Shiver Sweet (11 page)

“I told you to go,” I said, hoping to remove some of his pain at abandoning his family. 
And by God did it hurt me when he left
.  His brother’s death had stripped him of all motivation and I figured that he just needed someone to tell him it was okay for him to up and go, to find his own way to heal, because his family would never had told him that.  “Or you’d have been miserable and stuck in some dead end job.”

“I’m grateful you encouraged me to leave.  Going to University then working in various cities was the right thing, career wise, and so I could get my head straight.  But in some ways I regret it now.”

I frowned.  If he hadn’t moved away, then where would he be right now?  Stuck in the pain of the past like other members of his family?  I was pregnant and trapped, had just discovered how quickly one single event can make life change forever, but saw no reason for him to be trapped as well.  “Why do you regret it?”

“For one, it was selfish of me to leave.  I missed seeing Sarah each week and...  When I came back, the things I hoped would change hadn’t, but the thing I hoped wouldn’t change...”  He let a few seconds ride by then regarded me with intense, troubled eyes.  “I earn enough money to be comfortable, not have to worry about paying my bills or having little luxuries.”

“Unlike me,” I said.  “I’m happy for you.”

“But money doesn’t bring happiness in all areas of life.  And when I came back, you were seeing someone.”

“What?”  No.  This was wrong.  “You had relationships, too.  Many of them as I recall.  And they weren’t all casual.”

“I wouldn’t really call them
relationships
.  But yes, I did meet a few nice girls over the years.”

Nice?
 Some were so stunning, with perfect figures and not a hair out of place, that I felt like a frump in their presence.

 “Anyway, and then you launched into a romance with John and married him.”

Yeah, and that worked out really well.

“And every year that passed I regretted not being with you more and more.  You and Sarah were the reason I always gravitated back to this place.”

I sat in thought.  I’d never viewed it that way before.  No matter where Brian went in the world, what trendy circles he moved in through his consultancy work, he always returned regularly to spend time with his niece, help me out and slip some cash my way.  “Why did you never mention this before?  Before I married John?” 

“I thought you were happy.  I didn’t want to interfere with your life.”  He cupped my elbow, encouraging me to look him full in the face. 

I saw a nervous twitch in his jaw, a rising blush. 

“Let’s not waste anymore time, Christa.  I think you feel it too.  Do you?”

I did.  A shiver, of sorts. 

“I miss being close to you.”  He smiled.  ”I used to always love the sound of your laugh.  Remember that time when you rolled in hysterics because—.”

I half-smiled and interrupted him.  “Yeah, well.  I wish I could laugh like that now.”  I needed to figure out what was going on inside my troubled head.  My struggle to survive as a single parent had encased my heart in a shell.  Frozen for years- even with John, I supposed.  Wishing life had turned out differently never helped anyone, could make a person bitter.  Should and could two people from the past, come together in the future?  How much different would life be now if we’d never been apart?  “We’re different people now.  Is this about the teenager I was, or the woman I am now?”

“It’s you, now, then... everything.  My feelings haven’t changed, they’ve grown stronger.” 

Strong enough to gamble a friendship on?  Oh, why was I even considering this?  Our moment came and went fourteen years ago.

He pushed a hand through his hair.  His soft blue eyes, framed by dark lashes, looked sad, hurt, and pierced right through to my soul.  “Tell me this is one-sided, and we’ll not speak about it again.”

I opened my mouth, but
those
words wouldn’t come out.  “I don’t know what to think or what to say.  But no, we can’t rewind, or pick up as though...  Life isn’t that simple.”

“Maybe it should be.”  He fingered a few strands of my hair.  “Thinking is what kept us apart all those years ago.  I just want to be there for you.  I just want to...” 

My heart raced, and I froze as he leaned into me.  His lips touched mine.  No kiss.  Just a soft sweep.  But a definite current buzzed between us.  And then it ended.  He pulled away leaving me confused with my defences momentarily breached by an aftermath of tingles. 

“W-what would Sarah think?” I mumbled. 

“She’d want her mum to be happy.  Like I do.”  He took my hand between his.  “If you had been married to my brother, in biblical times, it would have been my duty to marry you, his widow, to keep his offspring in the family.  The Kinsman redeemer.”

I stifled a laugh.  What on earth was he babbling on about?  “We’re not in bible times and I wasn’t married to your brother.  This is modern day and you’re Sarah’s uncle.  She’d think it’s weird.”  I frowned.  “When did you start reading the bible?”

His lips twitched in a brief smile.  “I don’t.  It’s just something someone told me.  Look, I think Sarah would be pleased if we got together.”

“I think she’d be shocked!” I threw back, then glanced away to form some thoughts.  Should I let the past bleed into current life and risk puncturing our set up?  My heart had ached for him for many years, but I’d had to get over it. 

But now... well... Brian deserved my full thought and attention.  What courage it must have taken to reveal his feelings to me.  I locked my eyes onto his.  An intense connection flowed along an invisible line between us and heated my blood.  Being this close to him felt so incredibly good.  I realised it always had.  There’d been so many times I’d lifted my arms to pull him into an embrace, but stopped myself.  Perhaps Nicola had been right all along; put us in a room together, alone, and... bam! 

“I’ll make everything right,” he said soothingly.  “We could be so good together.  It’s never too late, is it?”

My heart sped up.  Chaotic emotions I’d stored in a vault all these years began seeping out, flattening some of my worries to the ground. “I don’t want anything to ruin what we have.” 

He winked.  “Nothing could ruin that.  We’re solid.”

“But your family, they’re one reason that we...”

“Let me handle them.  It’ll be tricky.  My loopy sister and...  But we only get one life, right?  We owe it to ourselves to give
us
a shot.”

“Oh, Brian.”  I glanced over my shoulder toward the hall.  We had to put this conversation on ice.  “Sarah might wake up and hear us talking.”

He gave a light laugh.  “That would be a first.  As soon as her head hits the pillow she’s in zombie land.”  He leaned in and kissed me on the lips.  Just for a second.  Sensual.  No tongue.  But as he pulled away he gave my lip a tantalising bite.  “Oh, Christa,” he said.  “The things I’d like to do with you.”

All at once, a blissful rush crashed through my body.

Heck! 
I stiffened, stunned.

He swept my hair over my shoulder.  “Christa?  You okay?”  Brian’s breath was a gentle tease across my skin, stirring up far more than old teenage desires.

I was the mother of his brother’s child, going through one mess of a divorce, his family despised me and yet... he was still here.  Lusting.  Wanting to bite my lip and, according to Nicola, rope me up and... Oh, heck.  I swallowed hard.

If lust was a physical thing, it was sitting before me, hypnotizing me, and I’d be a fool to let it sail by.  God knew what he saw in me, but there are some things worth taking a risk on.  My body told me this had to be one of them.  “One life,” I managed to whisper, letting my eyes travel up his body to his face, drinking in the sight of him with sweet anticipation. 

He nodded.  “That’s all we get.”

“And what if we did mess up, fall out and ruin our friendship?”

His eyebrows hopped up.  “And what if we don’t?”

Trapped by his seductive gaze, I said, “Kiss me again.”

A wide grin transformed his nervous face into an absolutely delighted one.  His eyes danced with joy.  He curled his hand around my neck, pulling us into a kiss.  Before I know it, my body tingled with fierce attraction as he slammed against me, pressed me down horizontal and pinned my arms above my head.  Our hearts pounded as one in my chest.  His warm, supple lips crushed mine.  His tongue ravaged and explored my mouth in a fast sensual dance.

Holy shit!  This was worlds apart from our fumblings fourteen years ago.  Desire spiked, I sighed into his mouth.  There was no way this could destroy us.

He propped up on his elbows, put a little distance between our faces and engaged my eyes. 

That electric current shot sparks through me again.  I parted my legs, locked them around his thighs and dragged my fingers up his back.  He ground his hips against me in a dry hump and twisted his hands into my hair.  I let out a soft moan before our mouths pressed together harder, deeper, kissing our way into a new, exciting future.  His hand slid up the inside of my thigh.  Heat shimmied between us.  It was better than I remembered; raw, pent-up desire. 

His lips swept along my jaw, down my throat and back to my mouth. 

I felt refreshingly stripped of my usual badges; strung-out mother, stressed business owner, guarded woman and... I felt naughty, kissing and sighing beneath him.

He raised his hips off me and grappled to undo my belt.  For a second, I thought I heard something click.  But then my zipper rasped as Brian pulled it down, distracting me. 

Brian smiled, kissed the tip of my nose and fumbled with my jeans.  “I’ve wanted this... you... for so, so long.”

My long-since explored lower body clenched deliciously. 

He pushed his hand deep into the front of my pants and slipped a confident finger inside me.

Untamed warmth flooded my delicate parts.  I threw my head back and squeezed his hips, wanting more, my whole body melting beneath him.  Oh, so much more...

He kissed the skin below my earlobe.  “I love you so much, Christa.”  His voice thrummed with passion.  “I always ha–”

“Good heavens!” a female’s voice bounced around us.  “What the hell...?”

I jerked beneath Brian and my gaze flew to the front door. 
Oh, shit.

His sister, Steph, five years my senior and four years older than Brian, stood in the doorway, mouth gaping, thunder-faced.

Pure disgust swirled in her eyes as her gaze collided with mine.  Keys fell out of her hand and clattered on the floor, splitting the deathly silence.  We hadn’t seen each other in years.  She obviously still hated me.

I froze, pinned by her stare.

Brian untangled his limbs from mine and leapt to his feet.  “Steph.”  He outstretched his hand.  “Please, just let me explain.”

“Explain?  I think I’ve seen all I need to know.  It’s scandalous!” she said in an abrasive voice, staring down her nose at us.  “I drove here to keep an eye on Sarah.  To do you a favour.  And this is what I walk into?  How long has your sordid little affair been going on?”

“It’s not sordid!” Brian snapped.  “Keep your voice down.  You’ll wake Sarah.”

Her gaze shot to the bedrooms.  “Not sordid, huh?”

“You’re blowing this way out of proportion,” he whispered.

She bent to grab her keys, then spun to leave, her movements jerky.  “I always knew you had a dark streak.  I can’t bear to look at you.”

“Wait!” Brian said.  “I’ve been denying my feelings for Christa for years.”

“Years?” she replied.  “Jeez, it gets worse.”

 Brian hotfooted after her and placed his hand on the front door.  “What are you going to do?”

She ran skewering eyes up and down him.  “It’s just... wrong.  Mum and dad will never accept this.  You’re screwing the mother of our dead brother’s child, the person who told you to up and leave.  She is the reason Michael is dead.”

“Steph!” he shouted.  “That’s a terrible thing to say.”

“Claire’s my best friend, and... and...”  Her sharp gaze swung to mine.  “
She’s
married!”

Oh, crap.  I ran a hand down my face.  What the hell was I thinking?  The situation whizzed and flipped in my mind.  Now viewing it through Steph’s eyes, I wished I could dissolve.  Besides blaming me for her brother’s death, I realised now, that my being the only person who told Brian it was okay if he needed to up and leave in order to heal, was also the foundation of her profound hatred for me.  “Look, Steph, it was just a kiss.  Nothing actually happened.”  My voice cracked into tiny splinters.  “Please don’t take this out on Brian.  Besides, we’re adults and–”

“
Just
a kiss!”  She eyed my open jeans before I realised to cover them, then shot me down with a scathing glare, looked ready to stone me.  “I guess this is typical of you.  One man’s never been enough.”  Huffing, she turned her attention to Brian again.  “Claire’s under the
stupid
illusion that you might finally ask her to move in with you, not cheat on her.”

Brian cupped his chin.  “W-what?  Why on earth does she think that?”  He exhaled noisily and shook his finger at her.  “Now I wonder who gave her that impression?  Huh?  What the hell did you tell her that for?”

“Tsk!  Shame on you.”  Steph’s hate-filled eyes raked over us.  “It’s like you’re shagging on our brother’s grave.”  She wrenched around and left, slamming the door in Brian’s face.

“Jesus! You’re crazy,” Brian shouted.

I wished the ground would open up and swallow me.  Regret cramped my stomach.  “Fuck me.” 

Brian dragged both hands down his face.  “Well, that’s what I was hoping to...”

“Don’t finish that sentence!” I warned, glowering.

A low growl escaped him and he rushed over.  “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to... I’m just stunned.  How could I have forgotten that I’d asked her to come round?”

I grabbed a cushion and hurled it across the room.  It was nice while it lasted.  All five minutes of skin-tingling passion, but fireworks would surely shoot up now.   “Terrific.  Make everything right, huh?  Isn’t that what you said to me earlier?  Damn.”