Scars of the Future (15 page)

I had been staying at Matt’s apartment since the furniture was moved out and it was reaffirming my desire for us to live together. The two of us had meshed our schedules well and he had even taken up running with me. I didn’t believe for a moment that he ran because he liked it, Matt being more of a weights kind of man, but I was certain he just worried about me running alone. He was a fantastic running partner, though. He would just run next to me in companionable silence rather than trying to talk.

Matt let me help paint as long as all of the windows were open and I agreed to wear face masks that Sydney had stolen from the hospital. He caught me painting without a mask once and he had lectured me about all of the stuff he had learned on Google about painting while pregnant. He’d also taken my paintbrush away.

The guys had insisted that they could install the carpet themselves and so the process was slow. Two weekends after the dinner at Linda’s house, they were almost finished and I was grateful to all of the evenings they’d put in to help me out.

Saturday night I sat in the kitchen with Maddie and Sydney as we searched through different magazines with nursery bedding.

“I still don’t understand your aversion to pink, Amanda,” Maddie said as she put the magazine down.

“Pink is so cliché. Besides, what if she has red hair? Purple will look so much better.” Matt and I had picked a very light shade of purple for the baby’s room and it went really well with the new beige carpet that we’d settled on.

“I think you should have done green. When I have a baby I’m going to do green.” Sydney dropped her magazine and picked up another slice of pizza.

I looked across the table at Maddie and raised my eyebrows. Maddie grinned and mouthed the word ‘when’ and I nodded, a smile on my lips, too. Sydney talking about having babies was a huge deal.

I looked back to my magazine and flipped through the pages before sighing. “This is a lot harder than it should be.” I felt a flutter in my stomach and my smile widened. “She’s awake.”

Maddie groaned. “I can’t wait until we can feel her, too.”

“Imagine how I feel,” Matt said as he walked into the kitchen. He dropped a kiss on my head before picking up another slice of pizza. He held it out to me and I shook my head.

The medicine the doctor prescribed had helped, and although I didn’t stop getting sick completely, I was able to keep most of my meals down. Matt took my nutrition very seriously and was constantly on me about whether or not I’d eaten at least three meals a day.

“So what did you decide on the furniture, Amanda?” Matt asked, dropping into the dining room chair next to me.

“I don’t know,” I groaned. “I definitely want to keep a few things, but I think I’m going to replace the master bedroom furniture. I don’t want to sleep in my parents’ old bed. My childhood bedroom furniture can go in the guest room for now and we can bring my bed from the apartment over for the master suite.”

Sydney nodded in approval. “You need a new couch, though. That one is tiny and fairly uncomfortable. You could have the sectional from the apartment, but I don’t think it would really fit well in this house.”

“Well, that’s not bad. I just need a couch and all of the baby’s furniture.” I yawned and leaned my head on Matt’s shoulder. “How much more do you have left?”

Josh and David appeared in the kitchen at that moment and Josh smiled at me. “We’re done. You’re officially carpeted again.”

I stood and wrapped my arms around Josh. “Thank you guys so much. I owe you big time.”

David grinned and accepted a hug from me next. “You keep Sydney grounded. I actually owe you more than you can imagine.” He glanced at his phone. “But I do need to steal her so we can get Claire before Alicia’s red-eye leaves for the night.” Claire’s mom, Alicia, was a flight attendant who kept Claire as often as she could, but David and Sydney were saints for working around her schedule.

“We’re going maternity clothes shopping next weekend, right?” Maddie asked as she stood to grab her purse.

I nodded. “All of my work clothes are too tight. I can’t button up my any of my courtroom jackets anymore.”

Sydney laughed and gave me a hug. “This will be fun. I’m going to bring Claire with us, too. She’s a little shopping diva. She needs a Halloween costume anyway.”

After the two couples left the house, Matt and I locked up and got into his Jeep to go back to his place.

“I think we should go shopping for baby furniture tomorrow,” Matt said as he pulled the sheets back to climb in bed.

“Okay,” I agreed as I stepped into my sleep pants. “I want to stop by the nursing home for dinner, too. Do you want to come?”

“Definitely. What do you think of ‘Penelope’?”

I settled in next to him and shook my head. “Too fancy. What about ‘Lily’?”

“Maybe. Add it to the list.” Matt kissed my forehead and ran his fingers down my stomach.

I tilted my head to look up at him. “I think you should move into the house with me.”

Matt’s fingers froze on my skin and his eyes met mine. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I don’t know if I can go back to sleeping without you after these past two weeks.”

“God, me either, but I didn’t want to scare you by bringing it up.” He gave me a small smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m a little crazy lately. I blame the hormones.” I turned away from him and tugged on his arm so his front was cuddled against my back.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You carry the baby, so you get a lot of leeway.” He hesitated for a moment. “What would you say if we just took this furniture over to your place then? It’s all basically new anyway. Plus, this bed is a lot bigger and more comfortable than both your childhood bed and the bed from the apartment.”

“That’s a fantastic idea. I love all of your furniture.”

Matt laughed behind me. “That’s because Madelyn picked every piece of it out.”

“Wait. How do you know how comfortable my bed is at the apartment?” I turned my head so I could see his profile.

He kissed my nose. “Because you let me sleep in it when I came to visit last year. It smelled like you and I had all sorts of naughty thoughts while trying to sleep.”

I closed my eyes and let the images flow through my head for a moment before I reopened them. “I remember. I actually had some of my own thoughts the next time I slept in it. Do you know how many times I laid in that bed and thought about you?”

“Yeah?” Matt’s voice turned husky and one of his hands trailed down my stomach. “What did you do when you thought about me?”

My breathing picked up as Matt’s hand slid closer to my waistline. “I’d slip my hand in my pants.”

His hand stopped and I felt his lips at my ear. “Show me.”

I rolled on my back to look at him and Matt stayed on his side, his head propped on his elbow. “Show you?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Show me what you’d do when you thought about me.”

“Tit for tat, Matthew.” I glanced down his body to where his erection was straining against his boxers. “Did you ever think about me beyond that day in my bed?”

“Oh Amanda. You’ve been in my thoughts constantly- especially after I’d had a taste of how great it was.” He reached into his boxers and pulled out his hard cock, stroking himself slowly.

I brought my eyes back to his as I pushed my sleep pants down until they were at my knees. I moved my hand until it was between my legs and I ran my fingertips through where I was already wet. I watched Matt’s eyes follow my movements and when I slipped a finger inside of me, a moan escaped my lips.

“Damn,” Matt whispered as he moved his hand faster. “How does that feel, sweets?”

I added a second finger and fought to keep my eyes open. “It feels incredible, but…”

“But what?” His voice was strained and his eyes moved up to meet mine briefly.

I quickened the pace with my fingers and let out another moan. “But it would feel better if it was you.”

Matt moved quickly, pulling my pants down my legs and off my body completely. His hands moved back up my legs and he pushed my thighs further apart. He covered my hand with his own and halted my movements. He tugged on my hand until I was no longer touching myself and he brought my fingers to his mouth.

He let out a satisfied noise as he sucked on each one and before I knew what he was doing, his fingers were inside of me. His tongue joined them and I arched my back as I grabbed a fistful of his hair. My body shook as it was overcome with sensation, and when I came back down Matt sat up on his knees. He moved, hooking one of my legs over his forearm, and was inside of me with one thrust.

“I want you to come again. The sounds you make… The noises.. I want to hear them again.” He picked up his movements and leaned down to kiss me hard. “Touch yourself again, Manda.”

I did as he said and it wasn’t long before I was crying his name again. Matt let out something similar to a growl as he slammed into me one last time. He collapsed onto his shoulder and his lips pressed against my bare skin.

“That,” I huffed as I tried to catch my breath. “That was amazing.”

Matt nodded as he rolled off of me. “Amazing.”

I shifted until my head was against his chest and Matt pulled a blanket up to cover us. I let out a yawn and threw one of my legs over his.

“I love you, Matt.”

His kissed my hair and let out a content sigh. “I love you both.”

Chapter Fifteen

“I could buy a new car for the price of this crib!” I shook my head and turned away from the beautiful, yet expensive, piece of wood. “That’s insane.”

A saleswoman glared at my declaration and I just shrugged at her. The crib was gorgeous but it would literally cost me a whole months’ worth of salary to buy.

Matt laughed and squeezed my hand. “Get whatever one you want.”

“I don’t think I’m going to like anything in here. It’s all way too pristine.” I led Matt out of the store and back into the mall. “Let’s go to that Buy Buy Baby across the street.”

“Okay. Can we stop by the food court for some food first?” Matt pat his stomach. “We are eating for two after all.”

I laughed and nodded my head. “Oh,
we
are, are we?”

“Of course. Your pain is my pain, sweets.” Matt smirked as he steered us towards the food court.

I raised my eyebrows as I looked up at him. “So not the same thing. If you say that during labor you’ll be happy that the emergency room is just a few floors below.”

Matt’s deep laugh went on for so long and I ended up laughing, too. Instead of responding, he just kissed the top of my head.

We sat at the food court eating delicious tacos and I just stared at Matt happily. A year prior I would never have imagined he and I would be sitting here together. He had a carefree lightness to him that I hadn’t seen since before he joined the military, and a warm feeling blossomed in my chest with the knowledge that I was partially responsible for that.

After we finished eating, I put everything on the tray and Matt stood up to throw it away. He got back to the table and opened his mouth to say something when someone said his name first.

We both turned to where Kristen was standing next to a handsome blonde man and both newcomers had their gazes fixed on Matt. I didn’t miss how Matt’s posture stiffened when he caught sight of the duo. I stayed in my seat just watched the awkward interaction.

“Hi Kristen.” Matt held a hand up before giving me a sideways glance. Kristen followed his movement and noticed me for the first time.

“Oh. Hey Amanda.” She attempted a small smile to be friendly, but I didn’t miss her friend narrowing his eyes at me.

Kristen turned back to Matt. “I just wanted to say ‘hi’.” She moved a bit closer to him and dropped her voice. “I miss you.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Matt stuffed his hands into his pockets uncomfortably. “Hi Isaac. Amanda, this is Kristen’s roommate, Isaac.”

The blonde nodded towards Matt but didn’t respond otherwise, and I knew that he had definitely taken sides in the break-up. Isaac’s face was set into a hard line, but it didn’t do anything to deter from his good looks. His blonde hair covered his ears, falling almost to his chin, and his light blue eyes glared at Matt. He was slightly taller than me and definitely looked like he went to the gym, but if they were in a boxing ring together my money would definitely be on Matt.

No one said anything for what felt like a million minutes and finally I stood, offering a smile to Kristen and Isaac as I did.

Kristen zeroed in on my stomach, the pregnancy obviously visible since I’d stopped trying to hide it. “I didn’t realize you were pregnant, Amanda.”

I nodded and instinctively moved my hand to my middle. “Yeah.”

“How far along are you? Three months?” Kristen shifted slightly on her feet and her friend crossed his arms.

“About five now. Twenty-four weeks.”

Isaac gestured to Matt and me. “Are you two together then?”

Matt reached over for my hand and pulled me to him with a nod. “We are.”

“So what?” Isaac turned his fiery glare towards me. “You string Matt along for months and then when you get knocked up you go running to him?” I narrowed my eyes but he didn’t stop. “I’ve heard all about how you pined after Matt and the ridiculous looks you’d send his way when he was with Kristen. That’s fairly pathetic.”

Matt shook his head, fury clouding his face. “Don’t be a dick, Isaac. I won’t let you talk to her like that.” He tightened his grip on my hand. “Kristen and I breaking up had nothing to do with Amanda.”

I cringed a little because I knew that wasn’t true, but I didn’t say anything.

“So now you’re going to raise some guy’s baby just so you can be with her?” Isaac sneered towards me.

“Isaac.” Kristen shook her head at her friend. “Stop.”

“Not some guy’s baby,” Matt said slowly. “Amanda is pregnant with my child.”

Both people in front of us froze and Kristen’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

“Funny, Matt. I think it’s hilarious that you have a girlfriend who’s five months pregnant yet you and Kristen were keeping me awake with your loud moans six weeks ago.” The venom in Isaac’s voice was unmistakable and I saw Matt wince at his words. I couldn’t blame him- I didn’t really love the reminder of Matt and Kristen having sex either.

“Five months. So, you two slept together when we were dating?” Kristen’s voice was quiet and hurt laced it.

Matt’s hand tightened even more on my own before he spoke. “She got pregnant in early May. Two weeks before you and I started dating.” I didn’t miss the way he avoided the actual answer to her question.

“I’m sorry, Kristen.” I spoke for the first time. “I never meant for you to get mixed up in all our drama. Matt had no idea I was pregnant until just recently. I’m really very sorry for everything.” I tried to say it as nicely as possible, but Kristen’s face morphed into anger as if I’d slapped her.

“I never pictured you as the kind of person to go after a taken man. Everyone in that family sings their praises about Saint Amanda. ‘She’s the sweetest girl we know.’ ‘Oh, That Amanda is such a good girl.’ ‘We’re so lucky to have someone like Amanda in our family.’ I never expected it from you.”

Matt opened his mouth, probably to defend me, and I shook my head at him.

“She’s right. She didn’t deserve what I did. I’m really sorry, Kristen.”

Kristen didn’t say anything else, but the anger ebbed from her face and just left the hurt instead. Isaac, however, wasn’t letting me off that easily.

“Don’t pretend to be remorseful now that you have what you want. You ruined this for them. Maybe you should have kept your legs closed in the first place.”

Matt tensed and took a step forward, his body language screaming ‘Violence!’ I just rolled my eyes. I was willing to own up to my own part in this, but I was not going to stand there and let some guy I didn’t know freely insult me.

“I’m sorry, Kristen. Come on, Matt.” I tugged on him and after a moment he went easily, dropping my hand and wrapping his arm around my waist instead.

We got back to his car and he waited until I was in the seat before dropping his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Because you tried to move on after I was an idiot?” I kissed his nose lightly. “Don’t let her jerk of a friend put you in a bad mood.”

“A fucking goddess,” he whispered before brushing his lips against mine. “I’m a lucky man.”

We spent over an hour at the next baby store, and left with a crib, changing table, dresser, and glider in the back of the car. Everything we’d bought had a rich espresso color to it and was going to look fantastic with the lilac bedding we’d picked out. Matt and I had argued about who was going to pay once we got to the register, and eventually the poor cashier took his card out of his hand and ignored my own.

The drive home was quiet but not in a bad way. Matt hummed to something on the radio as I sat lost in thought. I turned to look at him and bit my lip nervously.

“Can I ask you something?”

Matt stopped humming and looked at me briefly before moving his eyes back to the road. “Of course.”

“Have you slept with Kristen since the wedding?”

Matt hesitated and mashed his lips together.

I shook my head quickly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s fine, sweets. No, she and I didn’t do anything after that night in your hotel room. I didn’t know that you wanted to be with me but I was debating my future with Kristen. When I made it back to the room that night, she could tell I was off but didn’t press the issue. But when I dropped her off after San Francisco she wanted me to come in and I couldn’t. I broke up with her the next day because I knew that I’d never love her like I loved you.”

He glanced over at me to gauge my reaction before he continued. “I mean, I would have chosen you over her any time, Amanda. If you had told me that you had wanted to be with me that night I would have broken up with her then. I just kept going on the assumption that things hadn’t changed.”

“I didn’t want ruin your relationship with Kristen. You seemed happy with her.” I shifted in my seat and stared out the window. “I’ve always wanted to be with you, Matt. I hope you realize that I’m not doing this for the baby. The baby just makes the future I never imagined I’d have obtainable.”

Matt maneuvered his Jeep into the driveway of the house and nodded. “Being with you, baby or not, is all I’ve wanted. That little girl in your stomach is just an amazing bonus, Manda.”

He tried to shoo me into the house while he unloaded the furniture and I protested as I tried to help.

“I can help you move the damn crib box, Matt.” I huffed as I stood in the front yard with my hands on my hips.

“No, you can’t, Amanda. Besides, I don’t need your help, I’ve got it. Go and sit down.”

I rolled my eyes and went into the house, leaving him to bring the furniture in by himself.

He was right, of course, and he brought in each box effortlessly like it didn’t weigh anything. I found myself just staring as he did, the muscles in his arm flexing in a way that had me licking my lips. By the time he had brought in the last piece of furniture I was incredibly antsy. He went back outside to lock up the car, and I stood from the dining room chair, throwing my arms around him when he walked back inside.

Matt chuckled and lifted me off the ground with ease. “I love how expressive your face is.” He kissed my lips and turned so he was sitting in the chair with me in his lap. “I had to avoid looking at you just to get it all inside.”

“It’s not my fault. Blame yourself and your desirable body.” I grinned and moved my mouth to softly bite his earlobe. “I can’t seem to get enough between your hot self and my hormones.”

I moved my fingers to his pants and worked until I had them tugged to his knees. I pulled my own down, kicking them off my feet before straddling his lap. I kissed him, letting my tongue clash with his, before moving my hips to sink down on top of him.

Twenty minutes later we were lying on the new carpet, still wearing out shirts but both missing our pants. I propped myself up on my side and grinned at him.

“I’m glad we went with the soft carpet.”

Matt laughed and pulled me to his chest gently.

Later on that evening we walked into the nursing home and smiled at Judy as she sat behind the desk.

“Hi Amanda, Hi Matt,” she said as she handed us our badges. Matt had been visiting with me so often he had been upgraded to a permanent badge. “How are you doing this evening?”

“We’re fantastic, good-looking,” Matt answered with a wink. “How are you?”

She blushed and stammered that she was great as well before buzzing us in.

“You’re such a flirt,” I teased as we walked down the hallway.

“I’m just a friendly guy. There’s a difference, sweets.” He brought our joined hands up so he could kiss the top of mine.

When we got to the common area, I looked around for my mom but didn’t see her. I found one of the caretakers and gave her a small frown.

“Hey, I’m looking for my mom, Karen Franklin?”

She nodded her head slightly. “Mrs. Franklin is having a bad day. She refuses to leave her room.”

“Okay, thanks.” I pulled Matt through another hallway and gave a small wave to the second desk clerk before knocking on my mom’s door. The nerves that ran through my body made me tremble slightly. I knew that the woman behind that door wasn’t going to know who I was and I really hated that. I didn’t wait for her to answer but instead opened it slowly.

My mom’s room wasn’t anything extravagant, but it was homey. It had a bed, nightstand, dresser, and desk. We had decorated it with a few things from home, including several pictures of her, my dad, and myself. My mom was sitting at her desk crocheting, the hobby she always turned to when she was feeling stressed.

“Mama?” I said, but she didn’t turn around. I walked in slowly and sat on the bed where she could see me. “Mom?

She glanced up quickly and immediately looked back to her lap, not saying a word.

“Mama, it’s me. And Matt.” I glanced over to Matt and gestured him to the bed as well.

My mom’s fingers stopped crocheting and she looked between Matt and me several times before she went back to her yarn. We sat in silence for a few moments before Matt reached over to the nightstand and pressed a button on the radio where her iPod was docked.

Frank Sinatra’s voice crooned quietly from the speakers and after a moment my mom started to sway with the music as she continued pulling the hook through her creation.

“What are you making, Karen?” Matt asked softly, reaching a finger out to touch the pink square.

There was just more silence and I didn’t think she would answer, but suddenly she spoke.

“A blanket for my granddaughter. My daughter is having a baby, did you know?” She gestured towards the small frame she had on the desk that contained the baby’s ultrasound photo. I had given it to her last week and she had been so excited.

I wiped at the tears that were falling and Matt squeezed my hand firmly.

A small smile appeared on his lips as he looked at my mom. “I did know that. Are you excited?”

My mom nodded quickly. “I am. My Amanda will be a great mother.” She stopped crocheting, but didn’t look away from her work. “Oh, my Amanda.”

A small cry fell from my mouth, and I had to cover it to keep myself quiet. My mom glanced up at me and studied my face for a moment.

“You have my husband’s eyes. He had the prettiest eyes that went with his hair perfectly.”

I forced a smile to my face. “Daddy always said I had his coloring but your beauty.”

My mom laughed and let out a big sigh. “Steven had so much charisma. He could sweet talk his way into anything.” Her smile disappeared quickly. “Has anyone told you that he passed away?”

“Yeah, Mama. I know.”

“My poor Amanda. I just want her to be happy.” Mom went back to crocheting and shook her head. She was quiet for a moment and when she opened her mouth again it was to sing quietly with the song.

“Manda, she’s okay. Maybe she was just overwhelmed today. Let’s let her have tonight, okay?” Matt spoke softly, keeping his gaze fixed on my mom.

I nodded. “Mama, we’re going to go now, okay? I’ll come back this week.” I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder.

My mom stopped crocheting and placed her hand over mine gently. “Yes, thank you for coming by.”

Matt smiled. “Thanks for having us. We’ll see you soon.” He tugged on my hand and led me out of the room. The second the door closed a sob left my chest and Matt held me as I had an emotional breakdown. He let me cry and then led me out of the nursing home. When he handed Judy our badges she looked at my face and gave me a sympathetic pat, not saying anything.

We made it back to his apartment without speaking a word, and I moved to head to the bedroom before Matt stopped me.

“Wait, Manda. Let me warm something up for you to eat.”

“I’m not hungry, Matt.” I tried to walk back to the bedroom but his hand stopped me again.

“You need to eat something, sweets.”

I turned to glare at him, crossing my arms across my chest. “I’m not hungry. We’re not going to starve if I miss one meal.”