Shattered Hart (10 page)

Spencer’s trying his best to ward them off, but three against one
isn’t
working.  I’m drinking more than usual and feeling
looser
and
looser
as we dance to song after song. 

When a hot guy grabs me around the waist and starts
dancing with me in a
decidedl
y
provocative way, I
do
n’
t
stop him.  It feels
good
to be wanted, and when his head descends to min
e to take my mouth in a kiss,
I throw caution to the wind and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back with abandon.  I need to eradicate the memory of Damien’s kiss and right now
,
this seems like a good start.

I do
n’
t put the brake
s on when he starts grinding into me
more suggestively
,
and I let
him
get further than anyone
but
Damien has gotten in
well
over a year.
My brain is a haze of alcohol
, anger and rejection
. 
H
is kiss does nothing for me, but I throw myself in
to it and try harder, silently screaming at myself that I need to be attracted to someone, anyone, other than Damien.

It takes me a moment to notice that there is now another guy at my back
, also grinding up against me. W
hen I feel an erec
tion rubbing up against my ass,
I end the lip lock with
hunky. I turn around and
push the
other guy away
as I yell, “no!”
 

My shove has no effect on him
,
and
when hunky high fives the guy my heart sinks.  These two
obviously
know each other
.

They’ve got me
trapped between them as
they
both
continue
grinding against me suggestively
. 
Over the course of the next few minutes
,
I realize we are moving closer and closer to the exit
.  I try to get away
,
but
they are
having
no parts
of it
,
and I’m starting to panic
.

T
hey
work
in tandem
as they
edge
me closer and
closer to the exit
.
I yell out, but with the club being as loud as it is, no one even spares me a glance. 
I’m close to
throwing up
,
and
I’m terrified.

When Spencer grabs my arm and pulls me away from both of the guys, I’m so happy to see
him
that
I
almost weep.  I bury my face in his chest as he yell
s at the two assholes.
Delilah runs up to
us and pulls me in to her arms as
I start to shake as I cry.  I just made a god awful mess of the night
,
and
I’m embarrassed.

The fun is over
,
and
we all leave the club.  I’m trying to walk on my own
,
but
I’m shaky and wobbly, so eventually Spencer lifts me up and carries me out to a cab.  The ride back to
the
hotel is blessedly short,
which is
good
because my stomach is churning.

I try to walk again once we get there, b
ut I’m too sick to manage it. 
Spencer lifts me
in to his arms
again and the four of us make quick work of getting to my suite.  I’m horrified when Sabrina opens the door to my suite and I see Dante pacing the room behind her. 

Urgently I say,
“Ba
throom” to
Spencer and he runs me in
with seconds to spare.  As soon as he has me in front of the toilet I start vomiting profusely. 

God bless my sister for pulling my hair back in to a ponytail and rubbing my back as I continue to vomit. 
After
a while
,
I hear everyone else leave, but Sabrina stays with me through the night.  I’ve never prayed to the porcelain god
after drinking too much
before
,
and I never want to do it again. 

Eventually the vomiting becomes dry heaving
,
and
I lay my face on the toilet seat and cry.  I feel like
one
hundred miles
of
bad
road
,
and to top it all off
,
I look like a fool to my friends and family. 
It’s
been a banner night.

Sabrina shushes me and puts a
cool
compress on my head.  “It’s okay Brooke.  I’m right here
and
everything is fine.”

I try to smile at her but what comes out must be horrifying because she looks alarmed. 

“I’m done throwing up.  I need to brush my teeth and go to bed.”

Sabrina nods and helps me stand at the sink and brush my teeth before she walks me in to the bedroom suite and helps me get in to a nightgown. 
Once
Rina
’s tucked me in to the bed
,
she curls up next to me and rubs my back.

“Sleep it off. Tomorrow is another day.”

My last waking thought is that
at least I always have my sister to rely on.

I feel like a fucking coward for not gettin
g on that plane, but I
don’t
see how I can be around Brooke without hurting her more than I already have.
  We need to be apart, not together.

I begged off with some bullshit excuse about a date.  No one even questioned it
,
and
that made me feel worse. 
Clearly
my reputation as a man whore is well and truly established
,
and no one even thinks that there would be any other reason for me to back out of this trip other than my unquenchable need
to fuck
.
Oh, the fucking irony.

Of course
,
I
do
n’
t
have a date, far from it
in fact
.  I’m sitting in my living room staring at a wall wishing that I was there. 
It’s
a real fucking
barn
burner
over here. 

Christ, my dating life is getting more and more pathetic by the week. 
Anytime
I’ve gone
ou
t with Spence without the girls for the last fourteen months,
inevitably I
wou
nd up picking someone who looks
like Brooke. 

I’d
fuck those girls, all the while
thinking of Brook
e, and w
hen I
was cumming, I was
yelling
Brooke’s name in my head.
 
One after another, those nights made me more and more unhappy.  I want the real thing, not an imitation.

Lately, I’ve just given up on having sex entirely.
It’s impossible to substitute anyone for her, and frankly
it was
depressing
to keep trying
.
  I’m hoping that eventually I’ll just be able to fuck without thinking of her at all, but until I can be attracted to someone that isn’t a poor man’s version of her, I’m not bothering.

The h
ours pass by in a blur.  I imagine everyone laughing, talking and having a
fabulous
time.  I bet
it
’
s
a
perfec
t
time in Vegas. 
I can’t stop thinking about Brooke
,
and it makes me want to puke that I have to put such distance between us.
  What I
w
ould
n’
t
give to be
normal, to be from a bloodline that
wasn’t littered with one sex or drug addict after another.

There is no pretending that I’m not an addict too.  I lost my virginity when I was fifteen, and I’ve never looked back.  I fucked hundreds of girls, and I’ve never felt anything other than lust for any one of them.  The fact that I’m not fucking right now doesn’t mean shit.  If anything, it’s terrifying that I’m so addicted to Brooke that I can’t fuck anyone else. 

I’d die to be the man that
was worthy of Brooke
, but
that’s
never going to happen for me. 
She deserves better
, of that there is no doubt
.
I’m doing the
honorable thing by steering clear of her
.
  My
brain
knows this, but I still hate sitting here without her.

My musings come to a halt when I hear my phone signal that there is a text message.
Touching my screen
,
I pull the message up
.
My blood turns to ice when I see what it is.
 

Spencer’s sent a photo of Brooke wrapped in some assholes arms
,
in what is clearly a passionate kiss.
Under the picture
,
the text reads
: “Thanks a lot for leaving me with all 3 of them alone assho
le.
I
can’t
keep them away from guys like this.
 
Good work.
”

The rage I feel is staggering.  No one should be touching Brooke but me! 

As soon as I’ve had that thought
,
I laugh at myself.
  I need to get used to it. 

Girls like Brooke
don’t
stay on the market forever. 
She
’
s
going to meet someone
,
and
I’m going to have to smile and deal with it, pretend that everything is okay.

I feel sick to my core inside
, and I’m filled with jealousy
.  It
did
n’
t
take her long to find someone else.  I should be glad of that, but I’m not.  No, what I feel is pretty far from glad.  I
feel robbed and bitter
. 

I want to drink
,
but
getting drunk
is
n’
t
the answer. 
The danger in drinking would be that once I started self-medicating with alcohol, there would be a chance I could
no
t stop.
  Coming from a family of addicts, I’d never take that risk.

The ringing of my cell phone brings me ba
ck to reality.  Seeing that it’
s Spencer calling, I slide my finger across the answer button. 

“Spence, I’m sorry I
couldn’t
make it but
don’t
blame me for how they dressed.  Besides, Dante is there.  He should be helping.”

Spencer’s harsh breath is my first clue that something is wrong, and my stomach drops
one
thousand stories
in under a second.

“I
didn’t
fucking
have
Dante with me Damien.  I was alone.  The club
was packed
,
and
I just
could
n’
t
keep track of all of them at the same time.  Brooke got drunk, too drunk.  Two guys cornered her on the dance floor and
would
n’
t
let her go.  I saw it from across the club and had to barrel my way over to her as they were trying to take her out of the club.  I got there with seconds to spare.”

I’m off the couch in a flash
as
I yell in to the phone, “Did they touch her? Is she alright?”

Spencer makes a choked sound and I die a little inside as I wait for his answer. 

“They did touch her
,
but
it
did
n’
t
get far.  One of them was the guy she was kissing in the photo I sent
you
earlier.  The other guy appeared to be a friend of his.  They tag teamed her and tried to smuggle her out of the club.  Like I said, I got to her in time.  She was so drunk she
could
n’
t
even walk
,
so I had to carry her to the cab and then from the cab to the hotel.  I’ve never seen her like that. 
Brooke’
s normally a pretty straight arrow.  T
on
ight she was drinking
like the devil was on her ass.
  I got her back to her suite in the nick of time. 
She’s
puking her guts out r
ight now.  Sabrina is with her and she’s fine, but
I knew
you
would want to know
.”