Shelter You (5 page)

I shake my head, still fighting back the tears. “Will you be alright here while we have a look around?”

I nod in response and he gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I can tell he’s watching me closely, making sure I’m not in shock or about to lose it. But at the same time he has a job to do and I’m sure he doesn’t want to set off any bells and whistles with his partner, or make him think that there’s something more going on between us than just a casual acquaintanceship even though there’s not.

Lily starts to stir, in the basinet situated beside me and I have an overwhelming urge to hold her close, make sure that she’s safe. I pick her up and I hold her as tightly as I can, snuggling her closely to me and letting her little body give me strength. I gently rock her back and forth in my arms, letting the repetitive motion soothe and settle us both.

After looking around and taking my statement (and that of a few neighbors), both Officer Tate and his partner leave, leaving me feeling alone and slightly terrified. The thought of sleeping here alone makes me nervous and jittery, and I try my hardest not to panic. All the baby books I’ve read say that children can sense when their parents are stressed. I make sure that Lily is clean and fed before I put her down in her crib, and then I quickly change into a pair of sweats—not wanting to be caught in anything skimpy if my intruder returns. I want to be able to run if I need to. I grab the sharpest knife I can find from the kitchen and place it on my nightstand—along with my cell phone, and settle into bed with the lights still on. A glance at the clock tells me that it’s after midnight.

“Happy eighteenth birthday, Mia,” I say to myself, feeling just a little bit victorious that Lily and I are both now free.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting in bed, but my head starts to bob as I try my hardest not to doze off. A knock on the front door causes me to nearly jump out of bed. I look at the clock and it’s after one. I grab my phone and my knife, and sneak a peek at Lily who’s still sleeping soundly, and slowly tip toe to the living room. I start to dial 911 when I hear a familiar voice call out from the other side of the door.

“Kelly? I just wanted to make sure you and Lily are okay. Open up.”

I let out a sigh of relief, set the knife down and open the door. I’m pretty positive that I’ve never been so happy to see anybody in my entire life. “Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just got off duty and thought that you might be scared here all alone. I just wanted to drop by and check in on you,” he says, his hands buried in the pocket of the jeans that he wears oh so well.

“I wasn’t scared until some lunatic decided to knock on my door in the middle of the night.”

“It’s morning actually,” he corrects me with a grin. “And if you weren’t scared, why is there a carving knife in your living room?”

I look back at the knife, silently cursing its presence and then back to Officer Tate. “Just because I have protection doesn’t mean I was sitting around like a damsel in distress. There’s nothing wrong with having something to protect myself with.”

He puts his hands up in the air as if telling me he surrenders. “Alright warrior princess, relax. I just don’t want you to hurt anyone with that thing,” he says with a chuckle.

“You know Officer Tate, I’m glad you can find humor in this situation. It’s not every day that a young woman and her child come home to a burglarized apartment. You’ll be able to laugh and tell stories about this for years to come.”

“I’m not laughing at you, I promise. I’m just trying to lighten you up a little. The tension is rolling off of you,” he says. There’s a look of concern in his eyes that I’m starting to become accustomed to, it’s penetrating right through me.

“Why do you care so much, Officer Tate?”

“My name’s Logan. I think we’re past the ‘Officer Tate’ thing, don’t you?”

“You’re a cop.”

“And you’re not a suspect or a criminal. You can use my first name.” He looks around the destruction that is my apartment and takes it all in, in his plain clothes: He’s donning a pair of dark jeans, and a black hoodie. He looks different out of uniform, younger, hotter if that’s even possible. His gaze lands back on me and he looks me over for a while. I can tell that he wants to say something but the words don’t come. I can’t really take the silence anymore, so I walk away from him and plop down in a chair. Feeling his eyes still on me, I let out a huff of air.

“What? Why are you staring at me just say what you want to say already?” I’m not sure why I’m being so short with him. I think maybe it’s a mixture of exhaustion and stress. I don’t know why I’m pushing him to speak or more importantly pushing him away when the last thing I really want to be right now is alone. I honestly hate feeling afraid and powerless, and maybe if I can convince him that I’m not those things, I’ll start to believe it myself.

“I’m not looking at anything. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine Officer T…Logan, we’ll be fine.”

“Alright, then. I guess I’ll get going.”

I try to mask the disappointment I feel at his imminent departure. I nod my head signaling to him that I’m fine with him leaving. I take a deep breath, get up and walk to the door—opening it up for him. He walks through the open doorway and turns back to look at me. I can almost see the inner conflict playing out in his eyes and I know the only thing I can do to help him is close the door on whatever this is.

“Thanks for stopping by, Logan. It was really nice of you to go out of your way like that but…”

He places a hand on the open door before I have a chance to shut it in his face. “I don’t think I can leave you here like this.”  He blurts out and his eyes go wide, almost like he can’t believe the words that have come out of his mouth either.

I’m speechless, unsure of what to say or do next, but he never wavers. “Kelly, pack a bag, get Lily and let’s go. You’re coming with me.”

I stare at Logan as if he has two heads. He’s just
ordered
, not asked me to pack up Lily and my things and go with him. What’s even more shocking is that for a split second I actually want to go, I actually
consider
going.

“What do you mean I’m going with you? What are you talking about?”

“I’m telling you that I can’t leave you here with your apartment in shambles and at risk for another break in. You have shotty locks on the doors, poor lighting, and you don’t even have a peephole for God’s sake. Your landlord has been notified of the break in and until she brings this place up to code, you and Lily are not staying here.”

“Where do you propose I go, huh? I’m not about to waste all of my money on a hotel and I can’t exactly afford a better apartment right now. I have no choice but to stick it out here.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, the air of confidence dripping off of him. “You’re coming home with me. It’s done, decided. Get your stuff, get Lily, and let’s go.”

“Logan, I barely even know you. We’ve met twice and both times were under intense circumstances.”

“You can trust me.”

“No, I can’t!” I shout, sounding more and more agitated. “I don’t trust you. Why would you put yourself out there for someone you barely know?”

“I put myself out there for people I don’t know all of the time. Tonight I’m doing it because I want to, because I can.”

I shake my head. “That’s not good enough.”

“I’m not asking you, I’m
telling
you. Get your things now.” The authority in his voice causes me to flinch, he’s not Logan right now, he’s Officer Tate and with every passing moment it’s becoming clear as day that I’m not going to win this battle. Truth be told, I’m not so sure I really want to win this battle. I weigh out my options: Do I really want to stay here alone with Lily when the place has been trashed and I’m understandably scared of a repeat robbery attempt? I’m not exactly keen on the idea of being anyone’s target. There’s also the fact that I’m beginning to develop a full on crush on Logan. I don’t know whether to add that on the pros or cons list and the last thing I really need is to make a fool of myself in front of him. But if I had to choose between dying and acting a fool there really is no contest.

“Okay, fine. Just give me a few minutes,” I say, stalking in the direction of the bedroom.

“Bring enough for a few days.” He calls after me.

A few days? A few days of Lily and I living with Logan. I tell myself not to get excited about this. He’s just a nice guy helping me out in my time of need. It means nothing more to him than that and even if it did, how irresponsible would it be of me to get involved with the first guy I meet after all that I’ve been through? Relationships are a foreign affair to me and the only real interaction I’ve ever had with a man resulted in me getting knocked up at seventeen and excommunicated from my family. I wonder at times if I had told my parents the truth, given them the entire story, if they would have been more supportive of me. If they’d been more understanding of my predicament, would they have stood by me then or would they have had the very same reaction? The thing is, in spite of the fact that they loved me, I always knew that keeping up appearances was the most important thing to them; perhaps the fear of them treating me this way even after they heard the truth is what ultimately led me to say nothing.

I scurry around my bedroom, vaguely aware of the fact that it’s probably creeping up to two in the morning by now and throwing things into bags. This is a crazy thing to do, not that I’m a stranger to crazy, but right now all I can think about is getting out of here and having temporary protection from someone who’s on the right side of the law. By the time I make it out of my bedroom with two bags full of clothes, one full of money, and a diaper bag filled to the max and a sleeping baby, Logan looks like he’s about ready to pass out from a mixture of boredom and exhaustion.

“Sorry I took so long. It’s not easy packing for a baby.”

“That’s okay. I already put her bassinet and play yard in my truck.”

“Thanks.”

“Here. Let me help you with that,” he says, taking my bags from me, leaving me with only Lily to carry.

The ride to Logan’s house is quiet, The only sounds I hear are those that come from the car driving along the uneven streets. I try to think of something to say, but small talk has never been my strong suit and the more time that passes by, the more uncomfortable I become. At this point I start to wonder if maybe I haven’t made a mistake in agreeing to come stay with him. Maybe he’s having second thoughts himself; no one should be held responsible for decisions that they make in the wee hours of the morning.

“Logan, you don’t have to do this you know. Lily and I can be a real handful and…”

“It’s really not a big deal. I have plenty of room and I’d really feel a lot better knowing that you’re not in that apartment alone when it’s not safe.”

I don’t reply, just turn my head and look out the window at the night sky. The moon is full tonight and it illuminates the sky in such a way that makes the night feel like it’s a permanent fixture, like the universe is so filled with darkness that the sun might never shine down again. There are times when I feel like my life is like that, eternally submerged in the dark, like all of the sunlight has left my world and I may never see it again. Normally I can take one look at Lily and realize that I’m wrong, that she is the sunlight breaking through my darkness, the one thing that guides me to the warmth of day.

Logan unlocks the front door to his house when we arrive and quickly ushers me inside. He drops my things in the small foyer and turns on the lights.

His house is nice, nicer than I’d expect from a young bachelor. I assumed he’d live in a small one bedroom apartment, with minimal furniture and a large flat screen television. Evidently, I was way off the mark.

“You have a great house,” I say with just a hint of awe in my voice. I look around taking in the massive living room with warm taupe paint, leather furniture, a stunning fireplace, and bay windows.

“Thanks. I bought it cheap and fixed it up,” he says, picking up Lily’s bassinet and my bags again. “Come on, I’ll show you your room.” He leads me upstairs to the second level and leads me into a bedroom that reminds me a lot of my bedroom back home in Florida. It’s got lots of windows which gives it a light and airy feel. The full size bed looks inviting and all of a sudden I start to feel the exhaustion of the day that I’ve had beating away at me.

“The bathroom is through that door.” He puts the bassinet down and points to a closed doorway, then turns to face me again. “It’s connected to a second bedroom. We can set that one up for Lily tomorrow if you want, you might appreciate having your own space for a while. We can pick up a baby monitor so that you can keep an eye on her.”

“Logan that is too much. I can’t let you do all of that, besides it’s only for a few days.”

“I want you both to be comfortable while you’re here.”

I open my mouth to argue but he cuts me off. “My bedroom is just across the hall, just yell if you need anything. We’ll talk more in the morning.”