Sex Tips for Straight Women From a Gay Man (8 page)

Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
So what is the one thing that most men seem willing to die for?

The thing that can turn the most high-powered businessman into a sniveling idiot? The thing that reduces Ph.D. linguists to phrases such as “Oh, yeah!”? We all know the answer—a good blow job!

What is it about a blow job that makes it so prized? First of all, it feels great. Second, guys have the pleasure of watching and experiencing it at the same time. And third, they get to have an orgasm without doing a lot of work. Of course, how much work he does before or after is up to you.

One woman we know summed up her philosophy about oral sex in one blunt statement: “I ain’t putting nothin’ in my mouth unless I can cut it with a knife.” We suggest she get a better attitude; a number of famous ladies in history have used their oral expertise to achieve great success in international politics, high finance and royal society. Madonna even showed a little of her skill on the silver screen. If you can make the most of your mouth motion, you can have just about anything, whether it’s straight As in grad school or the Hope diamond.

Unbeknownst to him, a really good friend of ours, Jim, had the reputation for giving the best head in the city. He found this out one day while sitting in the chair of Jonathan, our hairstylist. Apparently, Jonathan had been at a fancy dinner party when Jim’s name came up in the context of desirable men about town. Someone said, rather indiscreetly we feel, that Jim gave the best blow jobs ever. Jonathan, only knowing Jim in a wash, cut and blow-dry venue, just couldn’t imagine it. It was only when two other people at the table confirmed that Jim got first prize in their BJ book also that the stylist believed it. From that day

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“You Know How to Whistle, Don’t You? Just Put Your Lips Together
on, Jim received star treatment at the salon and never paid extra for deep-conditioning treatments.

Just the suggestion of mouth mastery will make men quiver.

Frederica, another young woman we know, found a unique way to distinguish herself at parties. By demonstrating her uncanny ability to tie a cherry stem into a knot using only her tongue, she was always surrounded by hopeful suitors.

Sometimes, she didn’t even have to demonstrate, as the mere mention of it was enough to get guys thinking. She’s very popular.

BJ BASICS

A common male misconception is that the fuller the lips, the better the blow job. We say any old lips will do. It’s not the size, it’s what you do with them. These BJ basics are guaranteed to blow his mind as well his horn.

The key to a good blow job exists just as much in your head as in your hands and mouth. He’s allowing you to take control over the most sensitive and precious parts of his body. Deep down he knows that you could knock him off in a nanosecond.

Remember, his penis is your friend, and you’ll want to give it as much attention as you would your very, very best friend.

You really have to show respect and concentrate big time on what you’re doing. And he’ll know if you’re really being friends with Mr. Stiffy, or just being a phony.

We cannot overemphasize the proper state of mind. He wants to feel that you are enthusiastically devoting your talents to making his penis happy, and that you’re not just doing it because you had too much to drink. BJs under those
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Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
circumstances are not as memorable for him. This activity requires your full attention.

Our friend Jonathan told us about a date he went on with an older gentleman. They were making out passionately when Jonathan moved south and was about to go down on his date.

Much to Jonathan’s chagrin he found a mass of gray hair, froze up, and was simply unable to continue. “It was like having sex with my father or something,” he told us afterward. If you think the same thing might happen to you, and you have a fear of gray hair, too, we recommend that you just turn off the light. The real point of the story is that people have all kinds of preconceived notions about and associations with BJs and that you should probably jettison them in order to fully enjoy your new sex life.

Although many people would have you believe that the key to BJs is sucking, his penis is no lollipop. The central action is to move the lips in an up and down, or back and forth, motion.

What makes this act so delicious is that you can vary the pressure of your lips, take the penis out of your mouth, lick the sides and the top, and use your tongue and hands in a variety of ways that will deliver a scintillating series of sensations.

The building blocks of BJs consist of mouth only, mouth and tongue, and mouth and hands. Building with these blocks is your quickest route to a Park Avenue penthouse. Don’t take the power of a blow job lightly. Know what to do, and when and how to do it. Whether it’s the overture, the entr’acte or the grand finale, the BJ rightly deserves a place of honor in your sexual repertoire.

If you’re starting with Mr. Softee, you should have no
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“You Know How to Whistle, Don’t You? Just Put Your Lips Together
trouble putting the whole thing in your mouth while you gently suck and lick. Don’t start moving your mouth up and down until he’s at least semierect. As with your hand job technique, making a ring around the base of the shaft will help make him hard quicker. And Mr. Softee will turn into Mr. Stiffy in no time.

Before you really get into it, take a sip from your handy glass of water. Kneel between his legs so you can show respect for his prized possession. Put both hands into the L position around the base of the shaft. Lick the whole tip, and then use your tongue to lick up and down the sides. Now it should be slick enough to slide into your mouth easily. Covering your teeth with your lips, and keeping your mouth taut, glide the head inside and lick the sensitive spot underneath with both the tip and flat part of your tongue. Amateurs may think they should use a snakelike quickie lick, but your lick should be more like what you would use on your favorite flavor of ice cream cone.

Still covering your teeth, and maintaining your pressure, proceed down the shaft as far as you can go in one fell swoop.

Women usually think it’s better to go up and down, letting a little more into their mouths each time. That’s for amateurs.

Let him know right away that you’re going to take good care of him. Relax the muscles in your neck and jaw as much as possible. Try to breathe through your nose. Being in this position allows you to control how far in it goes. Pull your mouth back up the entire length of the shaft, right over the ridge of the tip. Just as in the ring technique of the hand job, he’ll love the sensation of your lips popping over this ridge. Take it out of your mouth for a second, and

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Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
go right back down. This will give you a chance to breathe.

Continue the full up-and-down-the-entire-shaft motion at a sensual, slow pace. Once you get bored with this, usually after two to three minutes, it’s time to start using your hand.

One hand will always remain at the base of the penis to keep it in place. With the other hand, make a ring with your thumb and forefinger, and follow the movement of your lips up and down. Maintain the slow pace. Remember to breathe when you get to the top. When you’re ready to make him really moan, switch from the ring to the magic upstroke, twist, over and down technique, combining a hand stroke with a mouth stroke. Coordinating these motions will take some practice, but it will be well worth it. Still keep the pace slow and steady, or it may be over before you know it.

Don’t forget to pay attention to his nipples, if he likes that (see chapter 4). This will give you something else to concentrate on so you don’t get bored, and it will feel great for him. Let your hands work their magic on his penis for a bit, while you use your mouth on his inner thighs, balls, lower stomach and that sensitive spot where his legs meet his body. Try licking this area first to soften it up, then use your lips to lightly squeeze and massage it (see chapters 4 and 7). Once you get really good at this, you can have your mouth on his shaft while one hand tweaks his nipples and the other holds his balls.

We recommend torturing him a bit to remind him just how good you really are. You can, in fact you should, pause in the middle of a blow job any old time you feel like it. Stop what you’re doing. Remove your hand and mouth, and move back up his stomach and chest to his face. Planting a couple of kisses on his lips, neck and shoulders about now will let
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“You Know How to Whistle, Don’t You? Just Put Your Lips Together
him cool down for a few minutes. Stopping, starting, stopping and starting again will make for a bigger, better and much more powerful orgasm.

After you’ve stopped and started a few times, and you’ve got him just about ready to burst, return to the upstroke, twist, over and down–mouth combo, work in some head rub action (see chapter 5), and go into a fast ring technique–mouth combo.

Gay men who at one time had sex with women say the difference is that women rarely go hard and fast enough toward the end. We’re not telling you to get sloppy, just build up the crescendo to a rousing climax. When he’s ready to let it rip, move your head out of the way, or prepare to swallow—more on this later. Keep stroking with your hand until it’s over.

Don’t forget to let go after the first few spurts. It’s a rare guy who likes his penis held immediately after ejaculation. Now might be an excellent time to mention an engagement ring, or suggest that trip to Paris you’ve been wanting.

THE UNCUT VERSION

We seem to know a lot of savvy women who get flustered with foreskin. If your partner is uncircumcised, there are a couple of other tricks that will surprise him. Put your hand around the shaft so that the foreskin still covers the head. Keeping your fingers in the same position, as if you were changing a light bulb, gently stroke the foreskin from the ridge of the head out toward the tip. If there’s enough skin left at the end, you can tweak it closed, moving your fingers slightly back and forth sideways, while still keeping the whole head covered.

Now you can really begin to make him moan

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Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man
by pulling the foreskin back in stages, bit by bit. Uncover just the tip of the head, and using a probing lick, work your tongue in and out around the head while you still hold the foreskin in place. Next, uncover the entire head, but keep the foreskin just under the ridge as you lick the head. When he’s really, really hard, the foreskin should stay put once it’s pulled back completely. But don’t worry if it flops back sometimes; this will just be another interesting sensation for him. A word on uncut orgasms: Not only is it nice to see a straight shooter, but if you keep the foreskin down at the base, he shouldn’t have to jump up and wash immediately afterward.

ADVANCED TECHNIQUES

Once you’ve mastered BJ basics, you’ll be ready to move on to some more advanced action. Some of these positions may be a little unfamiliar to him. But remember that your movements will remain pretty much the same no matter what position you’re in. The degree of control you maintain will also vary. When you’re about to go into a major position change, maintain contact by massaging him, kissing him and lightly stroking his penis. This will prevent any awkward lapses in action that could detract from your Oscar-winning performance.

Side by Side

One position that is fairly comfortable for both the blower and the blowee is side by side. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your bodies are opposed to each other. He lies on
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“You Know How to Whistle, Don’t You? Just Put Your Lips Together
his side, with his erection facing you. You are also lying on your side, except that your face is level with his penis. The advantage to this position is that you can relax your head and neck because the side of your head is resting on the bed, or on your buckwheat pillow. You won’t have quite as much room to maneuver your hands, but you’ll still be able to incorporate the ring technique and the up, twist, over and down. He’ll like this position, too, because it will allow him to thrust his hips with a little more freedom. Since he’ll be thrusting, remember that your breathing is very important. If Mr. Stiffy is heading all the way in, you’ll need to breathe when he’s on the way out, otherwise you might gag.

69

The 69 position has a legendary status in our culture. It seems that even grown men can’t say it without chuckling like Beavis and Butt-head. Even at gay bingo games, whenever the master of ceremonies calls O-69, everyone has to jump out of their seats and scream “Ooooh 69!” We all know the basics of the position. Gay porno stories are full of hot, steamy 69s where the person on the bottom watches the rippling, taut muscles of the man on top as he does push-ups over the guy’s penis.

But gay men know that there is an awful lot of acrobatics involved in this style of 69, and they probably don’t do it as much as the porno mags would have you believe. For one thing, if the man is above you with a hard-on, it’s pretty difficult to get it into your mouth at the correct angle. And if you’re on top, he has to be short enough, and you have to be tall enough, to make all the parts fit

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together. Besides, you’ll probably get pretty tired of bobbing your snatch up and down so he doesn’t suffocate.

Let’s suppose the heights are right and you’re on top. Slide a pillow under his bottom, and have him bend his knees to bring his penis closer. Slide your buckwheat roll under his neck to support his head and bring it where you want it. You might try sitting on his chest for a bit, knees bent along his sides, while leaning forward to give him a BJ. Suggest that he massage your back and buttocks, since he’ll be looking at them anyway. He’ll probably be creative enough to figure out what else he can do to you with his hands. Now, you will be approaching his erect manhood from the opposite side. This angle can be good or bad, depending on his equipment, and where he likes to be licked the most. If there is a slight curve in his penis, then you might be able to allow a bit more of it to enter your mouth, which is good. You will still want to keep one hand at the base of his penis to keep it standing at attention, and you will also be able to add the ring and stroke techniques as desired. This position is generally good because it allows for deeper penetration, a high degree of control on your part and is pretty comfortable for you. Besides him needing a long and nimble tongue, the disadvantage is that he can’t see the action, and we all know how much he loves to see his magic wand stand tall and proud. Forget this position if he is really tall or has a pipsqueak dick.