Shampoo (38 page)

(thank you, Dan, for being the
first to wonder where the fuck I am)

Nat: “I don’t know, down there
somewhere.” She waved, vaguely.

(thanks for the concern about me,
Sis!!)

Tom: “You’re her sister!! You
should be watching out for her!!”

(God I love Tom. Like really
fucking love him)

Nat: “She may look all sweet and
vulnerable, but, TRUST ME, she is fine on her own.”

(aww…people think I’m tougher than
I am, though. Really I’m this fragile mess in a corner. Hopeless,
and beyond hope)

Evvy: “Silence.”

Josie: “That really bothers the
Birthday Boy, hey Ever?”

Evvy: “Silence filled with
stubborn silence.”

(he’s so fucking stubborn and
annoying. I respect it, but it’s annoying. Don’t want to respect
the fucker)

Josie: “He hates – AND LOVES – how
independent she is. How she can just wander off and still be all
happy and fun and pink. Really GETS TO HIM – ”

(ha ha. Hahahahaha. Did not know
this but will now forever more use it against him)

Tom: “REALLY gets to
him.”

Evvy: “Silence.”

Josie: “He loves it!! He LOVES how
it gets to him – ”

Evvy: “Silence.”

Nat: “Karina can make friends with
anyone.”

Josie: “EVERYONE loves her. She’s
just got this THING about her – ”

Tom: “THAT bothers him too –
”

Mark: “When are you just gonna
admit you’re fucking mad for her, Evvy – ”

(dear God, do not give me any more
hope, I just can’t stand any more)

Josie: “Yeah, and start treating
her right – ”

Evvy: “Oh just FUCKING SHUT UP,
the lot of you!!”

(I secretly love when he snaps and
loses it. Love when he loses his precious self-control)

Tom: “She should be here with us.
SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND.”

Evvy: “Back to closed up, face
set, stubborn silence.”

Mark: “I worry about her with
Raylene’s friend, too.”

(aww. Fucking so sweet I can
barely stand it)

Straight after that, they all
started calling out to me.

Mark: “Pinky!!”

Dan: “Kerry!!!”

Tom: “Pink Bits!”

Nat: “Karina!”

(Original, Sister of
Mine)

Even Evvy: “Woman!!”

I heard my name

(in all forms),

and called back,
“WHAT???”

(you motherfuckers, for leaving me
for half an hour!!)

I peered over the back of the
seat. Various arms were waving for me to hurry up and join
them.

“
Sorry,” I said to my
new friend. “I’ve been summoned.”

The guy looked seriously
crestfallen. Aw!

(least somebody fucking
cares)

So I joined them, where Tom pushed
me next to Evvy, photos were even taken of the two of us
together

(remind me to burn them later,
while cackling madly and freeing myself from him),

but it was like Evvy couldn’t
stand it much longer, his freak out clock was ticking, and he made
about seven minutes of sitting next to me before he jumped up,
looking madly about for some excuse for jumping up and abandoning
me.

(if he can’t find one, he’ll just
make one up)

I wanted to cry then, but hung on
to my sanity. Hung onto it all damn night.

So here’s the thing: I actually
DID have fun, a great time, actually, with everyone, despite Ever’s
best efforts.

We went club to club, club
hopping, staying an hour or so at one club before moving to the
next. We went to Melba’s first, then Shooters, then my fav,
Cocktails and Dreams, which was the place we went out to when we
all stayed down here a while back.

Plus I just love Cocktails and
Dreams for its title, and being a movie reference. The best of
everything references movies or books.

Ever’s brother

(wait, so since Ever and his
brother share the same last name, what do you call his brother?? Is
he Everard too?? Everard 2? Everard 1? I’ll just call him Everard’s
brother)

and his girlfriend, Casey, were
very sweet to me all night, and seemed to know who I was before Tom
and Mark went, “This is Karina,” and double pointed over my head,
while Evvy just stood there with this odd look on his
face.

Again, he didn’t contradict the
statement, or illusion that I was his girlfriend.

(yet. He didn’t YET. Still plenty
of time for that!)

I drank, I danced, I partied, I
laughed with everyone…

I just barely saw Evvy.

And I was even okay with that, or
told myself I was. I figured just get through the night, and sort
it out later. Just making it

(still standing. No Benny here to
pick me up off the floor and hold me up)

till I was back in my own bed was
the goal.

I seemed to be doing okay, too, I
got through quite a few hours with no incident, nothing but his
abandonment and neglect to upset me…

(but hey, I’m used to
that!!)

And then it happened.

That moment you’ll remember the
rest of your life, playing back in your head at random times, to
make you think FUCK!! Why did I stay so long and put up with
that???

(like I needed another one of
those moments to remember forever more. I’ve got so many of them,
all crowding around in my head)

The moment that officially breaks
your heart.

Evvy’s brother’s girlfriend and I
had been getting on famously all night. She loved me.

(so did Evvy’s brother, I could
tell)

We had a connection.

So Casey was talking to Gibbo’s
girlfriend, and Casey just offhand said something like, “Evvy’s
girlfriend is here tonight,”

(my ears pricked up from nearby
them)

and Gibbo’s girlfriend said,
“Where?”, looking around.

Casey turned and pointed to where
I was standing with the Scooby Gang. “There. The one in pink.
That’s Ever’s girlfriend, Karina.”

Gibbo’s girl raised her eyebrows,
shot me a look

(evil WITCH),

and replied, “No, that’s not his
girlfriend. She’s just some girl he’s fucking.”

I don’t think I even need to
comment, do I??

That line, all on its lonesome, is
enough. Enough to pack a wallop.

And yet, THERE’S MORE.

(the fun’s not over yet,
Folks!!!)

I was so hurt and shocked and
EMBARRASSED at being described this way to his brother’s
girlfriend.

My heart just broke. I wanted to
run and hide, but I was stuck in Surfers Paradise

(normally my favourite place to be
stuck),

on a crappy, glitzy fucking party
bus, surrounded by near-strangers, with no way to get
home.

I tried so hard to shake it off,
just let it go and have fun, but I was hurting. Badly. I was done.
There is no going back from that hurt and humiliation.

Later in the night, Evvy came up
to me in Cocktails and Dreams this one

(I repeat, ONE)

time, and I told him what Gibbo’s
girlfriend said to Casey, and he immediately replied, “You’re not
my girlfriend.”

(why??? WHY???? Why is he so
fucking hurtful to me??? Why would he FUCKING SAY THAT)

He may as well have stabbed me in
the heart in that club. It would have hurt less.

He had pure evil in his eye when
he said it to me, too.

I couldn’t even formulate a
response, I was so fucking hurt by this stage, and trying to pick
my heart back up off the floor. I just stood there, stunned,
looking up at him like some blinking fish, and then

(TRIPLE WHAMMY!!!)

he said, “You’re too drunk, I’m
not fucking talking to you like this,” and he stormed
off.

(hello!! It’s a party bus pub
crawl!!! I’m SUPPOSED TO BE drunk)

I will never forgive him. That was
brutal.

The bus didn’t get back to
Brisbane till 5am. Hoffy came and sat next to me on the bus, and I
fell asleep on him.

Depression does that to you. Mixed
with alcohol and your heart being ripped out your chest by the guy
you stupidly love.

Sunday morning, 5am at Richlands
in November was surprisingly cold. Freezing, actually!! Was some
kind of odd November cold snap

(for some reason , that makes me
think of frozen peas)

and I was in that skimpy
dress.

(fat load of good it did
me)

Everybody scattered pretty
quickly, except for me, Nat, Dan, Tom, Hoffy and The Asshole Who
Shall Not Be Named.

Tom kept me warm while we waited
for his dad to pick us all up. He kept rubbing my arms and wrapping
his arms around me.

Evvy stayed away from me. I
refused to look at him. Would like to NEVER LOOK AT HIM AGAIN for
the rest of my life.

I didn’t even take my dress off
when we got home. I just fell into bed.

I slept five hours, then went over
to Tee’s and saw the 4.25pm session of ‘Better than Sex,’ at
Sunnybank.

It was actually a bit disturbing,
seeing that movie with your best friend.

(or with anyone, I
imagine)

I know ‘sex’ was in the title, but
I went a bit blind, watching that much gratuity.

We went back to Tee’s, swapped
cars, and I drove us to the cemetery at Norman Park. We parked my
baby, put the stereo on loud, and danced around madly, laughing and
falling over.

(poor dead people. Hey, maybe they
like music)

Then we went for a walk through
the cemetery, IN THE DARK, clutching each other and freaking each
other out.

“
What was
that?”

“
I don’t know. Some
noise.”

“
That was
helpful!”

“
Holy shit!”

“
What!!”

“
What IS that?? Up
ahead?? That fucking SHADOW – ”

“
WHAT IS WHAT,
KARINA????”

“
THAT!!”

‘’
WHAT!!”

“
FUCKING THAT, STRAIGHT
IN FRONT OF US – ”

“
OHMYGODICAN’TDEAL
AAAAARGHHHH – ”

Tee went running off, screaming,
back down the path to the car.

“
I was
kidding!!!”

Oh my God. Too funny. She just
about whopped my ass back at the car, she was so terrified. She was
hysterical and screaming and practically crying.

I was doubled over, in
fits.

We grabbed Coke on the way home at
the servo

(I LOVE how we always do that…I
treasure that),

and Tee made me dinner back at her
place. Then we lazed about drinking Coke and talking and eating
dessert she’d made.

(Mars Bar cheesecake, oh my GOD,
to die for. To fucking die for)

We had a deep and meaningful while
we stuffed our faces with enough sugar for twenty people. I’d told
her about Ever and the fateful party bus the night before, and she
was all, “Oh, honey. You’ve survived much worse than this. Remember
your twenty-first birthday?”

(always. Till my dying
breath)

Tee was determined to talk about
it though. “That’s why I pulled away a bit there, honey. Was so
hard to think of you and what you’d gone through. It broke me a
bit.”

(broke her? Imagine what it’s done
to me then)

“
Aw, hon. I’m sorry,” I
replied, on a sob. Sorry to everybody, for all the destruction I’ve
ever caused. Sorry my loved ones have had to go through hell just
because I’m fucked up.

“
All that blood,” Tee
murmured. “Ugh, the smell. I can still smell it.”

(me too. Especially when I close
my eyes at night)

“
Turns out noses REALLY
GUSH when you break them!!” I tried to crack.

Tee did laugh though. She sobered
up quickly. “What’s worse is that you weren’t even WITH HIM then.
You were on a date WITH ANOTHER GUY. It should have been considered
assault. Fucker should have gone to jail.”