Sasha's Dilemma (19 page)

“No, never. Don’t get
me wrong, I know he isn’t a saint or anything. But he has
always said when he finds the one, that’s when we will meet
her. Other than that, it’s a waste of everybody’s time. I
can see that he was right. He looks at you just the way his father
looks at me,” she says with a smile.

I knew Josh never dated seriously,
but I never expected this.

I turn to see Josh and his dad in
what looks like a serious argument and wonder what would have them
both so angry. I decide to ignore it and turn my attention back to
Josh’s mum.

Josh’s parents are so
welcoming and friendly. They explained to me how they wanted more
children, but could never have more. Before they had Josh, they had
three miscarriages. When they fell pregnant with Josh, they were so
relieved he was healthy that they tried again to give him siblings,
but after not succeeding, they eventually gave up. Josh’s dad
owns an oilrig company and always wanted him to follow in his
footsteps, but Josh’s love for drawing took over and that’s
how he ended up being a tattooist.

“They loved you, Sash.”

“I loved them, too. You are
very lucky to have such great parents, Josh.”

“What about yours? Will I get to meet them?”

“Maybe someday, but I hardly
talk to them as it is. It’s always been me and Lola. As soon as
we were old enough to leave, we did.”

“Well, I guess it was their
loss and my gain.” He reaches over and grabs my hand, giving it
a squeeze before we hop out and go into his house.

“Have you thought anymore about signing the house
forms yet?”

“It’s not really my
house, Josh. I haven’t put anything into it. I can’t just
take half of what you worked hard to get.”

“I built this for one
reason, Sasha. That reason is standing in front of me. I want this to
be ours, and then in the future, possibly, our children’s as
well.”

“What if I don’t want
children, Josh?” I say in a small voice.

“I’ll have you anyway
I can get you, Sasha. If you don’t want children, that’s
fine. But I would love to see you carrying around in that belly of
yours something we made together out of our love.”

Josh picks me up, carries me to
the room, and gently places me on the bed. He slowly undresses me,
but then leaves and comes back moments later with something in his
hands. I can’t quite make out what he’s holding.

“Do you trust me, Sash?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’m going to
blindfold you and tie your hands up.”

“Okay,” I barely
whisper.

“Don’t be nervous. I
would never do anything to hurt you.”

He comes up to me, ties a tie
around my eyes, and then does the same with my hands. He gently
starts kissing his way down my body. Once he reaches my breasts, I’m
very eager and lifting my body up to give him better access. He plays
with both my nipples, before making his way down to where I need him.

He places his mouth over my
clitoris. I moan, excited by the way his mouth can make me come. But
he does something I’m not expecting. Just as I’m about to
come, he leaves the bed. I’m instantly wondering why he would
do that to me. Then I feel the bed dip again and he starts kissing me
down there again. All of a sudden, I feel something very cold. I try
to pull away, but he takes holds of my legs.

“Relax, Sasha,” he
says in a low sexy voice.

My body instantly relaxes. He goes
back to torturing me; from cold to warm, back and forth. I feel like
I might explode soon from anticipation of what’s to come.
Suddenly, I have both sensations at once, the cold as well as the
warm, and I’m exploding and screaming. I feel like jelly when
he releases my hands and takes off the blindfold. I still can’t
seem to open my eyes. When he places kisses on my mouth, I’m
already getting wet again. I feel his naked body climb on top of me,
and I know he’s waiting for me to open my eyes.

“God, I could watch you all
night long. You are so beautiful.”

“Hmm,” is all I can
manage to get out in response. He lifts my legs over his shoulders
and starts to position himself in me and I’m quivering with
excitement again.

I’m completely exhausted by
the time Josh is through with me. We get ready for bed once we have
showered and had dinner. Well, Josh had me for dinner again, but I
ain’t complaining. He comes into the bedroom where I’m
nearly already passed out.

“Lola called and wants you
to go to a concert with her tomorrow,” he informs me.

“Okay.”

The next afternoon, Lola comes
over to steal me away to go to this concert.

“What a house, Sash! It’s
beautiful,” she says when she arrives.

“I know. I love it,” I
say proudly.

“Maybe you can convince her
to sign the papers then,” Josh says as he enters the room.

“What papers?” Lola
asks with a bit of curiosity.

“I want Sasha to own half of
the house, but she hasn’t said yes yet.”

“Wow, that’s a lot.
How much you charging her?”

“What is with you girls?
Nothing, it’s ours. The house is already paid for. I just want
her to feel like it’s hers as much as it is mine.”

“Okay, well, Moneybags, we
don’t accept charity. That’s probably why she won’t
agree. Anything we’ve wanted, we had to work for, so good luck
with that situation. Sash, you ready?”

“Yep, I’m ready. Bye,
Josh.”

“Please, don’t think
of it as charity. It’s ours. I just want you to accept that,”
he says, still not ready to let it go.

“Okay, I’ll think
about it.”

He leans in and kisses me on the
mouth. It gets so heated; I forget that Lola is even in the room
until she interrupts.

“You know how I love to
watch you get molested and all, but it’s time to go,” she
says clearly amused

We pull up to the crowded arena
and I realise
that I completely forgot to ask who we’re seeing. When I see
the signs on the wall, I’m not sure if I should go in or not.
Lola notices my reaction and tries to assure me.

“They’re great, Sash.
You will love them. Trust me.”

I don’t even answer. I’m
not sure if I should tell her or not. I decide that it’s best
if I don’t say anything. There’s no possible way he could
see me anyway.

“I got the best seats and
we’re going to be so close,” Lola squeals in excitement.
“Wait until you see the lead singer; he just oozes sex. He is
stunning.”

We make our way to our seats.
They’re pretty close to the stage, but it’s jam-packed
here; I don’t think he will see me. I’m a bit relieved
when the show starts. There are women screaming and throwing bras and
panties up at him. He is a great performer. I’ve seen him once
before, but in a setting like this, I can understand why he’s
made it so big.

Lola is jumping up and down,
screaming out Brax’s name. He looks down, and I swear he sees
me, but he looks away immediately. So I don’t take any notice.

At the end of the night, a bouncer
approaches and asks us to come backstage to meet the band. I try to
tell Lola I just want to go home, but there is no convincing her. She
drags me right to them. As soon as we enter, I feel Brax’s eyes
on me and I just want to melt into a puddle on the floor. His eyes
are fixated straight on me, and he is making me very nervous.

“Sasha, do you know him? He
is looking at you like he wants to eat you,” Lola whispers to
me.

I don’t even answer. I just
stand there staring back at him.

“Sasha.”

Just one word. My name. My eyes
are forced to meet his, and when I do, I remember the spark that we
had. His eyes could always hold me captive. I shake these thoughts
out of my head and try to only think of one thing, Josh.

While we’re backstage, Brax
asks to talk to me in private and everyone is forced to leave the
room. Lola is reluctant at first until I reassure her it’s
okay.

“You have been on my mind
nonstop, Sash. I can’t seem to shake you,” Brax says as
soon as we are alone.

He walks closer to me and I
breathe in the warm, sweaty and sensual scent that is Brax. I have to
shake my head again and force myself to back away from him before I
do something I’ll regret.

“This can’t go
anywhere, Brax. I’m happy now.”

“I’m glad you’re
happy. I really am, but it sucks that it wasn’t me. I tried to
give you the space you needed. I could see in your eyes you weren’t
ready for what I had to offer, but I still couldn’t stay away.”

“It wasn’t you, Brax.
In any other circumstance, I would have given you my all. But someone
else still had a piece of my heart, and he wasn’t going to
return it.”

I gave him one last look and left.

“How did you get yourself in
such a dilemma, Sash?” Lola asks me, raising her eyebrows.

“I don’t know. I met
Brax just before the funeral, and he has been nothing but good to me.
I feel bad for walking out now.”

The whole car ride home Lola is
grilling me about Brax. She wants to know how did I meet him, did I
sleep with him, and am I going to see him again. I end up just tuning
her out. I stare out the window, my brain going one hundred miles per
hour.

We arrive back at Josh’s and
I see that all the lights are out. I unlock the door after saying bye
to Lola and head inside. I see Josh lying on the bed, sound asleep. I
smile looking down on him. Yes, I have feelings
for Brax, but nothing compared to what I feel for this sex on a
stick.

I finally see it now. I crawl into
bed and wrap myself around him. He is still asleep, so I finally feel
brave enough to admit it. I whisper to him softly, “I love
you.” And just like that, a weight has been lifted off my
chest. Even though he is asleep, I still feel more relaxed and at
ease than ever before.

Josh

I heard her say it whether she
knows it or not. It took all my will power to not grab her and tell
her I loved her, too. She thought I was asleep, but the minute I feel
her presence, I instantly know she is near me. No matter if I’m
in a deep sleep or not, my mind and body know her. I can never let
her go. I’ve tried; believe me, I have.

Those years that she was gone
were tortuous. Knowing I was the reason she left hurt, words can’t
describe how that made me feel. I’ve tried not to push her this
time around. I’ve refrained from just jumping in and asking the
girl to marry me. I know that’ll scare her away. But that’s
all I want. I want her to have my name, and one day, our baby. But
she isn’t ready, so I’m not going to push.

I remember the first time I saw
her after she left. It hurt to see her with another man, wrapped in
his embrace, taking comfort in him. All I wanted to do was walk over
there and claim her. But I knew she would freak, and I wasn’t
sure if she was ready to talk to me. When I heard her say she loved
him, I almost lost my shit. Blake had to hold me back because those
words from her mouth are meant for me, no one else. I have no
delusions of us growing old together, and soon I’ll have to get
the courage to tell her, but I just can’t.

Dad argued that she has a right to
know, but I just can’t bear breaking her heart again. Honestly,
how do I tell the woman I’m madly in love with, and just got
back in my life, that I don’t have long to live? The doctors
tell me I’m doing better, and I know it’s because of
Sasha. She makes my whole world better. But they also say I don’t
have long, the leukemia will win out eventually. I just try to live
my life to the fullest with no regrets.

I couldn’t chase Sasha after
she left because I was just too sick and in the hospital quite a lot.
But when I saw her again, I knew I had to have her. I stood there
staring at her, and I swear to this day, I’ve never come across
someone as beautiful as she is. Her smile lights up a whole room. Her
body is something made by the gods to torture men. Her sandy-blonde
hair had grown longer than the last time I’d seen her and I
want to run my hands through it.

Thinking about her being with
other men while she was gone, hurts more than words can describe. I
really hate the power this woman has over me, but at the same time, I
love it. She could break me and leave me shattered, never be fixed
again, and I don’t think she has any idea.

I’ve been with plenty of
women, too many to keep track of, and none of them have ever meant a
thing to me. I’ve never had a serious relationship, so I’ve
never been jealous or cared what a girl thought of me, as long as I
got off. Though with Sasha, I put her first in every equation. I need
her to feel what she does to me.

The first time I saw her in the
bar, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was like a goddess
that had me under a spell that couldn’t be broken. And I didn’t
want it to be broken. When she finally noticed me, I was drawn to
her. I’d hoped she hadn’t noticed me watching her from
the moment she entered the club. I watch her on the dance floor.
Almost every man in there had been watching her dance.

She honestly has no clue how
beautiful she is. That’s what I love most about her. She’s
not superficial. Her makeup is always simple. She is not a fan of
dressing up. She prefers jeans and a shirt, but she pulls it off like
she spent five hundred dollars on the outfit. When I shook her hand
in the club, electricity shot up my arm. I had to force myself to
casually pull my hand away. When her friends asked her to dance, I
offered to dance with her. I wanted to feel her as close to me as
possible, and she didn’t disappoint. She rocked my world just
by dancing with me. I had a hard on for the rest of the night.

When I took her to meet my
parents, I knew she was nervous because I sprung it on her. But they
hadn’t stopped asking for me to bring her, so when I finally
did and my mum was so excited she pulled Sasha into a hug. I knew
straight then and there I couldn’t lose her again. My life
wouldn’t be worth living. After Mum cuddled her, and she hugged
me close and whispered in my ear. “You found her. You found
your one, baby.”