Scars of the Present (11 page)

Chapter Sixteen

After my shift was over on Monday, I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment and walked to the mailboxes to grab our mail. I dropped it on the counter when I walked inside and made myself a sandwich to eat.

I stood at the counter eating and going through the mail, when something addressed to Maddie caught my eye. The envelope was handwritten and the return address read ‘Inmate 544102: California State Prison.’ I picked up my phone quickly and called Maddie.

She showed up about twenty minutes later, a nervous look on her face.

“Where is it?”

I pointed to the counter, and she moved towards it, but didn’t pick up the letter.

“Josh doesn’t want me to read it,” she said quietly. “I think he’s afraid that I can’t handle it, although he’ll never admit it.”

I didn’t want to tell Maddie, but I agreed with Josh. After she was first raped, she had retreated from all of us and I always worried that something might trigger that again. Something like a letter from your psycho rapist who was serving fifteen years in prison.

We stood in silence just staring at the letter, and after a few minutes the door swung open and Josh rushed through. He was still wearing his dress shirt and tie, obviously having been at work when he got Maddie’s call.

“Did you open it, Madelyn?” He asked, coming to her side.

She shook her head. “You told me to wait.”

He kissed her temple and gave her a soft smile. “You rarely listen.”

I smiled at the two of them and felt the jealousy rumble in my stomach. They were such a sickly cute couple.

Josh picked up the envelope, tearing it open, and pulled a handwritten letter out. His lips were set in a straight line and the longer he read, the redder his face got. Once he was done, he calmly folded it up and put it back in the envelope.

“We need to get a restraining order against him.”

Maddie was staring at the envelope and didn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, she looked up at Josh. “What did it say?”

Josh glanced at me before looking back at Maddie and she nodded her head. “Sydney knows it all anyway.”

“Just more of the same stuff that he said at the courthouse that day. How much he misses you, wants you, and dreams about you. He also goes into detail about masturbating to the sounds of your voice. The most disturbing part is how he talks about getting out and finding you. You need to call the detectives and let them have this.”

Maddie blanched as Josh spoke, and I saw her try to hide the slight shaking of her hands. Josh picked up her cell phone and stepped away with it up to his ear. I reached over and pulled Maddie into my arms tightly. She didn’t respond for a moment, and I could feel had badly she was trembling. After about thirty seconds her body relaxed slightly and she hugged me back.

“Mads, he can write until the cows come home, but he’s still stuck behind those bars. By the time he is even close to getting out he’s gonna be an old man, and he’ll probably have forgotten about you by then.”

Her head was on my shoulder and I felt her nod several times.

“It just feels like every time I think things have normalized, he manages to infiltrate that bit of peace.”

I pulled back and just stared at her. “Don’t let him, Mad.”

Josh walked back up to us and put Maddie’s phone back on the counter. “We’ll get a restraining order and then keep adding time to his sentence every time he writes you.” He tucked Maddie to his side tightly. “Detective Wilson says that they’ll come by and get the letter either tonight or tomorrow morning.”

Maddie sighed and ran her hands down her face. “I hate him so much.”

Josh pulled his own phone out of his pocket. “I’m gonna cancel that dinner with my boss. We can do it another day.”

“No, I’m fine, Josh. Really. I don’t want to cancel on your boss.” She put her hand over his phone so he couldn’t dial anymore.

Josh leaned forward to kiss her, and I decided to excuse myself to my bedroom.

I traded my black dress pants and blouse for a pair of shorts and tank top before giving some attention to my e-reader. When I emerged from my room an hour and a half later, I fell onto the couch and turned on some old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. Maddie and Josh came out of her bedroom not too long after that, both of them looking pretty fancy, and said goodbye as they left for dinner.

I had just started a third episode when someone knocked on the door. I pulled it open and was surprised to see David standing on the other side. He looked like he was on duty, his suit, gun, and badge all on, and I just stared at him for a moment. Finally, it dawned on me that Josh had mentioned someone coming by to get that letter, and that realization caused disappointment to settle in my chest like a ton of bricks.

He broke the silence first. “Hi Sydney.”

I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. “Hi.”

I shut the door and moved into the kitchen. “You’re here for that letter, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, producing a plastic bag from his pocket. “I need to get it logged in so Maddie can start the process to get a restraining order.”

I pointed to where it was at on the counter, and David moved into the kitchen to get it. I leaned against the wall near the door, not saying anything, and watched as he placed it in the baggie slowly. He tucked the bag into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and turned back to face me.

We stood facing each other for a moment and I crossed my arms as if they could acts as a shield against the pain. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and sighed.

“Okay. Thanks.” He crossed the room and headed for the door, pausing once to look at me. I didn’t move from where I was, but I held up my hand in farewell and watched as he pulled the door shut behind him.

I closed my eyes and let my head thud against the wall, telling myself I didn’t need to cry. Suddenly, the door flew open again and David shut it behind him quickly before walking towards me with a purpose. I didn’t have time to process anything before he me pinned to the wall and his mouth pressed against mine desperately. I locked my wrists around his neck and my body hummed at the much needed contact from him.

We kissed frantically, both of us trying to get close to the other. His hands moved to my shirt, pulling it up over my head, and I pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders. His mouth moved to my bare breasts, and I hooked one of my legs around him, moaning loudly.

The sudden noise seemed to bring David back to the present and he went rigid.

“Sydney, wait.” David pulled back from my breast and I knew he was putting the brakes on this.

“No, David please. I need this.”

“But Sydney, I still need…” I didn’t let him finished as I pressed my mouth back up against his. I moved my hand to his belt and shook my head.

“No, I know. You still need your time. I need this, just for now, and you can go back to your time.” He didn’t argue as I undid his belt, and I could almost feel the indecision pouring off of him. I dropped to my knees and yanked both his pants and underwear down to his calves before bringing his firm erection into my mouth. He groaned loudly, and one of his hands moved to the back of my head.

The only sounds in the apartment were his noises of pleasure and my mouth, and I savored the familiar taste of him. Suddenly, he reached down and grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me up. He reached down and dropped my shorts and panties to the floor and grabbed me by the ass, lifting me. My legs went to wrap around his waist and he slid inside of me. He stepped forward, pushing my back against the wall, and he started moving against me quickly. My body felt so complete with him connected to me and it hummed with excitement.

We locked eyes for a minute, but the intimacy of the moment was too much for me, and I closed mine as I pushed my lips against his mouth. I reveled in the taste of his lips, the taste of his tongue, and let myself get lost in sensation.

The sexual tension was already strung inside of me so tight that it wasn’t long before I felt it snap and I buried my face in his shoulder to prevent from screaming his name. David grunted and I felt his hands tighten on my ass almost painfully as his movements stopped.

Neither of us moved for a second, and as my orgasm high faded, I realized how ridiculous I was. The sexual tension had been relieved, but the ache in my chest had worsened.

Slowly, I removed my arms from where they were still tightly wrapped around his neck. David’s grip loosened and I slipped down his body until my feet hit the floor. I hurriedly slipped my panties and shorts back on as David pulled his pants back up. He turned to grab his jacket and handed me my tank top.

I pulled it over my head in silence, and it took everything I had not to cry. I crossed my arms again and watched as he tucked his shirt back in before stuffing his arms back into his jacket.

“Sydney…”

I shook my head. “Please. Don’t. Just don’t.”

David frowned, but nodded before taking a step back. He moved towards the front door and then paused suddenly.

“I didn’t use a condom.”

“I’m always careful, but even so the hospital made me get tested before I could start volunteering. It was all clean and you’re the only one I’ve been with since, so no need to worry.” I said it as casually as I could, adding in a shrug for good measure.

He turned and narrowed his eyes at me. “That’s not what I meant.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m also on a strict birth control regime, so you’re off the hook, David.” I cleared my throat quickly. “Listen, I’ll tell Maddie you came by to get that. Have a good night.”

I turned and moved into my bedroom, quickly shutting my door and leaning against it. I listened closely and after about one minute I heard the front door close. I let myself slide to the floor, holding my head in my hands, but I refused to cry.

–––

I made myself pretend that moment with David didn’t happen and went about the week as I had planned.

I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have the hospital to occupy my time. I was only supposed to volunteer for six hours, but on most days I was there for at least eight. I’d meet Maddie’s mom for lunch in the cafeteria a few times a week and the other days I would spend time getting to know other people. Amanda would joke that it was my grown-up high school, but she wasn’t really wrong.

On Wednesday, I sat at a table with my chef’s salad and waited for Linda. A few minutes later she sat in front of me in her light blue scrubs with a sandwich, and gave me a warm smile. Linda was an obstetrics nurse up on the Labor and Delivery floor, and she would happily tell you how much she loved her job.

“Hi baby girl,” she said, patting my hand tenderly. “How’s your day going?”

“It’s pretty good. I think I love the Emergency Room desk the most. It’s so busy and there’s always something to do.”

“Hey now, you haven’t done my floor yet. There’s nothing better than seeing those tiny pink babies just seconds after they greet the world.” She gave me a look as she bit into her sandwich.

“We’ll see,” I laughed. “I think they said I would be up there early July.

“The director is very impressed with your work, Sydney. I wouldn’t be surprised if she offered you a job to try to get you to stay when summer was over.”

“I really like it, as silly as that sounds. It feels good to be doing something useful,” I pushed my salad around, uncomfortable with the praise.

Linda reached over and grabbed both of my hands in hers. “I am so proud of you. I hope you know that. Have you told your parents?”

I shrugged as she released me. “They know I’m volunteering, but that’s the extent of it.”

Craig sat down next to Linda and greeted me enthusiastically. “Hello Sydney.”

Craig Pierce was an orthopedic surgeon, and he and Linda had actually met while at the hospital. It was a match made in heaven, and watching them across from me they didn’t look like a married fifty-year-old couple, but instead a couple of teenagers.

“Hey Craig,” I wiped my face with my napkin and finished off my bottle of water. “I was just finishing up, but you keep her company, okay?” I winked at him and he laughed. I said goodbye to both of them before returning my tray and heading down a floor to the emergency room.

I was just packing up my bag to leave when I heard a little girl crying at admit desk. I didn’t pay much attention and so when I turned around and saw Alicia holding Claire, I was surprised.

Alicia’s eyes met mine and her face lit up in recognition. “Sydney!”

“Alicia, what’s wrong?” My eyes darted to Claire. Her face had tears flowing down it, and she was holding a bloody cloth to her chin.

“She was playing at the park and fell off the monkey bars. Her chin is bleeding pretty badly.”

Alicia looked panicked and I put my hand on her back. “Okay. Chin wounds are pretty common with the little ones.”

I turned back and looked at the admit clerk. She handed me a file before pointing to the right. “She’s going to go in curtain three and the nurse will be there in just a second. Do you want to take them?”

I nodded and took the file from her. “Come on, ladies.” I led them to a curtained off area, and Alicia sat on the bed with Claire still in her arms.

Claire sniffed and looked up at me. “I hurt my chin. Sydney.”

I leaned down and pushed some hair off of her face. “I know, sweetie. The doctor will be in soon and he’ll fix you up, okay?”

“Okay.” Her little voice sounded so small and sad that it broke my heart.

I excused myself for a second and dug through the closet of kid’s supplies until I found something she would like. I walked back to their bed and handed Claire the princess coloring book and crayons.

She accepted them happily and Alicia settled her in her lap, holding the cloth while she colored.

“Thanks Sydney. You’re a lifesaver.” Alicia reached into her pocket and groaned. “I left my phone in the car and I need to call my husband. Could you sit with Claire for a second while I grab it.”

I nodded and moved towards the bed. “Of course.” We traded places and I sat behind Claire holding the compress to her chin, and Alicia smiled.

“I’ll be right back,” she said before pushing through the curtain.

I ran my free hand through Claire’s hair and asked her about the princess she was coloring.

“She’s Cinderella! She’s my favorite. And so is Belle. And Aurora. And Rapunzel. And Snow White.”

I laughed and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. Just then, the curtain pulled open and David stepped through.

“Daddy!” Claire squealed, looking up at him.

He had frozen when he caught sight of me, and suddenly I felt very awkward. I cursed myself inwardly for not realizing David would come.

“Alicia needed to run to the car,” I explained lamely.

David nodded and finally broke eye contact to give his daughter a small smile.

“What did you do, Claire Bear?”

“My hands slipped, daddy. I was almost all the way across too, and my chin hurts now.” I smiled at the pitiful tone she put on for David.

His eyes found mine again and suddenly the little curtained off area felt claustrophobic.

“Here, let’s trade spots.” I slid out from behind Claire, keeping my hand on her chin until David’s covered mine. It took me a second, but I finally pulled mine out from under his hand and backed up to the end of the bed.