Seek Me With All Your Heart (29 page)

“Tel your folks you’re going for a ride with me.” David reached for his coat, which was laid across the back of the couch.

Emily leaned closer and whispered, “Are you sure? Someone might think we’re dating, and we don’t want that.”

He scowled, then headed out the door.

Emily found her mother, begged her not to make a big deal out of the ride with David, then found her own coat and bonnet. She walked outside and was stil buttoning her coat when David opened the door for her to crawl into the buggy.

He didn’t say anything until they were on the main road. “That was a first for me. A bird funeral.”

Emily smiled, but her insides churned. “Me too.”

“Don’t look so scared, Emily. I’m not going to scold you about anything.”

Emily didn’t look at him. “You’re mad because I talked to Lil ian, aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not mad. I’m just wondering why you didn’t talk to me instead.”

She bit her bottom lip and didn’t say anything.

David took the next right, then pul ed into the driveway of what appeared to be an abandoned home. “No one lives here, so this wil be a
gut
place to talk.” He parked the buggy, then turned to face her. “Emily
.
.
. I like you.” He waited a few moments, then added, “A lot.”

Emily looked down at her lap, knowing her cheeks were bright red, and her heart was thumping much too fast. David cupped her chin and gently raised her head until their eyes were locked. “And,
ya
, Lil ian did tel me that you are wondering why I can’t move forward, even though I care about you. A lot. It wouldn’t be fair to you, and I don’t want to hurt you any more than you’ve already been hurt.” He glanced at her scar, and she reached for it. He grabbed her hand in midair, then intertwined his fingers with hers. As he’d done in the past, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I do care about you. Very much.”

Emily’s mind was alive with thoughts and speculations. If Lil ian hadn’t told David about her attack, then someone must have. It was the only thing that made sense. She was good enough to be friends with, to sneak kisses with here and there, but not good enough to date or pursue for possible marriage.

She pushed him away, then opened the door and got out of the buggy.

She walked briskly across the packed snow, knowing she was about to cry, the sunlight blinding her on the way. There was an abandoned home to her right and two barns to her left. She just kept walking, not sure which way to turn, where to look, what to do. It wasn’t long before she felt David wrap an arm around her waist. He spun her around to face him. “Are you going to let me finish?”

She pushed him away. “I don’t need you to finish! I already know what you’re going to say. I’m
gut
enough to be your friend, David! And you like me . ..”

Tears began to stream down her face, and she covered her face with her hands. “But I’m not
gut
enough to date. I’m not
gut
enough to ever consider a future with because I’m ruined for marriage.” She dropped to her knees in the snow. “That man robbed from me everything that a husband should expect to have in a
fraa
. He stole from me! I knew you’d find out, so you see . . .” She looked up at David but saw only a watery image of his face. “I already know, David.” She sat back on her heels and hung her head. “I know why you don’t want to be with me.” Her shoulders drooped. “So let’s both stop pretending you don’t know.”

David knelt down beside her, then reached one arm under her legs and wrapped his other arm around her waist. He lifted her up with ease, and she buried her head in his chest and sobbed. Tears blinded her eyes and choked her voice. He carried her al the way to one of the old barns, kicked open the door, and bent over to set her on an old bench against the wal . Kneeling in front of her, he reached over and brushed away her tears with his thumbs.

Then he kissed her, more tenderly than he ever had in the past, cupping the back of her neck.

“You don’t know anything, Emily Detweiler.” He brushed away loose strands of hair from her face as she tried to catch her breath. “I fel for you a long time ago. And it didn’t take me long at al to figure out what must have happened to you.” He kissed her on the tip of her nose. “And your thoughts are al wrong.” David stopped touching her and dropped his hands to his sides. He looked down, his fists clenched. “I’ve prayed to keep away the thoughts I have about whoever did this to you.” He looked up at her. “But Emily, I don’t think any less of you. I just hate that someone hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

Emily sniffled. “Then why don’t you want to date me?” It was bold, but she wanted to know.
Am I not pretty enough? Not smart enough?

“I don’t want to date anyone.” He took a deep breath. “But you are making it very hard for me to stick to that.”

“Please talk to me, David. Please.” This time it was Emily who reached up and cupped his cheek. “Please.”

He grabbed her hand and pushed it closer to his face, then he closed his eyes. When he opened them, she felt hopeful that she would final y know what was going on inside his head, but when she saw his eyes glaze with tears, she wasn’t sure. She pul ed him into a hug, and for what seemed like forever, they just held each other.

“Five years ago I had a kidney transplant.”

Emily eased away from him, looked into his eyes, and waited. The smel of old hay fil ed her nostrils and sunrays shone through a smal window to her left. Aside from the bench, some scrap wood, and a few rusty tools, the barn was empty. “Do you want to tel me about it?”

David spent the next hour explaining his operation to her, how his shunned uncle had given him a kidney and had been welcomed back into the family, and how he’d feared he wouldn’t live a ful life.

“It wasn’t until yesterday, when I talked to
Daed
and Lil ian, that I realized that maybe I misunderstood some things.”

“So . . . there’s no reason why you won’t live to be an old man.” Emily smiled.

“I prayed about it a lot last night, and I’ve decided that I must accept whatever is God’s wil .” He paused, frowned. “But someone else shouldn’t have to take the risk that my kidney might fail in five or ten years.”

Emily looked down and whispered, “I would give you one of mine.” She looked up in time to see David blink back a tear.

“There’s one other problem, though.”

Emily waited, thinking that they had already covered quite a bit of ground in the land of troubles. What else could there possibly be?

“I have a feeling that my medications are putting a hardship on my family. I’m even wondering if maybe that’s why we moved. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me now. We al loved Lancaster County.” He paused. “I was planning to go back there as soon as I saved enough money, but the sacrifices my family made for me
.
.
. wel , it makes me want to stay here and help my family build that old place into something real y nice. Lil ian and the girls deserve that. I even thought about not taking the medicines—”

Emily grabbed his arms. “You can’t do that! You said you need the medicines to live!”

“I know. I know. And it would be like suicide, wrong in the eyes of God. So, instead, I’m going to work extra hours at the furniture store and help my father as much as I can to ready our home. This is where I belong.”

Emily bit her bottom lip. “And we’l continue to be friends?”

David smiled. “Unless you’re wil ing to take a chance on me being around for a long time?”

She threw her arms around him. “I am.”

When he eased out of the hug, he said, “Emily, I won’t have a lot of time for dating, though. I want to help my father. I said I’d help build the schoolhouse, and some day
.
.
. wel , I’d like to be able to have a place of my own. I’m going to have to work real y hard.”

“I understand.”

“But I’d be honored to date you, if you’d be interested in doing that.”

Emily smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

VERA WAITED UNTIL everyone had left Martha’s before she walked into the den with the shoebox under her arm. Levi and Betsy had caught a ride home with Jacob and Beth Ann, Arnold had taken Sister Catherine back to the convent, and Elam was sitting on the front porch waiting for Vera to “do the dirty deed,” as he cal ed it.

“Martha?” Vera approached Martha, who sat very stil in her chair. She was stil dressed in her mourning clothes, but she did have her black lace veil pushed back over the top of her hat. “I need to give this back to you.” She pushed the box toward Martha. “We cannot accept something like this.”

Martha rol ed her eyes, which Vera thought was very rude.

“Why would you give us a box of money for Christmas?”

Martha scratched her nose, then sniffed. “You folks have everything I don’t have. Faith. Hope. Love. Family.” She raised her brows. “And I have something you don’t have. More money than I’l ever need in the lifetime I got left.” She shrugged. “I thought it might help build your schoolhouse.”

Vera gasped, then leaned closer to Martha. “Martha, there’s two hundred and fifty thousand dol ars in this box! Exactly how much do you think a one-room schoolhouse for ten children costs?”

Martha sighed. “You don’t want the money?”

Vera stood, indignant. “Of course not. We cannot accept something like that.”

Martha stood up, grabbed the box from her hand, and walked through the kitchen and out onto the porch. Vera fol owed.

“Hel o, Elam,” Martha said as she tossed the box into a blue trash can on the side of the porch. “You can take your wife home now. I need to mourn my loss.”

Martha marched back into the house, Vera on her heels. “
Ach
, now Martha, you are being ridiculous. You don’t throw away money like that when there are people starving in the world! There are people who can use that money! You’re being ridiculous.”

Martha continued into the den. “Who is being ridiculous?”

Vera stomped her foot. “You are.”

“I gave you the money. You’re the one who couldn’t find a use for it.”

“It’s not an appropriate Christmas gift.”

Martha sat down in her chair, then put her hand to her forehead. “Vera, I’m tired. I buried my best friend today. Go home.”

“Are you going to go get that money out of the trash can?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t feel like it.”

“Martha!”

“Vera!”

“Argh!” Vera stormed out of the house, slamming the door on the way out, only to find Elam with his head buried in the garbage can. “What are you doing?”

He stood up, his eyes wide. “Nothing, dear.”

“Let’s go.” Vera moved toward the buggy.

Elam didn’t move. “Is Martha gonna leave two hundred and fifty thousand dol ars for the trash man?”

“I reckon so.”

Elam grabbed the box and tucked it under his arm.

“Put that back, Elam.”

“I wil not.” He stood tal , raised his chin. “We might not need this money, but someone can put it to good use. We just have to find that person.”

Vera thought about what Martha said. “
I gave you the money. You’re the one who couldn’t find a use for it
.”

Then Vera knew what to do with the money.

Seventeen

KATIE ANN SPENT THE MORNING CLEANING HER HOUSE. It wasn’t dirty, but that’s the way Amish women started their day, and somehow she needed to feel like a normal Amish woman. Even if everything was far from normal. She tried to ignore the stomach virus that had plagued her lately. If she was feeling al right when she was done cleaning, she’d go see if Lil ian needed help at her house. During the three months since Christmas, Katie Ann had spent a lot of time helping Lil ian work on their farmhouse, and it was starting to take shape. Samuel and David had put in new wooden floors, whitewashed the wal s, and replaced the cabinets. For Katie Ann, the work kept her busy and her mind off her misery.

She’d also gotten to know her sister-in-law much better, and she babysat Anna and Elizabeth regularly, which she’d enjoyed. Despite what was happening in her marriage, she liked seeing David and Emily’s relationship blossom. David spent the little bit of free time he had with Emily, and Emily often ate meals with them. Prayer combined with time heals, and Katie Ann was getting used to being alone. She’d heard from Ivan twice. She supposed he felt obligated to check on her after so many years of marriage, but he wasn’t the same man she married, and it was a struggle to hide her resentment when she spoke to him. He was in Lancaster County, and she’d heard from others that he was with Lucy, even though he didn’t offer up the information on the phone. She wasn’t surprised.

Then there was the money. It would certainly enable her to open a business, fix up her house, and live out her life here in Canaan. She hadn’t touched one dol ar of the money for herself since the box showed up on her doorstep three months ago, not long after Christmas. Lil ian and Samuel had also received a mysterious box of money, and like Katie Ann, they had no idea where it came from. Lil ian planned to use some of the money to help with David’s prior medical bil s and medications, and they’d save the rest for when David started a family of his own, giving him a jump on the medical expenses he’d face for the rest of his life.

She’d tried to give Arnold Becker some of the money for the new schoolhouse, but he refused, saying al the materials had been donated.

Katie Ann thought about the note that was inside the box along with the money.
With God’s blessing, start a new life for yourself
. She just didn’t know what that life was. But her own money, the little bit Ivan left her, was running out, so she knew she would need to decide soon. For weeks, she’d lost sleep about who would offer her such a generous gift, but she never found out. So she just kept the shoebox under her bed until she could sort things out.

She stowed her broom in the pantry, then stopped to close the window in the kitchen. She’d opened it earlier to air out the room, glad to feel the beginnings of spring, but the air stil had a cool edge during the day and near-freezing temperatures at night. Someone knocked on the door, and she walked into the den and opened it to see Martha. She’d gotten to know the
Englisch
woman over the past few months, and although she was an odd woman, Katie Ann liked her, as did the rest of her family.