Seek Me With All Your Heart (28 page)

David could feel his face reddening with a combination of embarrassment and mild anger.

“Oh, don’t be mad that she told me. She’s just confused. Emily said that every time the two of you start to get close, you pul back. And David, you did the same thing in Lancaster County every time a girl showed interest in you.” Lil ian lifted her shoulders, dropped them slowly. “I can’t help but be curious why.”

“If Emily wants to know how I feel, maybe she should just ask me, and not run to my stepmother.”

“David, don’t be mad. If I was Emily, I would be confused too. If you are attracted to her, kissing her, spending time with her, then why don’t you want to move forward?”

David stowed a dry plate in the cabinet, set the dish towel down, and put his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe you have to ask me that.”

Lil ian frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You, of al people, should know why I don’t plan on getting close to any woman. Actual y,
mei daed
would have a better understanding about this.”

“I’m lost.” Lil ian turned toward the den. “Samuel! Can you come in here, please?”

“Lil ian, I real y don’t want to talk about this now.”

His father walked into the kitchen. “How many people does it take to clean this kitchen?” He smiled, but his smile faded when he saw the scowl on David’s face. “What’s going on?”

“David seems to think that we, or mostly you, should know why he doesn’t want to get close to a woman. Do you want to enlighten me?” Lil ian went back to scrubbing another plate.

David’s father shrugged. “Maybe he hasn’t found the right one.” He paused. “Is this about the Detweiler girl? The two of you sure have been spending a lot of time together.”

“Just because we spend time together and we’re friends, that doesn’t mean that I have to date her. I have no interest in dating her!” David walked away from his dish-drying duties and stared out the window into the darkness. “I don’t even know why we’re talking about this.”

“You said your father would understand.” Lil ian turned off the water and turned around about the same time David did.

David took a step closer to his father and Lil ian. “I remember real wel how upset
Daed
was when
Mamm
died. I didn’t think he would ever get over it.”

He saw Lil ian look down. “But then he was blessed to find you, Lil ian.” Lil ian looked back up at him and smiled slightly. “Why, knowing what I know, would I ever marry someone, possibly even have
kinner
, only to leave them in a few years?”

Lil ian stepped forward, her eyes clouded with confusion. “Why would you leave them? If you’re talking about Ivan, David, you are nothing like your
onkel
. We know you would never do anything like that.”

David shook his head in frustration. “I’m not talking about Ivan!” He cut his eyes back and forth between his father and Lil ian. “I heard you talking five years ago. I heard you say that I’l be doing
gut
to live five or ten years.”

“What?” Lil ian glanced at Samuel.

David rol ed his eyes and huffed. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. After I had my kidney transplant, I overheard you and
Daed
talking. You were crying and said I’d only be twenty-five in ten years when my kidney could give out. Why would I marry someone, father
kinner
, then drop dead and leave them al to fend for themselves? I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I saw you,
Daed
!” David faced off with his father. “You were destroyed when
Mamm
died. I’m never doing that to anyone! Especial y Emily, because I think she has been hurt enough.”

Lil ian touched his arm. “David, you need to listen to us. Whatever you heard, you misunderstood.”

David jerked away from her. “No. I don’t think so. You said that my kidney might only last five to ten years, and then you started crying and said I’d only be twenty-five in ten years. I heard you, Lil ian.”

“You watch the way you speak to Lil ian, David.” His father stepped forward. “You watch your tone. I wil explain this to you.”

David stood there, looking at the floor and shaking his head.

“What you heard was that a kidney
can
last only five to ten years. Sometimes they fail. But even if that happens, you can have another transplant. And sometimes a kidney can last for much longer than that. You haven’t been handed a death sentence, David, but a gift . . . a chance to live a ful life. You’ve never had any problem with the kidney Uncle Noah gave you. Every time you go to the doctor for a checkup, he’s impressed with how wel you are doing.”

David shuffled his feet, unable to look at either of them and embarrassed that perhaps he had misunderstood part of his diagnosis for al these years.

He lifted his eyes to his father. “But it
could
fail.”

“
Ya
, it could.” His
daed
stepped closer and put a hand on David’s shoulder. “But you can’t live your life in fear of that, David. Trust in the Lord to keep you healthy. Why do you think we invest in al these medications? That’s what keeps your kidney functioning the way it’s supposed to.”

David’s stomach rol ed. The word
invest
caused an instant speculation. “What do you mean,
invest
?”

His father pul ed his hand from David’s shoulder, then waved it in the air. “That was a poor choice of words.”

“Exactly how much do al those pil s I take cost?”

Lil ian dried her hands on her apron. “It doesn’t matter, David. They are necessary, and your father is right. Your kidney is doing great. There’s no reason for you not to live a perfectly normal, happy life. I’m so, so sorry if you misunderstood when you heard us talking.”

“You were crying.” David turned to Lil ian.

“
Ya
, I was.” Lil ian let out a heavy breath. “Even the thought of losing you at a young age is upsetting, David, but in your case, it is highly unlikely. You are doing great!”

“I’m going to go take a bath.” David turned to leave.

“David.”

He swung around at the sound of his father’s sharp tone.

“Ya?”

“Life is just risky. You never know what might happen. We can’t live in fear of the unknown, and we must trust that God’s wil shal be done.”

“I do trust God’s wil . And if it’s His wil that my kidney shouldn’t last, I won’t put anyone through that. I’m not getting married. Ever.”

As David marched up the stairs, he thought about al the medications he was taking and what it must be costing.

Is that why we moved?

His heart sank at the thought.

Sixteen

EMILY GLANCED AT DAVID, WHO STOOD ON THE OTHER side of Martha several feet away. Ever since she’d spoken to Lil ian, Emily was clear in her mind that David just didn’t care enough about her to pursue anything more than friendship. He didn’t know about her attack, so that wasn’t his reason. Emily figured he liked her, cared for her . . . just not
enough
.

“I cannot believe we are having a funeral for a bird,” Jacob whispered in Emily’s ear.

“Be quiet. This is important to Martha.” Emily straightened as she waited for the funeral to begin. A lovely spot beneath a large oak tree in Martha’s backyard had been chosen as the final resting place. Arnold had arrived early, like Emily, and he had already dug the grave and cleared the snow in an area large enough for everyone to gather. The temperature was unseasonably warm, almost forty degrees, and the sun shone bright.

Jacob leaned closer to Emily again as more people gathered around. “Why is there a nun here?”

“She’s a friend of Mr. Becker’s. Her name is Sister Catherine from the Catholic church in Alamosa. It was either her or Bishop Esh, and I wasn’t about to ask Bishop Esh to offer prayers for a bird’s memorial service. We haven’t lived here that long. He’d think I was crazy, no?”

The elderly nun walked over to where Emily was standing, her face solemn but a hint of amusement showed in the wrinkles around her eyes. “When Arnold asked me to do this, I was certainly wil ing. But I must tel you, I’ve never led prayer for a deceased bird. I’m not even sure what to say.”

“Just say Elvis was nineteen years old,” Emily told her. “He has been Martha’s companion—don’t say
pet
—for nineteen years. He was a wonderful friend.” Emily shrugged. “I don’t know, Sister Catherine. Something like that, I guess.
Danki
for doing this.”

Sister Catherine returned to her place next to Martha, who was dressed in al black: knee-length dress, a long overcoat, gloves, and a hat with a chest-length veil in front. Both hands were fil ed with tissues, and she alternated blowing her nose and dabbing her eyes. Arnold was at her side.

Emily glanced around at al those present. Both her parents, Jacob and Beth Ann, Levi, Betsy, al of the Stoltzfuses except Katie Ann, and Arnold. It was the best Emily could do, and Martha seemed pleased.

Emily’s father stood on Emily’s right. “What exactly are they burying that bird in?”
Daed
had cupped his hand around his mouth to keep his voice from carrying.

“It’s a gold-plated casket that Martha picked out for Elvis.”

“I’m not surprised. She can afford it,” her father said with a light chuckle, although Emily didn’t understand why he would say that. Martha’s home was larger than most in the community, but she seemed to live a fairly modest life. She drove an old automobile, and her clothes weren’t al that fancy. Of course, Emily had certainly been surprised when she saw the bird’s casket, complete with a purple, velveteen lining.

Jacob leaned close to her other ear. “I think Martha should have chosen a closed casket. That bird is looking a little rough.”

“Be quiet, Jacob.” Emily stomped her foot lightly. “Have some respect.”

“It’s a
bird
, Emily.”

Emily ignored him. She could feel David’s eyes on her, but she was afraid to look his way. She was wondering if Lil ian told him about their conversation, as she’d said she would. She’d probably told David everything Emily had said—how much she liked him, how she didn’t understand why he was so standoffish. The thought just embarrassed Emily to death. She also couldn’t help but wonder if Lil ian explained Emily’s true intentions to David, how the only reason she’d asked is because she felt unworthy after her attack. Now she wondered again, did David know about what had happened to her?

She sighed and reckoned none of it mattered anyway. David hadn’t known about her attack before Emily talked to Lil ian, so that part of the equation never played a part in him not wanting to be more than friends. But every time she recal ed the kisses they’d shared, her heart fil ed with regret. She glanced his way, and he discreetly pointed a finger at her.

“I need to talk to you later,” he mouthed.

She nodded as her heart fil ed with dread. He was upset with her for talking to Lil ian about their personal business. She didn’t real y blame him.

Sister Catherine cleared her throat. “We are al gathered here to pay our final respects to Elvis.” She glanced at Emily, as if needing some encouragement. Emily nodded in her direction. “Elvis was Martha’s favorite pet.”

Emily cringed.
I told you not to say
pet. She looked at Martha, who’d abruptly stopped crying. The scowl on her face was frightening.

“Elvis was much more than a pet, though. He was Martha’s friend, her companion, for nineteen years.”

Emily breathed a sigh of relief and was glad to see Martha’s expression soften a little bit beneath the thin black veil. Martha shoved the tissues from one hand to the other, then she reached for Arnold’s hand. It was sweet the way they seemed to have found each other in the second half of their lives.

Emily glanced at David again. He was staring at her, and it made her very uncomfortable.

“Elvis was—was loved by al , and—and I know we wil al miss him.”

Emily elbowed Jacob when he started to chuckle.

“Who got al these flowers?” Emily’s father whispered in her ear as he nodded to the dozen or so arrangements surrounding the smal hole where Elvis would be put to rest.

“I know it’s not our way, the flowers, but it’s the
Englisch
way. I guess Martha and Arnold got the flowers. I real y don’t know,” Emily answered in a whisper.

Martha plucked two red roses from a nearby floral arrangement and placed them on top of Elvis’s body. She narrowed her eyes at Arnold, who quickly did the same. Then her eyes shot directly to Emily. When Emily didn’t respond right away, Martha flipped her veil up, a frown on her face. Emily closed the gap between her and Martha, plucked two roses from a nearby vase, and walked toward the casket. She nodded at her mother, who was standing on the other side of her father. With much hesitancy, the entire crowd slowly retrieved flowers and placed them on top of Elvis until you couldn’t even see him, which Emily thought was a good thing.

Martha watched as Arnold closed Elvis’s casket, then lowered the bird into his grave. Everyone stayed until the casket was covered with dirt and Martha faced the crowd and said, “Now, let’s eat!”

Emily grinned. Some things about Martha were exactly the same. As it should be.

Martha walked over to Emily and pointed a painted fingernail in her direction. “I hope you had one of your people bring creamed celery, like I asked you to.”

Emily nodded. “
Ya, Mamm
made it fresh this morning.”

After the meal and clean up, people began to disburse to their buggies, and Emily took a peek out the window to see if David had come in a separate buggy from his family. Yep.

She rounded the corner from the kitchen to the den to ask her mother if they were ready to go, and as fate would have it, she bumped right into David.

“You ready?”

“Where are we going?”

“To have a talk.”

Emily couldn’t read his expression. “Are you going to yel at me about something?”

He grinned. “Why, have you done something bad?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t think so at the time, but now I’m not sure.”