Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (42 page)

“Janice…”  I’m
sure she’s overreacting or letting her insecurities get the best of her.

“Oh no, that’s
just the beginning.  He asked me about my previous relationship, which I told
him about some of the issues with Kevin, and when I was done talking I noticed
he was just sitting there.  Staring out at nothing.  He froze up!  After that
it’s been awkward, but not as much as since Alex showed up.  Talk about a third
wheel.”  She throws her hands up in frustration.

“You sure you’re
not exaggerating?”

“Are you
exaggerating about Alex’s little bump and grind out there?”  She folds her arms
in defiance.

“You have a
point.”  I walk to the mirror, washing my hands before blotting tissue under my
eyes.

“You ready?”

I square my
shoulders, “As I’ll ever be.”  Janice reaches over grabbing my hand as we get
closer to the door.

“Everything will
be alright.”  She mutters, pulling me from the sanctuary of the bathroom.  “Oh
shit…” she exclaims, trying to stall me.

It’s not until I
look towards the tables that I notice Alex sitting with the woman in his lap. 
She’s all over him, nuzzling his neck, grinding herself closer, all the while
Alex chats with Trevor and grips his beer bottle.

When I try to
turn back around, Janice clutches my hand tighter and pulls me to the table. 
She pushes me into the vacant seat before going to hers and the only thought
coursing through my addled brain is,
Worst date in the history of dates.
 
I feel bad for Janice on so many levels.  Not only is her date not going as
expected, but she also has to deal with Alex’s drunken stupor.  I honestly
think her and Trevor would be good for each other.  If only he can get over
himself.  Remind me to kick him in the ass. 

As I sit with my
arms folded over my chest, I stare at Alex who hasn’t noticed me yet.  It takes
another minute, but Trevor’s eyes widen as he looks from Alex to me and then
back again.  “Uh-hmmm” he clears his throat, which finally catches Alex’s
attention.  “Hi E.  Don’t you look…”

“Save it
Trevor,” I mutter as I continue to frown at Alex.  My voice pulls him from his
mini makeout session.  He pushes against the woman’s face with the palm of his
hand to separate them and looks at me.  And what I see is not a good look.  Red
lipstick is smeared across his lips as he looks at me with bewilderment.  He
looks at Trevor and then Janice, who has her arm around me.  And then he looks
at me again.  His eyes bore into mine, begging me for something.  I just don’t
know what he could possibly want from me right now.  Not when he has a whore
still attempting to suck on his neck.

“Baby,” her
sugary voice causes my eyes to flutter with irritation.  I hold back everything
that’s eating at me right now, but not for anyone’s sake but mine. 

“Hush,” Alex
huffs.  He pushes her from his lap, wiping his swollen lips with his forearm. 
She stands with a pout, adjusting her dress as she looks between the two of
us. 

“Uh, excuse
me?”  She waves her hand in front of his face.  “Remember me, the girl you’ve
been all over for the past hour?!”  Alex doesn’t look at her.  He just keeps
his steely blue gaze on me.

“Hey man, E is
going to take you home.” Trevor looks between the two of us.  Alex shakes his
head, but Trevor continues and insists.  “Come on, you can’t drive yourself.”

“Any of these
women would be willing to take me home.”  He lifts his arm and points in the
direction of his lipstick friend who’s walking back to her posse.  “I don’t
need
her
.  Besides, I’m not ready to leave yet.  They haven’t called my
name.”

On cue, Alex’s
name is called from the DJ.  He stands and takes a moment to adjust himself
through the seam of his pants, drilling in the fact that he just had another
woman on his dick, and apparently she made him hard.  He pushes past the crowds
as he approaches the stage.

“Oh no, not
again,” Janice groans, shaking her head.  I follow her eyes and watch Alex.

“What’s he
doing?” I question. 

“He’s been doing
karaoke off and on all night.” 

There was a time
when I’d quiver in anticipation, hoping that whatever words escaped his lips
would be directed towards me.  But tonight, I’m cringing when Alex trips up the
stairs before settling on a stool to adjust the microphone.  I remember our
karaoke night in San Diego and his perfect words.  I have a feeling that
tonight will be anything but sweet.  He chuckles, raking his hand down his
tired looking face before his fingers fumble with the mic cords and stand. 

“Helllloooo,”
his elongated greeting calls the bar to attention.  “Mic check one, two, one,
two.”  He taps his fingers against the microphone and chuckles at his own
internal ramblings.  “The next song I’m going to sing…well, let’s just say that
it goes out to my girl…”  His eyes meet mine as we lock in on one another.  I
hear a sigh from the lipstick girl next to our table.  “Well, she isn’t really
mine anymore,” Alex pauses.  Deep in thought he searches for his words.

“Well,
technically she’s
his
since she’s knocked up with
his
kid.”  Alex
breaks our connection as he looks down at his boots with his brows furrowed.  I
see Janice and Trevor’s heads whip in my direction the moment Alex announces my
pregnancy.  I smile squeamishly and mouth that I’ll explain later. 
Maybe.

Even though he’s
stocked, locked, and loaded with Jack, Jim, and Jose, Alex sings an acoustic
version of Bruno Mars,
If I Was Your Man,
better than most people on a
good day.  Each lyric guts me.  I watch, completely enthralled while he sings
with such emotion that you can see every ache he’s feeling.  Every painful word
rings out loudly for the bar to hear.  His soul speaks to mine, and it’s
literally tearing us both in two.  I stopped wiping tears off my face mere
seconds into the song.  I couldn’t keep up.

Janice and
Trevor come to my side, each wrapping an arm around my shoulder.  I smile, a
fake smile at best, and Trevor passes me a tissue.  I try to bat away the
tears; my eyes focus on Alex’s handsome face as he clutches his eyes tightly,
his voice breaking at the chorus.

I’m not sure
why, but something pulls my head toward the bar.  I notice Sandy out of the
corner of my eye.  She’s leaning against the doorframe of the back office
watching Alex intently.  Her face gives nothing away, but the slight shake of
her head and arms crossed over her chest speaks volumes.  She most definitely
doesn’t agree with his behavior, but at the same time, she’s not stopping him. 
She turns to leave, but not before we exchange looks.  I expect the same type
of ire that I would get from Arianna, but instead she looks at me with pity. 
Her eyes show empathy, not jealousy and this confuses me to no end. 
What is
her game?

I turn back to
the stage the moment the office door closes. His head bows and the crowd erupt
in applause.  Shouts from males and females along with whistles coming from all
areas of the bar stir Alex into motion.  Getting up from the stool he stumbles
down from the stage and back to the table.  Definitely not the song I expected
or the outright admission of my pregnancy.

 He sits as
casual as he was before he left, grabbing at his beer bottle and tilting it
back. 

“You’re
pregnant?” Janice leans in whispering in my ear.  I nod, my eyes never leaving
Alex as I watch the liquid travel down his throat.  “Are we going to talk about
this?”

I turn to her
and lean in to give her a quick hug as I stand.  “Not tonight.”

Trevor stands,
bringing me in for an embrace, but not before his face turns to one of pity. 
“Be good to her,” I whisper in Trevor’s ear.  I pull back to look into his
eyes.  “Or else,” I threaten, before letting him go.

“He...”  I point
to Alex, who’s watching the tables around us including where his little friend
is sitting, “doesn’t need my help getting home.  He can catch a ride with one
of his little
friends
.”

I push my way
out of the bar, rushing in hopes of avoiding an embarrassing display of ugly
crying in a bar full of happy-go-lucky people.  I’m outside within seconds
clutching my knees, leaning over to take in deep breaths.  It literally feels
like I’m being choked from the inside.

“Why do you care
if I get home?”  Alex’s voice stirs from behind me and I startle.  He’s leaning
against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.  I didn’t even hear the door
open.

“Regardless of
what you believe, I do care about you,” I wheeze and clutch my chest.  “None of
this is to hurt you.  I’m trying to…”  I stop myself.  There are no words to
describe what I’ve done to him.  Or for him.  Nothing that will justify the
hurt we both carry inside.

I don’t finish
my sentence; instead I make my way to my car.  Alex shuffles behind me.  I pull
the door open and quickly get in.  To my surprise, Alex gets into the passenger
side door and slides in next to me.  No words are exchanged, and I guess for
once, none are needed.  He sits silently staring out the window as I start the
car and head to his house.

The ride is
awkward.  The silence is maddening.  There’s nothing that I can say to bring
comfort to him.  Every excuse, or reason, I give him will be like digging the
knife in deeper since I made him believe that I’m having another man’s baby.  I
catch myself several times opening and closing my mouth immediately after,
afraid that whatever I say will make the situation worse. 

At some point
during the drive I notice Alex’s breathing has slowed when a small snore
escapes his lips.  Soon, I’m at a stop light, which gives me a chance to admire
him.  His long lashes that line his closed crystal blue eyes.  His mouth
partially open, his lips calling to me.  The way his hair hangs over his
forehead; disheveled in a way that makes me know he’s been tugging at his
strands all night. 

What I love most
about Alex, what I’m trying so desperately to protect, is the heart beating
within his chest.  Most men wouldn’t take care of their ailing grandmother
knowing inevitably her memory will fade and he’ll be nothing but a nameless
face among many.  Most men would have given up the second they were left naked
and in bed in New York.  Not Alex.  Most men would have laid hands on, or at
least gotten in the face of a woman after finding out the baby they were
carrying wasn’t there’s.  Not Alex.

Pulling up to
his house, I turn off the engine and try to softly nudge him awake.  He stirs
murmuring something, before succumbing to his heavy breathing.  I heard my
name, but couldn’t make out anything else he was saying.

“Alex…” I nudge
again.  “You need to get up.  Do you need me to help you inside?”  His lids
lift revealing his unfocused eyes, but he doesn’t say anything.  “I’m going to
help you inside, okay?”  Finally some recognition when he nods his head.

Coming around
the vehicle I open the door slowly, hoping to avoid Alex tumbling out of the
car.  Thankfully, he’s somewhat mobile and after he stands, I place his arm
around my shoulders.  At least he’s trying to support most of his own weight as
we walk to the door. 

I know he’s
still sore when I pull him into my side; he retracts like I’ve pushed at a
bruise.  Which, most likely I have.  Right now, I don’t care how bad he’s
hurting.  I need to get him inside and get out of here.  He’s not going to like
this in the morning when he knows it was me who brought him home.  And although
he reeks of alcohol, it goes to show how much of a glutton for punishment I am
when I breathe him in like an addict. 

“Where’s your
key?” I ask tentatively, even though I know I’ll have to fish them out of his
front pocket. 

“Pocket…left,”
he murmurs. 

After steadying
him against the door, I take a deep breath needing some composure.  When I
reach into his pocket, I know I’m going to find more than I bargain for.  He
is
still Alex and last time I checked, I
am
still Elyssa.  Two magnets
attracted to each other.  I’m not ashamed of anything I’m going to feel; I just
know it can’t go anywhere.  Regardless, I reach into his pocket and feel around
for his keys, brushing up against his hardening length.  I blush and take a
heady breath before looking up into Alex’s strong eyes.  Which, of course, are
penetrating my stare. 
Focus Ely.
 

Shaking my brain
awake, I quickly remove the keys, cool my blush with my cold hands, and open
the front door.  We walk through the foyer, into a home I would have shared
with Alex until we found a place to call our own.  A place where only our
memories exist, where we could raise our child, love and be loved until the end
of our days.

I have to remind
myself that there is nothing I can do at this point to change anything, and
right now Alex is drunk.  I need to take care of him and get the hell out of
this house. 

I set Alex on
his bed and step away.  I watch him as he just sits there, making no efforts to
undress himself.  So, I help him out of his clothes and put him to bed.  I
kneel before him, unlacing his shoes before pulling them off.  His eyes survey
me the entire time, still glossy, yet still breathtaking.  He doesn’t push me
away, so I stand between his knees and take the hem of his shirt and lift. 
Alex complies and gingerly lifts his arms, helping me.