Seek Me With All Your Heart (27 page)

“I won’t be late. It might be after dark, but I won’t go far.”

Mamm
nodded.

Etion for why David was treating her this way. As if he real y cared about her one minute, then didn’t want anything to do with her the next. Emily knew David worked at the furniture store until six in the evening, and it had been almost six when she’d left her house.MILY DIDN’T KNOW Lil ian al that wel , but she had to know if Lil ian had talked to David. If Lil ian had told him what happened to her. That seemed the only logical explana After securing the horse and buggy outside the Stoltzfuses’, she hurried to the door and knocked. When no one answered, she started to knock again but stopped when she thought she heard a woman crying. She leaned closer to the door.
It
is
a woman crying
.

Emily wasn’t sure whether to knock again and maybe offer her help, or mind her own business and head back down the stairs. While she was debating, the door opened.

Lil ian gave her a smal smile. “Hi, Emily.” Though she didn’t look like she’d been crying, she wasn’t her normal bubbly self either. “Come on in.”

She opened the screen door, then pushed the front door wide. “You know Katie Ann, right?”

Emily nodded and knew right away that she’d come at a bad time. It was obvious that Katie Ann had rubbed her eyes raw in an effort to clear the tears.

“Hel o, Katie Ann.” She turned to Lil ian. “I can come back another time. I—I just wanted to talk to you.”

Katie Ann stood up from where she was sitting on the couch. “No, I was just leaving.”

Lil ian walked over and hugged her sister-in-law, then whispered something in her ear. When Katie Ann eased away, Emily could see the tears building in her eyes. “I love you too,” she heard Katie Ann say.

After Katie Ann closed the door behind her, Emily took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Lil ian. It looks like I came at a bad time.”

Lil ian waved off the comment. “Katie Ann wil be okay. She is stronger than she thinks, and the love of family wil get her through this.” Lil ian scowled.

“But I’m so upset with Ivan, I’d like to just kick him in both his shins.” She paused and let out a breath. “I was about to start supper. Do you mind if we talk in the kitchen?”

“Lil ian, this is a bad time. We can talk another day.”

“Nonsense. Al I’m going to do is thaw some soup on the stove, so once I get it out of the freezer and warming in the pot, I’m al ears. Samuel is bathing, and Anna and Elizabeth are busy upstairs playing. I had just checked on them before you arrived. Come on.”

Emily fol owed Lil ian into the kitchen. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Nope. Just have a seat at the table, and I’m going to make my family think I worked al day on this.” Lil ian giggled as she pul ed a plastic container from the freezer, then retrieved a pot from one of the blue cabinets that lined the kitchen. “Don’t you love these cabinets? A successful day is when one of them doesn’t fal off the hinges.” She turned to Emily and grinned. “So what do you need to talk to me about?” Lil ian ran warm water over the container until the contents started to loosen, and Emily began to question why she was even here—how she was going to get past her own embarrassment to find out if Lil ian had said anything to David about what happened to her.

Emily opened her mouth to speak, but just blew out a heavy sigh.

Lil ian turned her head and looked at her for moment, then turned to the stove and lit the burner under her soup. A moment later she took a seat across from Emily and asked, “What’s bothering you, Emily?”

“I want to ask you something, but I don’t know how.” She hung her head and avoided Lil ian’s eyes.

Lil ian reached over and put her hand on top of Emily’s, which were folded on the table. “Honey, not much shocks me. Remember, I was
Englisch
many years ago. Has something happened? I know you’re in your
rumschpringe
.”

“No, no. It’s nothing like that. I’ve already made up my mind to be baptized in the spring.”

Lil ian raised her brows and waited.

Emily pul ed her hands out from under Lil ian’s, rested her elbows on the table, then cupped her face with her hands. She took a few deep breaths, then folded her hands on the table again. “
Mamm
said she told you about—about what happened to me.” She kept her head down.

Once again, Lil ian put a hand over Emily’s. “
Ya
. And I am so sorry, Emily. My heart breaks for you.”

“I never should have lied to my parents.” She shook her head as she spoke. “I should have just gone to my
onkel’s
party and never gone out with James.”

Lil ian pul ed back her hand and sat up tal er. “James? You knew your attacker? I got the impression from your mother that you didn’t know who assaulted you.”

Emily’s heart began to thud against her chest. She’d made a horrible mistake. “Oh no.” She blinked back tears. “I shouldn’t have said that. Oh no.” She shook her head. “
Mamm
doesn’t know that I know. Please don’t tel , Lil ian. Please don’t tel . That’s not what I came here to talk to you about. Are you going to tel ? I don’t want anyone to know.” Emily knew she was rambling. She final y locked eyes with Lil ian.

“Honey, this James person deserves to be punished. Do you want him doing this to someone else?”

Emily shook her head.

“Someone who can dish out that kind of abuse wil do it again and again.” Lil ian paused. “I know about this firsthand, Emily. Before I was married to Samuel, before I found the Lord, I lived with a man who was . . . abusive.” She looked away for a moment, then back at Emily. “I’m not saying that he did anything as severe as what happened to you, but it was clear to me that he wasn’t going to change.”

“Please don’t tel
mei mamm
that I know who did this. I’d snuck out of the house, and I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been. Maybe it was my fault that

—”

Lil ian waved her finger in front of Emily’s face. “No. Don’t say that. It was not your fault. As women, we have the right to say no at any time, and I’m sure this
Englisch
boy was probably a smooth talker, and you are in your
rumschpringe
, and—”

“He wasn’t
Englisch
.” Emily looked away as shame overtook her.

“What?” Lil ian tapped the table with her hand a couple of times until Emily looked at her. “Are you tel ing me the person who raped you is Amish? Was it someone in your community?”

Emily nodded.

Lil ian spouted out a word Emily had never heard before, an
Englisch
word Emily suspected the bishop wouldn’t approve of. “Sorry. I should know better than to say that. I’m just shocked.”

“See? It would have been an upset for everyone if I’d told.”

Lil ian pointed a finger at Emily again. “Emily, there are good seeds and bad seeds in every walk of life. Even Amish. You need to prosecute that boy.”

She sucked in a breath.

“Lil ian
.
.
.” Emily cringed. “Can we please forget I mentioned this? It’s not even what I came to talk to you about. It just slipped out, about James. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

Lil ian covered her face with her hands, shook her head, and made an odd groaning sound. When she looked up, she frowned. “You are putting me in a very bad predicament with your mother. Over the past few weeks, we’ve become close. ing it from her. I’m going to pray, Emily, that you wil do the right thing and have this boy face his punishment for what he did to you. Maybe, just maybe, he wil get some help, and this won’t happen to someone else.”

Lil ian jumped up when her soup started to sizzle in the pot. She stirred it, then adjusted the fire underneath it.
Gut
friends. I don’t like knowing this information and keep

When she sat back down, her eyes met Emily’s. “Just think about it, Emily.” They sat quietly for a moment. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I guess it’s kind of about this same thing.” Emily bit her bottom lip. “Did you tel David about what happened to me?”

“No. I didn’t. Why?”

“We—we’ve gotten close. I mean, as friends and al , and I was just wondering
.
.
.”

Lil ian smiled. “He talks about you al the time. He doesn’t realize it, but he does. I think he has fal en for you over the past few weeks.”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat. “I like him a lot too.”

“I think the two of you make a darling couple. I real y do.

David is a
gut
person, a wonderful person. I’m blessed to be his stepmother.”

“Oh no. We’re not a couple.” Emily shook her head, then shrugged. “I don’t think I’m worthy to be a
fraa
, after what happened and al .”

“Oh, that’s rubbish.” Lil ian slammed a hand down on the table. “Don’t you think like that, Emily Detweiler.”

“That’s what
Mamm
said.” Emily felt comforted knowing that Lil ian agreed with her mother. “But then . . .”

“What is it, Emily?”

“Every time David and I start to get closer, as more than just friends, he pul s away. He’s kissed me a couple of times, and . . .”

Lil ian gasped as a smile fil ed her face. “Real y! That’s great, Emily. David didn’t real y date when we were in Lancaster County. We always wondered why, but maybe he was just waiting for the right girl.” She winked at Emily.

“But, Lil ian, David has made it very clear to me that he doesn’t want anything more than friendship. In the beginning, that’s al I wanted, and al I felt I deserved. But things started to change, and I began to hope for more.”

“Of course you would hope for more.” Lil ian grinned. “David is a great guy.”

“Then I wonder why he keeps pushing me away if you didn’t tel him about what happened to me. I thought maybe he was attracted to me and liked me, but then he didn’t want to get too close to me because I am not fit for marriage, which I completely understand.”

Lil ian leaned toward Emily and spoke in a low, soft voice. “Emily. You have got to stop thinking like that. You are perfectly fit for marriage. So stop those thoughts. Now as for David
.
.
.” She leaned back against her chair. “First of al , he is not the kind of person who would think like that. David loves deeply and he doesn’t judge. As for him getting close to you, then pushing you away
.
.
. wel , that is confusing.” Lil ian tapped her finger to her chin. “But I’m gonna find out why.”

“Lil ian, no. Maybe you better not say anything.”

Lil ian arched her brows high. “Look here, missy. I can only keep so many secrets for you. I won’t tel your mother that you know your attacker, because I’m going to trust that you wil do the right thing. However, David’s standoffish behavior bothers me. Of course his father and I want him to marry and have a family of his own. If something is bothering him, I want to know.”

“I understand. But he’l know we talked.”

“Might as wel find out what’s going on in that boy’s head.” Lil ian got up and stirred her soup again.

Emily felt sick to her stomach. This entire visit had been one big mistake. First, she’d blurted out about James, and even though Lil ian’s advice made sense, she didn’t see how she’d ever face that situation. And now David would think she’s a whiny schoolgirl, crying to his stepmother and asking why he doesn’t like her.

“Emily, I can see the wheels in your head spinning at ful speed. Don’t worry, okay?”

Emily nodded, but she was consumed with worry.

DAVID WAITED UNTIL the buggy pul ed out of his driveway. He strained to see who it was.
Emily?
It was dark, but as she passed by him, it sure looked like her.

He hurried to stable his horse and get into the house. “Was that Emily?”

“Ya.”
Lil ian pointed upstairs. “When you go wash up, can you round up Anna and Elizabeth . . . and your father? He should be through bathing. I told him he was too filthy to sit down to supper without a bath first.” Lil ian smiled as she carried a pot to the middle of the table. “He’s working very hard to make this a nice home for us. He spent al day outside making repairs to the
haus
.”

“What was Emily doing here?”

“She came to talk to me.”

David stood stil in the kitchen and waited for more, but Lil ian just swooshed her hand in his direction. “Go, go. Wash up and bring the crew down with you before this soup gets cold.”

David frowned, but he did as she asked.

After supper, his father retired to the den to read the Bible to the girls, and David did the unexpected. He helped Lil ian clean up in the kitchen.

“So, what did Emily want?” He started to clear the plates from the table.

“I figured there was some reason you were helping me in the kitchen.” Lil ian turned to face him, a grin on her face as she fil ed the sink with soapy water.

“Was it anything about—about me?”

“As a matter of fact, it was.”

David placed a stack of plates on the counter beside Lil ian.

“Are you going to make me beg?”

Lil ian tapped a finger to her chin. “Hmm
.
.
. maybe.” She lifted the plates and put them in the water. “I’l wash. You dry.”

David grabbed a rag from the drawer. “Deal.”

“Seems the two of you are real y
gut
friends.”

“
Ya
. I guess so.”

“You talk about her a lot too.”

David reached for a plate in the drain. “No, I don’t.”

“
Ach
, but you do.” Lil ian turned to him and smiled. “I like Emily a lot. If you are dating her, or wanted to date her, your father and I would be thril ed about that. We’ve become close with their family since we moved here, mostly Vera and me, but your father seems to like Elam, too, even though he’s only been around him a few times.” Lil ian paused, handed him a plate. “And Anna and Elizabeth love playing with Betsy.”

“We’re not dating.” David was getting irritated that Emily would talk to Lil ian about them.

“Why? She’s lovely, and she real y seems to like you. A lot.”

His irritation eased up. “Real y? What did she say?”

Lil ian shrugged. “Not that much, real y. Just that the two of you are friends. But
.
.
.” Lil ian grinned. “She said that you’ve kissed her. More than once.”