See How She Awakens (8 page)

When I entered this plane, amongst the first of my kind, a vision played out before me. A strange place, a battle, destruction and fear reigning all around. A figure shining bright as the sun stands before a monstrosity, powerless to move. Then the Guardian moves, refusing to allow his sun to be extinguished. Yet his light is taken. The Sun moves, broken by the truth, and all is black. The sun no longer burns brightly, the brilliance of its luster swallowed by the inky darkness.

I long to warn you, to tell you that it is coming. The heavens will not allow it.  The future must be of your making, not of my telling.  Once it has all played out, you will never forgive my deception. I must live with that, as you must carry your loss.

If only there were some other way.

Yours eternally,

Aberto

My eyes consumed word after word, page after page. Every piece of paper strewn across the desk was a letter written to me. Page after page of regrets. One telling me of Xavier and his plan, one painting the death of my parents, one of the Seers being sacrificed, on and on they went. He’d seen every bad thing that was coming for me, had known I would lose so much.

Then why didn
’
t he help you?

The pain in each word pushed through me. He’d known but had been powerless to stop any of it. My course had been laid out, and nothing would stop it. But he had. When I’d almost died trying to save the Seers, he’d broken his oath to the heavens and intervened. He’d taken part of his soul and used it to save mine. 

I ripped through the pages, looking, searching for something about that night. The night he’d changed the course of my life forever. There were hundreds of letters, to the child I’d been, the teenager who’d lost so much, to the woman who hadn’t known what she truly was, but no matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find the answer. Exhaustion pulled at me, beckoning me to sleep, causing the words to blur before my eyes. The letters would wait.

He left them here on purpose. He is trying to trick you, Izzy. To use your emotions against you.

“Maybe, but the words on these papers are the truth. Nothing can change that, not even you.”

Leaving the pile of papers at the desk, I moved back to the bed. As I curled under the blankets, I thought of what Aberto had said about Kennan, and why he hadn’t told me. Logically, I knew he was right, but my heart still felt betrayed. Thoughts of Kennan swirled in my mind as sleep pulled me under.

“
Izzy, try to remember!
”
Kennan
’
s voice pleaded with me in the void.

“
I don
’
t want to remember, I want to stay with you.
”
I pleaded.

“
I
’
m no longer here. I am a mere messenger for the gods.
”
Sorrow dripped from Kennan
’
s voice.

“
I won
’
t lose you, Kennan.
”

“
If you stay, you will lose yourself. This is not where you are called to be. Why can
’
t you see that?
”
Kennan
’
s voice pleaded.

Whispers echoed through the fog, another familiar voice. A message.

“
Love and sacrifice.
”
The voice of my home. No, not my home, the other one. The one my soul called to. The stranger in the fog. The memory from long ago.

“
No.
”
Kennan
’
s whisper cut through me, more plea than denial.
“
She
’
s not ready.
”

“
It. Must. Be.
”
The other one, the one who made me this way, called.

“
Izzy, I must go, and so should you. I can
’
t remain here, if I do, you will be lost forever.
”
 
Kennan
’
s sadness ripped through me, pain seared a path straight to my center.

“
You aren
’
t real. You are a phantom, but a phantom is better than nothing. I will stay.
”
 
No matter the other voices that hounded me, I would stay for him.

“
And that is why I must go. My heart will be
forever
yours.  Take it and live, Red.
”
 
His voice faded and with it he was gone.

“
NO!
”
 
I shouted, feeling the loss of him more powerfully than I would if he were a phantom. 
“
NO! He was real. He was here.
”
 
The fire began to writhe inside of me, the darkness rolling in waves deep in the pit of my stomach. 
“
No, he can
’
t be gone. He can
’
t. No. No. No.
”
 
Panic raced through me as the darkness cascaded around me.  The fog churned into midnight as the figures promising death and destruction moved ever closer. 

Gasping for air, I shot up in the bed, opening my eyes to strange surroundings as light cascaded through the windows. 

“Love and sacrifice” echoed through my mind. It had been said over and over, and I hadn’t paid any attention to the words until now. They rang out, beckoning me to find the truth. What did it mean? Why had Aberto spoken those words to Kennan? What was the sacrifice? What of love?

Love was a distant memory, swept under by a tide of darkness. Rage consumed me, anger for what I’d lost, for what had been taken from me.  There was no place for love within me, no room for the pain of its loss once gone.  That had been ripped away with Kennan.  Instead there was the darkness   filling that chasm. 

What of sacrifice? Had I not sacrificed enough for the world? What more could I give? Truly, what would sacrifice be without love to drive it? One without the other seemed void of substance. No, I’d given what I could of my heart, I’d given it all in service of the heavens. I had nothing more to give. But I would have my answers, as soon as Aberto returned. There would be no more secrets.

The memory echoed in my mind as I rose from the bed, returning the worn covers to their previous state. Moving to the kitchenette, I looked for something to occupy my time while I waited for Aberto’s return. I hadn’t had coffee in a long time. Maybe there was some somewhere in the cabinets. Digging through the meager contents, I found a French press and a sealed container of coffee, along with a kettle to boil the water. Lord only knew how old the stuff was, but it was worth a try. I had to do something. I’d go crazier just staring at the walls. I set out to make the coffee as the darkness once more surfaced.

He left you to suffer alone.

“Oh, just shut up. Give me five minutes before you start,” I grumbled.

“I have not uttered a word.” Aberto’s voice startled me from what I was doing. Coffee sloshed in the press as I turned abruptly to find him once more filling the room.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” I turned back to the counter, trying to regain my composure. My hands shook as thoughts raced through my mind. The letters had revealed more than months with Aberto ever had. Looking at him caused memories to stir, distant moments long passed. I needed to focus. Kennan’s words rang in my mind along with Aberto’s response.

“Love and sacrifice,” I said, slowly turning to face him once more. “What does it mean?”

“Uriel sent Molly into the dreaming with a message on how to restore you. Love and sacrifice.”

“What does it mean?”

“You must know this now?” Frustration radiated from Aberto.

“No more secrets, Aberto. You want me to have faith in you, this is where we start. Tell me.” My eyes held his, unwavering.

“Finish what you were doing, and we will go outside and discuss the meaning of love and sacrifice.” Aberto looked around the room, his eyes resting on the desk for a moment, before his gaze returned to mine. “This building is much smaller with two bodies occupying its space.” He opened the door, leaving me to my forgotten coffee production.

I poured the contents into a stained mug I pilfered from the cabinet before heading out the door to meet him.  No milk or sugar, but at least the coffee was something.  My feet crossed the threshold and landed me on what might be considered a porch.  Not by southern standards, to be sure, but there was enough space for two small metal chairs and a table.  All of which were covered in rust and grime. 

My eyes looked out over the landscape as I lowered myself into the vacant chair across from Aberto. Last night, I’d only noticed the stars.  Looking out now, I took in the never ending expanse of what must be a dessert.  No trees lined the landscape, only small brush and cacti struggled for life in the truly barren place. Off in the far distance, red bluffs loomed, jagged edges jutting out of the flat horizon. I couldn’t discern anyone; no matter the direction my eyes led me.

Running alongside the cabin was a stream, barely a trickle, but the deep ravine was enough to tell me that when rain came, it would fill to the brim. Vultures circled off in the distant sky, but nothing else moved, no sounds could be heard save for the slow running water.

Aberto’s gaze fell heavy on me, pulling my attention back to our conversation.

“Love and sacrifice, tell me.” I sipped the coffee, almost spitting the bitterness back out. Instead I let the warmth run through me, allowing it to ignite the cold places inside.

“What I am about to tell you, I know it will not change things between us. Know that I am not asking anything of you. I only wish to tell you what you seek.”  Aberto looked at the ground beneath his feet, his jaw clenching and unclenching in frustration.

“Stop stalling.” I hated when he did that. Classic Aberto diversion tactics.

“Let me begin before the fall.”  Aberto rested his elbows on his knees and stared out at the horizon as he continued. “Kennan knew the darkness would take him. He knew he would die. When we discussed it, he made me swear I would never leave your side. That I would take his place to protect you, to care for you so you wouldn’t be alone.”

He wants to fill Kennan
’
s place. He is only here to be with you.

“Aberto,” I started, but couldn’t finish. His eyes cut me short.

“I told you, I am not asking anything of you. What you lost is irreplaceable. I do not seek to fill the space where Kennan resides within your heart. I am only trying to explain. Please allow me to finish.” Aberto waited for my consent before turning his gaze away once more. “In the dreaming, when I told him, I believe he understood what must happen. If Kennan had remained in the void with you, you would never leave. He sacrificed his connection with you so that you may live. Before he died, he wanted me to promise him I would ensure you did just that. His words to me, he begged me, knowing how I felt for you, I can’t explain this properly.”

“Can you show me? In your memories?” I asked, unsure if I really wanted to play out the loss of him again.

“If that is what you wish.”

“I need to know.”

Grabbing my hand, Aberto thrust me back in time to the Order. I remembered this day, the conversation. We walked out into the murky swamp air, the chorus of frogs and cicadas threatening to burst my eardrums. I stopped next to Aberto, whose gaze was transfixed by the swamp. He looked as though the weight of the world rested upon his shoulders.

“
Out with it.
”
 
Kennan muttered, barely above a whisper.

“
I fear the news I am bound to deliver is not pleasant.
”
 
Aberto never broke his concentration on the murky water.

“
Is this about how you feel for Izzy? If it is, I have no desire to continue this conversation. It isn
’
t as if you have hidden your interest in her.
”
 
Anger etched Kennan
’
s face before something replaced it, perhaps fear, or was it resolve?