See How She Awakens (7 page)

He brought you here for himself, not to help you.

“No.”

“Would you rather find a different location?” Aberto moved closer to me as I stood in the doorway.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” I muttered, afraid to meet his eyes. A strong, calloused finger under my chin forced my face up so he could see my eyes.

“Who were you speaking with?”

“You didn’t believe me. Why would you now? Because Uriel said it was true? Why wasn’t my word enough?” My voice broke as I let the words escape.

He doesn
’
t trust you.

“It was wrong of me to doubt your sanity. I overestimated my knowledge of the void and underestimated your strength. It will never happen again.” Aberto stared into my face, moving his hand to cup my cheek. “Tell me now.”

“Will you believe all I say?”

No, he won
’
t. He will say he does, and placate you with lies. He doesn
’
t trust you, not really.

“Stop it,” I whimpered.

“Izzy, explain this to me. What is happening to you?” Aberto dropped his hand from my face.

“It is there, always lurking, talking to me. It scratches at the surface, begging to be released—to take hold of me completely. Sonneillon said time was my enemy. Every second I remain on this plane, it gets worse. It may be one day, or a month, but either way I’m not strong enough to keep it at bay. You were there today, you heard me. If you want to help me, make it end—all of it.”

He will never let you go, he
’
s too selfish.

“No. Not without trying to control it first.”

Behold, the truth. When will you acknowledge what I speak is infallible?

“Promise me something, and I will try.” There was one way to test the darkness’s logic.

“What would you have me promise?”

“If I change too much, if the darkness overtakes me, I want you to end me yourself.” I couldn’t live like this, knowing I was hurting everyone I loved, but being powerless to avert my actions.

“I swear to you if we fail here, I will do everything in my power to keep you from harming those you hold dear,” Aberto replied, not a real promise to end me should I transform fully.

“That is not the agreement. If I’m taken, you will end me.”

“How can you ask this of me, Izzy?” Aberto closed the short distance between us.  “How can you expect me to snuff out the light of your sun, to end the only brightness I’ve ever known?”

He will hold you here for an eternity, never letting you go,
the darkness murmured.

“Do you still love me?” My eyes searched his, begging for the truth.

“It is unwavering.” Aberto’s eyes connected with mine, the ferocity in his gaze caused my stomach to drop. He wasn’t lying.

“Then swear it to me; swear you will keep me from harming anyone else. You and I both know the only way to make that happen is to end me completely; erase my existence from this world. Don’t let your love for me destroy the world, Aberto. Let me go.”

“You would’ve let your love for Kennan destroy the world had you known he would die. How can you ask me to do any different?” Aberto’s clipped words drew short.

“Is that why you didn’t tell me the truth? This whole time, is that why you kept everything from me? So I could fulfill some damned prophecy?” The darkness swelled within me, taking over. “You are a selfish bastard, you know that? You treat me as though I owe you something, as if I asked you to be there every second of my life. I don’t owe you shit. You talk about love, about how much I mean to you, but you never once stop to think of anyone but yourself.”

Gripping my upper arms tightly Aberto shook me. “ENOUGH!” he shouted. “You will not have her.” Fear swelled in his eyes.

I already do, don
’
t I, Izzy?

“Answer me!” I spat, a breath separating our faces.

“I will not answer your questions until you gain control of yourself. You are stronger than the darkness, Izzy. Fight it!” Aberto demanded.

“This is me now. What, you don’t love me like this?” Reaching my hand up, I trailed a finger down his cheek.

His hand snapped up to still mine in an instant. “No more. I will not answer your questions until you fight whatever perverseness this is.” Aberto threw my hand to the side. 

I wanted nothing more than to slap him in return. To drag my nails through his skin and eviscerate him. 

“No,” I breathed. That wasn’t me, I wouldn’t want that. Never. “Please make it stop!” I begged.

“I cannot,” Aberto replied evenly. “But I believe you can.”

“How?” I sobbed.

“What did you do to control it when it overtook you just now?”

“I wanted to hurt you, but the thought of doing that was too much. Something cracked my resolve, and everything came rushing back in.” Exhausted, I made my way toward the bed. I wanted to rest, to let the world slip by unnoticed.

“At the Order, how did you regain control then?” Aberto was assessing me, as he had been since he brought me from the dreaming.

“Ian. The way I talked to him, I could see the hurt and shock on his face.”

“Each time, the fear of hurting someone you care for has kept you from going further,” Aberto theorized.

“It is getting stronger, Aberto. I’m not sure I will be able to stop it if it comes again.”

“You will learn,” he answered, as if it were the simplest thing in the world to fend off the all-consuming darkness.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. Now fully returned to myself, the question still lingered.

“If I’d told you, the last months of your lives together would’ve been lived with the weight of that knowledge hanging over them. Each day would not be a day lived in love, but a day counted down to the loss of that love. I saw it in your eyes the moment I met you, that your soul was tied to his, your destinies entwined. I was powerless to take that happiness from you. Even if it was destined to end.” Aberto lowered himself to sit on the bed next to me. “If you could go back, would you want to know?”

My mind spun through his words. Memories of his sadness sprang forward. The times he’d asked me of my home, of my love for Kennan. Every moment we’d spent alone together, he’d known Kennan’s life would end, and I would suffer. He’d known and had carried that because he thought I’d deserved the happiness of the moments I’d spent with Kennan. I hadn’t truly understood the reality of the sadness in his eyes. How mistaken could I be? I’d thought it was his feelings for me, not being able to have me. But all that time, he’d known what was waiting just around the corner. A blink of the eye in time for Aberto. The question remained. Would I take away my time with Kennan to live, as he’d said, counting down the days?

“I wouldn’t change it,” I admitted. Our last days were spent with that pressure hanging over us. It had caused pressure to build, for us to push one another away, until the end when we clung to one another. Too many days would’ve been spent waiting, wondering if it were time. 

“I ask not for your forgiveness, Izzy, for what I did is unforgivable. I only ask that you have faith in me.” Aberto reached out to clasp my hand in his. I looked down at his hand swallowing mine.

“I’m not sure I can.” Tears swelled in my eyes. For once, it wasn’t the darkness uttering my deepest fears and hidden thoughts. This admission came of my own accord.

“May I be permitted to remain and regain your trust?”

“Can I stay?” I responded, flatly.

“I do not understand.” Aberto’s brows creased in confusion. My mouth twitched as some of my favorite memories of him were brought to the surface. He never quite spoke like he belonged here, always antiquated in his speech.

“It’s what you asked. You should’ve said ‘can I stay and try to regain your trust.’  You sounded outdated, as always.”

“Can I stay, Izzy?” Aberto knelt in front of me, his face still level with my own. 

“Yes, but I make you no promises.”

“I ask for none.” Aberto leaned forward, resting his forehead against my own. “I would take this pain from you, this misery, if I could.”

He lies, he is glad you are in misery. It gives him a chance to get closer to you.

“Stop.” The voice never left me alone. It was always there, making me doubt everything.

Aberto began to move away, causing a panic to stir within me. I didn’t want to be alone with the voice. I didn’t want to do this by myself. Truth be told, I was terrified of what was happening to me. I felt so isolated. I reached out to stop Aberto from moving away; he looked to me with confusion on his face.

"I wasn’t talking to you. Don’t go.”

“Izzy, you must rest. I will return tomorrow, and we will begin to figure this out.” Aberto’s eyes held mine for a moment before he stood and disappeared from the room, leaving me alone once more.

Aberto’s sudden absence made the room feel uncomfortably empty. Sitting on the bed did nothing to dissuade the loneliness that had begun to creep in the moment Aberto disappeared. It seemed I wasn’t great at being alone anymore.

Determined to push my feelings aside, I rose from the bed to inspect what had become my prison cell, for all intents and purposes. The shack had a feeling of worn purpose to it. Every item strewn about the small room looked as though it had been there for a hundred years. No pictures adorned the walls; no knick knacks cluttered the shelves. The only thing remotely personal was the table that overflowed with papers. A strange pull drew me toward the table. I wondered who this building belonged to; who had lived their life in this secluded place.

I came to a stop next to the table, startled by the appearance of another person in the room. It took me longer than I cared to admit that the person staring back at me was, in fact, my reflection. Shock ripped through me as the reality of the image sunk in. No wonder Sena had reacted the way she did. My hair was a tangled mat, the dress I wore hung like a sack from my seemingly frail form, dark circles ringed my eyes, and I was pretty sure there was dirt in my ear. How did dirt get there? I leaned closer, trying to see my ear, but my eyes caught my attention. Hidden in the swirling blue were flecks of black. Speckled like stars lining the night sky, they stood out, great gaping voids. Would it spread? How had Aberto missed this?

He didn
’
t want to see it. He doesn
’
t really want to help you.

“You are wrong. He brought me here to help.”

He doesn
’
t care about you, he cares about the prophecy. He brought you here to get you to fulfill the rest of the prophecy. But you are too weak. You aren
’
t the Seer.

“He thinks I am strong. He will help me.” My steadfastness wavered as doubt began cascading in. What if he couldn’t help me? What if the black filled my eyes, completely overtaking me?

Even you don
’
t believe him,
the darkness snickered.

“Stop!” Flames coursed over my skin as the fear took over. I had to find a way to stop the darkness from overtaking me.

If you end it, you won
’
t be able to harm anyone. I will eventually overtake you. You are powerless to stop the inevitable.

“It has been stopped before. Aberto changed me to change fate. If he can do that, then I can win. Besides, I can’t die. So even if I wanted to end it, I couldn’t.” Anger gushed through my veins as I struggled to push the darkness back.  Pain ripped through me as the darkness screamed out. 

A dark laugh echoed in my mind as the darkness pulsed. 
You can be dispatched; perhaps not dead, but there is always a way. Your strength will waver. Time is your enemy.

“Maybe, but today I win,” I whispered, pulling the fire into myself so I didn’t burn my new home to the ground. Bracing myself against the back of the desk chair, I took several steadying breaths before I turned back to my reflection. I may not be able to control the darkness within me for long, but I could at least control how I looked. Calmly, I sifted out and back in, imagining myself put together, as if the world weren’t falling apart around me. When I reappeared I looked more myself. The bags remained and the darkness danced in my eyes, but I no longer resembled a swamp witch.

Something in my periphery caught my attention, drawing my gaze down to the desk. The piles of papers strewn about the surface called to me. The mystery of what they were, of who had written them had me lowering myself into the chair before my brain could fully process what I was doing. My fingers brushed across the surface of the papers before falling to rest on the one that had drawn my attention. I knew this writing. The same careful forms etched my body, marked my soul. This was Aberto’s writing. My eyes devoured the paper, scanning every word.

Izzy,

Though you may never read these words, I feel I must write them. I feel compelled to tell you all I cannot. At least in this moment, I am fully honest. The darkness is coming for you. It has sought you out, actively shifting and turning the world so that you might not realize your full potential. From your first breath, it has fought to control you. Though the Seers and Guardians were prepared, it will never be enough. It will overtake you and you will lose all that you hold dear. I’ve seen it. The fall of the great Guardian, your protector.