Saving My Submission BN (5 page)

Julianna was first to throw in the towel, not because
she was tired of shopping, but Mika called her cell phone. Once she heard her
baby squalling in the background, motherhood superseded shopping.

“Tristan won’t have a thing to do with the bottle of
breast milk I left. I swear it’s like I’ve given birth to a clone of Mika…
neither one of them are truly satisfied unless they’ve got my tit in their
mouth,” she laughed.

We quickly drove home and said our good-byes,
then
Savannah and I spent the rest of the day wrapping
Leagh’s
gifts. When our task was done, we sat out on the
deck, sipping wine while Dylan and Nick prepared dinner.

“Mel, do you ever think about living somewhere besides
Phoenix?”

“Sometimes, but not often,” I replied. “Why?”

“I just wish you lived closer. I know the winters here
scare you. After Mom and Dad’s accident I understand you wanting to move
someplace without ice and snow. It’s just that the fear doesn’t have to control
you. You can grow past it. I did. I know you can too. Besides, I know it’s selfish,
but I miss you. I mean all the time.”

Guilt tingled at the tips of my toes and crawled up my
body like a cold, slippery eel. I’d used the death of our parents to spin a web
of lies, concocting an excuse of being afraid of ice and snow to run away like
a spineless wimp.

“My first winter here, the three of us went out to
dinner, but before we could get back home, the weather turned horrible. The
road was a sheet of ice and it took all the strength I had not to have a
full-blown panic attack. I told them I was scared and do you know what they
did?”

I shook my head, still unable to look her in the eyes.

“They comforted me…reassured me. They actually talked
me down off the ledge and ever since that day, I’ve been fine. They helped me
conquer my fear. I don’t have a phobia about dying the way Mom and Dad did
anymore.”

Sweet Savannah, trying so hard to sort out my life.
What would she do… what would she say if she ever found out I’d lied to her?
I’d kept my dirty little secret from the one person on the planet who I loved
more than life. If I ripped open the lid and spilled my guts, it would scald
her to the core, but dammit, I couldn’t keep hurting her this way. I had to
tell her the truth.

“That’s not the reason I left Kansas City,” I mumbled.

Sanna set her glass down and stared at me with a
shocked expression. Her gaze all but burned my skin. “Then why did you leave?”

“I had to get away from someone.”

“Me?” she whispered, her words slathered in rejection.

“Oh god, no!”
I shook my head
as her words stabbed my heart. Did she honestly think I left because of her?
“No! No! Not you. It was because of a guy.”

“Who?”
She gasped. “Did
someone hurt you?”

“Physically?
No.
Emotionally?
He crushed me,” I confessed on a shameful
whisper.

“Tell me who, Mel. Tell me right now,” Savannah
demanded.

“You don’t know him. He was a Dom I met at a club in
Kansas City. He called himself ‘Chain Master’,” I scoffed derisively. “He was
my Master for nine months.”

“What did he do to you?” Her voice quivered, and tears
filled her eyes.

“Why are you crying?” I asked, choking back the
emotion clogging my throat.

“Because whatever he did must have been horrific and
vile, if it made you leave your home and… me.”

The walls inside crumbled, and tears spilled down my
cheeks. Savannah knelt in front of my chair and held me as I sobbed out. “I’m
so sorry. I had no business leaving you alone when you were so young. God, you
must think I’m the most selfish bitch on the planet.”

“No. I don’t think that at all. Stop that. I turned
out just fine,” Sanna declared as she held me tight, rocking me in her arms.
“You’re scaring me, Mel. Please tell me what happened.”

I didn’t know where to start, but as the memories
began flooding through me, along with the slick ugly revulsion I fought for
months after, I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I met Davis right
before your senior year of high school. I found the club not long after I moved
back home, after Mom and Dad… anyway, Master walked in one night and swept me
off my feet. He was suave and sophisticated; well, he wore the persona.
Supposedly he’d been a well-respected member of a club on the east coast.”

“Didn’t anyone do a background check on him?” Sanna
asked.

“Oh, I’m sure he was vetted like everyone else. He was
liked by many in the club. I thought he was the real deal, until he
uncollared
me like he did.”

Pausing for a moment, I stared at my sister. Worry
etched her face and her eyes brimmed with anguish. I didn’t want to tell her
the gory details, but I’d opened the lid on the shit box. I couldn’t close it
up again until I’d confessed everything. Staring off at the horizon, the
fateful night came rushing back in full living color. Every sight, sound, and
smell filled my brain.

“I walked into the club one night, anxious to see him.
He was sitting at a small table in the back of the social area with a young
redheaded girl. She was giggling and batting her big blue eyes at him like he
was a damn god or something. A hush fell over the crowd, and everyone stared,
as if they knew something I didn’t. It’s funny, I always thought they were my
friends, but no one ever pulled me aside to tell me what my Master had really
been up to.”

“What had he been doing, Mel?”

“He’d been
scening
with her,
dominating and fucking her behind my back.” I shrugged. “For a Dom to play with
another sub isn’t any big deal, but the fact that he never told me about her,
and instead hid it all from me felt like a knife to the heart. I trusted him,
believed in him... in us. But I should have known something was up, things
between us had started getting strained. I’d chalked it up to him being
stressed out about work, so I just focused more on pampering him and trying to
make him happy. God, I was such an idiot.”

“Stop saying that. It’s not your fault the bastard
lied to you, and your so-called friends didn’t bother to tell you what he’d
been up to, either. How the hell were you supposed to know?”

“I shouldn’t have ever trusted him, but hindsight is
always twenty-twenty, right?” I scoffed. “Anyway, I walked up to the table. He
looked up at me like he’d seen a ghost. His shock turned to anger instantly and
he looked down at his watch and started barking questions at me…
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to the club
early, bunny? – You’re supposed to let me know everything, or did that fact
slip your tiny little brain? - I don’t appreciate you sneaking in and checking
up on me, slut. That shows a real lack of trust on your part.’

“We both knew I’d busted him, but he tried to put the
blame on me, to save face with the members and look like some bad-ass Dom in
front of his fuck toy. He totally stunned me. I had no idea what to say to him,
because he’d never verbally berated me before. The whole room was thick with
tension and that’s when the redhead asked if she could leave the table. She
actually asked
his
permission,” I
scoffed. “I wanted to knock her teeth straight down her throat.”

“You should have, Mel. Dammit,” Sanna groused.

“Suddenly he flipped off his anger and turned to the
girl, smiling with a stupid, fake syrupy grin, took her hand and escorted her
to the bar, leaving me standing there like an invisible, dumb,
deaf
mute.”

“What a douche bag.”

“Mega douche bag,” I agreed. “My heart pounded in my
chest, and I stood there fighting back tears. Hell, I didn’t know what to do,
so I turned and started walking toward the door. He yelled at me from the back
of the room in a hateful tone.
‘Where do you
think you’re going, whore?’
The club
fell
deathly silent, and I froze. Everyone turned and stared at me, waiting to see
what I was going to do. Then Master ordered me to strip and get my ass up
against the
cross, that
I needed to be taught a
lesson. I should have just kept on walking, but I wanted to prove he didn’t
need the other woman. I was also afraid the members would think less of me as a
sub if I challenged him. So, I did what he ordered me to do.”

“Oh, Mel.
You should have
told him to fuck off, or at least kicked him in the nuts and walked out. Wasn’t
there a DM or an owner around?
Someone to protect you?”

“No, I wore his collar and I didn’t use a
safeword
to stop it. I should have, but…” I took a long sip
of wine and sucked in a deep breath. “He stormed up to the cross, dragging his
flavor of the month behind him, sat her down and told her to watch a real Dom
in action.” I let out a humorless laugh. “If I’d been braver, I would have
turned and asked him if he knew any
real
Doms
, or how long I’d have to wait until one arrived.”

“That’s the Mellie that should have been there with
you, sis.”

“I was still trying to play by the rules of the
lifestyle, Sanna. Not just to represent him in a good light, but myself as
well.”

“I know, I get that, but once he’d turned into a
raging
asshat
, no one would blame you for tossing the
rules out the window.”

“Maybe… maybe not.
It doesn’t
matter now.”

“Tell me the rest,” Sanna whispered with a nod of
courage.

“He cuffed me to the cross and fired up my ass, fast
and hard. I tried not to cry out. I wanted him to see I was a better sub than
the other girl, but the pain got too intense. I couldn’t take anymore, so I
called out my safe word. The DM came up then and asked me if I was fine. Master
scolded him and told him.
‘Of course she’s fine.
I know what the hell I’m doing.’
Then he laughed and told me I was
useless and pathetic. When he un-cuffed me, he didn’t
so
much as give me a hug. He just threw my clothes at me and ordered me to get
dressed. After I put my clothes back on he told me to kneel, so I did. That’s
when he took off my collar. He told me I didn’t deserve it anymore and that
he’d grown tired of fucking the same worthless cunt night after night. He said
I was nothing more than a waste of his precious time.”

“Good god. I can’t believe he put you through all
this,” Sanna sniffed as tears slipped down her cheeks.

“He taunted me, and told me that if I wanted his
collar back, I’d have to beg for it. I finally told him I didn’t want it back.
With a shrug he turned and instructed the redhead to kneel at his feet. She
jumped right out of her chair, giggling like a moron. I mean, honestly, she’d
just witnessed how callous and cruel the man could be. Didn’t she realize he’d
do the very same thing to her, eventually?”

“Don’t feel sorry for her. She deserves everything she
gets from that asshole,” Sanna spat. Anger had replaced her tears.

“He fastened
my
collar around her neck and kissed her in front of the entire club. Everyone was
looking at us with either absolute shock or pity in their eyes. The pity
flipped some inner demon inside me and I went off. I tapped the son of a bitch
on the shoulder and when he turned around, I slapped him right across the face.
I told him he was a worthless piece of shit and hoped he rotted in hell.
Everyone gasped, but I didn’t care. I lifted my chin and walked the fuck out…
and I never went back.”

“Good for you, Mel. I bet that felt
ubër
empowering.”

“It did, for a couple of days, but then I kept running
into people from the club, and none of them even asked how I was doing. They
just looked at me like I was a lost puppy. The amount of pity in their eyes was
devastating. It seemed everywhere I went someone or something reminded me of
the whole damn mess. I couldn’t escape it, so I did the cowardly thing and I
ran away.”

Savannah downed her wine and stood. Fuming, she paced
back and forth along the wooden deck, clenching and unclenching her fists. I’d
never seen her so angry in my life.

“If I ever get my hands on that mother fucker, I’m
going to rip his dick off and shove it down his goddamn throat!”

“Kitten!”
Dylan growled.

Sanna and I jumped and turned. Dylan glared at my
sister as if she’d lost her mind.

“Sorry, Master, but…
ohhhh
,
I’m so pissed right now, I can’t see straight. Give me a pass on my language or
toss out the rice, because right now, I really don’t give a shit. I’m so far
from any semblance of submission it’s not even funny,” she railed, planting her
hands on her hips and tossing her nose in the air defiantly.

“I can see that,” Dylan hissed, his lips drawing in a
tight line.

I placed my palm on his hard chest. “Please don’t
punish her,” I begged. “She’s upset because someone hurt me… and I let him.”

I felt the tension leave Dylan’s body. His features
instantly softened. “I see. Okay, then here’s what I’ll do. I’m going to forget
I interrupted this conversation and the unladylike words pouring out of your
mouth, kitten.” He narrowed his eyes, pinning her with a look of warning. “Just
don’t mistake my generosity for weakness, pet. Understood?”

“Never, Master.”

With a hint of a smile, Dylan walked back into the
house. Savannah spun on her heel facing me once again. Anger hummed off her
curvy frame in a palpable buzz.

“What kind of fucking player does that to
his own
sub?” she railed.

“That’s exactly what he was… a player. But I was too
young and stupid to see though his finely crafted veil of bullshit.”

“You weren’t stupid, Mel... maybe naïve, but you’ve
never been stupid. Besides, it’s a Master’s duty to protect his sub, not toss
her under the bus when a new piece of pussy walks through the door.”