Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (49 page)

“I didn’t want
to hurt you.  At first, yes, I wanted you to hurt the way you hurt me, but I
never wanted it to go this far.”

I push against
him causing Cole to stumble out of the bathroom. 

“You ruined my
life!  Why?  Why Cole?  Because I didn’t chose you?  You were my best friend. 
Friends, Cole.  That was it.  You had no right to come between me and Alex.” 
He tries to move towards me, but I rear my hand back, clutching my fingers
tightly before hitting him square in his jaw.  He stumbles back against the
wall of hallway.  Okay, that’s going to hurt tomorrow.  Thankfully, my fury has
far surpassed my ability to feel any pain.

“Tomorrow, or
the next day, or hell next year, when you think about what you did, I need you
to know that I didn’t hate you yesterday or the day before.  No, I may have
been pissed at you, but what I feel now…now hate isn’t a strong enough emotion
to show how much you’ve hurt me.  I despise you, Cole.  You are dead to me.  Do
you hear me?  D.E.A.D.”  My voice is monotone and I’m eerily calm considering
my hand aches and my entire body is vibrating with anger and pain. 

I need him to
leave so I can calm down enough to get to the ER.  I’m sure everything’s fine,
but with the last few days and the additional stomach pains, I’m beginning to
worry.  All this stress can’t be good for the baby.  But right now, I just need
him out of my life. 

“I didn’t know…”

“Get out!”  I
raggedly point to the door.  “I let you come in and say what you needed to
say.  You can report back to Arianna that you delivered the last blow.  She
wins!  Congratu-fucking-lations!  She got what she wanted all along.”  Another
sharp pain shoots from my lower belly causing me to hunch forward. 
Please
God, please let the baby be okay.

“Ely, you
okay?”  Cole attempts to move towards me again.  I hold my hand out to him,
keeping him at a distance.

“Don’t you dare
come near me.  We are nothing.  Do you understand me?”  Cole looks tortured as
he takes in my words but watches as I hold my hand against my belly.

“Let me take you
to a hospital.”

“You’ve done
enough, just leave,” I cry as I slide down the wall.  If I’m losing this baby,
if I’m losing the last piece of happiness I have left, then I’m selfish enough
to not want Cole here with me for these last moments.  I want him, Arianna, and
Alex as far away from me as possible.  “Just leave,” I repeat again, a little
more deflated.

Cole doesn’t
move at first, but eventually I see his shoes retreat and hear the door close
behind him.  Not physically able to get up because the pain is so severe, I
crawl to the couch where my cell phone is and with trembling hands I call
Rachel.

“Rach?” I sob
into the phone the second I hear her answer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Come please.  I
need you to take me to the hospital.”  I drop the phone to the floor after
Rachel tells me she’s on her way.  I have enough fight left in me to get to the
hospital and pray that LJ is stronger than his or her mama.  Because at this
point, LJ is all I have left.  Being broken, shattered and un-repairable, I
hope like hell that the baby still wants me.

Note to self: Leave well enough
alone.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

 
“El, do you
think this is a good idea?”  Rachel questions from the doorway of my bathroom. 
I look at her in the mirror as I finish touching up my makeup.  I stand back
and look at myself in the mirror.  Considering the devastation that has hit my
life in the past twenty-four hours, I must say that I look pretty damn good.

My eye lids
shimmer gold, lashes coated with black mascara; simplicity with a hint of
sexy.  Needing something to hold myself together, I guess makeup will have to
do for me today.   Oh, and the bronze plunging v-neck maxi dress I bought,
along with the matching heels.  Yes, they too will also have to do, today.  I
bought the dress and shoes to wear to the Christmas party tonight far before
all of the recent events had come to light.  Such a beautiful dress to waste
away in my closet; I might as well wear it out and end the year on a bang,
right?  Right.

“Do I think
what’s a good idea?  Going to a Christmas party thrown by the very woman who’s
ruined my life?  Or going knowing that I’ll very likely see my good for nothing
baby-Daddy who was recently caught dabbling in some cougar coochie while I was
out of town? Hmmmmm…”  I place my finger to my lips feigning as if I’m deep in
thought.

My expression
must scream crazy because Rachel just tilts her head and rolls her eyes before
crossing her arms over her chest.  She’s giving me that motherly look which is
probably what I need right now, but definitely annoying as all hell.  I’ve made
the right decisions, I’ve tried to keep those I love safe and look where it’s
got me.  Devastated. 

If having images
of Alex naked with Arianna straddling his lap burned into my retinas wasn’t bad
enough, last night scared the shit out of me.  I honestly thought I was going
to lose my baby.  And it would have been
her
fault.  

“Can you promise
me that you’ll listen to what the doctor said, that you’ll take it easy, no
matter what?”  When we went to the ER last night, the doctor recommended that I
avoid stress at all costs.  He said that if
things
progressed at the
same pace in my life, I would eventually end up on bed rest and even worse I
could lose the baby.  I’ve been struggling with how I feel about Alex, but at
least I’m sure about something.  I want LJ; therefore I will protect my baby at
all costs. 

So, here I am. 
I explained everything to the doctor, and now I feel up to going to the party. 
What’s the worst that could happen?

“What could be
easier than a party?”  Once again my voice is laced with sarcasm.  I know I’m
directing my anger at the wrong person, but she’s in my war path and I need her
to let me get this night over with.  After tonight, I’m turning a new leaf,
making better decisions for me and LJ. 

“Hey!” Rachel
shouts causing me to turn and face her.  Her face is red with irritation but
quickly eases when she places my face between her hands.  “I’m worried about
you.  You’re my baby sister.  I’m supposed to look out for you.  You haven’t
been the same since we left the hospital, and I don’t want you doing something
you’ll regret.  It’s not just you anymore.”  Her eyes dart to my belly hidden
under the satin material of my dress.  “You have my niece or nephew to think of
now.”

I sigh.  “I know
Rach.  There’s nothing to worry about.  I have this handled.”

“I know you’re
mad at Alex, but…”

I shoot daggers
at her, pushing her hands away.  “Don’t you dare defend him to me.” 

“I’m not
defending.  I’m more playing devil’s advocate.”  She pauses, I glare.  “Listen,
you’re the one that told him the baby wasn’t his.” 

Yes, I told
Rachel that I took the coward way out and told him the baby wasn’t his.  I
figured if I told her while in public, it might cushion the blow.  So, last
night while we were waiting for the ultrasound technician, I calmly explained
my exit out of Alex’s life.  She still yelled.  In fact, it was so loud that it
caused the nurses to stick their heads in past the curtain and ask her to keep
her voice down.

“You don’t think
I know how wrong it was for me to lie to him like that?  Trust me I know,” I
huff.  “I know what the right thing to do is.  I also know I should tell him
the truth, but does it really matter anymore?”

Rachel walks
over to me, pulling me into an embrace and whispers in my ear.  “Of course it
matters.  You need to tell him the truth, El.  If not for him, for yourself.” 
She pulls away from me and walks out of the bathroom and into my bedroom.  I
follow.  “Do you really want to live with that secret for the rest of your
life?  What happens when LJ gets older?  You gonna lie to your child too?”

 I know she’s
right.  She’s always right and that’s why I am so thankful to have her in my
life.  I’m so lost right now, but what she says makes sense.  I have no right
to keep it from him, especially after recently reliving the nightmare with
Cole.

“I get it,
you’re mostly right.  He deserves to know and I wouldn’t be able to live with
myself if I kept this from him.  It would eat at me and I already did that
once.  I saw the devastation in Cole’s eyes when we hashed everything out.  It
wasn’t a good look.  I can’t do that again, not to anyone, but especially not
to Alex.  No matter how much he’s hurt me.”

“Thank God,” she
whispers.  “You’re doing the right thing.  He’s going to be a father; you’re
going to be a mother.  No matter what happens between the two of you, you both
deserve some happiness out of all of this.”

She should have
just stopped at “Thank God.”  I don’t know why, but this pisses me off
something fierce.  Fire Engine Red.  And this time I’m not chalking the mood
swings to pregnancy.  Alex.  Arianna.  They both cause me to see red.

“Shit, Rach. 
Did he think of my happiness when he was fucking Arianna?  Again.  I had every
chance to sleep with someone else while he was in New York and while I was out
of town.  You don’t see me spreading my seed in his absence.”

“You technically
don’t have any seed to spread.” 

I slap my hand
against the counter in frustration.  “You know damn well what I mean!” 

“All I’m saying
is technically he didn’t cheat because you broke up with him.  You can’t hold
this against him.”  Since when did she become the advocate for male whores?

“You’re telling
me that while I was in Reno and you and Bryan were fighting, if he went out and
slept with an ex, you would be able to look past it?”

“Our situations
are entirely different, and you know it.  Seriously Ely, wake up.  If only for
the baby’s sake, you can’t be this stubborn.” 

“Watch me.”  I
grit through my teeth.  I know I’m being irrational.  If it was any other
woman, seriously, any other woman besides Arianna, I probably could look past
this.  But after everything, he just ends up back in bed with her the moment
I’m out of the picture.  This proves to me that Alex really hasn’t changed. 
You can take the whore out of the business, but in the end, I guess they’re
really just a whore wearing a suit.

“I’m just
letting you know now…this is a bad idea.” 

“Are you driving
me or am I driving myself?”

“Let me grab my
keys.” 

~~~~~

The party is
being held at a ballroom at one of the local casinos.  Janice told me that
Arianna was going to have it at our event center, but after the whole Cole
debacle at the fundraiser, she wanted to have it somewhere with more security
at her disposal.  Rachel asked if I wanted her to just drop me off or if I
wanted her to wait.  I told her I would be an hour tops, what I had to take
care of wouldn’t be long.

I take the skirt
of my dress in my hand as I ascend the stairs to the double doors.  My heart is
pounding and I struggle to swallow the growing unease building in my throat. 
With each step, images of Alex continue to flash in my mind.  His hands fisted
at his side, his face tight with pleasure, his eyes wired shut and then there
are those lips.  His lips swollen with pure torture from what could only be
caused by hours of kissing.  Those same lips that only days before muttered
words of affection and devotion.  It all feels like a lie and all of it is
crashing around me.  I’m not entirely sure my heart can recover from this.  Nor
am I sure I want to. 

Taking the last
step on the grand staircase, I’m transported into a winter wonderland.  Shades
of silver and blue adorn every available space, glittery snowflakes hang from
the ceiling, and an extravagant crystal chandelier hangs in the middle of the
ballroom.  The round tables are covered in stark white cloths that mimic the
snow that I remember from our time in Reno and the center piece decorations are
bowls filled with Christmas tree decorations.  I haven’t gone too far into
myself to know that this place is beautiful.

I stand back
watching as happy couples come and go from the exorbitant buffet to the far end
of the room to reach the dance floor.  Arianna being Arianna decided on a DJ
instead of a band, which would have been classic, sophisticated.  Words I used
to associate her with.  Not anymore. 

I’m not sure
what to do, so I continue to stand, and fidget with my hands as I wait, willing
my body forward. 

“Don’t you look
beautiful?”  Oliver’s deep husky voice startles me from behind as he wraps an
arm around my waist, pulling me in for a side hug. 

“Thank you.  You
look nice, as well.”  And I’m not lying.  He does clean up well.  He’s dressed
in an all black suit with a green tie that brings out the crispness of his
eyes.  His hair is slicked back and his face is cleanly shaven.  Women will
swoon the moment they lay eyes on him, unlike me.  Although I can appreciate
how nice he looks, my butterflies are dead.  Destroyed by the very woman who I
thought could catapult my career into something I could be proud of.  I guess
the price of success comes at a cost, and unfortunately I didn’t realize how
much until it was too late.