Shifting Gears (Crossroads Series Book 2) (26 page)

His balls burned, drew tight and then he shot, filling the condom, but he didn’t stop thrusting. He couldn’t. He rode out his orgasm, Rod’s nails digging into his back, until his balls were empty and then he went down, Rod’s legs wrapped around him.

He never wanted to leave this spot. This was home.

***

Their bodies were slick with sweat. The room smelled like sex. They both had come all over them. Rod wanted his spunk to dry into Landon’s skin. The room was thick with their heavy breathing as they held each other. There were too many thoughts in Rod’s head and even though he tried to hold them in, he couldn’t help but let some escape. He’d go crazy if he didn’t. “I felt like I had a family today… Your mom and Shanen. They made me feel welcome.”

Landon rolled onto his stomach and looked down at Rod who lay on his back. “You are welcome and you do have family. I want it to stay like this.” He rubbed his thumb over Rod’s bottom lip. “I don’t want us to ever hurt each other, to ever ruin each other. Promise me.”

Rod’s heart seized in his chest. “I promise.”

Landon kissed his neck, his chest, flicked his tongue over Rod’s nipple. “Just be real with me. Always be real with me.”

Tell him
warred with
it’s not your place.
He wanted what was best for Landon, wanted that more than anything. He just hoped like hell that’s what he was doing.

Landon rolled on top of him, settling between his legs. He kissed his way down Rod’s chest.

“Landon…?” Rod said, not sure if he was going to tell him or if he just needed to say Landon’s name. “Would you ever want to see him again? If you had the chance?”

Landon stopped kissing and looked at him, hovering over his navel. “No. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to know anything about him. He made that decision when he left.”

Fuck. He didn’t mean that. They were just words, Rod told himself as Landon stuck his tongue in Rod’s belly button. “Landon…I…”

“Think I could suck you hard again? I didn’t get to eat your come and I really fucking want it. I know it’s crazy, but I can’t get enough of you.”

He pulled Rod’s soft dick into his mouth and all thought was lost. Tomorrow, he’d talk to Joy tomorrow and tell her that if she didn’t tell Landon, he would. He couldn’t handle the thought of losing Landon when he’d just found him.

Landon met Shanen in the driveway of their mom’s house. She’d called him and asked him if he could stop by after work today. Shanen had just gotten back from her honeymoon the day before, so he hadn’t expected to see her here.

“Did Mom call you here too?” he asked as they walked toward the front porch together.

“She did. What’s going on?”

“No clue.” Discomfort slid down his spine. He didn’t like this, didn’t like it at all.

Landon took the stairs two at a time, before he opened the door, and signaled for Shanen to walk in. She made it two steps before she stopped dead. “Daddy?” she said softly. It was like a kick to Landon’s gut. His eyes shot forward and he saw him there, his father sitting at the kitchen table with his mom.

“Daddy? Is that you?” Shanen asked and then she ran to him and threw her arms around Larry.

Landon’s stomach rolled. Heat scorched him, incinerating his insides. Still, he found himself closer, and getting closer to them.

“Dad, what are you doing here? Mom…I…I can’t believe it.”

What the hell was Shanen doing? “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” The man had left them.

“Landon, I know it’s a surprise,” Joy said, “But please, sit down. Let me explain.”

“No thanks. I don’t need to hear anything.” He turned to the door when his father, his fucking father’s voice stopped him.

“Landon, please, wait.”

“Fuck you!” He turned on the man. “You don’t get to request anything from me. You left. You fucking abandoned us. It doesn’t matter what happened between you and mom. You had a commitment to us and you walked away. Now you can see what it feels like.”

He turned for the door, made it all the way there before the man’s broken voice stopped him again. “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I know that. Please listen to me, Lando. I don’t have much time left.”

His hand shook on the doorknob. He didn’t remember grabbing it. Hell, he didn’t even remember closing it when they’d come in.

He heard Shanen and his mom begin to cry. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you that way,” he said to her. Still, Landon couldn’t make himself turn around. He was sick. One look at his gaunt face and deep-set eyes told him that, but hearing it was a different thing.

“I know I don’t deserve it, Landon, but hear me out. Please. If you want to walk away after that, I won’t blame you. Hell, I don’t blame you now, but I’m asking anyway. I always was a selfish bastard.”

Landon laughed humorlessly. “That you are.” He turned, didn’t take a step toward them and leaned against the door. “Talk.”

It wouldn’t change anything. He knew that right now. The man had left him and Landon couldn’t forgive that.

“I won’t make any excuses for leaving. There are none to be made. I fucked up. Nothing I can say will change that…but I can tell you both, I never stopped loving you.”

Landon huffed. “Funny way of showing it.”

“Maybe that’s hard for you to believe, but it’s true. It’s easy to feel as if you have forever, as if what you’re doing makes sense. It’s easy to lie to yourself, and that’s what I did. A whole hell of a lot of clarity comes with dying. Your whole life plays out for you, every mistake, every time you hurt, every
person
you hurt. And I hurt you both, all three of you. But I love you, and I’m here. I want to get to know you. You’re mama says you still ride, Landon. I’d love to see your bike.”

“Fuck you,” Landon told him. It was childish and he was fully aware of that, but he couldn’t hold it back right now.

“Landon,” Shanen said and he turned his attention to his sister next.

“Don’t. Don’t tell me not to be angry. You can accept his apology and pretend nothing happened if you want, but I can’t. He fucking abandoned us, Shan.”
I needed him. I called him when I was scared and he walked away and didn’t come back.

“I know.” She stood. “You think I don’t know that? I felt it too. I stayed, even when you left, Landon. I know what he did, but he’s still our dad. He’s here and he’s sick.”

I stayed, even when you left, Landon.

“Shit, I didn’t mean that. You didn’t walk away from us,” Shanen tried to assure him. “I know that. I just… We can have our family back.”

“What if I don’t want it?” Landon asked. He’d finally moved on. Moved past it. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to forgive.

“Then you don’t have to accept it,” his father said. Landon closed his eyes, tried to fight off the pain that engulfed his chest. It was as though he stood in a quicksand of hurt, and it slowly continued to pull him under.

“Hate me if you want. I deserve that. I understand it, okay? Just don’t ever let yourself feel guilty about it.”

“Don’t fucking play me. Don’t try to make me feel like I will regret this!” He looked at his mom who sat quietly, tears running down her face. “You accept this? You’ve been alone since he left. You’ve blamed yourself. You’re just going to let him come back into your life because he doesn’t want to die alone?” He couldn’t do that. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t.

“He’s your father, Landon,” she said. “I love him. I’ve always loved him, and he’s sick.”

So many things made sense now—the time she spent away from home, the food, all of it.

His father interrupted his thoughts, “That’s not why I’m here. I wouldn’t be alone, but I wanted you too. I wanted all of you.”

Landon was an inferno of anger. He felt like he was burning alive. “What do you mean you’re not alone?” He fought the need to clutch his gut, to lose his fucking mind.

His dad’s eyes shifted to his mom’s, and hers to him.

“Tell me.”

“I made a lot of mistakes when I was with your mother.”

“No shit.”

He ignored Landon and continued. “I was contacted by a woman I’d…”

Jesus, he knew. He fucking knew what his dad would say next. “Slept with while you were with Mom?”

He nodded. “We eventually married. My wife and I are separated now but… I had a son with her. He was eight the first time I met him. His name is Justin. He’s looking forward to meeting you. He came back with me.”

Landon couldn’t move, couldn’t think. His head spun. He felt like he was going to lose it right there. “You had another family.”

“Yes,” he answered simply.

Landon had to grab ahold of the wall to keep himself up. He had another son. “Did you stay? When you and his mom separated, did you take care of him?”

His dad closed his eyes, let out a deep breath, and Landon knew the answer. “Yes,” he replied. “Yes, I did.”

His hand shook. His heart broke. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t hear this. Couldn’t be in this place with these people. He needed to get the fuck out of here before he lost it.
He left you, but stayed for him…
“I can’t do this. You made your bed, you can lie in it. I’m going to Rod’s.” Somehow even his name soothed him. He needed Rod. Needed to hold him, to tell him what happened. Needed Rod to bring him back to reality.

Landon pulled open the door.

“I love you, and I’m glad you have him. He seems like a good man.”

Landon’s insides crystalized, broke apart, an icicle falling and crashing to the ground. “What do you mean by that?”

He heard his mom sigh. His dad cursed.

“It was an accident Landon. Don’t be angry at Rod. I asked him not to tell you. I thought it would be better if your father and I did it.”

He knew. Rod fucking knew and he hadn’t told him. He’d asked him to be real with him, asked him that they didn’t do this to each other, didn’t hurt each other. He knew how Landon felt about his father yet he’d known he was back and didn’t tell him.

“Fuck you all.” Landon walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Rod hadn’t heard from Landon since about noon. He’d expected him to stop by when he got off work, not because Landon told him he would, but because he usually did, and if he didn’t, he called instead.

Today, he’d heard nothing though.

From about seven on, he started to worry, because he had a pretty good theory as to why. He must know about his dad being back. He knew Rod betrayed him.

The knowledge had been in the back of his head all day, but the later it got, the more he knew it was true.

For the third time, Rod picked up his cell and called. When Landon didn’t answer again, he shot him a text.
Hey. Worried about you. Call me.
He really was. He knew something like this hitting out of the blue, had to hurt. That’s what had made him keep his mouth shut all week. That’s what told him it was best to let Landon and his family deal with it. It was only one week. What could it hurt to wait one more week?

Rod set the alarm and then locked up the store. As soon as he turned around, he saw him, Landon leaning against Rod’s car, his motorcycle parked next to it.

His shoulders curled over, his head down, and even from the distance, Rod could see the extra weight he carried in his bones.

“Hey…” He stepped up to Landon, who turned to look at him. The street light above felt too bright, stinging his eyes. Or hell, maybe he was just fucking weak and couldn’t handle to look at Landon, knowing what he’d kept from him.

“You knew?”

Rod could hear the profound pain in his low, hoarse voice. He closed his eyes, sadness searing his chest. This was it. He’d fucked it up. He would lose him. There had never been a doubt in Rod’s head that this would happen. “I did. It wasn’t my place to tell you. It wasn’t my business.”

Landon’s head snapped up at that. “What happens to me is supposed to be your business, the same way it would be mine if something would hurt you! That’s what this is supposed to be about, Rod, being fucking there. Having each other’s backs. Taking care of each other, instead of letting each other get hurt!” he spewed venomously.

“I didn’t know what to do! It wasn’t my place! I wrestled with it every fucking day, Landon. It was like acid eating away at me. Jesus, I told you I wouldn’t be good at this. We were supposed to fuck and that was it, fuck and then you’d walk away. You’re the one who wanted to shift gears.” He felt like his chest was cracking apart, all his vital organs spilling onto the ground.

Landon shoved off of the car. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You’re going to give me shit for giving a damn? Sorry I cared. Obviously, you don’t. No worries. The error has been fixed. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

Landon’s feet hit the ground with heavy steps as he walked to his bike, threw his leg over and got on. That wasn’t what he was saying, it wasn’t what he wanted, just what he knew would happen, but the words got tangled up inside him. People didn’t love him. They never had, and he hadn’t expected it to be any different…but he’d wanted it. Wanted it so fucking much he ached. He’d made himself believe it would happen.