SEAL's Baby (Navy SEAL Secret Baby Romance) (23 page)

“How about we grab some
frozen yogurt?” I suggested. “I have a sudden craving for it.”

“Brilliant,” Maddie said
smiling.

  
We parked the car and walked down the street towards the frozen
yogurt store. We had a fun time experimenting with different flavors and
talking about everything but our personal lives. It felt nice to focus on inane
topics without having to stress and worry about all the question marks in our
lives.
     

  
We had just finished our frozen yogurt and we were leaving the
shop when I heard my name and I turned around automatically.

“Hi, Elizabeth,” Paul
said as he looked at me with a sheepish expression.

  
I saw Maddie’s expression harden immediately and she glanced at
me. “What do you want, Paul?” I asked harshly. I hated him for bringing down my
good mood; the night had been going so well up until that point. I really
didn’t want to talk to him and I wanted to avoid another scene at any cost.

  
He approached me with an apologetic expression that I had not seen
in a while. Without his usual self-satisfied smirk, it was easier not to hate
him. Maddie was eyeing him suspiciously as he moved closer.

“Hi, Maddie,” he greeted
without looking her in the eye.

“Hi, asshole,” she
replied.

“You always had a mouth
on you,” he said without malice.

“Don’t make me use it.”

“Whoa,” Paul said holding
up his hands. “I come in peace, I just want to have a word with Elizabeth.”

“Why?” I demanded. “So
that you can humiliate me a little more?”

“I never meant to
humiliate you.”

“Well then you must be
naturally good at it,” I said. “Go home, Paul—”

  
“Lizzie,” he said and I stalled a little. No one, apart from Dylan
and Maddie ever really called me Lizzie. It felt strange coming from Paul’s
lips. He leaned in a little as he spoke and I got the whiff of alcohol that
perfumed his breath.

“Paul …” I said cautiously.

“I just want to talk
about things,” he said pleadingly. “I just want to talk to you.”

  
He looked so unbelievably pathetic that I couldn’t help but feel a
twinge of sympathy for him. I glanced at Maddie and she stared at me pointedly.
“Just go on ahead without me,” I said. “This won’t take long.”

“Lizzie,” Maddie said
warningly. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“Hey!” Paul said raising
his voice a little. “She’s my wife ok?”

  
I desperately wanted to avoid a scene, so I put my hand on Paul’s
chest and pushed him a little to keep him from swaying too close to me. “I’m
your ex-wife,” I reminded him. “And we can talk, but only for a little bit.”

  
I turned to Maddie and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring nod.
“It’s fine,” I said under my breath. “I can handle him.”

“Can you?” Maddie asked
uncertainly.

“I won’t be long,” I told
her. “Go on ahead of me.”

“Lizzie,” Maddie sounded
worried. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” I nodded.
“I’ll be fine.”

“Fine,” Maddie repeated.
“I hate that word.”

But she turned around and
walked away, leaving me alone with Paul.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Dylan

  
It was strange seeing the boys again after so long. We had all
been on the football team together and that was the primary bond we shared. Of
the group, only Matt, Greg, and Keven had stayed in Bastrop, and they were
already at the bar when I showed up.

  
They rose to their feet in a chorus of cheers the moment they
spotted me. Matt and Greg were shorter and stockier than I was, but Keven was
as tall as I was. I recognized them all but there was something distinctly
unfamiliar about all of them. They had changed since high school, and in my
opinion they had all aged considerably.

  
Keven had a potbelly that he would have been appalled at in high
school, Greg had grey hairs coming in around the side of his head, and Matt looked
like he was balding in the middle just like his father had around the same age.

“Geez, Thomas,” Keven
said shaking his head at me. “Remind me not to stand right next to you.”

“All I can say is I’m
glad we didn’t bring our wives,” Matt nodded.

“Stop it,” I said shaking
my head at them. “You guys look great.”

“Do they teach you how to
lie in the Navy?” Greg asked in mock seriousness and the boys started laughing.

  
I realized that they didn’t care what they looked like; they could
afford to be complacent because they were secure and happy in their marriages.

“So what’s going on with
you guys?” I asked. “Everyone’s married, huh?”

“I just joined the club,”
Matt nodded. “I got married only a few months ago.”

“And what about you two?”
I asked.

“I’ve been married two
years now,” Keven replied. “And Lisa’s pregnant.”

“No way,” I said giving
Keven pat on the back. “Girl or boy?”

“We’re going to let it be
a surprise,” Keven replied.

“What about you, Greg?” I
asked. “Michelle hasn’t left you yet?”

“Not yet,” Greg laughed
goo naturedly. “But if I get her pregnant again, she might just walk out on
me.”

“You have a son?” I
asked, trying to remember.

  
“Two sons,” Greg said with exhaustion in his voice. “And they’re
only a year apart; it’s chaos at home, which is why I really need some down
time with the boys.”

“I haven’t been to this
bar before,” I said looking around.

“It’s relatively new,”
Matt explained. “All the young kids come here.”

  
“And you guys are playing make-believe?” I teased. I did happen to
notice a few pretty girls walking past me with alluring smiles on their faces.

“Geez, meeting women must
be easy for you,” Keven said, noticing the looks I was getting from a few
women.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I
said modestly.

  
All three of them snorted and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well,
it’s certainly easier for me than it would be for any of you guys.”

  
“Low blow, man,” Matt said as he mock punched me in the arm.
“Geez,” he said pulling his fist back. “Are your arms made out of steel or
something?”

I laughed. “They don’t
let just anyone into the navy,” I said raising my eyebrows at the boys.

“Still a show off,” Greg
said shaking his head.

  
We got drinks and sat around the table drinking, talking, and
laughing through the night. It was nice to reconnect with the guys, but it also
made me aware of how different my life was to theirs. These boys had already
built families of their own. No matter how a conversation started, it always
led back to their marriages, their kids, or their jobs.

  
They tried asking me about the Navy but I avoided their questions
until they just stopped asking. I didn’t love talking about my decision to
enlist or anything that had happened to me since then. The one person who made
me feel like I could talk about it was Lizzie.

  
By the end of the night, we ended up on the dance floor. Matt, Greg,
and Keven danced like old men who’d forgotten all the good moves. I watched
them in laughter for a while before a young woman approached me and asked to
dance. I spent the rest of the night trading off partners and dancing with a
number of different women.

  
I was having fun, but there was an undercurrent that ran through
my temporary high and I knew that once my buzz wore off I wouldn’t want to be
here with these people. The girls I danced with were just faceless strangers in
a crowd of people and I had no desire to know them. I realized as I was dancing
with my fifth partner that I wished Lizzie had been here. It would have been so
much more fun for me and I wouldn’t have even needed the booze.

  
The boys signaled to me from the dance floor and I followed them
out into the streets. “What’s up?” I asked. “Why’d you guys stop dancing?”

“Sorry, man,” Keven said
in an embarrassed tone. “We just … we’ve got to get home.”

“You boys have curfews?”
I teased.

“Not curfews,” Matt said.
“But we do have wives. We’d love to stay out a little longer, but …”

“You have to go,” I
nodded. “No, I get it. I think I’ll head home too.”

“Hey, don’t do that,”
Greg said. “Stay, take home some hot girl, live for all of us.”

  
I laughed him off and we said our goodbyes. I thought about taking
a cab home but then I realized that my buzz had already worn off and I was ok
to drive. When I got back home, I saw that the lights were still on and I
realized that mom was probably not sleeping very well and that meant that Tyler
was awake too. I was walking up the driveway when Tyler showed up at the front
door.

“Hey, man,” I said. “Past
your bed time isn’t it?”

“Are you drunk?” Tyler
asked his tone was hard as flint.

“What?”

  
Tyler stepped off the porch and walked down the driveway towards
me. “Are you drunk?” he asked, enunciating each word condescendingly.

“I had a few beers,” I
said defensively. “I’m not drunk.”

“I can smell alcohol on
you,” Tyler said accusingly.

“That’s what happens when
you drink alcohol,” I said, starting to get annoyed.

“You drove back here,”
Tyler pointed out. “In
my
Jeep.”

“You said I could borrow
it.”

“I wouldn’t have if I’d
known you’d been drinking and driving.”

I felt my anger rise to
meet his. “I wasn’t drinking and driving,” I spat. “Get out of my face!”

“Or what?” Tyler demanded
blocking my path to the house.

“Are you serious?” I
hissed. “Do you really want to get in my face?”

“What?” Tyler asked. “You
think I can’t take you?”

  
I knew he was looking for a fight. He had probably been looking
for a fight before I’d shown up. I probably should have stayed calm and walked
away, but I was dealing with my own, confused thoughts. I had doubt building up
inside me and I had no one to talk to. I realized that I was probably looking
for a fight just as much as Tyler was.

“I know you can’t take
me,” I said butting my head against his.

  
“You’ve always been a cocky little prick,” Tyler hissed. “You
think you can do whatever you want and there’s not going to be consequences; of
course you think that, because all your life everyone else has had to deal with
the consequences of your decisions. That’s why you don’t give a shit.”

  
I tackled Tyler and pushed him to the ground. I knew he wasn’t
completely prepared for it and I savored the look on his face when he hit the
ground. He struggled to get to his feet but I didn’t give him the chance to. I
pushed him onto the front yard and we rolled around like teenage boys with no
sense and something to prove.

“Stop it!” I heard mom’s
voice louder than she had spoken in the last week. “Tyler! Dylan! Stop it now!”

  
For a moment, I was so angry that I thought I’d simply ignore her
but then the frantic worry in her voice registered and I knew I had to step
back. I gave Tyler one last push and got to my feet. He lay on the ground
breathing heavily and then he sat up slowly. His panting was labored and I knew
he hadn’t expected to lose so badly.

  
“What is wrong with both of you?” mom sobbed as she looked between
Tyler and I. “Your father died last week and here you both are fighting in the
front yard like school boys!”

  
Neither one of us said a word. We just stayed where we were,
looking down at the grass and avoiding her eyes. “You are grown men, the both
of you!” mom continued and I noticed that her voice shook when she spoke. “More
importantly, you are
brothers
!”

  
I looked up at her slowly. Her eyes were fixed on me and I could
see the tears pooled up in the corner of her eyes. She was looking at me in
disbelief. I glanced at Tyler and noticed his head was hanging low; he had a
bruise on the side of his face and I knew from experience that it would only
get darker by the minute.

“I’m sorry mom,” I sighed
and I meant it. “We were being stupid.”

  
I looked at Tyler hoping he would agree with me and apologize to mom
but he didn’t say a word. After a moment, he got to his feet and then he walked
away without looking back at either one of us. I felt my anger rise up again
but I stamped it down and moved towards mom.

  
“I’m sorry,” I said again putting my arm around her shoulders. She
was so small that I could hardly believe this was the woman I used to nestle up
to in the mornings before breakfast. It seemed as though she had lost half her
weight in a matter of days. “Mom, I really am.”

  
“I know,” she sighed at last and I could sense the fatigue in her
tone. She was looking off in the direction that Tyler had gone in. “Do you know
where he’s going?”

“No,” I shook my head.
“And I don’t care.”

  
“Don’t be too hard on your brother,” mom said softly. “Losing your
father was very hard on him; the two of them were so close.”

“This has more to do with
me than with dad,” I said.

  
Mom looked up at me and shook her head. “You don’t understand one
another,” she said with a sigh. “That’s the biggest problem. You misunderstand
each other at every turn. That’s not what I want for the two of you.”

“Well it’s what you got mom,”
I said before I could stop myself. “We’re not perfect.”

  
“And I don’t expect you to be,” she said quickly. “I just want you
to get along. We’re family in this town, Dylan, and even though it’s hard we
have to try and get along. We have to make this relationship work.”

I didn’t say anything;
there was nothing I could say.

  
“Let’s sit down on the porch for a minute,” mom said, pulling me
along with her. We sat down and stared out at the massive land that surrounded
the house and all the trees that dotted it. It was so peaceful there; it was as
though we were in the middle of nowhere.

“How are things with
Elizabeth?” mom asked and I realized I should have seen that coming.

“Fine,” I replied.

Mom smiled and I knew she
wanted more detail. “I don’t know what to tell you mom,” I said. “We’ve been
spending a lot of time together.”

“I’ve noticed,” she nodded.

“And you don’t think
that’s a good idea … do you?”

“You know I love
Elizabeth,” mom said insistently. “And I also know how much she loves you.”

“But?”

“You’re leaving soon.”

“I’m aware,” I nodded.

“Do you think it’s wise
to get so involved with her right before you leave again?”

  
“It’s not like the last time,” I said, getting defensive for
reasons that were unclear to me too. “This is different. We’re adults now and
we have a better understanding of the situation. I haven’t made her any
promises and she hasn’t made me any either. We’re just …”

“Enjoying each other’s
company?” mom finished for me.

“Precisely.”

  
“You can make all the necessary decisions, darling,” mom
continued. “But feelings are a totally separate matter. You can’t control them,
you can never control how you feel.”

  
“We both know it’ll be hard to say goodbye … but that’s just it.
It’ll be closure; we never really said goodbye the first time.”

“I see,” mom nodded. “And
you’ll be fine if she moves on and meets someone else, if one day she
eventually marries someone else?”

  
“It will be hard to hear,” I admitted with a strange feeling in my
gut. “But I can’t expect her to hand around and wait for me. I don’t want her
to have to put her life on hold until I decide what I want for mine. She deserves
to be happy now.”

  
Mom looked at me and smiled sadly. “All right, darling,” she said
in a voice that made me realize she wanted to say more. “I’m tired now; I’m
going back into the house. Are you coming?”

“In a minute,” I nodded.

  
She gave me a kiss and moved back into the house, leaving me on
the porch. I looked out at the bright little dots that were stars and wished
that Lizzie were sitting hear beside me. It felt so lonely without her
sometimes that I wondered how I had even made it through this last decade
without her.

  
Life was so complicated sometimes that it floored me. It was like
being stuck in a big box of my own making, staring outside at all these choices
that I was afraid to make. My thoughts kept flitting back to mom’s words only
moments ago. She had said that we were family and we need to make those
relationships work.

  
I remembered the time just after high school when I had finally
made the decision to enlist. Tyler and I were butting heads on every little
thing, my parents were talking about the best college options for me, and
Lizzie’s head was filled with dreams that I couldn’t see myself in. Sitting
there on the porch, fresh after a fight with my brother and a chat with my
mother, I remembered how I had felt at the time.

  
The thing about life in a small town was that it was intense.
Everything was magnified a hundred times over until they filled your head with
doubts and worries and fears. I had been losing grip, I felt as though I didn’t
know anything. I felt as though I had no experience and no ability to make it
through life on my own. Enlisting had been a way to prove to myself that I was
more than the tiny town I had grown up in. I wanted to be more than this town.
I wanted to be more than who I was.

  
I thought of Lizzie and the fact that she had stayed in Bastrop
all those years. I wondered why she had never left, why she hadn’t followed her
dreams and done any of the crazy things she had written on her bucket list.
Maybe it came down to the same thing.

  
Maybe at the end of the day, we were all just scared.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

Elizabeth

  
He walked me down the street until we found a lonely, secluded
spot away from the bustle of restaurant lights and people. He was quiet as we
walked and he had on a pensive expression on his face. I glanced at him every
now and then, wondering if he was being serious or if he was simply drunk and
didn’t know it.

  
When we were surrounded by silence and empty space he turned to
me. “Elizabeth,” he said my name as though he missed saying it and I reminded
myself not to be taken in by him again. That was how I ended up agreeing to
marry him in the first place.

“Can you make this quick,
Paul?” I said. “Maddie will be waiting for me.”

“I never liked Maddie,”
he said with an expression I recognized from back when we were married.

“Big surprise,” I said
sarcastically. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“No,” he said quickly.
“No … I just … I guess I wanted to talk about everything?”

“Everything?” I repeated
with raised eyebrows. “You want to talk about everything?
Now
?”

“Yes.”

  
“Well, you’re a little late, Paul,” I said in frustration. “Because
in case you forgot, we’re divorced. Remember all those times I came home and
begged you to talk to me so that we could work out our problems?”

“I remember,” Paul nodded
slowly.

“You weren’t very
interested in talking then, were you?” I demanded.

“I was …” he hesitated
for a moment as he swung towards me. I moved back and put my hand on his chest,
pushing him away from me a little.

“Careful,” I said.
“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not,” he said
defensively and I didn’t bother to argue with him.

I sighed. “Paul …”

“I still love you,
Elizabeth,” he said abruptly and I stopped short.

  
I stared into his bloodshot eyes and tried to muster up a little
patience. I was not someone who held onto to anger, but with Paul it was hard
not to. He had destroyed my sense of hope, my ability to believe, and all the
optimism that had fueled my wild imagination. I remembered the day we’d gotten
divorced. A part of me was relieved to be free of him but another part of me
was in mourning for the girl I used to be. Because I knew then that she was
gone and I was pretty sure she was not coming back.

  
“That doesn’t mean very much to me now, Paul,” I said softening my
tone somewhat. “In fact, it didn’t really mean very much to me then, either.
You can’t treat a person like crap and then say you love them. It’s a lie.”

“I was confused.”

“For two years?”

“I … yes. I just needed
someone.”

  
“Someone?” I repeated incredulously. “You had me! And I would have
been whatever you needed me to be. But you were too busy getting drunk and
jealous and angry. You were too busy spreading rumors about me all over town.”

  
“I hated the way men used to look at you,” Paul said swaying
towards me again. “I hate the way they look at you now. I can see it in their
eyes: the want, the desire.”

  
“Paul,” I said starting to get a little agitated. I could tell
that the calm that had held him together so far was beginning to wane. He was
starting to get more and more shaky on his feet, and a part of me wondered if
it wasn’t just alcohol that was in his system.

  
He reached out suddenly and put his hand on my neck. I froze in
place and stared at him. He looked at me with a pathetic expression on his
face. “Give me another chance,” he said.