Scars of the Future (19 page)

“I know exactly how you feel.” My grin widened as the baby shifted. “I love feeling her move.”

Matt’s eyes darted to my stomach and he brought his hand up to rub it, too. “Where is she kicking?” The words were barely out of his mouth when my stomach jumped in the same spot.

He let out a little huff of laughter and sat up so his face was just inches from my stomach. “Did you see that?”

I nodded. “She’s getting stronger.”

Matt and I watched in awe as my stomach moved from below until eventually Olivia settled down. I stood to get dressed before crawling back into bed. Matt set the alarm and joined me a few minutes later, tucking me close to him before covering us up.

The alarm going off woke us up for a second time and we both sat up quickly.

“Damn it.” He reached into the drawer of his nightstand and pulled his gun out, having left it unsecured for this reason. “Get down, Amanda, wait for the call.” He pointed to the corner before walking slowly out of the room and into the hallway.

I stumbled into the corner, clutching Matt’s phone, and answered the phone when it rang.

“Mrs. Thomas, this is Rich from ADT…”

I didn’t hear what Rich had to say because the phone was smacked out of my hand. I glanced up and saw a man standing in front of me with a gun pointed at my head.

“Get up. Make a noise and I’ll fucking shoot.” He was jittery as he spoke and I didn’t like the way the gun trembled in his hand. He was dirty, as if he had been in the same clothes for days, and he scratched as his face with his free hand.

I got up slowly, taking a step back until I hit the wall. My hands covered where Olivia was instinctively and I shook my head. “What do you want?” My voice was a whisper but I knew he heard me.

“I want the address to where my kids are. I know you have it.”

Sirens blared outside and I heard noises from the living room as the police clambered in the house. The alarm suddenly stopped beeping and we stood in silence.

He held a finger to his face, motioning to me to be quiet. His cold, callused fingers grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the master bathroom.

“Tell me now and maybe I won’t hurt you or your family.”

I shook my head again and backed into the sink, letting my hands grasp the counter behind me. My fingers grazed my hairbrush and wrapped them around it, clenching it in my fist.

“I don’t know.”

His face took on a menacing look as he stepped towards me, the gun inches from my face. “Don’t you fucking lie to me.”

“Amanda?” Matt’s voice called out from the bedroom and Wagner glanced towards the door. The gun fell a bit at his interruption and it was no longer in my face. I took the opportunity while he was distracted and brought the brush down on his wrist as hard as I could.

He let out a yelp of pain and the gun fell to the ground. He grabbed me by the throat with his other hand, squeezing tightly. I clawed at his arm for a moment, and suddenly he was ripped away from me so forcefully that I stumbled forward.

Matt had him pinned to the wall in the bathroom and brought his fist up once to punch the guy in the face. Two police officers burst in the bathroom door and they yelled for Matt to stop. Matt didn’t hear, or wouldn’t listen, because he hit Wagner in the face again. He would have a third time but I stepped forward and placed my hand on his shoulder.

“Matt.”

Matt glanced behind him and froze, letting Wagner drop to the ground. The police rushed forward to handcuff him and Matt turned, putting both hands on my cheeks.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded quickly and looked as they stood the groaning figure up. Wagner’s angry eyes glared from his beat up face and he scowled at me.

“Stupid bitch. I should have shot you when I had the chance.”

Matt took a step forward and I grabbed his hand to stop him. He could have broken free of my hold easily, but instead he let my grip keep him in place.

He didn’t turn back around until Wagner was out of the bathroom and then he carefully inspected me. I felt his fingertips graze my neck and his eyes hardened. I twisted around so I could see in the mirror and marks could be seen where Wagner had dragged his fingernails when Matt pulled him off me.

“We’re okay,” I reassured Matt, leaning forward to rest my forehead on his chest. “I don’t understand how he got past you.”

Matt shook his head. “He was a little smarter this time and came in through the window in the back room. I just assumed the living room since that’s where he tried last time. I walked back to the bedrooms to secure them and when I saw the window was broken I went looking for you. Scariest sixty seconds of my life. I’m sorry, sweets.”

I shook my head. “I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me.”

Matt’s fingers touched my neck again and he pursed his lips. “He could have.”

“Excuse me,” said an officer from the bathroom doorway. “We need to take your statements if you’re feeling up to it.”

Matt nodded and mumbled something similar to ‘just a minute’ as he pulled me back to his chest. We stood like that for several long minutes, not saying anything.

With my hand in his, Matt led me through our bedroom and out to the front porch. Three patrol cars were in front of the house with their lights flashing. Wagner was being placed in the backseat of one of them and Matt stared him down while squeezing my hand so tight that it hurt.

“Matt,” I said softly as I brought my other hand up to rest on his shoulder and he released my hand immediately.

“Sorry Amanda,” he whispered as he put his arm around my shoulders to pull me to his side.

I saw neighbors peeking through their doors and curtains to try to see what was going on. As I looked on, a silver Subaru pulled up and before it had come to a complete stop, Sydney was pushing out of the passenger door.

“Are you okay?” she asked breathlessly as she ran up the sidewalk. An officer tried to stop her but she brushed by him. When the same officer walked over to get her David sidled up and shook his head.

“She’s with me.”

The officer nodded quickly and backed away, David’s clout obviously respected.

I absorbed the force of Sydney’s hug and squeezed her back. “I’m okay.”

David looked to Matt. “The dispatcher said there was an altercation between the intruder and resident. They’ve routed an ambulance here.

I groaned and released Sydney. “It better not be for me”

David reached out and, like Matt, let his fingers touch my neck. “We need to document those, sweetheart. When the ambulance gets here let them just make sure the skin’s not broken anywhere, okay?” He glanced at Matt. “Are you okay?”

Matt gave a quick nod and took my hand back. “I’m pissed, but okay. He pulled a gun on her.”

“What a coward.” Sydney pulled me closer to her tiny side, and I leaned my head on top of hers.

“I’m all right, guys.”

An ambulance showed up, and I was just thankful it didn’t have the siren blaring. Matt tugged me over to where they’d parked and I sat on the edge of the truck as I let the older EMT inspect my neck. David stepped up to take some pictures, and the EMT smiled down at me when they were done.

“They skin doesn’t look broken but put some Neosporin on it twice a day to be safe, okay? Any movement from the baby?”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod as I rubbed my stomach. “I’ve counted more than ten kicks in the last thirty minutes.”

“Perfect.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze and they began to pack up their stuff.

“Satisfied?” I asked my friends and all three of them nodded.

We walked back inside and Sydney and I sat in silence, cuddled on the couch, while the boys nailed a board over the broken window next to the treadmill. Sydney’s head was against mine, drooping slightly and when she brought her hand up to rub her eyes I gasped.

“When did he propose?” I asked, grabbing Sydney’s hand and dragging it to my face so I could look at the gorgeous diamond on her finger.

She laughed tiredly and shook her head. “You mean ‘demand’? I woke up with the ring on my finger this morning and David said ‘We’re getting married.’ I’m not even joking.”

I burst out laughing and nodded agreeably. “I can actually see that happening.”

“I can’t ask Sydney anything because that gives her time to come up with sarcastic responses. I’ve decided that telling her works better.” David shrugged as he and Matt reappeared.

Sydney and I stood and I held her in a tight hug.

“This is amazing news, Syd. You and David are perfect together.”

I let her go and Matt was smiling as he congratulated David.

David grinned like a cat that’d eaten the canary. “See Tink? I told you they’d all be happy. Now you can start planning the wedding. Let’s go home. Amanda needs sleep.”

Sydney hugged Matt while rolling her eyes at her fiancé and I embraced David as tight as I could. “Thanks for always being there for us, David.”

“Always will be.” He winked at me and turned to shake Matt’s hand one last time.

Sydney and I held each other close.

“Thanks Syd,” I said with a smile “I love you.”

“Love you too, Franklin. Go get some sleep so my niece can grow big and strong.”

Chapter Nineteen

Things seemed to go back to what I referred to as ‘normal’ for the next month. I spent more time at work as the holidays approached, and Matt and I started to really prepare for the baby. I had signed us up for a birthing class at the hospital and was amazed with how excited Matt was about it. He had been reading up on babies often and I knew he was really focused on being a good father.

The nursery was almost complete, but we were still lacking in supplies. The only thing we had bought so far was the car seat, and we spent one Sunday near the end of November walking through the baby store and adding stuff to our registry.

“I hate scanning this stuff so other people can buy it. We can buy our own stuff.” I grumbled as I scanned an infant bath tub.

Matt laughed and shook his head. “Sweets, this is part of the first child experience. Our family wants to spoil Olivia, so let them.” He used his scanner to scan a package of baby bibs.

We strolled through the store, stopping to scan different outfits and gear and Matt shook his head.

“Playpen, highchair, swing, stroller, bouncy seat, bassinet, and all the other little stuff. It’s a racket in here. We could put her in a dresser drawer and it would be just as efficient.”

I giggled as a couple walking by us gave Matt a dirty look and I leaned in to him. “You sound like a seventy-year-old man right now, honey.”

He grinned and kissed my lips lightly. “I’m just being honest. That stroller you drooled over was a lot of money.”

I shrugged and scanned a toy box. “It’s supposedly the best jogging stroller there is. I didn’t add it, though. I scanned the other one.”

An hour later, we walked back out to his car and drove through the city silently. Matt stopped the car to run into an Italian restaurant for takeout before we made our way home. We took the food inside and dished it on to plates when Matt let out a heavy sigh.

“What?” I asked, giving him a concerned look.

“I want us to get married.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had been waiting for the backlash of Sydney and David’s engagement for a few weeks.

“Matt, I don’t want to get married.”

“Why not?” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and shook his head. “Why won’t you marry me?”

“Jesus, I am so sick of rehashing this same conversation. I just don’t want to get married right now. Maybe in the future but not now.” I pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and gave him a pleading look. “Can’t you just accept that I want to be with you? Why does it have to include the piece of paper, ring, and huge debt that comes with a ceremony?”

Matt slammed his plate on the table and I jumped back in surprise. “Why do you have to mock what I want?”

I stared at him, stunned. Matt had never lashed out at me like that and I definitely didn’t like it.

“I’m not mocking it, Matt.”

“David and Sydney are getting married, Amanda. Sydney. The girl who no one ever thought would settle down. You and I have created a life, a family, and you won’t marry me.”

“You don’t need to be married to be a family, Matt.” My voice was quiet as I tried to stay calm and rational. “Why are you getting so upset over this?”

“Because this is important to me, and it doesn’t seem to be very important to you. Are you not marrying me so you can have an excuse to run if things get rough?” He glared at me and I didn’t respond. He was close to the reason, but it wasn’t so I could run if things got rough. More like so he could but I didn’t tell him that. “That’s it, isn’t it? I’m so sick of being the one who wants this to work and you just going along for the ride.”

“Matt… Of course I want this to work. I love you. That’s not enough?” I reached out for him and he stepped back. My hand remained outstretched as I frowned at him.

“I just want you to believe in us like I believe in us. I feel like you have one foot out the door constantly.”

I shook my head. “I’m the one who suggested we move in together.”

“Oh no,” he growled. “You suggested I move into
your
place. Don’t try to pretend like that was some big step, Amanda. You’re used to having roommates and I’m just a roommate with perks.”

I flinched and shook my head. “You’re wrong. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Sure you are.”

He stormed back to the bedroom and didn’t reappear for the rest of the night. When I finally went to bed, he was as far on the edge had he could be. I attempted to cuddle up to him, not enjoying the freeze out, but it was like trying to cuddle with a statue. I fell asleep as close to him as I could, but when I woke up in the morning he was gone.

Things were strained between Matt and me for the next four days. Monday morning had been the first day I had eaten breakfast without him in weeks. He normally would pick me up for our doctor’s appointments, but when he didn’t show up at my office I drove myself. I was surprised to see him in the waiting room but he didn’t acknowledge me at all. The whole appointment he sat silently and only spoke when a doctor or nurse directly talked to him. The second the appointment was over he was out the door without saying goodbye to me.

The rest of the week continued the same. Matt avoiding me at all costs, and when we pulled up to his mom’s house on Thanksgiving Day, I let out a big sigh.

“I don’t want to stay very long, if that’s okay.” I turned to look at him and he just gave me a nod before getting out of the car.

I didn’t move from my seat as I watched him walk in the house without me, and I felt like my heart was breaking. I took a few minutes to get my emotions under control before I grabbed the pie from the backseat and hurried towards the front door.

I shut the door quietly behind me and moved to take my pie in the kitchen. Linda saw me and pulled me into a hug before giving me a confused look.

“Everything okay between you two?”

I handed her my pie and nodded, a forced smile on my lips. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

I was afraid everyone was going to see through our façade as easily. I hadn’t confided in either of my friends about our disagreement, not wanting them to join in and take sides. I had told Jill, but only because she could see how miserable I was every day. Matt had barely spoken a word to me since the day we fought, let alone touched me. I knew he wanted to get married, but I didn’t realize it would cause him to despise me so much.

I had thought about it a lot, and while the idea of marriage wasn’t what I was sure I wanted, I had about settled on doing it if it made Matt happy. I was so desperate to have the man I loved back that I would about agree to anything. Although, he’d have to talk to me first.

I walked into the family room and greeted everyone with a wave before settling in on the couch next to Josh. The guys were watching a football game and Sydney was telling Maddie about her latest dinner with her parents.

“It was the complete opposite of last year. My dad even wore jeans, Mad. Jeans. Can you even picture it? They both have taken to Claire really well, too. It’s the damn twilight zone in that house.” She and Maddie laughed and I forced a small smile to my face.

After about ten minutes Josh nudged me softly. “Are you okay, Amanda?”

Most everyone whipped their heads around to look at me and I nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

I got a lot of sympathetic nods from people and I glanced over at Matt. He was staring at the TV, very disengaged from everyone, and I wanted to comfort him even though I knew my comfort was the last thing he wanted. Suddenly it felt like last year with all of the tension and distance between us.

Linda appeared in the room to announce dinner and everyone started to stand slowly, except for Matt. He moved quickly, not giving anyone a second glance.

I sighed from the comfy spot I was in on the couch and braced myself so I could stand. Josh lingered, holding out a hand to help me get to my feet.

I offered him a feeble grin. “Thanks Josh. The bigger she grows the slower I am.”

“No need to thank me.” Josh put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a side hug as we moved to the dining room. I got there in time to see Matt pull out a chair between Sean and Craig and I felt like he’d stabbed a dagger into my heart. He didn’t want to be near me at all.

I saw the confused look on Maddie’s face, but I just shook my head as I sat between her and Claire. I ate my dinner in silence as I listened to the conversations around me. After about twenty minutes, I excused myself to sneak upstairs and call a cab. The house felt suffocating and I needed to get out. I quietly said good-bye to people individually, not wanting to draw attention to the fact I was leaving, and when I stepped into the kitchen to hug Linda she pulled me in tight.

“I don’t know what is going on between you two, but you can work it out. You have a little girl who is depending on you guys to be a family.” She placed her hand on my stomach and kissed my forehead. “I love you, Amanda, and so does Matthew. He’s just broody sometimes.”

I smiled, thanking her before I grabbed my coat and walked out the door. The cab was already waiting and I gave the driver the address to my mother’s nursing home. When I got there, I received my badge and walked back where Thanksgiving dinner was just finishing up.

My mom caught sight of me and smiled broadly, but it fell a little when she saw my face. She pulled me in for a hug and let me cry for a little while before pulling back. I told her a little bit about what was going on between Matt and I and she scowled.

“He’s a good boy, but sometimes he can be so hard-headed.” She ran her hands through my hair and sighed. “Everything will work itself out, Amanda. One way or another.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Tell me about your week.” I gave mom a small smile and she obliged my request, but I knew we weren’t done talking about it.

I stayed at the home for almost three hours, and when the caregivers called that it was time for bed, I hugged her as tight as I could.

“I love you, Mama.”

“I love you, too, Panda. I’m here if you need me, okay?” She gave me a kiss and moved to head back towards her room.

I walked back out to the desk and asked Judy to call me a cab. I waited in the entry way for twenty minutes before one showed up.

The house was dark when I got home, and I figured Matt had already gone to bed or he wasn’t home. I put my key in the door and pushed it open, giving a little yelp as a tall figure stood from the couch as I did.

“Where have you been?” Matt’s voice was angry, and I rolled my eyes as I reached over to turn on the lamp.

“Matt, you scared me. I’ve been with my mom.” I put my purse on the kitchen table and went into the kitchen to get a drink. I could feel Matt following me, but I didn’t acknowledge him.

“I’ve been calling you for hours. You sneak out of my mom’s house, not bothering to tell me you’re leaving, and then you ignore my phone calls? What the fuck, Amanda?”

I turned around and pointed my finger until it was at his chest. “You have no right to be mad at me, Matt, and you know it. I told people I was leaving and they all knew where I was. I’m sorry if I didn’t come and cuddle up in your cold fucking lap to tell you, but it wasn’t on my list of fun things to do. I don’t touch my phone when I’m with my mom, which you very well know. You haven’t been interested in my fucking life for almost a week, why would I assume that you’ve started now?” I spoke with so much acid that by the time I was done, Matt had backed up several steps.

I was proud of myself for not crying angry tears during all of that and I shook my head. “I’m going to bed.”

Instead of responding, Matt just grabbed his keys from the counter.

“Where are you going?” I gaped at him as he moved towards the garage door.

“Out.” He pulled the door shut behind him so hard that the pictures on the wall rattled.

I tossed and turned restlessly in bed, just listening for signs that Matt came home. I finally dozed off a little before midnight only to be woken up by my phone not too long after. I picked it up sleepily but felt instantly awake when I saw Matt’s name on the caller ID.

“Matt?” I answered as I sat up quickly.

I could hear noises in the background that sounded like a mixture of voices and music and I figured he was in a bar.

“Matt? Are you there?” I pushed the phone to my face as I strained to hear. “Please honey…”

“Matt,” a voice said from the background. “Who are you talking to?”

A heavy, familiar sigh sounded through the phone before a shuffling noise echoed through my ear. Whoever had spoken from the background now had the phone. “Who’s this?”

“Um, Amanda.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “Who is this?”

“Oh, Amanda! It’s Drew.” He slurred as he spoke and I wondered how drunk they both were.  “Thomas loves to drunk dial. Don’t worry, I took his phone away.”

“Can I talk to him? Please Drew.”

Drew didn’t answer me as he spoke to someone else. After a minute or so the line went dead, and no one picked up when I tried to call it back. Frustrated, I dialed Josh.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly as Josh’s sleepy voice came over the line. “Do you know where Matt would be if he was hanging out with his old army friends?”

Josh hesitated. “Amanda…”

“Please Josh.”

He sighed. “They sometimes go to a bar on Broadway called Sticks. I’m willing to bet he’s there.”

“Okay, thank you.” I moved to end the call and heard Josh was calling my name from the line. “What?”

“I’m going to meet you there, okay?”

“You don’t have to,” I said as I pulled on a pair of maternity jeans. “I can handle Matt.”

“Tell her I said she’s not going alone.” I heard Maddie say in the background.

I smiled. “I guess I’m not going alone.”

Josh let out a small chuckle. “Nope, not even close. I’ll meet you there.”

The address Josh had given me brought me to a bar that looked like it had seen better days. The parking lot was about half full of cars and random people milled about it, talking at their vehicles. I was surprised at the amount of people that were there on a holiday night.

I pulled my car into a parking spot in the back of the lot and shut it off. I didn’t get out immediately and instead stared at my boyfriend’s Jeep that was parked a few rows over. I knew I needed to go in, but part of me also knew I wasn’t going to like when I did.

Taking a deep breath, I finally opened the car door and stepped into the chilly night. As I moved to the front door of the bar, I could hear the loud rock music playing from inside and the bouncer eyeballed me warily.

“Hey sugar, I don’t really think this is the place for you,” he drawled as he glanced down at my stomach. “You probably shouldn’t be drinking.”

I narrowed my eyes and dug around in my purse until I found my wallet. Flashing him my driver’s license, I shook my head.

“I’m of legal drinking age and that’s all you should be worried about.” I didn’t wait for a response as I stepped around him.

The inside of the bar smelled like cigarette smoke and beer and it was pretty run down. Three pool tables sat off to the right, two of them occupied by random people. Bar tables were spread out among the rest of the area with a jukebox and makeshift dance floor to the left. I let my eyes roam around, looking for the man who made me feel complete and crazy at the same time. I finally spotted him in the back sitting on a barstool along the bar and I just stared at him for a moment. Drew was standing at the counter next to him, laughing loudly at something someone had said.

“Matt hates not feeling in control,” said a soft voice behind me. I turned my head and shrugged at Josh.

“So do most other people. The way Matt handles it is ridiculous, though.”

Josh nodded his head in agreement. “You’re right. I think he spent so many years having to bottle up his emotions for his mother and sister’s sake, and then in the military, and now he just doesn’t know the right way to deal.” He gave me a sad smile. “Be patient with him, Amanda.”