Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (41 page)

“We’re not your
problem, Alex.” 

I’m not sure how
I’m supposed to react, but with her words come anger.  What in the fuck is that
supposed to mean?  I never said her or the baby were ever a problem.  If
anything, they are a blessing.  Didn’t I show her that enough over the past few
days?  They are both mine, mine damn it.

“Never once did
I say you were a problem, let alone my problem.  I take care of what’s mine.” 
I look at her and try to show every ounce of determination to make this work
with her; to make our family work.  “And Elyssa, don’t ever forget.  You. Are.
Mine.”

Her hands are
fisted at her forehead, tears relentlessly streaming down her face.  Helpless
would be the only word I could describe how she looks.  But, then she looks at
me, and deadpans, “The baby isn’t yours.”

What the fuck? 
There’s no way I heard that right.  For a second it sounded like she told me LJ
wasn’t mine.  No.  No-there’s no way.  “What?”  No fucking way.

She doesn’t
answer me which immediately causes me to pace.  Slowly, trying to figure out
what the hell just happened.  Back and forth I go as I recall her exact words. 
The baby isn’t yours.
  No. 
The baby isn’t yours.
isn'way.w she looks.  But, then she looks at me, and
deadpans, y word i n outside. 
  No, I can’t and won’t believe
this. 

“What the fuck
are you talking about?”  I continue, back and forth waiting for her to look at
me.  Instead, she continues to look out the vacant windows; her eyes reflecting
the rain outside.  “What do you mean the baby isn’t mine?  There’s no way.  No,
no way.  You haven’t been with anyone else.  That’s what you fucking told me!”

My body aches
when I lift my hands in frustration, and immediately they go to the back of my
neck while rage stirs inside me.  There’s no way she can take this away from me. 
This baby is mine.  She’s mine.  For once in my mother fucking shithole of a
life I finally had something; something to hold on to.  Please tell me that God
doesn’t hate me that much to be so cruel and give me a glimpse of what I’ve
always wanted, just to take it away.

“Alex you’re
going to hurt yourself.  Please sit down.”  I stop pacing, my hands still
clenched behind my neck as I restrain myself from tearing down the walls.  I
look at her and hear the plea in her voice and see it in her eyes.

“Do you think I
fucking care about this bullshit?”  I pull at my bandages, tearing them from my
stomach and knuckles.  My hands run over the strips of gauze, tearing them
away.  A burning in the pit of my stomach takes over and it’s either I bust
down every wall or I give into the emotions boiling to the surface.

She’s pregnant. 
You’d never hurt her.  She’s pregnant with some assholes baby.  Some asshole
has been inside her. She was screaming his name.  Shit, she was probably
thinking of him while you were inside her last night. 

“Shut the fuck
up!” I scream, dropping to my knees.  I can’t hold it in.  The pain is too
much.  I was never good enough for her.  I never deserved her and she realized
it while I was gone.  It’s not until she’s dropped to her knees in front of me
that I realize the tears I’m feeling on my chest are my own.

“I’m sorry,
Alex.”  She weeps.

“How could you
do this to me?”  I drop my hands looking into her tear streaked face.  There’s
something in her eyes.  I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I don’t have it
in me to figure it out anymore.  “I fucking loved you.  I wanted this baby more
than anything.  You knew this would destroy me.  Is that what you wanted?”

I flinch as she
leans in, whispering in my ear through sobs, “No matter what.”  Then she stands
and walks to the living room.  I guess that’s my answer.  It feels like hours
before I have the strength to pick myself up from the floor and throw on my
clothes. 

My limbs don’t
seem to work as I try to button my jeans.  I push through the pain of putting
my shirt on because the last thing I need is to ask her for help right now. 
Nothing makes sense.  We were fine last night.  We were in love.  Then some
asshole takes a cheap shot, I end up in the hospital and now I’ve entered the
fucking Twilight Zone where the love of my life is knocked up by some asshole.

Rage is such a
motivator.  It’s my only driving force that doesn’t cause me to throw myself
out this fucking window to stop the ache in my chest.  Instead, all I can think
about is finding out who this asshole is and ending him.  He took what was
mine.

I don’t look at
her as I walk through the living room.  I know I had a jacket, but I can’t even
hold it together enough to find it.  I need out.  I need air.  I need space
before I destroy everything in sight. 

 “You promised,
Alex.  No matter what.”  I hear her, but have nothing left in me.  I can’t.  I
can’t deal with her cryptic words.  I can’t deal with her period. 

My chest
tightens and the urge to breathe is overwhelming as I rush to the door,
throwing it open and rushing to my car.  Behind the wheel, the crushing sense
of emptiness hits me.  Some other asshole is going to be kissing my wife.  He’s
going to watch her come and he’s going to have his hands all over her.  He’s
going to live with her, build a family with her, and all of her smiles are
going to be his.

I clench my
hands trying to stop them from shaking.  There’s only one thing I know that
will dull the ache; that will stop the monster from trying to escape.  I start
the engine and make a beeline for the first bar.  After that, I need to stop
the realtor from making an offer on that house. 

Fuck. Me.

After Alex left,
I went into quarantine mode and become one with my couch.  Not only did I feel
like an asshole for hurting him, but now the baby officially hates me. 
Currently waging war inside my womb, I haven’t been able to keep anything down
since this morning. 

So, here I am
twelve hours after I forced the only man I’ve loved out of my life, standing
outside of SINergy.  Apparently, this place has more than just Ladies Night. 
Considering I had a full proof plan to hole myself up in my apartment, I’m
asking myself why I’m about to head inside the one place I never thought I’d
return to. 

Janice called me
earlier when I didn’t show up for work completely freaking out.  Apparently,
she has a date tonight, with Trevor of all people.  She’s nervous, which is
understandable considering Janice is two spoons full of sugar short from
turning into Mary Poppins and Trevor is two stitches of clothing short from
stark nudity.  But hey, they say opposites attract, so what do I know.

So when she sent
up smoke signals a half hour ago, I immediately assumed that her nerves over
Trevor got the best of her.  Maybe she needed a wing woman to get through the
first part of the date, or until she had at least three alcoholic beverages in
her.  When Janice said for me to get my ass down here, I hesitated before
jumping off the couch and to her rescue.  I brushed my teeth quickly before
pulling on a pair of low rise jeans and my white fluffy sweater with the scoop
neckline, and then jumped in my car.  Because that’s what she’d do for me.

Now, looking
through the crowd at the bar, I find Janice and Trevor towards the far wall
next to the stage.  They both look unhappy, but not with each other.  She looks
pretty: hair halfway pulled up, held back with a clip with a silver butterfly
on it, a simple blue dress with a red belt that accentuates her waist and red
pumps.  She looks longingly at Trevor who’s dressed in a simple black button
down shirt and dark jeans.  His tattoos partially revealed and his hair styled
into a spiky mess.  However, his eyes are not looking at Janice with the same
appreciation.  No, he’s completely focused on the drunken mess sitting between
them.  Alex.

Now I understand
the smoke signals.  He looks awful; hot, but he’s definitely been drinking for
awhile.  With a line of shots in front of him, I watch as he tosses one back
after another before chasing them with a beer.  My stomach churns just
imagining what his alcohol level must be at.

Janice turns her
attention away from Trevor and scans the room and as our eyes meet, she stands
from the table and rushes over to me.  A wave of sympathy washes over her as
she approaches and pulls me in for a hug.  I wrap my arms around her.  Already
feeling defeated I let out a sigh.  Pulling back she apologizes for making me
come, but the look in her eyes tells me a different story.  Sure, she may be
sorry for me being there, but she’s not sorry because now she doesn’t have to
deal with Alex while she’s on a date.

“Thank God
you’re here, Elyssa.  I don’t know how long he’s been drinking, but it’s been
enough.  I don’t know how he hasn’t passed out.  Look at him, he’s drunk off
his ass, yet he’s still going.  He’s like a drunken energizer bunny.  I have no
clue what happened and he won’t tell us.”  Fortunately for me, or maybe the
whole situation in general, when I look past Janice’s shoulders, he’s not
looking in my direction.  Just like Janice said, he’s totally smashed. 

“He’s been
singing songs all night and tossing back shots like they were Kool-Aid.”  She
puts her arm around my shoulder as we watch both of our men.  Watching Trevor
try to cut Alex off and seeing how well that’s going, I sigh.  Alex doesn’t
seem very pleased as he pushes away Trevor’s hand in defiance.  “I didn’t want
him doing something stupid,” she pauses.  Her head looking in the direction of
a table full of women who are blatantly staring at Alex and Trevor in
appreciation.  “So I figured you would want to come get him.” 

 A group of
nearby women catches the attention of the waitress.  Their eyes trained on
Alex’s table as the waitress walks to the bar, fetching two bottles of beer,
then walks casually over to Trevor and Alex.  She bends down whispering before
she points to the table of women and walks away.

Trevor looks
around for Janice, realizing just now that she’s absent before lifting the
bottle saluting the group before throwing back the liquid.  I hear Janice take
in a deep breath as she watches Trevor enjoy his drink.  Then there’s Alex.  He
looks at the bottle for a minute before picking it up and instead of being
polite and waiving his thanks, he boldly walks over to their table.

My chest
tightens.  Even wasted he saunters in his sexy way towards their table.  He
must have went home before going out on his alcoholic binge because he’s
wearing a light blue dress shirt and black slacks that hug his defined waist. 

I can’t hear
their conversation, but by the way Alex is leaning on their table and the way
they are leaning into him, this doesn’t look good.  Janice tugs me tight
against her as we watch Alex.  Taking hold of her wrist, he plucks one of the
women from her group of friends.

Watching him is
like going through surgery without anesthetic.  Every cut, every pull, prick,
every single damn movement I can feel the pang of jealousy score through me. 
When his hand finds the small of her back as he leads her to the dance floor I
can hear the cracks in my heart as it begins to shatter.  Piece by piece. 

“He’s just
drunk, Ely.”  I nod at her, although I know it’s so much more than that.

She tries to
pull me to the table, but I stay watching as Alex wraps his arms tight around
her waist.  Her hands clasped behind his neck as they sway to the song, her
head resting on his shoulder.  Luckily, when one of the other women get enough
courage to ask Trevor for a dance, he dismisses the offer, shaking his head as
he looks around the bar for Janice.

“What am I supposed
to do about this Janice?” I whisper, not confident that my voice will hold.

 “Fix him.”  She
points in his direction.  I shake my head.  How can I fix him when I was the
one that broke him?  I shouldn’t even be here.

Alex and the
woman stay locked together until the end of the slow song.  When the tempo
picks up the woman turns around and rubs her ass against Alex, he in return,
grinds against her from behind. 

“I think I’m
going to throw up,” I tell Janice as I pull away from her and rush to the bathroom.

I make it into a
stall just in time; slam the door behind me and dry heave into the toilet.

“Ely, do you
need something?”  I can hear Janice through the door as I clutch my eyes
tightly.  Taking several deep breaths I stand, relaxing against the wall of the
stall.

“I must have
been a serial killer in another life.” 

“Okay Hannibal,
what’s up with the crazy talk?”

“I never said I
ate people, Janice.”

“If you come
back out to the table with me I promise to get you a nice Chianti and some fava
beans,” she sing songs.  It takes a second but I semi-giggle before opening the
stall door to a concerned Janice.

She brings me in
for a hug, breaking the tension with comfort and distraction.  “How’s the
date?”

“Oh, just
perfect,” she rolls her eyes.  “Where do I start?  First he looked at me as if
I was dressed like a nun when he first saw me.  I know I’m more modest than the
women he probably dates, but he asked me out, not the other way around!” she
screeches.  I pull away hoping to avoid damage to my ear drums, but when she
realizes she’s gone a little overboard, she gives me a tight smile and mouths,
“Sorry.”