Scars of the Future (25 page)

Matt shrugged and took my hand in his. “I didn’t know, to be honest. I’m really glad you are, though. Amanda Thomas sounds really good to me.”

I tipped my face up until our lips touched. “Me too.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

“I think the red has gotten darker in her hair since yesterday.” Matt tugged on one of my own dark red locks and grinned at the baby in my hands. “She looks bigger, too.”

Olivia’s dark blue eyes didn’t match either of our own, but I was pretty sure they were going to end up bright like Matt’s. Her red hair was still lighter than mine, but it now was soft and so much fun to rub your hand over. She stared up at us intently and seemed to pay attention whenever Matt or I would talk.

Matt had gone back to work during the week, and I would wake up when he did, run, and get dressed to spend the rest of the day in the NICU with Olivia. He’d come to join me immediately after work and we would go home at dinnertime. The routine wasn’t ideal but it worked for now. Dr. Grant had assured me that Olivia and I were bonding just like any other mother and baby would, lessening my worries that I was neglecting her.

It was Christmas Day, and she was just one day shy of three-weeks-old, but didn’t even look like the same baby I’d given birth to. Her skinny arms were starting to thicken up, and she even had a double chin that I wanted to nibble on. Every day I’d come in and look for the subtle changes I might have missed the night before.

The house was ready for her to come home and I hated being there without her. We’d finally bought me a new SUV, another Toyota, and I had annoyed the salesman to death about safety statistics. I loved it, though, and felt a lot safer in it than I had in my compact little Corolla. Matt loved it for the same reasons but also because he could fit in it comfortably.

Dr. Grant walked into the NICU and grinned at us. “Merry Christmas, Thomas family. How are you today?”

I sighed, bringing my daughter to my face so I could inhale her. “Okay. I just miss my baby.”

Dr. Grant nodded. “Well, how about I give you a Christmas present then?”

Matt and I both looked up at her, confused, and she smiled. “Do you have the car seat with you?”

“Are you serious?” I stared at her with a frown, trying to decide if this was some cruel joke.

“She’s over five pounds, nursing like a champ, her stats are all very normal, and I think she’s ready to go home.”

I squealed and gave Dr. Grant a one-armed hug, cradling Olivia with the other. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in weeks.” I leaned into Matt’s embrace and we both just stared at the baby for a moment.

“I’m going to go get her seat out of the car.” Matt basically ran out of the room and Dr. Grant laughed.

“We’re going to have to go over a lot of information, but you two are going to be fine.”

A few minutes later, Matt appeared out of breath and holding the new car seat and diaper bag.

Dr. Grant went over several at home things with us, and a nurse removed the alarm that had been attached to Olivia’s umbilical stump. I changed her into a pair of warm footie pajamas, and the nurse showed us how to adjust the car seat so it fit her perfectly. The staff loaded us up on preemie diapers, blankets, pacifiers, and other random items and we had two more bags full of stuff by the time we were ready to leave. I moved to put Olivia back in her seat when Matt stopped me.

“Can you take a picture of the three of us, please?” He handed his phone to the nurse and wrapped an arm around me. After a few pictures, he pulled Dr. Grant in as well and we smiled as the nurse took a few more.

I laid her into her seat carefully and snapped the newly adjusted straps before taking a step back to admire my work. Matt lifted the car seat in his strong arms and we said our goodbyes as we walked out of the NICU with our daughter for the first time. Nervous butterflies swam in my stomach as I thought about taking care of her without any help from the hospital. Matt seemed to pick up on it because he gripped my head tight.

“I’m nervous too, sweets, but we’ve got this. Our family is finally going to be together.”

His words fulfilled their purpose, comforting me, and I was insanely thankful to have that man by my side.

Matt made me stay inside the doors of the hospital with her as he pulled his Jeep around. I draped a blanket over her seat to keep the wind off of her as Matt parked in front of the curb. We snapped her seat into the base in the back seat, and I fell into the seat next to her.

He got back into the driver’s seat and smiled at me in the mirror. “I’m going to call Mom and tell her we can’t make it to dinner.”

I shook my head. “Dr. Grant said she’s fine to be around people if they aren’t sick and they wash their hands. Let’s take her with us- it’s Christmas.”

“Okay. I’ll drop you off and then go get your mom.”

We pulled up in front of his mom’s house about three hours early, and no one else was there yet. We had planned to stay at the NICU until dinner, but we figured Linda wouldn’t mind the early intrusion- especially if we had the baby with us.

Matt helped me out of the car before smiling at the sleeping baby. He draped the blanket back over her seat and lifted her out effortlessly. We walked into the house and he softly called out for his mother. Linda stuck her head out of the kitchen and greeted us with a smile before zeroing in on the car seat in his hand.

She squealed as she put down the potatoes she was peeling. “Is that Olivia?”

“Nah, just some other baby the hospital let us have. Merry Christmas, Ma.” Matt laughed and held the seat up so Linda could see her.

Linda ducked back into the kitchen to wash her hands and Matt sat the seat on the couch in the family room before gently lifting Olivia out. She didn’t stir as Matt cradled her protectively to his chest. He was such a natural with her, and it was a huge turn on to see that big man as such a caring father.

He handed her to Linda once she reappeared and I watched as she gazed at her lovingly. I sat next to Matt on the couch and he kissed the top of my head.

I took a moment to look around for the first time since we’d arrived. I’d spent so much time at the hospital that I hadn’t been over to Craig and Linda’s since Thanksgiving. It smelled like Christmas in the house with a variety of comfort scents filling the air. They had a huge Christmas tree set up in the corner that had presents exploding out from underneath it. I laughed to myself when I saw how many had Claire and Olivia’s names on them.

Linda sat across from us and tore her eyes from Olivia to grin. “Olivia and her baby cousin are going to be in the same grade growing up. Maybe they’ll be as close as you three girls. Sydney has another month to get pregnant and it will be another trio.”

Linda had taken the news of another grandchild very well. Claire wasn’t too happy about sharing her ‘Grandma’ with the babies, but Linda has reassured her that she loved Claire just as much and that she held a special spot as the first grandchild. The way they had accepted all of us outcasts with open arms just showed how great the Thomas family was, and I was so happy to be a part of that.

I smiled at the thought of my child and Maddie’s child growing up close. Being an only child, I probably would have been lonely if it weren’t for Maddie, and I did not want that for Olivia. Of course, Matt had already hinted at more children in the future, but I wasn’t sure I was quite on board yet. Olivia was precious and so loved, and I wasn’t sure if I could love another baby as much as her.

“I thought for sure she’d be there until at least New Year’s, but you should hear the way the nurses talked about her in there. They were all very impressed this baby.” Linda grinned proudly. “She’s a strong little girl.”

Craig walked in the door and took his coat off. He was wearing a tie and I figured he had probably been at the hospital checking on patients. “Merry Christmas, kids.”

He moved into the living room and a brilliant smile crossed his face when he saw Olivia. “Did you stick her under your shirt and smuggle her out?”

Matt laughed and shook his head. “There were a few times we thought about it. Dr. Grant definitely surprised us today.”

Craig hurried to wash his hands and then argued with Linda that it was his turn to hold the baby.

“I didn’t get to sneak into the NICU nearly as often as you.” He cuddled Olivia to his chest and cooed at her. “Merry Christmas, little bird. You missed your Grandpa, didn’t you?”

My stupid hormones were still out of whack, and I knew I was close to crying at the exchange. So I excused myself from the living room and climbed the stairs to Matt’s old room before they all could see me break down. The love they showed for the baby was just a bit too much for my unstable emotions.

Matt found me sitting on his bed and I hurried to wipe my tears, but he wasn’t fooled.

“What’s wrong, Manda?” He sat down next to me and pulled me close as I shook my head.

“Nothing, I’m just emotional. They’re all amazing. You have such a great family.”

“Oh sweets, they’re your family, too. They have been long before you and I were together.” Matt pressed his lips to my forehead and I upturned my face to kiss him back. Our lips met and I immediately wanted to taste him, pushing my tongue against his slowly. The kissed turned more urgent, and soon I was laying on his bed with him leaning over me. It wasn’t until we heard Linda call our names that we broke apart. I stared at him for a moment and a smile crossed my face as I fought to catch my breath. Matt shook his head with his own grin.

“I get so carried away with you and I can’t even make love to you for another month.” He gave an exaggerated sigh and stood, pulling me up by the hand as he did. We made our way back downstairs to where Olivia was fussing in Craig’s arms. Her little cry was so quiet and so pathetically cute that I couldn’t help but smile as I accepted her from his arms.

“I’ll go nurse her upstairs.”

Linda shook her head. “Just sit on the couch, Amanda. You don’t need to hide to feed your child.” She gave me a smile as she moved into the kitchen to finish Christmas dinner and Craig pat my shoulder before going to help.

I pulled a blanket out of the diaper bag and settled on the couch with Olivia. Matt laughed when I draped the blanket over us as she nursed.

“Shut up. Maybe when I’m better at it I’ll feel more comfortable.”

Matt peeked under the blanket to look at the baby. “She’s so beautiful, Amanda.” He kissed my temple and stood up. “I’m going to go get your mom.

She fell asleep nursing, and I pulled my shirt back down before stuffing the blanket back in the diaper bag. I cuddled her to my chest and soaked in the feeling of having her back with me.

Sean arrived before Matt had made it back, calling out a loud ‘Merry Christmas’ as he moved through the house. He caught sight of me in the family room and smiled.

“Merry Christmas, Amanda!” He did a double take and his smile widened. “The baby is home- it’s about time.”

“Merry Christmas, Amanda.” He did a double take and his smile widened. “The baby is home. It’s about time.”

Matt made it back with my mom, who instantly wanted to hold Olivia. She sat next to me on the couch and snuggled the baby quietly.

“She looks like you did when you were a baby. Except the nose. That’s definitely a Thomas nose.” Her voice was quiet, meant for only me, but I caught the smile on Linda’s face as she heard.

I laid my head on my mom’s shoulder and gave a happy sigh as we conversed softly.

Maddie and Josh walked in with their arms full of presents and Maddie let out a happy squeal when she saw Olivia.

When David, Sydney, and Claire arrived, David had to hold both girls back from pouncing on us to take the baby out of my arms.

Two hours later, I had to fight to get my child back as everyone had wanted a moment with her. Maddie was obviously hormonal because she cried the entire time she held her in her arms, and Josh just sat behind her with a grin. Sydney couldn’t seem to get enough of her either and proclaimed it was her turn every ten minutes or so. Claire had been a bit apprehensive at first, but she loved having her moment to hold the baby as she sat on the couch. My mom just watched in silence, a big smile on her face most of the time.

In the end it was Olivia who decided she was done, letting out a cry and refusing to be comforted until she was in Matt’s arms. Everyone laughed as David handed her back to Matt and the crying stopped almost instantly.

As we ate dinner around the big table, Matt ate one-handed while holding a sleeping Olivia in his arms and I could already tell she was going to end up being a daddy’s girl. I sat between him and my mom at the full table, and everyone exchanged happy Christmas stories.

Once dinner was over we all shuffled back to the family room and Matt handed my mom Olivia as they sat in quiet conversation.

We watched as Claire ripped open all of her presents happily, thanking everyone profusely when she was done. I opened Olivia’s and everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed at all of the cute little items she received.

It was getting late and I could tell my mom was starting to fade. Matt picked up on my worries because he proclaimed it was time for us to go. We hugged everyone and Matt put Olivia, who was still asleep, in her car seat. He carried the seat out to the car and held the door open so my mom could sit in the front when I got in the back with Olivia.

I walked Mom back into the nursing home and held her as tight as I could in her room.

“This was one of the best Christmases ever, Amanda Paige. I know you never really envisioned yourself taking this mommy role, but you are amazing at it. I love you so much.” She pulled me back into another hug and I wiped the tears that had fallen down my face.

She gestured to the framed pictures of Olivia that I’d given her and grinned. “These are going up all over in here.”

I hugged her one more time before wishing her a Merry Christmas and heading back out to the car.

Once we got home and Olivia was changed and nursed, Matt placed her in the bassinet that was next to our bed. I stood watching her for a few minutes before getting myself ready for bed and crawling in next to Matt. For the first time in weeks, I felt whole again.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? You look so tired, sweets.” Matt gave me a once over as he gathered the things he needed for work.

It had been an incredibly long night with Olivia. She had been up to nurse every two hours, and it had taken me almost an hour to put her back to sleep each time. Matt had tried to help best he could, but I’d made him go back to sleep since he had to work.

I gave him a sleepy nod. “I’ll be fine, but I probably wouldn’t expect a hot dinner if I were you.”

“That’s okay. I’ll bring home dinner and anything else you need. Just call me, okay? It’s just one day, and I’ll be off for the weekend.” He kissed me gently and leaned over to kiss the sleeping baby in my arms. “Mom said she can come help, too. Don’t be afraid to lean on any of us.”

I watched as Matt left and tried not to let my anxiety take over. I put Olivia in the bassinet before cuddling with my pillow, and thirty seconds later she was crying again. I glanced at the clock and realized it’d actually been forty-five minutes, but it felt like thirty seconds.

The whole day was spent in a similar pattern- Nurse, sleep, nurse, sleep. By the time Matt walked in the door, I had slept a total of three more hours and made quite a dent in my Netflix library in an attempt to stay awake as she nursed.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room when Matt walked in and he gave me a smile. “What do you want to do first- eat or nap?”

I looked up at him and burst into tears, surprising Matt. He took Olivia from me with one hand and pulled me to him with the other. “What is it?”

I cried for a few more minutes and shook my head. “I’m just so tired, but I really want to take a shower.”

I could tell Matt was trying not to laugh as he kissed my nose. “Go shower, sweets, and then go to bed.”

I gave him a grateful look and took a long shower before falling into our bed.

When I woke up, I felt a lot better. I went out to the living room and saw Matt standing behind the couch, rocking from side to side with Olivia in his arms. She was fussing a little and he shook his head at her.

“Give Mama a few more minutes, sweetpea. She’s so sleepy.”