Shifting Gears (Crossroads Series Book 2) (24 page)

Rod rested his elbows on the table, and looked at her. Jesus, how could he do this? “How can I keep this from him? How can I look him in the eye and know the father who abandoned him is back, sick, and that Landon has a brother he didn’t know about?”

He was surprised when Joy reached over and held his hand. “Please. I know it’s wrong and I know it’s a lot to put on you. Let us have this time to figure things out, and then we’ll tell him. It might not sound like it, but we really want to do what’s right for our children. Maybe we’re wrong. Maybe we’re not, but we’re trying.”

Conflicting thoughts warred inside him. Rod didn’t know what to do, what to think. What the fuck was the right thing?

“I’ll respect your decision whatever you decide. I can see how much he means to you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted—a better life for both Shanen and Landon than I had for myself.”

She squeezed his hand again and then stood. “You don’t have to answer me. Just do what you think is best. I’ll understand either way. Now, can you help me put together these damn centerpieces? The wedding is in a week and we still have a thousand things to do.”

Rod had no clue what he was going to do. Still, he got up, followed Joy to the living room, and got ready to fuck up some centerpieces.

***

Rod had been acting strange all week. They’d gone out riding on his new bike once, and Rod had practiced driving it again. It was the only real time they got to spend together besides the couple nights Landon had stayed at his place, and that time was mostly spent sleeping.

Now, it was the day of the wedding and they were getting ready to go. Rod was lagging behind, and they needed to leave in about ten minutes or they were going to be late. He couldn’t be late for his sister’s wedding. She’d threatened him with bodily harm at the rehearsal the night before. Every time Landon mentioned the time, Rod blew it off like things were fine, but they really fucking weren’t. Rod had already skipped out of the rehearsal dinner with him last night. Yeah, he’d had to work, but couldn’t he have tried to rearrange the schedule? Landon didn’t know if he was asking too much for wanting that or not. They were both so fucking green when it came to the relationship thing. He felt like they were screwing up at every turn. “If you don’t want to go, all you have to do is say so.” Maybe it was too much expecting Rod at his sister’s wedding. All he knew was that he wanted him there.

Rod looked over at Landon from where he stood in front of the bathroom sink, putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. “What are you talking about?”

“This is the second time you’ve brushed your teeth. It never takes you this long to get ready. You’ve been acting distant all week. If you don’t want to go, tell me. If this is too much, tell me. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve never done this. Half the time, I’m afraid I’m going at you full fucking throttle and need to back up, the other half the time I think I’m being too lax. It’s like I’m on a one-way street going the wrong direction. I’m fucking lost in all of this, and if you don’t tell me what you’re thinking, we’re going to crash and burn.”

“This is really the second time I’ve brushed my teeth?” Rod asked. There was silence and then the both of them started laughing. Landon’s cheeks hurt he laughed so hard. It was Rod who settled down first, and said, “I want to go. You have to know that. There’s just a lot going on up here.” He tapped the side of his head. “Even more than you know, and I’m just trying to figure it all out. Hoping like hell I’m doing the right thing, but I want to go with you. It’s frightening how much I want to be there with you. I’m nervous though. That much I can’t deny.”

Immediately it felt like Landon could breathe again, like he caught breath that had eluded him. “Shifting gears, remember? That’s what we’re doing. And I want you there, too. Now would you hurry the hell up and finish getting ready so we can go? Shanen will kick my ass if I’m late. She’s already under a lot of stress with Jacobs’s family. His brother Andrew skipped out on the rehearsal dinner last night. I’m not sure what’s going on there.”

Rod rinsed his toothbrush off and tossed it in the cup. After taking a deep breath, he turned to look at Landon, the nerves clear as day on his face. “Let’s go. I’m ready. I don’t want to make you late.”

Jesus, they acted like they were going to war or something. It was a wedding. There was no reason they should be this unsure. He wanted Rod relaxed. Wanted Rod to know he could be himself. Landon didn’t move from the doorway. This wouldn’t do. “You’re ready?”

“Well, Christ. I thought I was. Is there something wrong with the way I look?” He glanced back in the mirror and started to finger his short, dark hair. “I think I look fucking hot. I’d do me.” He ran a hand down his long-sleeved, button-down, white shirt. It covered the tattoos he had on the front of his forearm. His suit jacket lay on the arm of the living room couch with Landon’s.

He was fucking gorgeous. That was a fact. He loved the way the suit hugged Rod’s frame, which was slightly smaller than his own. Loved that his short hair was mussed from his hand. “You do look hot. I’d definitely fuck you, but I think something is missing.” Landon picked up the black eyeliner from the counter. He had a feeling Rod wanted to wear it, but maybe he didn’t because of the fact that they were going to Shanen’s wedding. “I’d do it for you, but I don’t know how.”

“You don’t want me to wear that to your sister’s wedding. They’re getting married in a church for Christ’s sake.” Rod shook his head.

Landon stepped closer. “People can’t wear makeup in a church?”

“Men can’t.”

The steely distance in his voice told Landon this was what part of the problem was. Maybe it reminded him of his dad, or his past, but they were here and now, and he wanted to keep them in this place. “I beg to differ. I really fucking do want you to wear it, and who gives a shit if we’re going to be in a church? You are who you are and not a person at that wedding will care and if they do, fuck them.”

When Rod didn’t look completely convinced he added, “One of the things I love about you the most is that you are who you are. You earned that right, Rod. Put the fucking eyeliner on before I try to do it for you.”

“You’ll make us late.”

He smiled. “It will be worth the bodily harm inflicted on me. You can save me the pain and just do it. I want you to wear it. It makes my dick hard. You know that. Put it on.”

He practically saw the switch click in Rod, saw him make the decision to do what he wanted. “Christ you’re fucking bossy.” Still, he reached out and grabbed the eyeliner.

“When I want something, I’m determined.”

Rod rolled his eyes at Landon and then Landon watched as Rod put a black line on the top and bottom of his lids. He tossed it to the counter, and then asked, “Better?”

Goddamn he was fucking sexy. “Perfect. Now let’s go. I’m telling them it’s your fault if we’re late.”

Rod sat in the first row feeling incredibly out of place. They had assured him that they wanted him here. They’d said Landon and Shanen didn’t have much family, and that he belonged.

Belonged. Family. Those were two words that he hadn’t felt since he was fourteen. Hell, maybe even since before that, when his mom passed away. He and his father had never been close. Rod had never been the son he wanted; coming out at fourteen had only cemented that. His dad had probably always known who Rod was.

But this was different. He was sitting here in the front row, watching as Landon gave his sister away. Sitting where Landon’s family should sit. Where Joy and Landon would be in a moment. Where Larry and Justin should be, only Landon and Shanen didn’t know that one was back and the other existed. The guilt from that was eating him alive every fucking day.

Landon deserved to know, and Rod should have told him…he thought. Fuck, he didn’t know. No matter what he did it felt like it would be the wrong thing, so he’d kept his mouth shut ever since he found out.

He watched the ceremony, feeling strangely comfortable in his own skin, on one hand, and that was because of Landon. Thinking of that made the guilt steamroll him again. Because the other part of him felt like he was betraying Landon every day.

Rod kept his eyes firmly on him. He was so goddamned beautiful it almost hurt to look at him. His tall, muscular frame. His strong hands, and the way they flexed in nerves. Rod still couldn’t believe that this man wanted to share his bed, that he continued to share it, to be there…Rod was starting to believe that maybe this could be real. That maybe Landon could feel for Rod a fraction of what Rod felt for him.

A moment later, Landon was sitting beside him, his hand on Rod’s thigh as they continued to watch. Soon the pastor told Jacob he could kiss the bride, and everyone was standing and clapping as they walked back down the aisle. Rod felt a tightening in his chest. Felt the truth settling in there, making space for itself, carving out a spot for it to call home.

He didn’t know if he ever wanted this—the whole marriage thing, but it became fiercely obvious that he did want one thing, that he did have one thing. Love. He loved the man standing beside him right now. Loved him in ways he didn’t think were possible, ways that he’d been told he would never have.

Landon’s strong, calloused hand was suddenly against his cheek. “Hey, you look lost in thought. Are you okay?”

Rod looked at him, and for the first time in his life, he one hundred percent was okay. He was doing the right thing, he told himself. He loved Landon and he only wanted what was best for him. He should let his family be the ones to talk to him about his dad. “Yeah…yeah, I’m good.”

Landon lowered his hand. “I’m glad to hear it because I have a feeling things are about to get really fucking crazy around here.”

“Oooh, do tell! I’m curious about the Jacob family drama. The brother has some serious heartache going on.”

Landon looked on the other side of the aisle where Jacob’s family congregated. “How do you know?”

Rod took in the other man. He was tall, sinewy, with blond hair, and a scowl. “I know because I’m good.”

Landon wrapped an arm around him. “You’re mine.”

***

“The centerpieces are gorgeous. You did these?” Jacobs’s mom asked Landon’s. He felt like an ass, but he couldn’t remember what the woman’s name was.

“Thank you,” his mom replied. “I had some help from Rod. He saved me because they were a lot harder than I thought they would be.”

Landon felt Rod tense up. He frowned at him, silently asking what was wrong. But then, that was Rod, wasn’t it? He loved attention but he liked it on his terms, and didn’t do well with compliments.

“That was nice of you, Rod.” The woman smiled at him, but then returned her attention to Landon’s mom. Jacob’s family had a lot of money. His parents traveled most of the year, which was why Landon hadn’t met them until recently.

“I was happy to help.”

They’d made their way to the hall Jacob and Shanen rented for the reception about two hours before. Landon was already exhausted and wanted to go home and crawl into bed, but this was his sister’s wedding, so obviously he couldn’t.

“Do you want to go sit down for a minute?” Landon asked and Rod nodded. They moved toward their table. Everyone else milled around talking and eating. “Broken heart, huh?” Landon nodded to the corner where Jacobs’s brother Andrew sat alone, wondering if Rod was right about him.

“I don’t know. He’s obviously not happy to be here.”

“I got lucky with Shanen. She was always a great sister. She would have done anything for me. I don’t think Andrew and Jacob are close. Makes it easy that it was always just Shan and me.”

Rod tried to hide it, but Landon saw him flinch, and he immediately felt like shit. Rod had grown up without a sibling. He’d grown up alone even though his father was there the whole time. He didn’t mean to remind him of that.

It was then that they announced the first dance. He wrapped an arm around Rod’s shoulders as they watched his sister dance with Jacob for the first time as a married couple. The next dance, Shanen called him up with her.

He squeezed Rod’s shoulder and then walked up to Shanen. He held his hand out for her, and she smiled before taking it and Landon pulled her close.

This should be their father here doing this with her. It wasn’t that Landon didn’t want to. He wasn’t lying when he told Rod he was incredibly lucky to have her, but he just wished she had more. “I’m sorry I’m not him,” Landon whispered as they danced.

“I’m not. Even if he was here right now, I’d want this dance with you. You’re my best friend, Lando. The best brother a girl could ask for.”

He didn’t feel like it. He hadn’t felt like it since he was a kid. “I’m sorry I left.”

“Why? You had every right to leave. I chose to stay. You lived your life. There’s nothing wrong with that. And you’re back now.” He squeezed her tightly, silently thanking her. After a moment, she asked, “Are you in love with him?”

The answer came swiftly, with confidence. “Yes.”

“Does he feel the same?”

This part he couldn’t answer with the same assurance. “I think so, but I don’t know.”

“I do. I don’t know why I even asked. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of you. He looks at you like you’re his center, his compass. He’s so in love with you I don’t think he knows how to deal with it himself.”