ShameLess (31 page)

Debi says, “Oh, then, seems we should all start finishing what we started last night before all of those damn Jägerbombs caught up to us. Let’s go down to and finish setting up. Then, it’s time to start getting this bride ready for her groom.”

Standing behind the semi-closed vertical blinds in front of the French doors leading out onto the deck, I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. I am so lost in this moment that I can barely breathe.

My dad comes up beside me, as the girls and my mom are excitedly talking in the kitchen. All of their voices are garbled, and I am only able to make out the fact they are still discussing final details, “Don’t forget, you need to take her bouquet,” and, “Did someone remember to light the lanterns and candles,” and other similar things. I dismiss it all, not able to make the rest of what they are discussing out, anyway.

“Hey! There’s my princess. You ready for this?” My dad says.

I keep staring through the open slits in the blinds, watching as more people begin to arrive. I say nothing, only nod.

“You look breathtaking.”

I turn to face him, “Thanks daddy,” which is something I have not called him in many years. Emotions are running so high, and when I see the emotion fill his eyes, mine fill too.

“Stop. You’re going to ruin my make-up,” I tell him, pleadingly.

“Even without make-up, Ren, you are stunning. It’s beautiful out there, huh?” He says, referring to the scene we are both watching unfold through the blinds.

He is right. With the help of the girls, my mom and me, we really have pulled off the most exquisite beach themed wedding. Even now, as I look at it all, I am in awe of how truly remarkable it is. It is beyond anything in my dreams. I remember always wanting a beach wedding.

As kids, Elle and I went through countless magazines. I always cut out pictures that reminded me of the wedding I thought I wanted. Nothing then, compares to what I see now. Elle would be going nuts now seeing it in life, like me. A twinge strikes me, but I just release it, knowing in some way, she is with me. She is here, in my heart.

We chose to have the ceremony closer to the water’s edge. Rows of white chairs fill each side, angling in at a diagonal toward the aisle and alter. Each whitewashed chair has a deep turquoise satin piece of material taut around its back, tied in a hanging knot. Singularly adorning each is a dark purple and turquoise-blue Dendrobium orchid secured in the center of each knot. The aisle itself has matching orchid petals, mixed with coral rose petals lining its center.
Perfect!

My eyes continue to scan my dream come to life. My dad’s idea to have a darkly stained wooden arbor with black wrought iron is picture perfect, especially since my mom and, her sister; my Aunt Melanie got a hold of it. They embellished it by draping coordinating flowing pieces of fabrics matching the whole color scheme. They brought the whole look together by securing the fabric to the iron using bunches of the same colored orchids, roses. They added lavender hibiscus to soften the look with Vinca vines dangling down each side of the front corners edges.

The true focal point of the arbor is a small round table, covered with white linen. In the middle of it sits a large glass vase of the same mix of flowers in alternating heights that have seashells at the bottom, hiding the flowers stems. Sitting in front of the vase is our large white unity candle, which has a piece of twine bound around its center, with starfish and smaller orchids hanging off it. On either side of our candle are the memorial candles for his mother, Victoria, and Elle. They are smaller, thinner versions of ours.

The absolute perfect addition to pull the entire scene together are the large black wrought iron and dark wood lanterns that have candles in each, sitting on the outside of each end row of chairs, lining the inside of the aisle. We also placed large glass candleholders sporadically throughout the exterior perimeter of the whole area, in a large heart shape. Off to the right a few hundred feet we created a similar heart using coordinating orchid and rose petals for getting pictures after the ceremony. Smaller glass candleholders outline the entire outside border of the petals making up the heart. Very picturesque!

I feel like I am in a dream!

“Take a deep breath,” mom says, walking over to hand me
my
very own final addition, my bouquet. It matches everything just right. I take it from her, in silent bliss, but am only able to vaguely smile from all of the emotions wanting to escape.

I do as she says, inhaling deeply, and exhaling slowly. “Thanks.”

“Here, this is from Stefan. He made me promise to give this to you beforehand.” She tugs my dad’s elbow, backing them both up a little behind me, giving me alone time. I stare at the envelope, and the square box wrapped in a delicate satin turquoise bow. A purple and turquoise orchid lies underneath. I take it out, and hand it to my mom. I open the envelope, taking the card out.

To my Star:

Today is the day I finally make you mine – forever & always.

We have come so far. Wear this and remember, today we share our vows – our promises to each 

other - in one of our favorite places on earth; the beach. Also let this be a reminder, no matter

what, our star, ShameLess, is exactly how we will start our lives together. No more shame; only

love. Always my love, my Bella. You are the one who saved me from darkness, my endless Star.

I love you, Stefan

I fight back tears with no prevail as I open the box. Inside, glimmering at me in full beauty is a diamond starfish necklace. My hands begin to tremble, as a barely quiet whimper escapes.

My mom is by my side. “Ssh, here, let me,” She takes the box, removes the necklace, and clasps the necklace into place around my neck. “Beautiful, just as you are,” she says before kissing my cheek, and going to snap the girls into position with the start of the music.

“That’s our cue. Just know how proud we are of you, and you’ll always be my princess. You ready?” My dad declares with tears filling his eyes as he comes up beside me, slipping my arm through his own. He leans over kissing my forehead.

“I was born ready,” I concur, smiling up at him.

My mom is ushered out first. I’m still amazed with all of her beauty. She is dressed in a flowing off the shoulder ivory chiffon sundress. I hope I look as great at her age. She blows me a kiss, on her way out, as she pats the moisture from the corner of her eye. My own eyes want to fill seeing her emotional as I fight the quickened heartbeats reminding me the time is drawing nearer.

As the girls precede me, each in either turquoise or coral thigh length strapless dresses, and as I watch each of them exit through the doors, I know, no matter what, I really have overcome. These friends, like family, have been a rock of support for me. Stefan is becoming mine for life. I am becoming his wife.

Beyond words, I am stronger. I am truly living without shame. Today marks the start of accepting who we are together, and who we no longer are apart. I can’t wait to promise my love to this one man waiting on me. I can’t wait to become Mrs. Esposito; forever and always, no matter what!

It is my turn now, as my dad leads me out onto the deck. Standing on the top step, I pause, allowing all eyes to greet me. My dad pats my arm, and I smile up at him. Just then, my eyes lock with Stefan’s. He is grinning at me.

“It’s now or never,” I tell my dad, my heart beating in synchronization to the start of
Canor in D
.

Two exquisite butterflies land side by side on the deck railing right before I take my very first step down the aisle. They only stay a little while before flitting off, but it’s long enough that it catches the lump in my heart.
Victoria! Elle!

Blessings often overflow, starting with the memories of our past. Learning to accept their lessons frees us from living within a traumatic nightmare. Rather, we do overcome, we grow, evolve, and live the dreams we have earned and deserve. Each day is truly a gift. And, like pap’s voice still reminds me, “There are no guarantees, so live like you are dying.” Overcome mistakes, learn to forgive, and live without shame, without regrets. Today is a true blessing. I believe everything has a time and a specific purpose, but accepting it provides the power of hope. I was meant to meet Stefan. I believe there is purpose in that.

Fairytales really do come true. All you have to do is believe.

The End!

Mel Ballew resides in rural Pennsylvania with her husband and daughter, along with their two adorable cats.

An avid reader, she has always had an equal passion for writing and has written her entire life, to date. Her mother initially birthed, inspired and encouraged these loves. The two often discussed writing together but unfortunately, that dream never came to fruition.

Years later, this happened, that happened—life happened.

She stepped away from writing to place more focus on being wife and a full-time mom. Today, she would not have changed a thing. The day her daughter was born became the first day she realized a significant rhythm to her heart was also born. Her daughter, now preparing to go off to college, has grown into a beautiful and responsible young adult.

A twisted turn of events in September 2009 left Mel unable to work outside of the home. Forced to consider other options, and while embracing a therapeutic approach of transcribing all of the challenges facing her, post-accident, she returned to journaling. Once again, the writer within her has been rebirthed—awakened from slumber.

Mel is a hopeless romantic. Blessed, she has her very own soul mate, which she calls husband, best friend and lover. She is a simple country gal, with a profound love of true simplicity. She is just as hopeless in her love of nature and regards many of her writing aspirations to appreciating its beauty, although every single story is birthed from her dreams. Sometimes, in life, simply enjoying a chilled glass of sangria on a warm summer's eve or indulging in her love of chocolate and peanut butter is an expression of enjoying such simplicity. For her, these moments are simply d'vine.

Shattered Into Beautiful, A Surviving Soul Novel,
is Mel Ballew's debut novel.

ShameLess
is the Author’s standalone Contemporary Romantic Suspense.

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Tucker’s story

A novella, following
ShameLess

Releasing September 2013.

“You can never love another until you love yourself first.”

Tucker Reeves has been filled with fear his entire life, from fear of failure to fear of disappointment, and even the fear of loving, or being loved.