Secrets of a Former Fat Girl (4 page)

I know that for you exercise isn't just a matter of slipping on your sneakers and going to the gym. Just finding workout clothes and shoes that fit your body and your needs, for instance, is a challenge—not to mention all the emotional issues that bubble up. There's the pounding, the bouncing, the soreness, the equipment you don't know how to use. I know what it's like to walk into a fitness class or step onto a running track and feel like an outsider, like some geeky kid crashing the cool crowd's party.

Compared to that, dieting might seem easy, as simple as scratching out things on your grocery list and replacing them with stuff that doesn't have high-fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated oils, and rendered animal fat at the top of their ingredients lists. But it is such a negative, spirit-sucking way to live. You, future Former Fat Girl, need all the strokes you can get, especially at the beginning. Think of exercise as the first chapter of your success story, because it will help you build a stockpile of personal power and steel you for the rest of the journey ahead. The making-better-food-choices bit will come later.

Here are my secrets for getting over, around, and through those obstacles and moving toward life as a Former Fat Girl.

The Obstacle: The Whiner in Your Head

My whiner, whom you've already met, would pipe up whenever she had the opportunity: “Do we
really
have to run today?” Or “My toe is hurting. Can't we stop now?” Sometimes, desperate to get my attention, she turned just plain nasty: “Who are
you
to think you can be a runner, fatty?” I tried to figure out when I heard her most clearly and then devised clever little tactics to shut her up. Here's what helped me.

Former Fat Girl Fixes

Don't exercise at home.

Show me a person who actually uses the treadmill in her bedroom, and I'll show you ten who walk over it, around it, or anywhere but
on
it. Why? Because they give in to the whiner who astutely points out all the other things you could (that is,
should
) be doing instead of logging those miles, doing those crunches, or folding yourself into that downward dog. Like cleaning out your cosmetics case, dusting the ceiling fan, or writing a note to that woman—what was her name? The one you worked with three career moves ago. She was great, wasn't she? All those good times you had…

See how the whiner distracts! Wily little thing. If you were at a gym or the Y or the community pool or track, you'd be among other people avoiding their own whiners and not surrounded by your clutter, your couch, your computer, or in close proximity to your pantry. Oh, the whiner would still be there, and she could still talk you into cutting your workout short. It may be pride or ego, but I find it hard to walk out of the weight room or the kickboxing class after only ten minutes or so. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble.

You may feel as welcome at a health club as you would in a men's restroom, so working out at home to a video or on a treadmill might seem like a good way to avoid the whole scene. But at home it's too easy to give into your inner whiner and end up on the couch watching
Wheel of Fortune
and struggling to ignore the bag of Doritos calling you from the pantry. And even if you do prefer to exercise outside, you definitely need an indoor option. One of the whiner's favorite things to bellyache about is the weather. “You want to go out in
this
? It's too ccccccold.” Or “You won't be satisfied until I die of heat stroke.”

Where, then, can you go to sweat without feeling like an alien? A good place to start are walking trails and high school or college tracks (after practice, of course; the last thing you want to do is get run over by a bunch of long-legged coeds with zero body fat). If you are shopping for a club, check out the YMCA. The best Ys offer cutting-edge fitness programs and equipment, a family-friendly vibe, and very few Lycra thongs. You are more likely to see girls (and guys) of all shapes, sizes, and ages there than you would at the “hot” clubs in town. Finally, a growing recognition among the health club industry of the fear factor among beginners and women in particular has spawned the growth of women's-only fitness chains. These clubs, such as Curves, use small classes and personalized attention to help you overcome your intimidation. (For more on getting past your “club dread,” see the sidebar Chapter 1.)

Make it as convenient as possible.

You want to do all you can to get rid of any excuses that might set off the whiner in your head, so when you're considering where you want to work out, factor in location. I suggest finding a place that's on your way to or from somewhere you go several times a week—like work, or your kids' school. The more convenient it is for you, the better. It gives the whiner less ammunition (no “But it's so far a
waaaaaaaay
”).

It's better for the gym or Y or whatever you choose to be closer to your destination than to your house, or you might be tempted to stop off and change before your workouts. That's just another opportunity for your whiner to remind you how nice it would be to settle down and unwind for “just a minute” on that soft, pillowy couch before going to that “horrible, nasty” place to sweat.

This means, of course, that you have to have somewhere to get dressed, most probably a locker room among lots of sweaty or soon-to-be sweaty women in various stages of undress. You might have no problem with this, but back in my fat days, I was terrified at the very idea of getting naked with a bunch of strangers. I could barely stand to get naked with myself. I came up with an admittedly imperfect solution—imperfect because not only would it offend Ms. Manners's sensibilities but because it might also be actionable in some states. In direct violation of the rules of gym etiquette, I'd sneak my stuff into a bathroom stall and change there—sometimes, I admit, in the one reserved for disabled women. I was always very quick and never came out to find a line of women in wheelchairs glaring at me.

I've also seen fully dressed women lug their workout bags right into a curtained shower stall to change, which is also probably frowned upon. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

After a while you'll begin to get over yourself. I've become so uninhibited that I'm afraid someday I'll forget and walk out topless into a common area for an extra towel. Part of the reason, of course, is that I'm not carrying around an extra seventy pounds of flab anymore. But what really helped cure my locker room phobia was the sight of other women who seemed not to mind that their bodies were less than perfect. One scene still runs through my head: In the locker room at the Y in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, where I lived for a brief time several years ago, there was a fifty-something woman bearing the scars of a double mastectomy; another the age of my mom, all folds of crepelike skin, coming in from her swim; another a UNC student who looked to be battling the “freshman fifteen”; and me. All different bodies, all imperfect, all naked, all getting stronger, feeling more powerful, and doing right by themselves. It was just another day in the locker room, but for me there was a feeling that we were all in this together. There was no self-consciousness, no scrutiny, no judgments, only acceptance.

Until it is no big deal to you, do what you have to do to make yourself comfortable. The women around you know what you're going through, believe me. And if they don't, well, you can probably imagine what I'd tell them (or at least think to myself).

Drown her out.

Remember the Rain Man–like way I used to count laps (“two more to halfway,” “one more to halfway”)? Not only did that help keep me from cheating myself out of a lap or two, which I was always tempted to do at first, but it gave me something to think about, something other than the voice in my head kvetching about my aching knees and cramping muscles. An easier way to drown out the whiner, though, is with music. Once I graduated from the track to a trail—one long, continuous loop where counting just didn't make sense—I couldn't live without my Walkman. (Remember them? They were the iPods of the 80s and 90s.) If you're one of the three people in the world who doesn't have an MP3 player, get one. They're cheap—under $100—and even a computerphobe like me can program one. (Or, for a little fun, you can hand yours over to your husband, a friend, or even a teenager if you're daring, to download away.) A little music will make your workout more tolerable. There are safety issues if you exercise outdoors with headphones on: When you're bopping along to the booming bass of Usher, you might not hear an approaching car or footsteps behind you. Not to be paranoid or anything, but I have a good tip from running coach Jenny Hadfield (who holds beginner running clinics for women called Run Like a Girl). She suggests using only one earpiece, leaving the other ear on alert.

If you're into the treadmill, stationary bike, or elliptical trainer, try watching TV, but make sure what you're watching is something you really want to watch and not just whatever junk happens to be on at the time. For instance, tape or TiVo a favorite show you never get to see (I find the
E! True Hollywood Stories
are fabulous for this) and allow yourself to watch it only while you're working out. That'll give you something to look forward to and something more likely to divert your attention from the whiner.

Delegate the details.

Hmmm. Should I exercise Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? Or Tuesday and Thursday? Early morning, mid-morning, after work? These details may seem insignificant, but they're perfect opportunities for the whiner to step in and say, “Exercise is too much trouble. Too many decisions. Let's just forget it.”

There are a couple of ways to dispense with such details. One is to find a class, as I did with Jazzercise. It wasn't up to me to decide what time to exercise or how often; there was a set schedule to follow. I didn't have to entertain myself during class; I could leave that to the teacher, my classmates, and (obscure disco reference alert) Gloria Gaynor.

Another is to find a walking or running group. That may not be as hard as you think: YMCAs, neighborhood centers, and even fitness footwear stores and employers often have groups that tend to be pretty low-commitment. All you do is show up at the appointed time and place, and you're in.

The problem with both of these approaches, of course, is that you have to be somewhat of a joiner to take the first step. But remember: I wasn't exactly what you'd call the social type. If you're a loner, as I was, or you just don't feel good enough about yourself to be all chatty with a group of strangers, a class might be better for you. After all, you can't exactly be expected to share the details of your life over the thumping from the sound system. And everyone is usually focusing on trying to get the movements down, so there's really not much opportunity to share recipes or anything.

The walking and running group types, on the other hand, tend to gab to help pass the time while they lope along. (Some people do have the lung capacity to talk and run simultaneously!) If you go that route and want to keep to yourself, here's my advice: Exchange a few pleasantries during warm-up stretches so that people know you're not a total jerk, then strap on your MP3 player and go. I doubt you'll offend anyone.

Stay workout ready.

One of those details you can't delegate but that will give your whiner one less thing to gripe about is keeping your workout clothes clean and your bag packed and ready to go. First things first: Make sure you have enough sets of fitness clothes to get you from wash day to wash day. That way you'll never get caught without a clean pair of shorts or bra the morning of a workout. (No excuses!)

Second, the workout bag. If you're following this Former Fat Girl's advice, you'll be changing somewhere besides your own home, so you'll need to carry your clothes with you. To save you from packing and repacking completely the night before or the morning of every workout, keep whatever you can in your bag at all times—your shoes, for one, and any toiletries you might need to freshen up afterward. The minute you get home from one workout, swap out your dirty duds with a complete set of clean ones; then you won't have to rummage around for a runaway sock or a decent T-shirt when you're in a hurry.

The Obstacle: Exercise Just Plain Hurts

Have I mentioned my bunions? If you're lucky enough not to have them or even know what they are, let me explain. Bunions are bony knobs located on the side of your foot, at the base of your big toe. Not only are they particularly unattractive (I've said in the past that I'd rather show my bare ass than my bare feet), but they tend to throb after long periods of standing. Repeated jumping or pounding? I've been known to snack on Advil like it was popcorn to get a little post-workout relief. I know pain, and I've figured out several ways of keeping it to a minimum.

Former Fat Girl Fixes

Forget “no pain, no gain.”

It's tempting to throw yourself into the type of workout that's going to give you the maximum calorie burn in the minimum amount of time. You have so much too lose, you think, and you want to lose it as fast as you can. Remember, though, that this is all about building an exercise habit you can live with. It's about changing your life for good, not just getting to some number on the scale. You are in this to become the kind of person for whom exercise is second nature. You're not going to do it for three months, six months, a year, and then give it up.