Shelter You (8 page)

I let out a chuckle and roll my eyes. “Acceptable? Really, Logan?”

“Yes. Really, Mia. I want to make sure that everything I spoke to her about is done. You’re not going back there until I know you’ll be safe.”

“You just can’t help acting like a cop all of the time can you?” I tease, after chewing my bite of food.

“I take my job seriously Mia, but we’re
friends
remember? And as your friend I’m not letting you move back into a place that’s not up to code. You have Lily to think about and you shouldn’t take things so lightly where her security is concerned.”

His statement sobers me up and I know that he’s right. Our safety and security are what’s most important, but if I don’t get back to my life as soon as possible, I might never want to leave this house.

We spend the rest of dinner talking like real friends. I ask him about being cop, and tell him about my job at the day care center. He tells me about his love of cars and about his favorite sports teams and I find myself soaking it all up. Relishing in the normalcy of it, of sitting and having a meal with someone who isn’t totally self-centered and absorbed in their own universe, someone who actually cares about what you have to say. I make a silent promise to myself to give this kind of normalcy to Lily, to let her know that she matters, her likes and dislikes, fears and dreams, I want her to know she can tell me all of it and I’ll always listen. I’ll give her what I never had, the things that money and status can’t buy.

“This was really great, Logan.” I praise, after I’ve eaten all of my meal. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’ll do the dishes.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just toss it in the dishwasher later.” He looks at me with a hint of gleam in his eyes. “Stay here, okay? Don’t move.”

“O…Okay.”

He smirks at me. It makes him look boyish and I love it because he has a tendency to be too serious. I hope I can get to see more of this side of him. He stalks off and comes back a minute later with a small chocolate cake; a single lit candle sits in the center of it.

My heart rate picks up and my eyes start to tingle and burn.

“Happy Birthday, Mia.” He grins at me. “I know it was yesterday but I think everyone deserves to celebrate their birthday, even if it’s a little late.”

I put my head down and try to shield my smile and water rimmed eyes from him. “Thank you,” I say on a whisper as he sets the cake down on the table. “This is really sweet of you.” I swipe away at a falling tear, embarrassed by my reaction to his thoughtfulness.

“Hey.” He calls out gently, tipping my chin up so that our eyes meet. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” I brush out of his hold with a shake of my head. “It’s just… I can’t remember the last time I got a birthday cake.” He looks up at me resting on his haunches and gives me that look that’s becoming all too familiar, the one that tells me he feels sorry for me.

I hate it, hate that he looks at me that way and hate that I care. I shouldn’t care what he thinks or feels about me but unfortunately I do. “Don’t pity me, Logan. Please.”

“I don’t.”

“I see how you look at me.”

“That’s not pity, Mia. Do I feel bad for some of the things you’ve gone through? Yes. Of course but mostly I’m just in awe of your resilience. You’re a really tough girl.”

“I’d like to think so.”

“You are. I know strength when I see it. Now make a wish and blow out the candle so we can eat this thing.”

Make a wish…a wish…
What would I wish for if I could have anything I wanted? The answer to that question scares me for as much as I’d like to deny it, the only thing I want right now is more of Logan Tate. I blow out the candle, letting the thought linger in my mind.

“What’d you wish for?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Right…I’ve got one more thing for you,” he says, walking over to a nearby hutch and pulling something out of a drawer. “I picked this up earlier today. Don’t freak out, okay? It wasn’t that expensive.” He sits down and hands me a box wrapped up in blue paper with a white ribbon on top. 

I stare at him in disbelief. I want say something but I can’t, and after a moment I gently undo the ribbon and open up the wrapping paper, careful not to tear it. Inside the box is a small black digital camera. I look up at him, stunned at the fact that he got me anything at all for my birthday, let alone a camera. It’s without a doubt the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me and because it came from him I know I’ll treasure it always.

“Lily’s getting bigger and I thought you might like to capture it on camera.”

I can hear the excitement in his voice, the joy that he feels in giving me something that he knows I need. He’s right, I’ve thought about it several times in the last few weeks. How I’ve wanted to document her growth in photos. How I’ve wanted to capture moments with her but haven’t been able to. “Shit, Logan… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just use it.”

I will… I will use it. Thank you. This was so nice of you.”

“I can be a nice guy.” He shrugs his shoulders and chuckles.

“I know. I feel like I’m racking up debts with you and I’m afraid that I may never be able to repay them.”

“I don’t want you to pay me back. I just want you and Lily to be happy, that’s all.”

I’m not sure how to accept his words of kindness, his wishes for me and Lily, but I’m quickly learning that Logan Tate is nothing like what I’m used to. In fact, he’s the complete opposite.

Logan worked most of the day yesterday, leaving me and Lily in his house alone. I snuck on his laptop and ordered a copy of Lily’s birth certificate, then passed the rest of the time by watching cable television, setting up my camera and doing most of our laundry. By the time he got home I was already asleep. True to his word he set up a video monitor in the spare bedroom so that I could check on Lily while she’s sleeping in her crib. A crib that after careful inspection appears to be brand new and not thrift store material. A fact that was proven when I found the empty box for said crib in the basement while I was searching for the laundry room. I also found the receipt for the crib mattress, bedding, and baby monitor. Every time I think that I’ve seen the extent of Logan’s thoughtfulness he surprises me with something else. I find my guard slipping a little bit more every day and it scares the hell out of me. It’s hard to understand the fear of others but for me, “trust” is the biggest one of them all. To trust someone means being weak and vulnerable, and I promised myself that I would never be either of those things again.

After a long hot shower, I dry off and cover myself up in a plush white towel. I decide to check on Lily to see if she’s awake yet. I use the door that connects to her bedroom and open it up slowly so that I don’t wake her if she’s still asleep. I tread lightly into her room and stop dead in my tracks as I take in the sight before me. The early morning sunlight is beaming through the window, shining like a spotlight on Logan who’s sitting in an old rocking chair and rocking Lily back and forth. He has a sleepy look on his face, his short hair is a bit disheveled, and he’s holding her as if it’s second nature.

Something inside of me churns at the sight of them, witnessing them together like this makes me melt a little. He looks down at her lovingly and she holds onto his finger innocently and just for a second I allow myself to believe that they fit. That it’s not totally out of the realm of possibilities for a guy like Logan to take on a girl like me, to love a child like Lily. I’ll never understand Logan’s penchant for taking care of others, maybe because I never had anyone to take care of me, not in any real way. He’s yet to notice my presence so I run back to my room and grab the camera that he gave me. I quickly set up the shot and snap a few pictures of them together. The sound of the shutters click alerts him to my being there.

The corner of his mouth twitches up into an almost smile.

“Hey,” he whispers. His face flushes a little and I think that I might have embarrassed him by taking his picture, but then I catch his gaze roaming the length of my entire body and I realize my nearly naked state is likely the cause. Suddenly I’m only all too aware that my attire consists of nothing but a towel.

“Shit, sorry.” I grimace, backing up slowly. “I didn’t know you’d be in here and then I saw you guys and thought I’d take a picture. I forgot that I had just taken a shower.”

He tugs at his lower lip, tilts his head and stares at me.

“I don’t normally walk around in just a towel.” I ramble, shaking my head. I sound like an idiot but I’m mortified and I don’t know what else to say.

“That’s a shame,” he replies with a mischievous grin

His words cause a reaction that I’m not at all used to. My traitorous nipples strain and peak under my towel, my skin starts to tingle and I feel flushed everywhere. I’m sure that I must look like a deer caught in headlights but I have very little control over my body at the moment. I hear him let out a chuckle as I make haste to my own room, shut the door, and quickly change into a pair of stretchy black yoga pants and a dark gray t-shirt.

After beating myself up mentally for being so stupid, I go back into Lily’s room just as Logan is putting her back in the crib. I’m still shocked at how natural he seems around her, it’s like he’s been caring for her from the beginning. He turns around and glances at me from across the room. “I see you’ve changed into something more comfortable.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders. “I didn’t think you’d be in here.”

He runs a hand through his short hair. “I couldn’t really sleep. She was crying,” he says, motioning to the crib, “so I came to check on her. I heard the shower running so I thought that picking her up might help calm her down until you were done.”

“Thanks.” I look around the room and stop at the newest piece of furniture, the pretty white rocking chair with matching cushions. My lips tug up into a bright smile. “So…” I tease. “Where’d the rocking chair come from?”

He returns my smile and shakes his head. “My parent’s garage.”

“You do know we’re only here for a short time right?”

He chuckles. “I do. I do know that. You can take all of this stuff with you when you go. It would make me happy to know that Lily has what she needs.”

I can’t meet his eyes. His generosity is hard to accept and I hate the fact that I’m at his mercy right now. I’m at war with myself, craving my independence, wanting to be able to do what I need to do as an adult without having to depend on anyone. I was finally beginning to feel like I was achieving that when the break in occurred and threw everything out of whack. Now I feel like I’m back to square one. On the other hand, I find that I still love the feeling of being here in Logan’s home, under his care. I’m reminded that I have to work at the center tomorrow and that transportation might be an issue.

“Logan, I have to work tomorrow and…”

“What?” He presses.

“Well, the daycare center is within walking distance of my apartment. This is a lot further and I don’t have a car.” I feel like a loser saying this to him. I had a car back home, a really nice brand new car that I gave up when I left. I don’t regret the decision, but God that car would surely come in handy right now.

“Ahh. Right,” he says, realization dawning on him.

“I mean, if there’s a bus nearby I should be fine.”

He places his hand on his hips and stares out the window for a moment. “Get Lily ready and meet me downstairs.”

I squint my eyes, giving him my most confused look. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to get a Pennsylvania license.”

“How does that help me with no car?” I question, confused by the rapid turn of events.

“Trust me.” He remarks as he walks past me, leaving me standing in Lily’s room.

Trust…There’s that word again. Am I capable of trusting anyone, of trusting Logan? He seems worthy but if there’s one thing that I’m sure of is that people are not always what they seem to be.

A few hours later, Logan and I are walking out of the department of motor vehicles with my new license in hand. He straps Lily into her car seat in the back of his truck while I look on. He shuts the door and tosses his keys at me. I barely catch them and look up at him with what’s now becoming my familiar perplexed glare and shake my head.