep in an embankment lies a hole. Its view is hidden from every other direction. It’s the hole that draws my attention, but what’s inside that has me rush down to it.

To rush on rocks means I stumble most of the way. I scrape my knees and mar my hands in the process. It hurts but not enough to distract me from my goal. My feet hit the ground and the image before me blows my mind.

Theoretically impossible (and obviously dead) a half-human half-metalhead body lay prone at my feet. Its two eyes stare open and one of them is all white. The other looks foggy. The human half is decomposing more quickly than the other. It’s awfully gross. The sun rises higher and I try to ignore the smell. A gazillion questions of how and why zip through my cranium. There’s one thing that I know for sure: Dr. Ford
must
have this. Besides we all want to know the fate of our loved ones and what they have been subject to.

I look around and my biggest concern is being able to find this spot again. The only way to be sure is to heft it onto the ground above me. Luckily it’s not that much larger in frame than I am. I hook it under the armpits, tug and it moves easily.

Halfway out I begin to get tired. By the time I’m completely free of the hole my muscles give out and I collapse on the ground from the excessive physical exertion. From here the trampled ground becomes more noticeable. My eyes follow the trail back into the blasted hole.
Is that?

This time I climb down more carefully (my arms and legs have taken enough of a beating.) The sphere in my hand lights the way into the tunnel. It seems to go on forever.
Can it lead to answers?

I’m torn between following the tunnel and getting the others. I’m physically stuck in limbo. The sound of someone calling my name frantically in the distance ultimately decides for me. It never occurs to me that the others will wake up and miss me.

We’re deep in infected territory and it remains unknown (like far too much else) whether or not we’ve hurt it beyond repair yet. Dr. Ford assures us that at some point (probably once Carch has been stopped) we’ll be able to push the infection back to extinction.

It’s not a matter of
if
. I’ll never give Carch the choice. We have our own debt to settle.

“Kat!”

I step out of the hole and call back, “Down here! You’ll want to get everybody!” I look down. “They’re going to want to see this.”

As luck has it my accidental discovery completely overshadows any anger or would be reprimand from anyone. It’s surprising but it’s not something I’m going to be the one to bring up. Besides we’ve got bigger things going on.

We call
Captain Jennings and Dr. Ford and they’re at a standoff. The “specimen” is already en route to the good doctor. His overwhelming curiosity in the possibilities of the tunnel holds the same tenacity as Captain Jennings vehement determination that the mission must come first.

Lucas is the only one a little mad at me. He’s giving me the silent treatment…which I probably deserve for scaring him. Mason hasn’t said anything for a while now. No real change there. We stand awkwardly around the satellite phone and wait for the two men on the other end to come to a decision.

It becomes apparent that neither of them are even listening to the other and I decide to intervene. “Um, guys?”

To me the answer is very clear. No matter what lies at the end of that tunnel—if any of those reactors go off it won’t really matter anymore. There’s still a chunk of our great country that can be safe. The answers will have to wait.

Neither the Captain nor the General stop babbling and seeing how they’re acting like adolescents, I join them. I press the buttons on the phone to play Mary had a Little Lamb. When I finish the line is silent. If my stunt drops the call we can always get ahold of them again.

Finally Captain Jennings begins to laugh. “Kat, I take it that you have something to say?”

See, it works!
“We’re almost done with the mission. We have the position marked. I say we cover the hole until we get back to keep it safe from prying eyes.”

Doctor Ford groans as Captain Jennings asks, “Why?”

“Because if one of those nukes go off then everything will be gone—or worse. First we protect what we have and
then
we can try to explore what’s happening to those we’ve lost.”

My words end quietly. When Lucas meets my gaze I know I’m forgiven. Just like that because that’s how he is. Lucas never pushes me, judges me or betrays my trust. Not that it’s fair to compare because I’m not…at least not intentionally. It’s more like having complete support and companionship from a great friend. Anything more than that is just too dangerous. That level of trust is forever tainted for me now. It doesn’t matter how ruggedly handsome he looks all scruffy. I only half hear as Lucas disconnect the call.

Mason looks at me.
Yes, it’s all much too dangerous.
That’s when it hits me. Something that needs to happen: a demon that needs confrontation. I take a shaky breath and look at Mason. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Mason looks completely shocked because he’s been getting the silent treatment too. “I guess,” he answers hesitantly. Lucas pretends to look busy and fidget with getting the phone into its case and act as if he ignores us.

We walk out of earshot but not out of sight from everyone else. Privacy that leaves no doubt as to what we’re up to.
No room for any confusion.
When we meet that threshold I plop onto the grass and motion for Mason to do the same. He does so at a much greater distance than he ever has before which is both bothersome and reassuring all at once.

I pluck a long blade of grass from beside me and focus on it so I can let out the words that need to be free. “Mason, I’m sorry I’ve ignored you. I don’t know how to do any of this.” I give him a small sheepish smile. “I realized something and even though it was hard to see through all that anger and hurt it’s clear now. If something happens to one of us and I never get to say this then you’ll never get to know it either.”

Mason remains quiet and I continue. “It’d eat me alive to leave things the way they are between us for the rest of either of our lives. You need to know that you’re my first love Mason. You’ll always be my first love. Now that the hurt isn’t fogging everything up so bad, I can see that. This is something I can’t put off any longer. I’ll always love you, Mason, always…but I can never,
ever
trust you again.” He starts to speak and I hold up my hand. “Let me finish. It’s nothing you can change. There was trust and now there isn’t. The real question is whether or not I’m able to have us without it. I’m not. I can’t.” My own voice breaks now and tears burn behind my lids that I refuse to let fall.

Mason’s blurry form shifts his weight onto his back leg. He rubs the side of his head and speaks. “It’s really over between us then?”

The tears begin to fall. “You’ll always be special to me Mason. It’s just that won’t extend past friendship anymore.” I fight to find the right words. “I can’t betray myself for anyone, Mason. Even you.”

“I understand.”

“You can go if you want,” I sniffle, “Back to the camp. I won’t hold it against you if you do.”

He shakes his head and I scrub at my wet cheeks with my sleeve. I stop and he gives me a weak smile. “No way am I missing what’s in that tunnel.”

At least he’s trying. I never say it’ll be easy for either one of us.