Scars From Within (The Franklin Blues #1) (11 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Hailee

I
t’s been three days since I woke up in the hospital, and today is the day I get to go home. I’m going to be staying at Amy’s, and I’m shocked Shawn hasn’t tried talking me out of it. I guess he really knows that we need this time to build our relationship back to where it was. I want to start dating again, and I want to know I truly am the only one he wants to be with.

Amy is waiting for me at the entrance. I have to admit, I’m a little sad it’s not Shawn taking me to her house. He said he had something with work to take care of, and I told him to go and not worry about me.

Amy noticed my attitude and of course decided to call me out on it. “Get that frown off your face. You will see that hunk man of yours later.”

“I know I told him he didn’t have to come pick me up, but I was really hoping he would. He didn’t get to sleep with me last night, and I miss him.” He had to go do some questioning last night for my kidnapping, and I told him to go home and take care of Jax afterwards. I was sure Lance was taking care of him, but I also knew Jax would be missing Shawn too. Jax needed some of Shawn’s time just like I did.

“If you aren’t going to sleep well without him; tell me again why you’re living with me and not him?”

She doesn’t understand what’s going on. I never told her about the one and only time Shawn and I ever made love. “I just can’t yet. It’s complicated okay? Can we drop it now?” I just shake my head at her, she doesn’t understand and she never will.

“Okay, you win, it’s over and done with.” We get in her car and pulled away from the curb, and towards her house.

The entire ride is spent with me questioning what I am doing. I know I love Shawn, and I know he loves me, so what am I doing? I’m starting to doubt this whole separation thing when we pull into her driveway.

I went inside, and made my way to lay down. All of this thinking is giving me a major headache. As I laid there, I thought about Shawn and what he means to me. I know if he asks me today, I would say yes and marry him. A part of me thinks it’s too soon while another part of me thinks it doesn’t matter. I’m in the middle of a war between my heart and my head when I finally fall asleep.

I’m walking in a field, and I looked around. I noticed this huge house behind me. I walked down to the lake, onto the dock, and sat down. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice before, but I’m pregnant. I’m not talking about slightly pregnant either; I’m talking getting ready to pop pregnant.

Someone walked up along the dock and sat behind me.

I know that it’s Shawn without even looking.

He sits with me between his legs and rested his hands on my very swollen stomach. “I love you so much Hailee. You have blessed me with the most precious gift anyone could ever give me. I know that I was in love before, but nothing can top watching you grow with our child. It’s the most precious thing I have ever seen. I can’t wait to hold our little one in my arms.”

“I didn’t think this was supposed to happen. I was told I’d never have kids, but this little one is our miracle. I love you too. Thank you for taking a chance on a broken girl who was so afraid of the world. You made me believe in true love.”

I woke up with tears running down my face. I have to tell Shawn the truth about not being able to have children. I can’t lead him on. He deserved someone who could give him children because he has so much love to give.

Shawn is taking me out to dinner tonight, and I’m going to just have to tell him the truth then. I just hope he doesn’t leave me for it because I know I won’t be able to live a life without him in it. I got up out of bed to get ready for our date tonight, or I as I call it…Decision Day.

Chapter Thirty

Shawn

I
have tonight all planned out; I am going to take her to a nice restaurant and treat her like my princess because that what she is. I wanted to show her that I only have eyes for her. When I get to Amy’s house, I took a deep breath because I know this night could possibly make or break us.

Walking up to the door, I felt like I was in high school again. Like I’m picking up my girlfriend from her parents house. I have to get a grip—this is Hailee, not just some girl. I knocked on the door.

Of course, Amy opened the door. “Well, hello officer, what did I do this time? Whatever you think I’ve done I can promise you…I’m innocent.” She winked at me. She just always has to give me a hard time when she sees me.

Sometimes I can handle it, others like tonight, not so much. “Hi, Amy is she almost ready?”

“Let me go check on her for you.” She lowered her head as she walked away from me.

Great, now I felt like an asshole. I took in a deep breath, and I tried to relax. I heard a door open, and turned around to come face to face with the woman I’m in love with.

She looked even more breath taking than I remembered. She’s wearing a little black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. It hit just above her knees and it flared out a little bit. Her legs looked a mile long in the bright blue heels she has on.

“Damn, Shortcake, you look breathtaking. I’m not sure I want people seeing you because I want to be the only one seeing you in such a sexy outfit. Could we just go back to my place and hang out?” I was totally kidding, because I definitely wanted to show her off. I wanted everyone to know she is mine and no one else’s.

“Oh, no. You, mister are taking me out. I was promised dinner and an evening stroll around the fountain at the center of town, and I want to walk by that fountain it’s so beautiful at night when it’s all lit up.” She then gave me the most genuine smile

“Well, okay then sweetheart we’d better go, so we can get some dinner first.” I held my arm out for her to loop hers through.

Hailee giggled at me as she looped her arm through mine.

“Don’t have her out past curfew, and Hailee, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Amy yelled at us as we were leaving.

“No promises Amy. Have you looked at him tonight? In other words, don’t wait up,
mom
.” 

I shook my head at those two. I kept quiet though as I’m not about to fuel Amy’s fire.

Opening the passenger side of the truck, I helped Hailee climb inside, then I ran around the front, and I suddenly felt excited about this date.

We spent the whole dinner talking about everything, and anything. I learned more about her than I thought there was to know about one person. I laughed at some of her stories about her dad. She used to be a tomboy, and would ‘help’ her dad fix stuff around the house. She learned to drive at a camp with her dad in the truck with her when she sideswiped a dumpster.

I could listen to her talk forever, and never get tired of it. “Well you ready to take that walk I promised you, darlin’?”

She looked a little upset for a second then it was gone. “Yeah, I’m more than ready let’s get outta here. I can’t wait to get to that fountain. I really can’t wait until the light show starts. If we leave now we could still make it.”

We walked hand in hand down the streets of Franklin, and just talked and laughed. As we approach the fountain, the light show was just beginning. We sat on a near by bench in comfortable silence while we watched the colors change from red to green to blue and every color in between.

“Shawn look, I need to tell you something, and I’m not sure how you will take it, so just promise me that you will hear me out before saying anything. What I have to tell you maybe a deal breaker for you; which is why I have waited so long to tell you.” She turned and looked at me with such sadness in her eyes.

I can’t imagine what could be so horrible a thing to make her look like this. “Of course, Shortcake, if that’s what you want. I will just listen to what you have to say, but I can guarantee that it won’t change how I feel about you. I love you, and nothing you say could change that.”

She glanced away for a minute.

I thought that maybe she changed her mind and wasn’t going to tell me this terrible news

Then she swung her gaze back to me and sighed.

Chapter Thirty-One

Hailee

I
have to mentally prepare myself for what his reaction might be. I’m fairly certain this is going to a deal breaker for him, and I definitely don’t want to lose him. He needs to know, so that way he can make the choice on whether or not he still wants to be with me. “Okay, so you know the abuse that Brandon and Josh put me through right?”

He sat there watching me intently, and just nodded his head.

“Well the thing is—oh my God, you’re so going to leave me for this; I just know it. So, during all the abuse, they would use other things besides themselves to torture me with. I’m not sure exactly what caused the most damage, but after the final time and getting put in the hospital; I was told I’d never be able to have kids. There’s too much scar tissue that would make getting pregnant impossible. You deserve someone who can give you children, and I can’t do that. I just thought it was time for you to know in case this changes things. I mean how could it not? You need to be with someone who could—”

He kissed me with such tenderness, it brought the tears I’m trying to hold back.

He pulled his lips from mine. “Can I talk now?”

I just nodded my head because I don’t know of anything else to do.

“So, you may not be able to have children, but Hailee, we will have kids someday. We will adopt if we have to, but I can guarantee that this does not change how I feel about you. Do you understand me? When I say I love you, I don’t just mean when you’re healthy or when things are going good. I love you even if you are sick, sad or mad. Being in love with someone doesn’t mean only in the good times; it’s for the bad times too. But mark my words, Hailee Elizabeth, we will have children one day.” He looked at me like he could see into my soul. He brought his hands up to my face, and wiped away my tears with his thumbs.

“I love you too, but I know you must want someone who could give you natural children. I know that you deserve that; so why would you want to stay with me? Is it a pity thing? Because let me tell you, I don’t want your pity.” I stood up.

He grabbed my hand. “Hey now, come on, pity is not why I’m with you. Do you hear me? I love you for you. I love you for your love of fortune cookies, and your terrible driving skills. I love you for the way you look right after you’re done crying, and for how you look dressed to the nines. I love the freckles that line the bridge of your nose, and the ones on the back of your thighs that no one but me can see. I love everything about you. If we need to, we’ll see a specialist to make sure you can’t really have kids. But let me tell you something; pity is the last thing I feel for you. Get that through your thick head. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere.”

I let out the breath I was holding and stared at him for a couple of minutes, trying to read his face. Then the realization came that he was telling me the truth. I sat back down, and just watched the colors in the fountain. I felt his hand on top of mine and looked over at him.

Tears rolled down his face.

It completely took me off guard. “Shawn, babe, why are you crying? Whatever I did I’m sorry. Please don’t cry though.”

“Hailee, I’m crying because you really don’t think very highly of yourself. You’re the woman that I love, and it breaks my heart that you were put through such torture. I love you for who you are; not what you may or may not be able to do. I would move mountains if I had to, just to see your smile, but if you don’t trust in my love for you; what’s the point of us being together? I love you with every fiber of my being, but it’s obvious you don’t trust me enough. Until you realize that I will love you no matter what, I don’t think we should see each other for awhile.”

I couldn’t believe he was breaking up with me. I thought everything was going to be okay. “Take me home, Shawn. Just take me home, and don’t contact me again.” I got up and walked back to his truck. Couldn’t he see I was trying? Didn’t he know how hard it was to trust a man…ANY man again? I didn’t say a word to him the whole way back to Amy’s house. When we got back to the house, I got out myself before he could help me down, and slammed the door shut. I walked into the house and slammed the front door shut too, then leaned up against it. I didn’t let the tears start to fall until I heard his truck pull away. I then rushed into my room, locked the door, and threw myself on the bed to let my tears soak my pillow.

I will never let someone in again—never.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Shawn

I
t’d been a long five and half weeks since I let Hailee walk out of my life, but what was I supposed to do? She really doesn’t think I loved her enough to stay with her, even though she can’t have kids. I love her enough that it doesn’t fucking matter if she can’t have kids. I’d adopt a football team of them for her; if that’s what she wanted.

I’m sure I’m getting on Lance’s nerves because all I ever do is talk about Hailee. Every time I brought up her name, he would just roll his eyes, and would tell me to just grow some balls and call her.

I can’t do it though. She doesn’t trust in my love for her, and until she does, I have to keep my distance and let her find her way back to me. I know she will because we have that rare form of love that you don’t find every day.

I’m sitting at my desk at work, when Lance came up to me looking like he’d just run a marathon.

“Whoa, there Underwood, where’s the fire?” Something has to be up because I’ve never seen him look so panicked.

He took a minute to catch his breath, and when finally speaks, “Dude, it’s Hailee. You need to get to the hospital. She collapsed at Amy’s house. I’m not sure what happened, but you need to get to the hospital.”

My world came crashing down. I’m up and out of my chair before he even finishes his sentence. I was already at the door when Lance caught up to me.

“How did you find out Hailee was in the hospital? Why wasn’t I notified?” I started firing off questions to him like I’m accusing him of something.

“Well, Amy called the precinct, and from what she said, Hailee didn’t even want you to know she was admitted into the hospital. She said that you made it clear by not contacting her at all over the last month; that you didn’t want anything to do with her, but Amy thought one of us should know. Hailee wasn’t happy that I was told because naturally, I was going to come get you. I think she really wants you to know that she’s there, but didn’t think you’d come running. It’s your time to go get your girl back because I’m sick of dealing with this pussy version of you. Grow some balls, and go get your girl back.”

“Thanks man, I owe ya one. I appreciate you letting me know what’s going on.” I ran the rest of the way to my squad car, turned the lights and siren on, and was on my way to get my girl back.