Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality (12 page)

Now, I haven’t felt that sickness in years. I can do anything as adventurous or traditional as my husband and I agree to. Instead of telling people that only sex after marriage is good, we should be yelling from the mountain tops that sex after religion is better!

Candace wrote her story in hopes that other people will find their way out of religion. Thus, her Ebony Exodus project is focused on helping black women get out of religion.

One of the myths that religionists perpetuate is that, without religion, people will go wild and do terrible sexual things. But the evidence doesn’t support this. How many headlines read, “Atheist leader convicted of molesting dozens of boys.” Or read, “Atheists have the highest divorce rate.” Non-religious people often have better control over their sex lives and relationships because they don’t have the constant interference of religious guilt. They don’t try to dam up their desires; instead, they channel them in appropriate ways.

As we saw in Candace’s story, religious guilt does not stop behavior. It may slow you down, but biology wins. Candace’s behavior was not based on rational thinking and clear-headed decision-making. Religion put a dam across her sex drive. When it overflowed, she experienced horrible guilt, even physical revulsion. Guilt reduces the ability of a person to exercise rational control over sexual behavior. The result is something more unpredictable, even surprising to the religious person. Candace engaged in behavior at
the most unexpected times and was horrified that she could not control it. It is a common pattern among people of all the major religions, including many of the leaders.

38
For a full discussion of this concept, see
Chapter 4
in my previous book,
The God Virus: How Religion Infects Our Lives and Culture
, “God Loves You – The Guilt that Binds,” p. 83.

39
For an in-depth look, see Steven Pinker's essay, “The Moral Instinct,”
New York Times Magazine
, 13 Jan 2008. Available online at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/13/magazine/13Psychology-t.html?pagewanted=all
.

40
See, for example, “Earl ‘The Abomination’ Paulk is the Father of his own Nephew,” at
The Independent Conservative
,
http://www.independentconservative.com/2007/10/24/earl_paulk_abomination/
.

41
Overwhelming evidence suggests that religion is involved in abuse. See Jackson, et al. (1999). “Predicting abuse-prone parental attitudes and discipline practices in a nationally representative sample,” in
Child Abuse & Neglect
, 23 (1); and John Hules’ 2005 compilation of over 100 studies connecting religiosity of parents to child sexual abuse, available online at
www.hules.us/SCI_SUM2.pdf
.

42
“Red Light States: Who Buys Online Adult Entertainment?” by Benjamin Edelman,
Journal of Economic Perspectives
, 23 (1), Winter 2009.

43
From a speech titled “Rape and Religion,” delivered at SlutWalk KC in Kansas City, Sept. 2011.

44
Miller, A.S. and Hoffman, J.P. (March 1995). “Risk and Religion: An Explanation of Gender Differences in Religiosity,”
Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion
, 34(1).

45
Delivered at the Texas Freethought Convention, 2011. Available on DVD.

46
For example, “Can you become a virgin again?” by Tim Stafford, available at
http://www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/hottopics/sexabstinence/7c2041.html
.

47
Listen to more of Candace’s story at
LivingAfterFaith.com
, episode #26.

Religion has the capacity to silence critical thinking and create blindness in entire groups of people. It can infect the minds of followers so completely as to allow the most egregious sexual acts against children and others to go unchallenged for centuries
.

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.”

-Matt Groening

In 2011 Brother Robert Best, principal of a Catholic school in Australia, was charged with raping dozens of boys over a period of years going back to 1969! The school chaplain, Gerald Ridsdale, was also charged as a serial rapist. Claims were made that 26 of the rape victims committed suicide in later years. How could these rapists go unnoticed and unreported for decades? And, where is the indignation and outrage?

Despite outrageously inappropriate or illegal actions by many ministers and priests, the Catholic Church’s outcry and response are muted. When a pedophile priest is found, we often learn that he has harmed dozens of victims over many years. We also learn that church officials were notified, parents had complained, and even police reports had been filed, but to no avail. Protestants ministers who have affairs – whether straight or homosexual – can simply ask for forgiveness and keep their jobs. Some ministers caught raping children quietly pay off the family (from the church coffers) and keep preaching.

Compare this to a teacher or principal in a public school. A public school principal doing anything sexual with a student is instantly fired. There is a huge difference in accountability between the two systems – public accountability and private, religious accountability. In some church cases, parents complained, bishops were notified and letters were sent from lawyers, sometimes over a 20-year span. In the public school system of the United States, such complaints tend to get immediate attention. Secular school principals get into serious trouble for simply failing to report even suspected abuse, let alone doing it themselves. In the Catholic system, clergy are not reprimanded or held to public account by the church. It generally requires intervention by civil authorities or lawsuits to get action.

Some think this is changing, but it is hard to tell. New cases seem to crop up constantly. While the church is under legal pressure in the developed world, legal pressure is non-existent for Catholic and Evangelical churches in Africa, South and Central America. Undoubtedly, abuse is at least as prevalent in these areas as the United States and Europe. There is no evidence that the churches are proactively investigating abuse in these areas. They have covered it up for centuries in the West, why would they not be doing the same in countries where there is little legal pressure?

In order to maintain a healthy environment, an institution needs a mix of ingrown tradition and outside fresh air. All institutions have a tendency to isolate themselves. Whether the local utility company or the military, they don’t like people snooping around and they don’t like outsiders telling them what to do. In my 28 years as an organizational psychologist, I saw dozens of examples of high-level people making huge ethical mistakes in the name of corporate profit. They were usually mistakes rooted in narrow, institutional thinking.

Wise CEOs will make efforts to bring in “fresh air.” They may mandate outside audits, even if not required by regulation, hire outsiders occasionally and reassign people to new and challenging areas. They may insist on continuing education and open discussion of the latest industry ideas to keep ideas flowing throughout the organization. This is the best prevention against insular thinking.

Does any of this describe the Catholic Church? Catholicism is the oldest and largest institution in the world. It has been around in some form for at least 1,800 years. It is the ultimate case study of an insular institution. Over the centuries many have attempted reform, but most of them were excommunicated, if they were lucky; executed if unlucky. Many point to Vatican II (1963) as an effective reform, but it was a desperate attempt to make the church more relevant. No key reforms were made, especially in matters of sex: nuns and priests still remained celibate, birth control forbidden, women still the lesser of the sexes, abstinence only before marriage, etc. Insular institutions don’t reform themselves. Many Catholics have changed, but they are attending the church while ignoring its commandments. The church may update its techniques and methods, but it is always in service of the institutional organism. This is one of the reasons why the pedophile priest issue is and will remain an endemic disease in the Catholic Church.

While I have focused on the Catholic Church, Protestant organizations are just as loathe to be visited by outside inspectors. They quietly pass along ministers to other congregations or out the door when there is a sex scandal. Criminal charges are rarely brought, and sexual misconduct of a non-criminal nature (for example, an adulterous preacher) is often ignored the first time or two. As long as the wife keeps her mouth shut, no crime was committed.

As a helping professional, a psychologist, psychiatrist, medical doctor or social worker can be thrown out of his or her profession, even criminally prosecuted, for engaging in a sexual relationship with a client. The nature of the therapeutic relationship is seen as sacrosanct. Sexual contact with a client is among the most serious of ethical violations. Ministers and priests are also seen as helping professionals but there is no such ethical or legal oversight. Religion gives special protection to clergy, which gives cover for abuse.

The most protected of ministers are those who bring in the most members and the most money; hard to fire a million-dollar man. Once a mega-church has been built, the mortgage requires a charismatic leader to bring in the money. That same man often convinces the board of directors to take on the financial burden of building the large new facility. With $2-3 million a year coming in from a charismatic preacher and a huge mortgage, you can overlook a little adultery. The alternative: Object to a preacher’s behavior and face being voted off the board or shamed out of the congregation – usually both.

Where is the outcry? The answer involves the brains of the followers and has at least two components – childhood infection and anesthetization of the mind.

Silencing of the adult mind begins with infecting the mind of the child and creating an unquestioning blindness to religious authority. Childhood indoctrination is carried out in many ways but begins with things like apparently innocent children’s songs in church like “Jesus Loves the Little Children,” “Daniel in the Lion’s Den,” or “Jesus Loves Me,” and stories that emphasize the benevolent Jesus. The early message of unconditional love lulls the young mind into a feeling of safety and security. The message fits the developmental stage of the young child, who craves security in a frightening world of large and potentially dangerous adults. The songs and stories convey a subtle message of a wonderfully kind and loving god who is always good and protective. No stories of children being eaten by she bears or executed for disobedience.
⁴⁸

In the child’s mind, the priest or minister takes on the same good qualities as the god. It is simple association. The person who tells the child about the
wonderful, loving and protective god must also have those qualities. This idea and association is carried into adulthood. Add to this the messages about respect for authority, and most children easily defer to any religious figure and continue that behavior as adults.

Once the safety and security message has been implanted, the message changes at or around preadolescence. The new message is, “You can’t have the unconditional love unless you follow the rules of the god.” Here is where the message of sin and shame is seriously introduced. The preadolescent and adolescent learns that it is their own evil nature that is responsible for their problems.

This powerful combination of messages puts the mind in an inferior state. God is all good, the child-adolescent-adult is fundamentally flawed and sinful, especially females. Such a confusing and false idea is accepted because the young human mind is open to anything that has perceived survival value.
⁴⁹
If all the adults in your life, including priests and ministers, say, “God is important for your safety or salvation,” a child will probably find that compelling. It often takes a lot of Sunday School, catechism or temple to deeply infect a child with these concepts.

We acquire both the language and religious concepts from our immediate culture – at the same time. A child cannot discriminate between useful survival information and the emotional and psychological manipulations of religion. Once infected, these ideas are deeply embedded and almost impossible to change. Just as you would be hard pressed to unlearn your language, it’s hard to unlearn your religion. Then add the mystique that most religions put on the leaders. Since they are leaders, they must be closer to the good god than you are. What they say must have more power and authority than your little opinion.

All of this has the power to create a mythology about religious leaders. They are more knowing, more powerful, more important and closer to god than you. That, in turn, labels anyone daring to challenge as disloyal and, worse, disobeying god.

Ministers and priests automatically get unusual respect, even from people not of that faith. This is the power of the chief, shaman or headman in a clan or tribe. Most human groups obey some kind of hierarchy. Respect for the hierarchy has great survival value and offers protection from outside
groups and dangers. The child has strong survival motivation to identify powerful people, treat them with deference and fit into the group under the authority.
⁵⁰

Religion has hijacked the tendency to defer to authority. The priest is not the best hunter, best soldier, or the top salesman, but as a “man of god,” he automatically gets higher status. Some would argue that going to the seminary for four years or earning a doctor of divinity or Ph.D. in Theology means he or she has earned something and deserves respect. Theology has not advanced an inch in the last 1,000 years. How much respect does a profession deserve if it cannot add to the knowledge and understanding of man? How much respect does a helping professional deserve who has little or no training in anything but superstition and is not required to adhere to a set of professional ethics?