Shampoo (37 page)

I want to cry.

I don’t even want to think of him,
I don’t want to feel this pain, CAUSED BY HIM.

This is it – never again do I want
to feel for a guy ever again.

GUYS SUCK!!! Especially
Everard.

So…back to the drawing
board.

And the drawing board says NO MORE
BOYS!!!!!

It is over (this time), cause I
can’t take him, or how it is between us, any longer.

Who was I kidding that he cared??
He doesn’t fucking care.

Although

(and I hate myself so much for
that although, like there’s fucking hope, like there’s something to
hold on to),

his brother’s girlfriend said all
night that Evvy loves me!!!

What. The. Fuck.

He certainly didn’t show it!!! In
fact, he acted like he couldn’t stand me the entire
night.

So, the nightmare began like
this…

I should’ve known the moment he
rang in the evening, telling me not to come to his house
first

(with my car, so sleeping
over),

but to meet him at the servo with
everyone else.

That was my first red flag, where
I should have just bailed on the whole night.

Would have saved me a lot of pain.
May have saved Everard and I.

But let’s backtrack first. Let’s
truly set this motherfucking scene, Diary.

My oldest, best friend Tee, I
haven’t heard from in months. Not sure why, really…we just drifted
apart, and after years of best friendship, we just slipped away
from each other.

Sad.

I miss her all the time, though.
Like my old friends from TAFE, Steve and Andy and Lisa and Lauren.
I always miss them and think of them all the time.

So anyway, we ran into each other
at Coles at Cannon Hill on Thursday. So I babysat the kids Friday
night, Dad, John and Jenyne not getting home till one in the
morning, then I hooned home, rang Tee, cause she finished work at
1am and I’d promised to call her.

We had a great chat till about
2.30am. God, I’ve missed her. We just talk about everything and
laugh so much. She’s very maternal, and grown up, but fun. I just
love her.

She’s the one that taught me how
to put lipstick on and dress nice and get boys.

So then I had to be up at 7am to
go surfing with Lachie and Melinda. I drove to their place and Lach
drove us down the coast in Melinda’s electric blue Commodore
VP.

(Commodores are the sexiest cars
ever!!)

I had the best time with
them.

Lach is so cheeky and fun. He’s
always laughing and joking and mucking around and pranking and
being a big kid. I love that about him.

(once, at work, he covered the one
toilet we had in the old building in clingwrap, and Daryl Agnew
ended up getting his own piss all over himself. Was so damn
funny)

He’s also the workplace health and
safety officer. Someone fucked up there!!

But he can also go very spiritual
and deep and meaningful when he wants to. He has these two sides,
but I guess they both come out of this New Agey light he
rocks.

Lach is kinda very fascinating to
me. I’m very attracted to him, but in a very platonic, fun way. I
love hanging out with him.

Melinda is just so carefree and
easy going. She laughs at everything.

(screams and laughs at
everything)

She’s the typical blonde, fun,
easy-going surfer girl. Or girlfriend of a mad surfer.

We laughed and talked and surfed
the whole day.

You can’t call what I do surfing,
though. More like drowning, falling off the board, getting hit in
the eye with the pointy bit of the surfboard…that’s what I
do.

But gee it’s fun.

We stopped at a bakery at Kirra,
sat around the hood of the car along the beach, looking every bit
the beach bums.

God, I love the coast!!!
Particularly Kirra…it’s always so bright and blue and beautiful
there.

Then we went on to Robina, cause
Melinda had a hair appointment there, so Lachie and I window
shopped and chatted and had a drink together. Was so nice. I love
having friends!! I love male friends, I love female friends…I just
love friends!!!

Then we drove back to Brissie, and
I went straight from their place to Tee’s at Norman
Park.

Made my heart ache a bit
actually

(and fill with joy, as we’ve been
reunited),

cause Tee and I both lived on
Wynnum Road (Tee off Wynnum Road), like a five minute walk from
each other. We used to be over at each other’s places all the
time.

I miss that.

And that spot is beautiful,
overlooking the river and all of Brisbane city.

So I got to Tee’s at 5pm, and it
was my fav time of day…the way the sun sets along the water, the
way the air feels…

Spectacular.

It was a balmy, summer early
evening moment.

She always greets me dressed in
her 1950’s vintage wear

(she only ever shops at op
shops…it’s her thing!),

and gives me a peck on the cheek
and exclaims, “You look so pretty!!” in her girly voice. She’s very
dainty and proper and classy.

And Tee had butterscotch pancakes
with cream just cooking for me. My God, delicious!!!

Then we went for a drive in her
car, up Wynnum Road, over the Story Bridge and into the
Valley.

We laugh so hard when we’re
together. I love how on our drives, we crank the stereo and start
stupid dancing and then we can’t stop laughing. Our giggles turn
into laughs that turn into can’t stop fits.

Tee starts CRYING with laughter,
then can’t see where she’s going and her atrocious driving gets
even worse, and narrowly avoiding dying in a fiery crash should not
be so damn funny.

But it is!!

On the way home, Tee put two
dollars petrol in her car and grabbed a bottle of Coke from the
servo, and that made my heart just fill with joy.

Years and years of friendship, Tee
has been putting in tiny amounts of petrol on our drives and
grabbing a bottle of Coke. Then we’d go back to one of our places
and drink Coke and chat for ages.

I love how some things just never
change.

Old friends. They’re like
beautiful mirrors that you can look at and see yourself
in.

Or see your old, good
self.

(before shit went down)

Still buried under there
somewhere.

So I got home from Tee’s after
7pm, and that’s when Evvy rang saying, “Meet me at the servo with
everyone else, okay?” and me barely having the time to reply
“Okay,” in a very worried and timid manner before he had hung
up.

That was a GIANT RED FLAG THERE
AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE FUCKING GONE.

(deep breath. Calm down. It’s just
your fucking heart broken. Again. No biggie)

It was a dark and balmy summer
evening.

(I love books that start with ‘It
was a dark and stormy night.’ Unfortunately, it wasn’t that
atmospheric)

About 50 twenty year olds were
standing around at the servo near the Richlands Drive-In, laughing
and rowdy, raring to go.

I wore a Barbie pink dress, very
short with no straps, just tight, my hair curled and a glittering,
pink hibiscus clip in my hair.

It was like the Universe knew shit
was coming straight at me, and it couldn’t

(or wouldn’t)

make Evvy give me a great, fun,
romantic night, but it would make sure I looked hot at
least.

For the shit storm about to be
unleashed on me.

One of the many girls I didn’t
know came up to me and exclaimed, “Your skin is GORGEOUS, where do
you get the tan from?” and I just stood there, stumped.

(where do you get the tan from?? I
don’t understand the question)

Nat quickly retorted,
in a ‘no der’ manner, “AHH, THE SUN,” then pulled a ‘Duh, I’m a bit
special’ face

(that she does so
well!!!),

while everyone cracked up
laughing.

The girl stood there, looking as
confused as me.

I felt bad, since she was
complimenting me, and said, “Yeah, I was in the sun all day,
surfing.”

I sensed him before I saw him.
Everyone greeted him, and he’d been watching and listening to our
convo, but he didn’t grab me or kiss me.

(did I really expect him to?? Yes
I did)

Sigh. It was his
21
^st
though. I wasn’t going to ruin it.

Save my vitriol for
later!!!

(oh and I would. Save it all up
and then just let it explode and rain down on him)

Some of Evvy’s friends were
flirting with me now, asking why am I so brown, and telling me
“You’re so damn sexy,”

(stop, stop!!! No don’t
stop)

and Evvy just stood there,
listening and watching me and not looking impressed at
all.

(ha ha!! Suck it,
Everard)

So then the party bus arrived to
loud cheers, and I hung back, waiting for everyone else to get
on.

I was in no rush to board. I was
actually kinda dreading it.

I also wanted to see if Everard
would grab me or not.

(guess what?? He didn’t. What a
shocker there)

So by the time I hopped on the bus
behind a group of people I didn’t know, I’d lost Nat and
Dan

(my lifelines)

already, and felt a bit lost and
defeated.

Why do I fucking try so hard.
Why?? This is where it gets me – all the fuck alone.

All I fucking wanted was a loving
boyfriend for once. HIM as my boyfriend. Was that too much to ask
for???

Yes. Apparently it was.

(but thank you, Universe, for
making me look hot)

The Party Bus was actually a
luxury one (I’ve been on some really dodgy ones), a glittery coach
with plush, high seats, air conditioning and a fully stocked
bar.

Did I really expect less from
Ever?? He may live in Inala, but he’s busy planning his Donald
Trump takeover. He always expects the best and the
sleekest.

Should I get my hopes up about
that?? He’s with me, so maybe I am pretty darn good then!! Then
again, he’s barely with me, embarrassed to be seen with me,
therefore I am shit. Not good enough for him.

Now I’m even more
bummed.

No good ever comes from
self-analysing. Better to be oblivious about one’s self.

As I climbed the coach’s stairs
and entered the aisle, I peered over everyone’s shoulders, trying
to spot the Scooby Gang.

I saw them all take seats together
halfway down the bus, all of them laughing and joking with each
other

(Nat slapped Hoffy across the back
of his head and called him a loser),

safe and secure in their little
group.

I suddenly felt pathetic. Pathetic
to trail behind them, trying to be a part of their group, trying to
be their friend, trying to be Ever’s girlfriend. Trying to be part
of the Scooby Gang.

Pathetic to trail behind Evvy,
hoping he’d FOR ONCE acknowledge me.

I didn’t belong there at
all.

No way was I going to desperately
push through this crowd bottlenecking the aisle, coming through the
other side, breathless, looking like I needed my sister and her
boyfriend

(or, worse, Evvy),

to get through this
evening.

I was quite capable of sitting on
my own on a bus full of drunk strangers.

I’m always standing alone. I
fucking know how to do it better than anyone.

I was, however, alone for all of
five seconds before a guy plopped down next to me.

Turns out he was a friend of
Josie’s sister, and he kept me occupied for like half the trip, 30
minutes.

He was so attentive and talkative
and focused on me that I forgot I was ‘all on my own’ and had
fun.

(really, I could have fun
anywhere. Prison, for example)

Now Nat told me later
that, despite my absence from the group, my presence was definitely
felt. All of them were apparently ‘amazed’ at my
‘ballsiness.’

It started with Dan: “Where’s
Kerry?”