Shifting Gears (Crossroads Series Book 2) (23 page)

Oh shit.

“You’re serious about him, aren’t you, Lando?”

He’d wanted to avoid this. Honestly, talking with her about it was one of the last things he wanted to do, but lying about Rod, didn’t feel right either. “I care about him. He’s important to me.” He was falling in love with him. He was also afraid to let Rod down. Like Landon had told Rod, he was there and he wasn’t hiding, but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry this was a mistake, that it could go wrong or that they would just end up hurting each other. He’d seen it happen before, and now, especially after he learned more about Rod’s past, the thought of hurting him was a constant fear threatening to pull him under.

“But?” she asked, and again, he really didn’t want to do this. It didn’t feel right to talk to her about things Rod was dealing with and he sure as shit didn’t want to talk about his own issues. Bringing up his dad, especially now when she was so tired and had so many things going on, was a bad idea.

“But nothing. We’re taking it slow and will see what happens. I don’t know where we’re going, if I’m being honest. I just know that he makes me happy and I want to do the same thing for him.” He made Landon feel things he’d never felt. Made him want things he never thought he’d want.

Landon turned to get the creamer out of the fridge. When he looked at his mom again, he saw the tears in her eyes. Oh hell. He definitely hadn’t wanted this. “Please don’t. I don’t want you to get excited or to get your hopes up.”

“Funny because I just want
you
happy, Landon. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You haven’t been truly happy since you were a kid and neither of us should pretend otherwise.”

She was right about that. He and Rod had that in common. They both hid behind their pasts, both liked to pretend it didn’t affect their lives, but it did. How could it not? “I’m fine, Ma. I’ve always been fine, okay?”

She sighed. “I’m so afraid of hurting you. Of hurting you and Shanen both. I don’t know what to do sometimes. I’ve messed up, Landon, messed up a lot. My actions have hurt you and Shanen, but I love you both. I love you more than anything. I hope you know that.”

Landon tried to stamp down the anger burning through him like a wildfire. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. He left. It was his decision.”

“Your father loves you. I know he does. No one is perfect.”

“No offense, Mom, but fuck him. He doesn’t love us. He abandoned us.” And Landon was afraid he would be just like him. “Listen, I need to go. Do you want me to call Rod to see if he can help you today? I think he’d like it.” Landon knew he would.

“No.” She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. Call me after work and let me know if you’re coming home or heading to Rod’s, would you? That way I don’t worry.”

“I’ll come home. I can try to help with whatever you haven’t finished.”

She nodded, opened her mouth as though she was going to say something, but then just hugged him instead.

Landon stopped his bike when he got to the end of the driveway, and pulled out his phone. Rod answered with, “My bed is lonely without you. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.”

“It is,” Landon told him, because he liked sleeping with Rod too. “I can’t talk long. I’m going to be late for work, but I wanted to ask you a favor. Shanen won’t be able to help my mom until late today and she has some centerpieces or something like that she has to put together for the wedding. I have no idea what in the fuck that means, but I was wondering if you could maybe come and help her… I’m a little worried about her. I don’t want her to be alone.” It was so hard to tell if she was going to go through one of her dark periods again. He hadn’t been through one with her in years, because he’d left, just like his father.

“You want me to go and spend the day with your mom?” Rod asked.

“Yeah…fuck, I’m sorry. I know that’s putting my shit into your lap. If you can’t, I understand, but I—”

“Yes,” Rod cut him off. “I’d love to help her.”

They were both quiet for a moment, somehow having a silent conversation through the line.
I trust you. I need you. Thank you.

It was Landon who broke their silence. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course. Let’s just hope it doesn’t make your sister hate me! Crafts and I don’t mix. They might look scary when I’m finished with them.”

Landon laughed at that. “Just visit with her and that will be enough. She’s determined that she’s fine. She doesn’t know you’re coming. Blame it on me, okay?”

“Oh hell, what in the fuck did you get me into?” Rod asked.

Landon shook his head. “You’ll be fine, I don’t have a doubt about that.” With a smile on his face, he hung up the phone and drove away.

***

It took Rod nearly two hours to get to Landon’s mom’s house. He’d gotten out of bed, showered and changed before heading out, and of course there had been a car accident that had a road closed. He’d had to turn around and go back a different direction.

He was nervous as hell. He hadn’t been joking when he told Landon he wouldn’t know the first thing about helping her put together centerpieces. What in the hell had he been thinking sending Rod?

And that was besides the fact that spending time with the mother of a guy he was fucking was so far out of his reality, that it might as well mean he could fly.
Dating…the guy I am dating.
He still couldn’t get used to that word. It was another fucking mystical experience that was made for fiction.

But he wanted to go. Wanted to go so fucking badly it was probably a little pathetic.

Rod turned down the driveway that he’d only been down once before. As soon as the house came within view, he was surprised to see Joy standing by a car, with another man leaning against it. Both their heads snapped up at the same time, two sets of frantic eyes watching him.

Oh fuck. Something was up here. He could tell by their expression, could tell by the way the man tried to hurriedly get into the car, but Joy held on to him.

For a brief second, Rod considered backing the hell out of there. Something was up, but then Joy raised a timid hand to wave at him and he figured he had to keep going. “Gee thanks, Landon. What did you get me into?” Of course, he’d go help out a guy he was dating for the first time and pull up to see something he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to be seeing.

Rod turned off the car, and got out. “Hey… Sorry to interrupt. Landon asked me to stop by and…” Holy hell. Holy fucking shit. The closer he got, the more he was able to make out the man who stood next to Joy. He knew that face. Knew that same curve to the jaw, the same dark hair, and the same dimple under the left side of his mouth. The only difference was he was thinner, gaunt, unhealthy.

He was looking at Landon’s father. The man he hadn’t seen in years. The man he hated. The man who Rod was pretty sure was dying.

Joy sighed. “Rod, this is Landon’s father, Larry. Larry, this is your son’s boyfriend, Rod.”

Larry coughed, cleared this throat and then held out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Rod. Joy’s told me a bit about you.”

Rod couldn’t make himself reach out, couldn’t make himself shake Larry’s hand. Not at first. It felt like a betrayal to Landon. “He doesn’t know?” Rod asked, standing still. Of course he didn’t know. Landon would have said something. He had to believe that.

“No.” Larry shook his head. “Not yet.”

Fuck. How in the hell was he supposed to do this? How could he know that Landon’s dad was not only back, but sick, without telling Landon? “Don’t ask me to lie to him. I can’t lie to him.” Jesus, how could he keep this from Landon? It would fucking wreck him. It would wreck Rod to see him hurt so badly.

“Maybe we should go.” Following the sound of the voice, Rod looked down for the first time to see a man in the driver’s seat. A dark-haired man who looked a whole hell of a lot like Landon and Larry for Rod’s comfort.

Acid burned his esophagus, making its way down to his gut. A brother? Jesus, fucking Christ. A brother? “No. I should go. I can’t do this.” Every second he stood there he felt as though he was stabbing Landon in the back, shoving the knife deeper and deeper, so deep that Rod himself bled. Because Landon bleeding meant he was hurt too. Landon’s pain would be his own.

Rod turned and started walking back to his car. Oh fuck. He was in love with him. He’d let himself fall in love with Landon.

“Rod, wait! Please, don’t go. Let me explain.” Joy’s broken voice made him halt, but he couldn’t turn around. If he didn’t he could deny what he saw, deny knowing something that would break Landon. Maybe even deny that Rod was in love with him.

“Please, don’t go,” Joy said, stopping next to him. “Let me explain. I need to explain.”

He heard a car start, watching as Larry, and the brother who Landon didn’t know he had drove away. When the car was out of sight, Rod nodded. “This is going to kill him.”

Joy closed her eyes, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I know. Please, come inside with me.”

Rod went.

“Do you want something to drink?” Joy asked Rod as they made it inside.

“No, thank you. I don’t think I can keep this from him. Not Landon.” Landon was the only person who was always there for him. Landon made him wish for things he never thought he’d have.

Joy gave him a sad smile. “Does it sound crazy that I’m glad to hear that?”

Rod wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he didn’t.

“You love him, don’t you?” He did. God help him, he fucking did.
I can’t…I can’t love you if you’re like this. No one will.

Rod closed his eyes, trying to quiet his father’s voice in his brain. He hadn’t thought about the things he used to say in so long. Not until Landon came into his life. Not until someone made him feel.

“Don’t answer that. You don’t have to answer it for me to know. I’m glad. Landon deserves to be happy. He loves you too.”

“No.” Rod shook his head. Maybe he thought he might, but he couldn’t.

“Have a seat.” Rod opened his mouth to tell her he couldn’t, but before he could, she said, “Please.”

He nodded once and then sat in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. “I assume Landon had told you about his father and I?”

“Yes.”

“See? He wouldn’t do that if you weren’t important to him. I know my son.”

He’s important to me.

“I got a phone call from his father a few months back. It was right before Shanen moved out and Landon came back. It was the first time I’d spoken with him since he left. I was shocked and angry. I didn’t understand why he was coming back into the picture now. And if I’m being honest, I was afraid. I was just about to get Landon back and now here Larry was, threatening that. It killed Landon when his father left, and I know part of him has to be angry at me for it, too. He would never admit it, but how could he not be?” She wiped her eyes.

“Anyway, I wouldn’t listen to Larry the first time he called. It was selfish and I know that. I was just getting Landon back, and I didn’t want anything to come between that.”

“He loves you,” Rod told her. “You’re his mother. He wouldn’t do that.”

She nodded before continuing. “From there I got another phone call. It was from Justin. He’s Landon’s half brother.”

They looked too close in age for Rod’s comfort. Landon’s dad left when Landon was twelve. There was no way the two men were over twelve years apart.

“I can see you working it out in your head. That was a hard pill for me to swallow. Larry was a truck driver for a few years. He met Justin’s mom on one of those trips. They had a one-night stand, and he came home to us. She found him after Larry left us and told him about Justin. He’s been raised by their father since he was eight. Do you know what that’s going to do to my son? The fact that Larry was the father to him that Landon needed?”

It was Rod’s turn to close his eyes this time, the pain in his chest almost too heavy to bear. “Yes, I know what it will do to him.” He already felt unwanted, similar to the way Rod did. It wasn’t that Justin didn’t deserve his father…both men did. Rod had, too.

“Justin told me he was sick—lung cancer. He’s dying. That’s what changed things for me…that and the fact that I still love him. Despite everything I have always loved him. I will always love him.”

“Why doesn’t Landon know he’s back?” When Joy winced, he said, “I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic, but—”

“You’re thinking of Landon as you should be. Larry asked me not to tell them yet. With Landon just moving back, and Shanen getting married, he thought it was better to wait until after the wedding. How can he spring the fact that he’s back, dying, and that they have a brother right now? Maybe we’re selfish and looking for an excuse to put it off, but it felt right to Larry, and I agree with him on that.”

Rod didn’t know if he agreed or not. Hell, it wasn’t his place to agree or not.

“I’ve been helping take care of him. Justin has a lot on his plate. He’s losing his father. Larry is dying. He’s receiving chemo to prolong his life, but the truth is, he’s going to die. That brings a lot of clarity to a person. He has a lot of regrets. He’s trying to make up for them. He wants to get to know his children. We’re going to tell them. Shanen and Jacob will be gone for a week on their honeymoon. When they get back, we’re going to tell Landon and Shanen both.”