Seasons of Sorrow (15 page)

L
ater that night, after Brandy made soup and sandwiches, they were drinking a bottle of wine on the back deck, looking up at the sky. In the city, it was too bright to see more than a few stars, but it reminded Charlotte of the times she would spend at Beaver’s Bend in Oklahoma during the summer in high school and in college.

“Why did you keep it all a secret from me, Brandy?” Charlotte asked. “I mean, you essentially lied to me for ten years. I should be a lot angrier about that, but I just don’t have the energy.”

Brandy was stretched out on a chaise lounge, sipping her third glass of wine. She turned her head to look at Charlotte.

“Charlotte, I’ve known you for a decade. I know how your mind works. Hell, I knew how your mind worked after being roommates for a year. If either one of us had told you anything, you would have stuck your head in the sand like an ostrich.” Brandy sighed and said, “And the reason you’re not angrier about the secret keeping is because, despite your words, you are smarter and more compassionate than anyone else I know. You understand, even if you don’t want to, and you know anger would be wasted on this situation. You have more important things to throw a fit over.”

Charlotte sipped her own wine and mulled over Brandy’s words. Finally, after a few minutes, she spoke. “Did you know how he felt about me in college?”

Brandy sighed. “Yes. You were so shy and you avoided almost every man who asked you on a date the first two years of school. Greg came to me first, because he’s extremely smart, and he knew that I would help him. I told him to be your friend first and to give you time. I also warned him that you might never feel the same way about him that he felt about you.”

Charlotte snorted indelicately. “Greg had self-confidence issues? That does not sound like him.”

Brandy smiled. “Okay, so he doesn’t lack confidence or charisma. Still, you weren’t like any woman he’d ever met before. He didn’t know how to get your attention without scaring you off.”

“But I don’t understand why he even introduced me to Derek if he felt that way about me,” Charlotte said.

Brandy finished her glass of wine and poured more. They were both getting tipsy. It reminded Charlotte of their years as roommates in college. Once a week or so, they would have a night in, drink wine, and just talk about their week. Since she married Derek, those kinds of nights were few and far between. She hadn’t realized how much she missed them.

“You know, Charlotte, you need to talk to Greg about all this. This is a conversation for the two of you, without me in the middle,” Brandy said.

Charlotte sighed and let her head fall onto the back of the chaise lounge. “I know. I just don’t know if I’m ready for this kind of conversation, B. The last six months have been the worst of my life.”

Brandy held a hand out across the space between them. Charlotte took it.

“Charlie, I think that a decade is long enough to wait to have that conversation. Please try to put yourself in Greg’s shoes. He and I know how hard the last few months have been for you. Now’s the time to get it all out in the open. No more secrets. If you put this off, it will only make it harder for both of you.”

Charlotte finished her wine and poured the last of the bottle into her glass. She thought about what Brandy said. The conversation she would have to have with Greg would be awkward and probably painful. Still, she had so many questions and Brandy couldn’t or wouldn’t answer them. She sighed and resigned herself to the talk she would have with Greg the next day.

Brandy finished her wine and set the glass on the deck. “I think we’ve both had enough.”

Charlotte agreed. She was feeling more relaxed than she had in a long while. It was nice to have girl time again. Brandy helped her constantly since Adam died, but this was the first time that Charlotte didn’t feel like a zombie. Her life was beginning to come back into focus. As much as she hated it, Charlotte knew it meant she was starting to heal. She wanted to cradle the pain close. Even though her grief counselor assured her that she wouldn’t lose memories of her precious baby, Charlotte couldn’t put the fear aside that, if she began to move on with her life, that she would lose parts of her little boy.

Despite her fears and her thoughts, Charlotte was coming back to life. The world was no longer fuzzy or distant. She had no choice in her return to the land of the living, only in how she coped with it.

Brandy stood and grabbed the empty wine bottle and her glass, breaking Charlotte out of her reverie. She stood as well and followed her friend into the house with her own wineglass.

“I’m beat,” Brandy murmured. “Are you ready for bed?” Brandy had already insisted that she was staying the night. Charlotte hadn’t realized how much she frightened her friend when she hadn’t answered her phone.

Charlotte yawned widely.

“Well, I guess I have my answer,” Brandy joked.

They headed up the stairs. Before Charlotte went to her own room, Brandy stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“You know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

Charlotte nodded.

“Then call me if something like this morning happens again. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night. I’ll come.” Though she left it unspoken, Charlotte knew that Brandy always had before.

She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t called her before Charlotte rapidly blinked back tears and nodded again. Her throat felt too tight to speak, but she just managed to whisper, “Thanks.”

Charlotte went into her bedroom and Brandy went to a guest room. After she got washed her face and put on her pajamas, Charlotte stretched out on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She was still buzzed from the wine she shared with Brandy, but she couldn’t shut off her brain.

Charlotte sifted through her memories of college and the years following. She couldn’t stop thinking of times she spent with Greg and looking at them through new eyes. Why had he waited? Why hadn’t he moved on with his life after she married Derek? Charlotte couldn’t understand what he was thinking. A man like Greg could have almost any woman he wanted. He was successful, wealthy, good-looking, and a genuinely nice guy. He wasn’t perfect but he was one of the best men she had ever known. Surely he hadn’t given up on having a family just because he couldn’t have her.

More confused than before, Charlotte began to drift off to sleep. All the wine she shared with Brandy was catching up with her and she could no longer keep her eyes open. She couldn’t afford to be a coward any longer. For years she went along with Derek in order to keep the peace. She avoided confrontation and arguments because it was easier. All she had now was a husband who abandoned her when she needed him most and an empty house.

Tomorrow, she would speak to Greg, no matter how awkward the conversation became. There were things she needed to know and, she was sure, things he wanted to say. Finally, Charlotte stopped thinking and fell asleep.

The next morning Charlotte actually woke up before Brandy. She wasn’t sure why she was up with the sun, but she climbed out of bed and went downstairs to make coffee. She was sitting on the back deck, enjoy the cooler temperatures of early morning, when she heard the sliding glass door in the back open. Charlotte turned around and saw Brandy wandering out of the house, steaming mug of coffee in her hand. She looked as tired as Charlotte felt.

“Sleep well?” Charlotte asked.

Brandy sat in the same chaise she had used the night before and grunted. After she took a sip of coffee, she sighed dramatically. Charlotte found herself smiling. Her friend had never been much a morning person. Before her first cup of coffee, Brandy was barely coherent. It was nice to know that some things never changed.

“What are you doing today?” Brandy asked her sleepily.

Charlotte tucked her legs beneath her and drank her own coffee. “I’m gonna call Greg in a little while and ask him to come over. I think we might as well talk this afternoon.”

Brandy began to look more alert. “I think that’s a good idea. He was really upset last night.”

“Did you talk to him?” Charlotte asked.

Her friend looked a little chagrined. “Yeah. He texted me around midnight. He was worried about how you were handling the six month anniversary.”

Charlotte felt a stab of guilt, quickly followed by anger. Why should she feel guilty for pushing Greg away yesterday? He kept secrets from her for years, hoarding lies of omission for nearly a decade, and only letting the truth be known when he had no other choice. She wasn’t sure she could ever trust him again.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop.” Brandy’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“I can’t help it, Brandy. How can I trust him again?” she asked.

Brandy leaned forward in the chaise, her eyes piercing. “How could you trust me again, Charlotte? I lied to you. I hid the truth from you. I knew Derek was cheating on you with his secretary but I didn’t say anything. I also told Greg not to tell you when he found out I knew. He wanted to tell you. He didn’t know about all the women, but he did know about a couple. When he confronted Derek about it, Derek snowballed him, just like he does everyone else. That man is a master manipulator. He always knows exactly what to say and do to get what he wants.”

Charlotte sighed. Brandy had a very good point. The woman could argue anything, which was probably why she was such a great lawyer.

“Why do you have to be so damn good at rationalizing everything?” she asked.

Brandy laughed. “Why do you think I became a lawyer?”

Since Brandy’s words so closely mirrored her thoughts, Charlotte shook her head and continued to drink her coffee.

“Seriously, Charlie, just try to keep and open mind and put yourself in his shoes. He did what he thought was right for you because he loves you more than anything.”

Charlotte didn’t know what to say to that. She wasn’t sure what to think about the fact that one of her best friends was in love with her. Especially Greg. She had often wondered why he wasn’t married yet, since he was four years older than her and considered a very good catch. Now she knew. Still she didn’t understand why he hadn’t moved on.

“Charlie.” Brandy’s voice help a warning note.

Charlotte blinked and nodded. “I’ll keep an open mind,” she said.

“Good. Now, I have to get home. I have a case that is absolutely kicking my ass and I need to get some work done today.”

Charlotte felt another stab of guilt, this one sharper. She was such a basket case that she was interfering with her friend’s ability to get her job done.

“I’m so sorry, B. You shouldn’t be here dealing with me. You have enough to do.”

Brandy shook her head. “Shut up, Charlie. I’m exactly where I need to be. Work isn’t the beginning and end of life.”

Charlotte followed Brandy back into the house and walked her to the front door. Brandy stopped and faced her.

“Now, I want you to text or call me later, okay? I’ll worry if you don’t,” Brandy said.

Charlotte nodded.

“And let me know how this chat with Greg goes.”

“Yes, Mom,” Charlotte replied.

Brandy rolled her eyes. “You’re becoming more of a smart ass, so you must getting back to normal. Maybe I don’t need to worry too much after all.”

Charlotte hugged her friend.

“Thanks again, babe. You are the bestest friend a girl could have.”

With a laugh, Brandy walked down the sidewalk to her car, climbed in, and drove away. Charlotte watched her and sighed. She went back inside and upstairs to her bedroom.

She took her phone off the charger and went to her contact list and clicked on Greg’s name. He must have been up already because he picked up on the second ring.

“Hey,” he said, sounding hesitant.

“Hey.” The conversation was already awkward five seconds in, so Charlotte sucked in a deep breath before she continued. “We need to talk about what happened yesterday. Can you come by later?” she asked. “Or do you want me to come to your place?”

Quickly, Greg said, “I’ll come to you. What time?”

“I need to get cleaned up. It’ll take me about an hour. Any time after that is fine.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour and a half and I’ll bring bagels,” Greg said.

“Okay,” she answered. After a short pause, Charlotte bit the bullet. “I’m sorry for yesterday, Greg.”

He was quiet for a moment and Charlotte’s tummy got tight. Finally, he spoke. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Char. You found out that the people you trusted the most were lying to you for years. You had every right to be upset.”

“Maybe, but we’ve been friends too long for me to kick you out of my house like that. Angry or not, I should have talked to you about it,” she said.

“We will talk today. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

“See you soon, Greg,” Charlotte said.

The line disconnected and Charlotte had to smile. Greg wasn’t great with phone etiquette. He had a tendency to ignore things like greetings and saying good-bye. She put her phone on the dresser and went into the bathroom to shower.

Chapter Fifteen