Rules of the Game (29 page)

There are four things every Challenger should carry in his pockets at all times:

Yesterday you learned how to seed a plan into a conversation. The next step is to return to the topic when you're ending the interaction.

For example, just when the conversation is at a high point and you're about to leave, throw in something like the following, almost as an afterthought: “And make sure you check out the Sushi Nazi sometime.” Short pause. “Actually, you should come along with us on Thursday because then I can finish telling you about the personality types we were discussing.”

Note that adding an additional incentive to go—a “because” pretext, such as closing an open loop—further lessens the possibility of flaking or rejection.

Afterward, tell her, “Here, I'll give you my information.” Women may have an autopilot response when guys ask for their number, but they'll rarely, if ever, object to taking your information.

Here's what you do next: Pull your pen and a business card (or some other small piece of paper, like a receipt) out of your pocket. Tear it in half. Then write down your name and number on one half.

Afterward, hold on to the scrap of paper with your number and hand her the blank half of the card along with the pen. She'll accept them; it would be rude not to.

Four times out of five, she'll write down her name and number. The few times when she doesn't, she'll ask, “What am I supposed to do with this?” Simply show her your half of the card with your information on it, and look at her with an expression that translates as “Duh, what else are you supposed to do with it?”

Now you have your information on your paper scrap and she has her information on her half. So just exchange the scraps. Fair is fair.

Visualize this movement and practice it a few times until it's natural and smooth.

It seems simple, and it's supposed to be.

The number exchange is not a magic trick. It won't make someone who has no interest in you suddenly give you her contact information. It's a tool to help you sail smoothly through an often awkward and precarious social ritual. I've
never been rejected doing this, and I've never been given fake information. The reason is not necessarily the technique itself but the timing.

The key to making this work is simply to do it after you've hit the hook point. Once you've captured her imagination with your great conversation, flair, and personality, she'll be disappointed if you leave all of a sudden without exchanging contact information. So as long as you seem sociable and trustworthy, show her that you're more interesting or attractive than her other options, and don't try to exchange numbers too early, this transaction will proceed smoothly.

If you want to be a smart-ass—and I recommend it—once she's written down her number, tell her: “Draw a picture of yourself in case I forget what you look like.” You'll be able to tell a lot about her from what she draws. Plus, it's fun.

Once you have the phone number, don't leave. Keep talking to her for a couple of minutes. If you just dash off, she'll think you were only interested in her for the number and she'll get buyer's remorse. Instead, after you've exchanged numbers, share one more anecdote to make her comfortable. If you don't know what to say, tease her about the self-portrait she just drew for you. “What's that supposed to be? An arm? Yeah, I think I see the resemblance.”

If you prefer using your cell phone to exchange numbers, tell her: “Here, I'll give you my number.” After she inputs it in her phone, say, “Great, now text me your number and write something to remember you by. Just in case I forget.” A fun gambit to add afterward is to take her phone and, unbeknownst to her, replace your name with a humorous phrase, so that when you call, her display reads “My Favorite Human” or whatever you input.

Finally, remember that a phone number is not an end point in the game of attraction. It's just a resting place. In some cases, you may not need to get a phone number right away, because she'll want to spend the night with you. In other cases, you may get the phone number in the first fifteen minutes but spend hours together afterward. And every now and then, you'll make a definite plan to meet later that day and not even exchange phone numbers. Though men tend to treat obtaining a phone number like it's some sort of great victory, ultimately it's just a bookmark allowing you to pick up an interaction where you left off.