Seeing Shadows (10 page)

His comment made me go still. It made me think of all the ways life
was
bad. It made me think about what I would do if I had another vision of this beautiful man experiencing a horrific death. I didn't think I could handle it.

"Yes," I replied, trying to muster an answering smile and not really succeeding. "I guess life isn't too bad."

Simon's eyebrows came together at my reaction. "Is life really not too bad?" he asked quietly. His probing discomfited me. Simon seemed to be able to read my reactions too well, which was dangerous. I had spent years practicing to control my reactions until it seemed the world accepted me at face value. But Simon seemed to be too perceptive.

I forced a laugh. "Of course. I'm hanging out with my friends and imbibing on way too much ketchup, which is giving me a sugar high. How could life be better?"

Simon laughed in return, seeming to accept my answer. "I guess there isn't much I can say to that."

I finished with the bottle of ketchup and handed it to Simon. "Here you go."

"Nah," he replied, shaking his head. "I don't like ketchup."

I looked at him aghast. "You don't like ketchup?" I asked in mock horror. "How can you not like ketchup? Everybody likes ketchup!"

Simon grinned. "I got sick from ketchup when I was a little kid and ever since then I haven't been too fond of it," he explained.

"Oh well," I said with an exaggerated sigh. "I guess we can still be friends somehow, although that's a pretty big obstacle."

Simon smiled slyly. "I'll think of a way for us to settle our differences."

I had been feeling an easy camaraderie with Simon, proud that I was navigating the friend territory so well. But his last comment made my stomach flutter. This was what I meant about him sneaking in a comment every now and then that made me think of something besides friendship. But I banished the thought.

"Don't worry," I said quickly, trying to return to an easy banter. "I'll accept you, faults and all."

Simon laughed loudly again. I seemed to amuse him way too much, but I just gave him an answering smirk. I passed the ketchup bottle that Simon had refused to Sarah, who was busy talking to Jenny and the boys.

"Here," I said, handing her the bottle.

Sarah took the bottle and looked at it. "I'm glad to see you saved me some," she joked. She leaned forward so that she could see Simon. "Caitlin has a ketchup fetish."

"Yeah, she's already told me all about it," Simon said with a grin. "And I hate ketchup. We've decided to be friends in spite of it."

I felt a stirring in my heart at his comment that didn't feel pleasant. His comment about us being friends should make me happy. I told myself that a pep talk would be in order later.

"Samantha might stop by," Marcus announced, interrupting my thoughts.

Sarah and Jenny both groaned. "Marcus," Sarah said with exasperation. "Why are you always inviting her to things?"

Marcus shrugged. "I thought you guys were tolerating her. I saw her at the supermarket today while I was buying stuff for the barbeque and it just came up."

Jenny glared at Marcus, who looked disheartened to be receiving such a look from her. "We're nice to her face - kind of. That doesn't mean we like her!"

I couldn't help snorting at her statement. Jenny was the least catty person I knew, and that comment seemed funny coming from her.

"Come on, guys," I said, trying to be the voice of reason. "It's not a big deal. She can be okay." I didn't like Samantha as much as Jenny and Sarah, but I also felt some pity for her. There had to be a reason why she was so insecure and draped herself over guys. I understood what it felt like to have someone make you feel inadequate your whole life. I was just lucky that I had never felt the need to fill that hole with men. I wondered what had made Samantha try and fill that hole with the attentions of the opposite sex.

Sometimes I wished I didn't feel so much empathy towards people. I wished I could just dislike someone and not care why they were the way they were. But a large part of why I couldn't was because of my visions. Seeing so many people suffer, even in my dreams, made me realize the human frailty in everyone.

Sarah shook her head but smiled at me with affection. "Leave it to Caitlin to be the nice one."

"Oh, okay." huffed Jenny. "But I'm only going to be nice to her cause Caitlin's asking. She has more reason than anyone else to dislike her." Jenny looked over at me and wrinkled her nose. "Why do you have to be so nice to people?"

I laughed at her comment. "That's rich, coming from you," I said with a smile. "You're the nicest person I know."

"Hey," Simon protested with a grin. "Now you know me."

I smirked. "Like I said, Jenny is the nicest person I know."

Simon laughed and Sarah poked me in the leg. "What am I, chopped liver?"

I smiled at Sarah and wrapped an arm around her waist, giving her a lopsided hug. I loved Sarah more than anyone else in the world, but she wasn't nice. But not in a bad way. She stood up for herself and the people she cared about. I believed in standing up for myself as well, but I was willing to cut people some slack, knowing we couldn't understand everything that other people were going through. Like me and my visions. Sarah didn't care. If you hurt her or the people she cared about, she could be ruthless "No," I replied with affection. "You're my sanity."

Sarah smiled in understanding and put her arm around my waist, hugging me back. "I knew you kept me around for a reason."

"Oh, wow," Grant said, widening his eyes. "Jenny, you should get in on the hug. And whatever else you girls feel like doing."

"Ew!" yelled Sarah, throwing a tortilla chip at him. He caught it deftly in one hand. "You're gross!"

Grant laughed uproariously. "Just joking!" he exclaimed, holding out a hand in supplication. "You know I don't go for that sort of thing." He dipped the chip he had caught into the chili dip and ate it with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Ugh," I groaned. "You're a dork, Grant." But I couldn't help saying it with a smile. Grant liked to joke around but I knew he stayed on the straight and narrow when it came to girls. When he was on-again with Cara, he never looked at any other girl. Well, except for Sarah, but he treated it as a mild flirtation. Much to Sarah's disappointment.

Simon chuckled softly. "Grant wouldn't know what to do with more than one girl."

"And you would?" I asked indignantly, with a raised eyebrow. I immediately regretted my question. "Forget it, forget it!" I exclaimed, waving my hands. "I don't want to know."

Simon laughed, loudly this time. "I-"

"No!" I yelped, covering his mouth with my hand. "We don't want to know! Keep the sordid details to yourself!"

Simon raised his eyebrows and then got a devilish glint in his eyes as he lowered his gaze to my hand covering his mouth. I quickly jerked my hand away, feeling my body flood with warmth. I had clapped my hand over Simon's mouth without thinking, and it had felt like my hand was burning from the contact. I had quickly registered the warmth of his breath, the soft firmness of his lips, the slight stubble on his face, before I had pulled my hand away. The jolt of electricity that had gone through me at the touch was unfamiliar and I didn't know how to process it.

"Sorry," I muttered, feeling myself blush. "I just don't want to see anything I ate come back up."

Simon gave a sharp bark of laughter at my comment and shook his head. "What am I going to do with you, Caitlin?" he asked, with a wide smile.

I looked around the group. Everyone was watching our exchange with fascination and I felt my blush grow deeper. I didn't understand Simon's question so I didn't understand how to answer it. "Um..." I stammered.

Fortunately, Sarah saved me from having to answer by asking if anyone wanted another beer. I reminded myself to thank her later.

Sarah got up to retrieve the bottles of beer from the fridge and I concentrated on eating my burger, not looking up.

The doorbell rang and Jenny groaned. Marcus gave her a look of concern before he walked over to answer it. Marcus opened the front door to reveal Samantha standing there, her light brown hair whipping in the wind. She stepped in and shivered.

"It's freezing out there!" she exclaimed, running her hands through her hair and trying to straighten it out. Although she was wearing a heavy coat, it only hit mid-thigh and the rest of her legs were bare down to her black high heels. I wondered how she could stand showing all that skin in such frigid temperatures. I had never been one to suffer pain for vanity.

Samantha took off her coat, revealing a short blue miniskirt and a skintight black top. The top looked modest enough in the front, but when she turned to hand her coat to Marcus, I could see that the back plunged down, almost all the way to her skirt. I wasn't sure what type of bra she could be wearing that didn't show with such a revealing back. When Samantha turned back around, I rethought the existence of a bra as I could clearly see that the cold had affected her. I thought about my outfit in comparison to hers. We looked like a before and after, albeit a slightly slutty after.

I gave myself a mental shake and reprimanded myself for my thoughts. I wasn't in competition with anyone, or for anyone. Certainly not for Simon.

"Hi guys," she greeted with a smile, scanning the room. Her smile widened when she saw Simon. "Simon!" she gushed. "It's so good to see you again!"

She walked over, ignoring or not hearing everyone else's greeting in return and stood before Simon, standing with one hand on her hip in a practiced pose to draw the eyes to all her assets.

"Hi," Simon answered with a smile as he stood. "Samantha, right?"

Samantha's answering smile was blinding.

"You remembered," she cooed with a seductive smile. "I'm flattered."

"Have a seat," Simon offered, indicating the one he had just vacated. I ignored the feeling of displeasure at his action. I told myself it was because I didn't want to get stuck next to Samantha, no matter how sorry I felt for her. It was not because Simon so willingly gave up the seat next to me. And it also wasn't because I had felt special when he had given up his seat on the recliner for me yesterday. I felt like kicking myself.

"Oh. Okay," Samantha said with a slight frown as she watched Simon walk into the kitchen after offering his seat. All the other seats were taken and I wasn't sure where she had been expecting to sit.
Not on his lap, that's for sure
, I thought unkindly.

"Help yourself to some food," Grant said, indicating the plates of food on the coffee table. "Do you want a beer?"

"Do you have anything harder?" Samantha inquired. I heard Jenny make a sound that I could only describe as a harrumph but I tried to ignore it, pressing my lips together to hide a smile.

"Name your poison," Marcus said. "We have a pretty full bar."

"I'll just take a vodka tonic, if you have it," Samantha requested, crossing her long legs.

"Be right up," Marcus said, disappearing into the kitchen at the same time Simon walked back out. He was carrying two open bottles of beers and walked over, handing me one.

"Thanks," I said, grabbing the beer, not wanting to read too much into the fact that he had noticed that I was finished with my first one. I took a long swig, trying to clear my thoughts with the coldness of the beer. Sure, it wasn't smart trying to clear my head with alcohol, but at this point I was willing to try anything.

Simon folded his long body down until he was sitting by the coffee table, practically right in front of my feet. Or, I told myself, practically in front of Samantha's feet.

"So," I said, turning to Samantha. "How have you been?"