Secrets of a Former Fat Girl (9 page)
Read Secrets of a Former Fat Girl Online
Authors: Lisa Delaney
The Best Online Support Groups for Future Former Fat Girls
Thousands and maybe millions of dieters are chronicling their hopes, dreams, hits, and misses on the Internet. Good for them and good for you. Online support groups, blogs, and diet success sites can give you the motivation and inspiration you need while maintaining your anonymity. At the same time, though, you don't want to find yourself on a site that is dishing out bogus info or that is merely a shill for some kind of flaky or dangerous diet aid. I have scrolled through scads of sites to come up with the following list of URLs worth a double click.
- eDiets.com (www.ediets.com). This site offers great success stories (with before and after photos) and more than eighty different support groups. The site is run by a staff of doctors and nutritionists, so you can be pretty confident of its credibility. The only problem is, you have to pay about $2 a week. If you're cheap like me, you might want to try some of the other free services first.
- WebMD (www.webmd.com). Another class operation, WebMD offers four Dieting Club message boards: one for people who want to lose 10 to 25 pounds, one for 25-to 50-pound losers, another for 50-to 100-pound losers, and another for 100-plus losers. The boards are monitored, so there is no danger of potty talk. You will read about confessions (“I just ate 7 chocolate hearts!”) and triumphs (“I did my first triathlon!”) and have the chance to encourage and applaud just as others encourage and applaud you. Oh, and this one's free.
- National Weight Control Registry (www.nwcr.ws). This site was started by two weight loss researchers who wanted to learn from successful losers, people who have lost 30 pounds or more and kept it off for one year. The profiles on the site will truly get and keep you going.
- Our Lady of Weight Loss (www.ourladyofweightloss.com). Kitschy as all get-out but completely fun, this site was created by self-proclaimed “weight loss artist” Janice Taylor. Her weekly e-newsletter, The KICK in the TUSH Club, will remind you that you're not in this alone.
- Weight Watchers.com (www.weightwatchers.com). No, you don't have to be on the diet to post, but I have to put in a plug for WW because it is the plan that helped me get where I am today. (You'll read about that later.) Not only are there message boards categorized by weight loss goals, but there are different boards for moms, students, brides-to-be, and even vegetarians.
Get a trainer.
First things first: Personal trainers are not just for people who have zero body fat or perfect measurements or who someday aspire to the Olympics. Trainers work with all kinds, from the superfit athlete to the cardiac rehab patient. Even so, the idea of working out with a personal trainer might make you kind of nervous. But the trainers I know are like the best coaches and the least annoying cheerleaders rolled into one. If they know what your goals are, they can push you just enough so that every workout is challenging but successful. The trick is to find one you click with. (See the sidebar on Chapter 2 for tips on finding a trainer you can trust.) You need someone with whom you're not embarrassed to talk about your goals and your challenges, because communication is extremely important. If you're too embarrassed to tell her that you haven't worked out in, like,
ever
or that there's an excruciating pain in your back when you try a particular exercise, you're not going to get the most out of your workout and might even get hurt.
Once you've found your match, a trainer can be indispensable in several ways. Her technical expertise in exercise (and nutrition, provided she has the credentials) is only part of it. She'll also be there for you when your motivation flags. And because you have a professional relationship, there's less of a chance you'll resent her when she calls you on missing a workout. You can always fire her; the same is not true of your mother.
Write it down.
Sometimes all you need is to vent. You don't need advice or encouragement. You just need to get it all out. Journaling allows you to blow off steam and even work through some issues without having to deal with backtalk from a second party. This is not an original idea: Many weight loss experts suggest keeping a journal along with a log of what you're eating and how much you're exercising. Not only will that help keep you “honest”âwhich you may need because you can't rely on the power of peer pressureâbut it is a great way to chronicle your progress. Full disclosure: Journaling has never really been my thing. I've always thought I
should
journal (don't most real writers?), but I've never been able to keep it up. I've amassed an extensive collection of beautiful volumes that remain blank except for two or three pages. I did, though, keep track of my weekly weigh-ins on my office calendar when I went on Weight Watchers and for a long time after I had reached my goal weight. I also kept a food log as part of that program and jotted down the number of miles I ran each day. Paging through, seeing the pounds drop and the miles tick up, was such a powerful experience. It was a visual, tactile affirmation of all the work I'd been doing. The only thing better? Squeezing into a smaller jeans size.
Find another Fat Girl or, even better, a Former Fat Girl.
I was lucky to have Tracey when I started my own journey to Former Fat Girlhood. Not all fellow Fat Girls are as accepting and compassionate as Tracey. There are those who will tear you down so they can feel better about themselves (such as that stupid Mary Ann in third grade). There are those who will try to keep you from changing because they're afraid of changing themselves. There are those who simply are fighting their own battles and might take you down with them when they backslide. So latching onto another Fat Girl isn't a surefire solution. Teaming up with a Former Fat Girl, though, is a much safer tactic. We know exactly what you're going through; we know what worked for us; and we know how to share just enough information and then back off and leave you alone. The problem is, you can't recognize us when you see us. That is the point of this book: to let you know we're out there waiting to help and cheering you on. But here is a hint that will help you start your search: Some of the women most dedicated to exercise are Former Fat Girls. Aerobic instructors, trainers, marathon runners, triathletesâI can guarantee that if you tap into that network, you'll find a Former Fat Girl or two, or three, or more.
The Obstacle: Sticky Social Situations That Involve Food
Work parties, family gatherings, and nights out with the girls can't be avoided completely. You just need to be prepared to cope. These fixes will help.
Former Fat Girl Fixes
Play offense.
Let's say you're invited to a backyard barbecue and the cook's specialty is baby back ribs, something you'd rather not touch for fear of losing all control and eating an entire rack. Barbecues are particularly challenging for the wannabe Former Fat Girl because the traditional menu isn't exactly what you'd call healthy: potato salad, coleslaw, and macaroni salad dripping in mayo; baked beans swimming with chunks of bacon; and marbled meats oozing with oily sauces. If you are lucky, you might be able to scrounge up a lean piece of beef brisket or strip a chicken breast of its skin, and maybe snag a piece of white bread, but that's about it.
There are a couple of ways to deal with this situation without calling unwanted attention to yourself. (Staying home is not an option.) Eat something before you goânot a full meal but a heavy snackâsay, half a peanut butter or turkey sandwich or a small bowl of cereal or some tuna over mixed greens. Then
nibble
at the party. Don't skip the meal altogether (see the next fix to find out why); instead, take small tasting portions of the dishes on the menu. But that strategy will backfire completely if you do let go at the party and eat a full meal. Another way to handle it is to bring a healthy side dish to share, making sure you get a substantial portion and leaving just a little space on your plate for the host's dishes. That way you'll have something to enjoy along with everyone else. Plus, you'll earn points for your “thoughtful” contribution to the mealâeven though your motivation was more self
ish
than self
less
.
How to Find a Trainer Who Will Nudge You, Not Judge You
There are three major reasons to hook up with a personal trainer: motivation, expertise, and accountability. But in your head there are probably just as many reasons not to, the main one being fear. With the right trainer, though, fear won't be a factor at all. Here's how to make the best match:
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Certification.
Find a trainer who is certified by one of the organizations on this list:
Â
Aerobic and Fitness Association of America (AFAA)
American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM)
American Council on Exercise (ACE)
Cooper Institute for Aerobics Research (CIAR)
International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA)
National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM)
National Council of Strength and Fitness (NCSF)
National Federation of Professional Trainers (NFPT)
National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA)
This ensures that she has been thoroughly tested in anatomy and physiology, nutrition, exercise prescription, and CPR training. There are many certification programs out there, but they aren't as rigorous. These are your best bets, according to the consumer watchdog Web site Quackwatch.com.
Focus on women only.
Men are pitiful enough when it comes to relating to women in general, but to a wannabe Former Fat Girl? No way. A male trainer is going to be so removed from the Fat Girl way of thinking that it is doubtful you would make much progress. There's probably an exception among the thousands of trainers out there, but you would lose a lot of time finding him.
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Be cautious about lifelong athletes.
For some people, being active just comes naturallyâbut not you (not yet, anyway). Trainers who grew up playing soccer, lacrosse, softball, whatever, will probably have a difficult time relating to you and your struggles. You want to have as much common ground with your trainer as possible so she can anticipate your emotional needs as much as your physical needs. There are exceptions here, too. Maybe the athlete had a battle with her weight at some point in her life or had a Fat Girl for a sister or close friend.
Look for a Former Fat Girl.
Former Fat Girls are like people who have undergone a religious conversion: They're often driven to spread the gospel to others. There's a great chance that you can find a trainer who went through the whole Fat Girl thing herself and took up training in her zeal to share her new life with others. As you know, though, you can't tell a Former Fat Girl by looking at her. But all you'll need is one short conversation to find out. If she is truly a Former Fat Girl, she won't be able to keep it to herself. On the off-chance that she doesn't volunteer the information, ask, “Has it always been easy for you to stay fit?” That will get her talking about her own history.
Avoid critics and know-it-alls.
In your conversation, tell her what you've been doing to lose weight or strategies you used in the past. Listen carefully to her response. Does she say, “Well, that's not going to get you where you want to be,” or does she say, “Are you making any progress?” with a knowing smile on her face? Even if she disagrees with the tactics you're using, she shouldn't jump all over them. She should gently say, “I can help you with that,” or “There are other ways,” or even “There may be a better way.” You need to be handled gently and be applauded for trying. Her manner in this discussion will help reveal whether she'll do that for you.
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Could she be a confidant?
Years ago I had a yellow Lab named Yogi. All Yogi wanted to do was please me, even more than eating and fetching, which is saying a lot. And that was great except for when he did something wrong such as wet the rug or chew up the newspaper or get into the refrigerator and eat a week's worth of groceries. Then he would hide from me. He wanted to please me so much that he couldn't bear to disappoint; he couldn't own up to his mistakes.
What does my dog have to do with you? Well, lots of trainer-client relationships are like my relationship with Yogi. The clientâyouâwant so much to please that if you screw up, if you stray from your diet or don't do your weekend walks or whatever, you just can't face the trainer and end up severing the relationship out of guilt. As you talk to a potential trainer, ask yourself: What happensâworst-case scenarioâif I slack off? Could I tell her? Would I come right back again, share my struggle, and move on? Or would I abandon the program altogether?
Don't refuse food.
This was a particularly hard lesson for me to learn. It would make sense that if you don't want to eat something, you shouldn't put any on your plate, right? Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Think about it: What would happen if you passed up a serving of your mom's special family recipe cheesecake with a simple “No, thank you”? If you think you'd get away with that, you've got another think coming. In my house, I'd be subjected to such interrogation and commentary, you'd think I was the latest nominee to the Supreme Court. It's better to accept some and keep your mouth shut. Don't even say, “I'll just have a small piece”; that will only draw attention to you. Remember, if you don't make a big deal out of it, the people around you are less likely to. Take the foodâsmall portions if you can manage itâand try to leave some on your plate. Even one bite is a victory, girls. I know I'm advocating wastefulness, God and Grandmom forgive me, but you're got to sacrifice your membership in the clean plate club if you want to be a Former Fat Girl.
