Seek Me With All Your Heart (33 page)

Ting would go, but none of what he said eased her anxiety. She’d even thrown up earlier that morning, and her entire body was shaking as she entered the large room.HE NEXT MORNING Emily walked into the courtroom with her parents and Mr. Webster. They’d already been there an hour, and Mr. Webster had explained to Emily how the morn

She kept her eyes straight ahead as she and her parents moved down the aisle toward a large bench. Emily knew that’s where the judge would sit. A woman was sitting at a smal desk to the right of the judge’s desk, typing. There were long benches on either side of them, and Emily could see out of the corner of her eye that they were mostly empty.

Emily, her parents, and Mr. Webster took a seat at one of two tables facing the judge. Emily shivered in the air-conditioning, and her mother latched onto her hand.

“It’s going to be al right, Emily.”

Emily glanced at her father, surprised to see his face was incredibly pale. He’d said very little during their trip.

About ten minutes later, James and his family walked into the courtroom. Mr. Webster told her not to look at James, so Emily tried to keep her eyes from drifting in their direction. Her stomach roiled in such a way that she prayed she didn’t vomit right there in the courtroom.
Mamm
squeezed her hand.

Everyone stood up when the judge walked into the room. The elderly, gray-haired man wore gold-rimmed glasses and a long black robe. If James hadn’t been in the room, Emily would have thought he was the scariest person she’d ever seen. Her heart started to beat so fast, she put her hand to her chest.

Please, dear Lord, please help me to get through this and to say the right things. And please have mercy on James and help him to get the help he
needs
.

Emily continued to silently pray while the judge and lawyers talked about a lot of things she didn’t understand. Then Mr. Webster said, “We cal Emily Detweiler.” She knew it was her time to come forward.

“God is with you, Emily,” her mother whispered as she stood up.

But before she moved from the long desk to go up front, her father stood up. He turned to Emily, tears in his eyes.
Daed
opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but instead, he embraced her. Then he whispered in her ear, “I love you, my precious
maedel
. May our Lord be with you.”

“I love you,
Daed
.” Emily eased out of the hug and moved past her father. She kept her eyes locked on the judge. His expression seemed to soften as she approached him. She sat down to his left in a big chair that faced everyone in the room. She locked eyes with James for the first time since her attack, and she couldn’t find any sign of remorse in his stony glare.
Surely he is sorry for what he did
.

Emily’s eyes fil ed with water, and she shifted her gaze to her mother. Then to her father. Then to the total strangers seated in front of her. She felt dizzy, and she was certain that there was no way she could talk about what happened in front of al these people. Mr. Webster approached her, and after asking her to place her hand on a Bible and promise to tel the truth, he said, “Emily, can you tel the court what happened to you on the evening of August twelfth?”

Her hands were clammy, her lip trembling, and the rest of her body wouldn’t stop shaking. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She stared around the courtroom. Again, she focused on her mother, then her father.

Then the courtroom seemed to cloud in front of her, like the fogs that she remembered forming in their Middlefield yard. They started far off, then slowly moved toward the house and settled across their farmland. Her vision was hazy, and she could vaguely hear Mr. Webster’s voice, as if he were a long way away. But then she heard another voice loud and clear.

Seek Me with all your heart, Emily
.

She squeezed her eyes closed.
Help me, Lord
.

I am here, My child. You are your Father’s child
.

Slowly, the fog lifted and she saw everyone in the room waiting. She scanned the room, looking for the strength to push forward. As she locked eyes with her father—eyes fil ed with strength and determination—she knew that his love, and her heavenly Father’s, would see her through this.

She took a deep breath as she recal ed the events of August twelfth. She could feel James’s eyes on her, but she stayed connected with her father, who gave her a nod.

“I had a date.” She watched
Daed
to see if she would see disappointment in his eyes, but she didn’t. “A date with James Mil er.”

“Can you point to whom you’re referring?” Mr. Webster edged slightly closer to her, and Emily pul ed her eyes from her father’s. James looked straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone, and forgiveness flooded over Emily as she pointed her finger at him.
I hope you get the help you need,
James
.

Mr. Webster told everyone that Emily identified James Mil er as her attacker, then he asked her to go on.

“I was supposed to have gone to my
Onkel
Abram’s birthday party, but James had already asked me to have supper with him at the diner.” She hung her head for a moment, then locked eyes with her father again. His expression hadn’t changed. “I lied to my parents and said I was sick.”

“And what happened, Emily, when you got to the diner?”

“We ordered baked chicken, potatoes, green beans, and a rol .” She paused. “And shoofly pie for dessert.”

A smile tipped at the corner of Mr. Webster’s mouth. “That sounds good, Emily. Can you tel us what happened after your dinner with Mr. Mil er? Did he have a car?”

“
Ya
. He’s in his
rumschpringe
, and he had a car that he kept mostly hidden from his folks. But I think they knew he had it.” Emily turned toward Sarah Mil er, James’s mother. Sarah’s bottom lip was trembling, and Emily wished more than anything that she didn’t have to continue. “We—we went to his car after we ate.”

“Where was his car, Emily?”

“In the al ey behind Raber’s Diner.”

Mr. Webster walked closer to where Emily was sitting. “Take your time, Emily. What do you remember happening next?”

“We were laughing as we sat in his car. We saw a man walk by the al ey with a pink hat on his head, and he was dressed in green and white polka dots.” Emily smiled slightly, glad for a momentary distraction. “He was in costume for something, I’m sure. But we thought it was very funny.”

“And then what happened?”

Emily shifted her weight, then searched for her father’s eyes, again fearful that at some point his expression would change, that she would see disappointment. She fixed her stare on his and recaptured the same comfort she’d felt earlier. “James kissed me. On the lips.” She pul ed her eyes from
Daed’s
. As much as she longed for his strength, she couldn’t face him. “And I let him,” she added in a trembling voice. She swal owed back tears, unsure if she could go on.

“It’s al right, Emily,” Mr. Webster whispered as he drew near. “You’re safe here.”

She didn’t feel like she wasn’t safe. She just felt sad. Sad that she’d lied to her parents, sad that James was sick, sad that it happened—and embarrassed to talk about it. Mr. Webster asked her to go on. She stil couldn’t look at her father. Not now. Not during this part.

“James—he—he touched me places. I told him to stop.” She blinked back tears that threatened to spil . “Then I
begged
him to stop.” She brushed away a tear and took a deep breath. “But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t stop.” Emily hung her head as her shoulders began to rise and fal along with deep sobs she fought to muffle. “I can’t talk about it anymore,” she whispered without looking up at Mr. Webster or anyone else.

“I know it’s hard, Emily. But we’re going to need you to explain in detail as much as you can remember.” Mr. Webster’s voice was soft and kind, but Emily knew she couldn’t go on. She shook her head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Do we need a recess?” The deep voice came from Emily’s right, and she knew the judge was talking to her. The thought of having to take a break, then come back and start over was even worse than continuing.

“No.” Emily raised her head to face him. “I’m sorry. I’l go on.” She bit her lip, swiped at her eyes, then took another deep breath. “He—James—he . . .”

How could she speak the words? Tears began to trail down her cheeks. “James put his hands . . .”

“Stop!”

Emily looked up to see her father standing, and two police officers were moving in his direction. Her father faced Mr. Webster. “Please. Don’t make her go on.” He blinked back tears as he spoke. The uniformed men stood beside
Daed
, waiting for instructions from the judge. Emily couldn’t breathe.

“Your honor, is this real y necessary?” Mr. Webster asked. James’s attorney joined Mr. Webster when the judge motioned for him to do so. As the two men drew closer to the judge, Emily couldn’t hear what was said, but after a few moments, it was decided by everyone that Emily did not have to go on.

And for that, she would be thanking God for a long time to come.

And her father.

EMILY COULDN’T GET off the bus soon enough. She was thril ed that her ordeal was over and that they had been able to return two days early. She could see David walking toward her, along with Lil ian and Samuel.

Even her parents raised a brow when they saw them al approaching. They’d al thought David was coming alone with an
Englisch
driver to take them back to Canaan.

Lil ian ran to Emily’s mother and threw her arms around her, and Samuel shook her father’s hand. And when David got near, Emily couldn’t wait. She ran into his arms.

“I love you so much,” she whispered in his ear.

“I love you, too, and I missed you.” David pul ed from the hug and looked toward the sky. “Look what a beautiful sun-shiny day it is here in Denver.” He grinned. “It’s the perfect day for my surprise.”

Emily pul ed her sweater around her, but it truly was a blessed day. Blue skies overhead and a slight breeze, but the sun warmed her face. David warmed her heart.

“Levi is probably about to pul his hair out,” Lil ian said with a giggle. “We dropped Anna and Elizabeth off to play with Betsy.”

“It’l be
gut
for Levi.”
Mamm
smiled. “But why did you al come? Does the driver have a van? Wil we al fit?” She glanced around, then turned back to Lil ian. “Oh,
danki
for coming.” She hugged Lil ian again.

Samuel cleared his throat. “We came in two different cars, two drivers.”

“What for?”
Daed
looped his thumbs in his suspenders and stood tal as two
Englisch
folks walked by them.

Samuel waited until the two women passed and were out of earshot. “David has a surprise for Emily, so they’l be riding in that blue car over there.”

Samuel pointed to his right. “And me and Lil ian wil be taking the two of you home in that green car parked next to it.” Samuel shook his head and grinned. “And let me warn you, that driver has one speed. Fast!”

Daed
was busy stowing their luggage on a cart, and when he was done, they al headed to the cars. Once the luggage was stored, they parted ways.

Emily climbed into the backseat and David sat beside her. After a few minutes, Emily looked at him.

“Are you going to tel me where we are going?”

“You’l see.”

Emily thought she might burst with excitement. “How long wil it take to get there?”

Before David could answer, the nice gentleman driver spoke up. “A little over an hour.”

David rubbed his hands together. “You think you love me now, just you wait.”

“I can hardly stand this! Can you give me a hint?”

“No way.”

The hour’s drive seemed to take forever, but then David turned to her. “You have to close your eyes.”

“Are you serious?”

“
Ya
. Close your eyes. I had to get special permission to take you to this place, but I think you’l like it.”

Emily squeezed her eyes closed and resisted the temptation to peek.

“No peeking.”

“I’m not.”

She felt the car slow down, then come to a stop.

“Do not open your eyes! I’l come around and lead you out of the car.”

Emily waited until David had hold of her hand, then climbed out of the car.

“Have fun. I’l be here when you return,” the driver said as David closed the car door.

“Keep your eyes closed, but step up.” David guided her up several steps. She heard him take a deep breath. “You can open your eyes now.”

Emily took in the view. “David
.
.
.” She was speechless as she looked up the mountain before her, snow stil capping the peaks in every direction.

“The mountains in our area are too hard to climb. We are in the heart of the Rocky Mountains here. Now you can climb your mountain. And there is a path leading up this mountain that leads
.
.
. to Him.” David pointed to the top of the mountain.

A tear rol ed down Emily’s cheek as she stared at the top of the mountain where a giant white statue of Jesus stood, his arms outstretched, as if waiting for her. “Where are we?”

David grabbed her hand and they began walking up the path, wispy green grass and early spring foliage on either side.

“We’re at a camp cal ed Santa Maria. That fifty-five foot statue of Jesus was built in 1933 at what was then a Catholic charities camp for underprivileged children.” He smiled. “Sister Catherine helped me with this plan.”

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“They say that it’s lit up at night, but I wanted us to be able to walk al the way to the base of the statue.”

With each step, the statue of Jesus seemed to grow, the way her love for Jesus grew with each passing day. She left her past behind her as she trekked upward, embracing freedom.

Emily was breathless by the time they reached the base of the pure white statue, and she openly wept. “
Danki
, David. This is the happiest moment in my life.” She gazed up at Jesus’ outstretched arms.