Seasons of Sorrow (17 page)

Charlotte threw her Kindle onto the couch next to her and went into the kitchen for a glass of ice water. Her blood felt hot and her skin felt too small for her body. Halfway through her pregnancy, the hormones had made her feel similarly. She had actually begun to initiate sex almost every day. Derek complied for a while but eventually began to turn her down more and more often, claiming that he was worried he would hurt the baby or he was too tired.

Now that she understood his relationship with Danielle, she wondered if maybe that’s when he had begun his affair with her. That thought helped cool her down slightly. Charlotte drained the glass of ice water, but still felt on edge. She decided to take a walk now that the sun had gone down and the evening was cooling off. Maybe the activity would calm her.

Half an hour later, she was back home and feeling less twitchy. Her walk had caused a sweat to break out on her skin, so Charlotte decided to take a bath. She went upstairs and ran a lukewarm bath, adding bubbles and bath oil.

After piling her hair on top of her head and securing it with a clip, she climbed into the tub and sank down into the bubbles. As she soaked, Charlotte couldn’t stop her mind from wandering to the book she had been reading earlier. The throbbing between her thighs returned. She tried to ignore it, but it was impossible. It seemed that now her sexuality had been reawakened and she couldn’t relax.

Finally, she decided she would have to take care of the problem or she would never get to sleep that night. Though, as turned on as she was, it wouldn’t take much. Slowly she slid her hand down her torso, over her belly, envisioning the scene the book described, only she was the heroine. As her hand crept between her thighs and she began to stroke herself, Charlotte continued to let the scene play out behind her closed eyes, feeling her phantom lover’s lips against the skin of her throat.

Just as she reached her climax, her imaginary lover’s face lifted from her neck and Charlotte looked up to see Greg’s beautiful grey eyes staring down at her. Her back arched as her orgasm intensified.

Finally, she came down from the peak, breathing hard. It seemed, even if she wasn’t ready to deal with Greg’s feelings for her, her subconscious didn’t have the same issues. Tears threatened to spill out of her eyes and Charlotte blinked several times until they disappeared.

She wasn’t sure why she wanted to cry, so she fought the feeling until she gained control. Feeling even more out of sorts than she had earlier, Charlotte washed quickly and started draining the tub. She climbed out of the tub and went directly into the shower stall to rinse off the last of the oil and soap from her skin. She only wished she could wash away the guilt and shame. It couldn’t be right for her body to come back to life this way so soon after Adam’s death. It had only been six months. It was too soon.

After she had dried off and dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt, Charlotte retrieved her Kindle from the living and went back upstairs to get ready for bed. She lay under the covers, not bothering to read the words on the screen in front of her.

Instead thoughts of Greg filled her mind. And, when she finally managed to drift off to sleep, he filled her dreams as well.

Chapter Sixteen

T
he next morning, Charlotte awoke later than usual. She had forgotten to set her alarm the night before. She had felt so thrown by the strength of her physical reactions that it completely slipped her mind. She was glad she had bathed before bed when she realized she overslept by half an hour.

After she grabbed a cup of coffee to combat the bleariness, Charlotte threw herself together quickly. Within a half hour she had her hair slicked back into a low ponytail at the base of her neck and she was dressed in a lavender sheath. For the first time in month she actually went through her jewelry and chose a diamond pendant that had belonged to her mother and a pair of diamond studs that had been a gift from Derek when she found out she was pregnant.

She put the necklace around her neck, but she just stared at the studs cupped in her palm. Slowly she placed them back in the jewelry box with several other pieces that Derek had given her. Charlotte couldn’t help but wonder if he gave a pair to Danielle.

She shook herself out of the trance and grabbed a pair of white gold hoops that had been a gift for her birthday from Brandy and Greg. Those, at least, held good memories. After she put them on, she ran into the closet and slipped her feet into a pair of nude pumps. She dashed downstairs and grabbed a travel mug full of coffee and a banana.

Charlotte was in her car and on her way to work only ten minutes later than usual. She relaxed slightly because she was usually fifteen minutes early to work, so the ten minute difference wouldn’t make her late. Rushing around like a madwoman in the morning made it difficult for her to focus for the first hour or more, so Charlotte tried to avoid running behind.

She realized as she walked into the office building that she hadn’t called Special Agent Bray. It would have to wait. Charlotte had a meeting with her boss that morning and she needed to spend the next couple of hour preparing for it. She would call the FBI agent at lunch.

The morning was packed solid with meetings, conference calls, and emails that needed to be returned. When Charlotte finally emerged from her office for air at noon, she told her assistant that she would be unavailable for the next hour. Then she went back into her office and found Agent Bray’s business card. Charlotte sat at her desk and studied it for a moment.

After she took a deep breath, she picked up her phone and dialed the number on the front.

“Special Agent George Bray.”

Her throat closed up at the sound of his voice, so Charlotte cleared it before she was able to speak.

“Agent Bray, this is Charlotte Fallon.”

“Hello, Mrs. Fallon. What can I do for you?”

She sucked in another deep breath before she could continue. There was pressure on her chest and she felt like oxygen wasn’t getting into her lungs.

“Derek called me in the middle of the night on Friday,” she replied softly.

There was a moment of silence and Charlotte heard a loud squeak and rustling papers.

“What did he want to discuss?” he asked. “And why didn’t you call me Saturday with this information?”

Charlotte flinched at the tone of his voice. He sounded suspicious.

“Saturday was the six month anniversary of the death of my son, Adam. It was an extremely trying and emotional day. It never occurred to me to call you.”

Agent Bray’s response was less brusque. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Fallon. I understand, but you need to call me immediately if he does contact you again. This sort of information can help us tremendously in our investigation. If you wait a day or two, you are likely to forget details that may lead us to his whereabouts.”

“Okay,” she said shakily.

“Now, how much of the conversation do you remember?” he asked.

Charlotte took a sip of the water bottle on her desk. “Most of it.” That was a lie. She remembered every single detail. A conversation that painful and eye-opening was practically unforgettable.

“Okay, let’s go through everything that he said,” Agent Bray stated. “Start from the beginning.”

Charlotte told him all the details she could remember. Even though it humiliated her to tell him about the numerous affairs and that her husband had never truly loved her, she did it. She revealed all the dirty details.

After she finished, Agent Bray was silent again for a moment. “I know that must have been difficult, Mrs. Fallon, and I’m sorry, but I will need to meet with you in person to go through all this again and have you sign a statement.”

Charlotte suspected that would be the case. “When?” she asked tiredly. She did not feel like driving toward downtown Dallas on a Monday afternoon.

“Tomorrow afternoon would be fine,” he replied.

“What time?”

“Sometime after lunch. Maybe two?” he asked.

“Make it two-thirty and I should be able to rearrange my schedule.”

“I will see you then.” Agent Bray paused before he said, “Thank you for calling, Mrs. Fallon. I realize this is not easy for you.”

Charlotte stared at the blotter on her desk without really seeing it. It surprised her that he suddenly seemed to believe that she was not involved with the embezzlement.

“This is a walk in the park compared to losing a child, Agent Bray. Derek deserves whatever he gets. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, Charlotte disconnected the call and placed the handset back in the base. She sat perfectly still at her desk, breathing deep and slow, until the urge sweep her arm across her desk and throw papers and her computer to the floor passed. When she knew she could move without destroying her office, Charlotte stood and walked out of the office to the ladies’ room. Her movements were stiff and slow.

When she entered the restroom, she locked the door behind her and moved to the sink. She wet a paper towel with cool water, squeezed out the excess, and placed it on the back of her neck. Charlotte leaned heavily against the sink and kept her head down, holding the cloth close to her nape.

After a few moments the pounding in her head began to subside. Charlotte lifted her face and looked in the mirror in front of her. She didn’t recognize the woman staring back at her. Though she had always been quiet, she also knew herself and had the confidence to do what made her happy.

Somehow, when she met Derek, her own identity began to disappear. She gave in to him and his desires more often than she thought about her own. The way she dressed, the food she cooked, the way she wore her hair. All of those were done according to Derek’s preferences.

Looking at herself in the mirror, Charlotte didn’t want to be that woman anymore. An idea hit her and she made a decision. It was only a small change, but it would be the first of many. She used the dampened cloth to wipe her cheeks and threw it in the trash. She strode back to her office, her head up. Her assistant was still out on her lunch break, so Charlotte went back into her office and shut the door behind her.

Picking up her cell phone, she found the number for her hairstylist. Luckily, she had an opening that evening. Charlotte made the appointment and decided to spend the rest of her lunch hour plowing through the stack of work on her desk. She needed to keep busy so she wouldn’t think of how her life was falling apart around her. While she also knew that the appointment she made with her stylist wouldn’t fix her problems, it sure would take her mind off of them for a while.

The last eight years of her life had been based on lies, betrayal, and anger-fueled obsession. She had been nothing but a pawn in Derek’s mind games. It made her angry when she thought about how easily she went fell into his plans. It absolutely enraged her when she thought about the wonderful gift she had been given in Adam, only to lose him, and that Derek didn’t even care.

Charlotte realized that she was getting worked up again and she forced herself to breathe. She would need to take a half-day tomorrow to meet with the FBI agents investigating Derek. She couldn’t afford to take off early today. Brandon, her boss, was a great guy, but she hadn’t been in her position long enough to rate that kind of leniency.

After a few minutes, her heart rate slowed and she no longer felt like tearing her office apart. Her grief counselor explained to her that she might occasionally have panic attacks due to the stress and the fact that she tended to suppress her instinctive reactions, but this felt so much worse. There were times that she felt as though she were having a heart attack.

By the end of her lunch hour, Charlotte had regained control and was able to focus on her job. She spent the rest of the afternoon taking care of projects and small jobs that required her attention. When she spoke to Brandon about meeting with the FBI the next day, he was sympathetic and willing to work with her. He offered to give her the entire day off, but Charlotte declined. She knew that she would only worry about the meeting and stew all day long if she stayed at home.

At the end of the day, she grabbed her bag and closed up her office. As she stepped out and shut her door behind her, her assistant, Laura, looked up from straightening her desk.