Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) (17 page)

             
I smiled at Gladys and invited her to sit with me for a while. We were after all the only two folks around and I could certainly use a good story to keep my mind occupied. “What happened?”

             
“I left here years ago with my boyfriend. We moved out west to California. He wanted to marry me but I was so homesick for my little town and my family, and my job here that I couldn’t go through with it. I came back home settled in to my life again and never left. And you know what? There’s not been a day that went by that I didn’t think about him. He was the love of my life. My one chance at happiness in love. And I blew it.” Gladys stopped speaking for a moment her eyes focusing on me for the first time since she’d started her tale.

             
“Don’t you do what I did, honey. Don’t let the love of your life get away from you, you hear?”

             
I found that my hands were actually trembling as I reached for my coffee cup too fast sending the hot liquid spilling over onto my hand and to the table. Gladys’ attention was immediately diverted from my expression to the bright red burn forming on my hand.

             
“Oh honey, let me get some butter. Butter is the best thing there is for burns, you know?” While Gladys rushed off to find her butter, I forced myself to breathe. After all, the woman had been merely talking about her own life she had no way of knowing about me or my tragedy.

             
“Here you go.” Gladys took a small pat of butter and gently smeared it onto the burn. I was surprised that it felt almost instantly better. “How’s that feeling?”

             
“Great. Where’d you learn that trick?” I asked trying to smile.

             
“Honey that little pearl is as old as dirt. Older than me if you can believe it.”

             
“Well, thank you. It’s very kind of you Gladys. I’m such a klutz at times.” I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost two. “I hate to say it but I’ve got to get back on the road. I’ve got a lot of miles to cover still.”

             
“You young people are always rushing off somewhere. Well, you take care of yourself honey and be careful with that burn. And with yourself for that matter, you hear? And remember what I told you,” she added causing me to turn back from the door and look at her.

             
“You don’t let that boy get away from you.”

             
It was all that I could do to walk away and not ask all the questions that were so close. In the end, it was the fear of what I’d walked away from that kept me strong.

*****

              By the time I reached Eagle’s Bluff, I’d almost been able to convince myself that Gladys was only guessing my story or maybe the sadness that I knew followed me everywhere was a dead giveaway. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get her story out of my thoughts. It was always there with me, reminding me of my own failures.              

             
I should be bouncing off the walls with excitement. After all, I’d accomplished the impossible. I’d been allowed to walk away from The Organization and put all its darkness behind me. I’d done what Noah and everyone else told me was impossible. I’d gotten out.

             
So why wasn’t I elated? I was starting a new life today. I was going to be just another average citizen making her way in the world. Anything was possible for me from here on out.

             
Except for love. Like it or not I’d blown that chance. Noah knew me better than any other human being ever would. He knew what made me tick and understood the business we’d been caught up in. No one else would ever believe what I’d walked away from.

             
I mean, how could I explain to Joe Blow off the street that I’m expecting a terrorist to come looking for me at any moment?

They’d think I’d lost my mind somewhere
. Who knows maybe they’d be right?

             
I retrieved the keys from Mrs. Reynolds and started on my way. I was half way up the mountain when a sign caught my attention. It was an advertisement for a kennel. I decided that for a new life I needed a new friend to share it with.

             
The sign advertised several different breeds and I found the couple that ran the place was nice and very willing to help me decide on a new friend.

             
I told them that I was new to the area and on my own for the first time. I didn’t tell them where in Virginia I was from but left them believing that I was simply a woman single again after a divorce.

             
“Well if you’re looking for a nice watchdog as well as a companion than I’d recommend the golden retriever. They’re a great breed for being loyal to their owners and they’re excellent companions.” The old man told me.

             
The second I spotted one puppy in particular, the runt of the litter, I knew he was the one. The dog was already smaller than the rest of his family at three months but I fell in love with him the second he licked my hand.

             
“That’s the one,” I told the man.

             
“That’s Bo. We name um all. You can’t go wrong with him. He’s as gentle as a mouse but protective once he bonds with you.”

             
“Bo...I like that. He’s perfect.” I paid the person and Bo and I was on our merry way to our new life together.

             
“Okay buddy I hope you’re going to be good at spotting terrorist.” I told my new friend seated in the passenger seat next to me.

             
Bo didn’t seem to be at all daunted by his new task. He simply waged his tail and panted at me.

             
The house was exactly as I remembered it, right down to the dust that had gathered from months of no use.

             
I took my time unpacking the things I’d brought with me while Bo tentatively roamed around his new digs.

             
By late that afternoon, I was pooped but at least finished with most of the unpacking. I hadn’t eaten in hours so I gave Bo his dinner and made myself a sandwich while sitting in front of my computer trying to decide if I had the nerve to open my email.

             
In the end, I decided it would take more than I felt up to that night. Sleep was what I needed the most.

             
With Bo following close behind me I pretty much was asleep the second my head hit the pillow. I was never one to be a sound sleeper. That night with all the things I’d left in the past, I was so deep into sleep that it took me a long time to be aware of the sound of Bo barking as loud as he could at the foot of my bed. I set up, trying to shush Bo enough to listen.

             
Silence. Not the silence of the night but the silence that I was only too familiar with. A silence that meant danger.

             
I reached for beneath my pillow where in the past I’d always kept a backup only to realize that I’d dropped my guard. I’d left the weapon downstairs packed away somewhere the great room.

             
I reached for my robe and stumbled down the steps unfamiliar with territory of the house just yet with Bo underfoot. In the great room where I found my purse and took out my primary weapon along with flashlight that I didn’t use just yet. I stood waiting, listening to the silence for some sound.

             
Had something from my past followed me here? I prayed silently that I was wrong.

             
“Judah?” I said my brother’s name quietly into the stillness only to be met with more silence. Then the sound of the night returned and whatever had been there was gone. Or maybe it had all been in my head after all?

             
Whatever it had been, it had felt real enough to scare me and awaken Bo. In the faint light from the moon, I saw him cowering at my feet. The hair on the back of his head standing up. It was real all right. It had to be to scare me this much. I sat shivering in the great room glancing around me and waiting for the dawn.

             
When I awoke the next morning as the first touch of sunlight filtered through the windows on my face, I found that Bo like myself had fallen back to sleep.

             
I sat up and immediately felt a rush of nausea overtake me. I barely made it to the bathroom in time but it was a long time before I found the will to emerge. I felt drug out. Exhausted beyond belief. The past few weeks without Noah where finally starting to hit me. They had taken their toll. Up until this point, I hadn’t so much as had a hiccup with my pregnancy. When I finally came out of the bathroom my new friend was there wagging his tail at me.

             
“Did we imagine last night, buddy?” I asked only to be rewarded with another little wag.

             
Old habits die hard. I wasn’t really sure what I was expecting to find but still, I went outside to investigate. I wandered around the house’s parameter but nothing seemed out of place or disturbed. There were no footsteps, nothing to indicate that last night had been anything beyond Bo and my own over stimulated imagination.

             
Had I really just imagined something was out here? Had my past made me so paranoid that I was seeing ghosts of it wherever I looked?

             
“Good boy,” I told Bo and decided to take my little guard dog for a short walk around the property just to be sure. Maybe what we both needed a little exercise to clear our minds?

             
Our short hike turned out to be a two hour-long jaunt around the thirty-acre property line. I remembered Mrs. Reynolds warning me to be careful wandering around by myself. She told me that I should be on the lookout for wild animals such as bears that came down from the high country during this time of the year in search of easy food.

             
I’d only smiled at the time wondering what she would think if I told her things that, I was used to watching out for. Now alone and as much as I hated to admit it, totally out of my element I started to get a little nervous with each noise coming from the underbrush.

             
I mean I’d lived in lots of places through the years. All over the world in fact, and I’d dealt with some terrible two legged creatures, but what did I know about bears? I guess it doesn’t matter what type of life you choose for yourself there are always danger.

             
Bo and I made our way slowly back to the house where I showered and had coffee and breakfast before deciding I’d put things off long enough.

             
I turned on the computer and logged onto my email. Nothing. No answer from Noah at all. I believed that in his silence I had my answer. I guess it didn’t matter whether he was truly dead or alive. Noah was gone to me.

             
I wanted to cry but there were no more tears left inside of me. I shut the door to my past completely that day when I finally accepted that truth.

             
“So what do we do from here?” I asked Bo only to be rewarded with another wag. I’d been in my normal life less than twenty-four hours and already I didn’t know what to do with myself.

             
I could look for a job at one of the schools close by but I’d already put myself at risk by buying the house. I’d put down some roots that could be traced. I didn’t dare risk filling out an employment form.

             
So I started considering what my options were. What could I do at home as far as something to keep me busy?

             
I’d always wanted to do something to help women who found themselves caught up in a particularly bad situation. From working with the various extremist cells in the US I’d come across some terrific stories of women caught up in what amounted to slavery in certain cases. Those women needed to know there was a way out. I began to play around with setting up a website for such women as well as victims of domestic abuse or just simply alone again for the first time.

             
Noah had taught me a lot of things about the computer. I could hack with the best of them, not to mention create a security system that rivaled Fort Knox. He’d also taught me how to design a website.   

             
For the time being, I knew I would be okay financially. I might actually go crazy emotionally but at least I wouldn’t starve to death doing it. I had managed to save some money on my own over the years and there was the money that was left to me by my parents as well. I had time to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

             
After working on the website for a while and then cleaning the house from top to bottom, I decided to give in to the exhaustion that had followed me all day long. I picked up a book from the stack that I’d been planning on reading for years. As hard, as I tried to concentrate I was restless and bored.

             
So I went for yet another walk. I mean you can’t have too much exercise now can you.