Ruining You (14 page)

A very somber Christmas
passes without much fanfare. With everything going on, I didn’t get the chance
to purchase gifts. I felt like crap, but I swore to make it up to them. My
parents wanted to take a trip somewhere as a family, but I asked them to delay
it for now. I did offer them the opportunity to go alone, but as expected, I
was met with a great deal of resistance. Actually, they looked at me like I was
crazy for even suggesting it.

The day after Christmas, I
head out for a jog around the neighborhood. Upon returning home, I notice
Kane’s car in the driveway. He is lounging against the car door and looking up
and down the street. As I walk closer, I see that he has on grey track pants,
tennis shoes, and a black North Face Jacket. A grin lights his emerald eyes
when he finally spots me.

“You should have called me
to come running with you.”

All happiness at seeing him
evaporates with his annoying comment. My temper flares. “I think I made it very
clear that I don’t need a babysitter.” I plant my hands on my hips and tilt my
stubborn chin down.

Pushing away from his car,
he comes to stand in a combative stance in front of me. His raspy voice is
almost menacing as he says, “Did I say a fucking word about babysitting? I was
talking about taking a jog. You know….exercising with a friend? God, I don’t
even know why I try. You drive me bat shit crazy.”

He starts to turn away, but
I grab his arm and pull him back around towards me. “Kane, listen. I’m sorry.
This ‘friend’ thing between us confuses me. I just don’t want you to feel
responsible for my actions, and I don’t want to interfere in your life more
than I already have.” I plead with him, but he continually stares away. I watch
as the muscles of his jaw tick in anger. “Look at me please,” I beg before he
obliges. “I want you to meet someone and be happy.”

“I have, Jay,” he says,
looking into my eyes without blinking.

How can one heart stand so
much pain? Just when I think that I barely survived one heartache, another
takes a cheap shot at me. It was hard enough hearing that he had a date, and
now, I have to hear that it’s serious. I falter for a second as I try to put
everything into place. I suppress my emotions so they don’t spill from me and
reveal how I really feel. It will only make things that much more confusing.

“Oh...okay. That’s good. I
mean… that’s great. Good for you...and her. That’s awesome,” I say as I try to
put an end to my rambling. He looks at me like I am the village idiot, which I
probably am.

Pinching the bridge of his nose
with two fingers, he finally answers, “Yeah, listen, I came over to take you to
lunch, but maybe some other time.” Walking over to his car, he opens the door
and reaches in, bringing out a small wrapped box. Turning around, he says, “I
got you a little something for Christmas. Actually, my mom helped me pick it
out.” His cheeks pink up a little.

Staring at the wrapped box,
I respond, “Kane, I can’t accept it. I didn’t get anyone anything this year.
With everything going on...”

“Take the damn present, Jay.
I don’t expect anything back, except maybe a ‘thank you’.”

I take the box and begin to
unwrap it. “Thank you. So your Mom is living here now?”

He nods.

“I bet you and Cole love
having her close, huh?” Cole is Kane’s brother. He doesn’t like me for valid
reasons, but in my defense, he hasn’t liked me from the start. In fact, I’m
sure he loathes me by now.

“Yeah. We bought her a house
in Cole’s neighborhood. Since I’m still living with him, we are both close to
her.”

Once the wrapping is
removed, I look down at a small white box. I lift the lid, and delicately
placed inside, is a silver heart locket with matching rope chain. The heart is
three dimensional, and I notice a small clasp on the side. Pressing it, the
front swings open and reveals two tiny pictures. One is of JT when he was in
middle school, and on the opposite side, is a more recent photo from high
school. My hand covers my mouth, holding back my silent gasp. My teary gaze
flies to his, which is filled with depths of compassion.

“Your mom gave me the
pictures to have sized. Jay, I know your heart is broken over losing him. I
understand that parts of your soul will forever be changed by what happened,
and I know you need some time. That’s why I suggested that we become friends.
Not for me Jay, for you.” Stepping closer to me, he slides his fingers across
my cheek, gently grasping the side of my face. “I feel your pain. God it
destroys me sometimes. But what I can promise you is this: me wanting to be
with you and be around you has nothing to do with your mother or Molly. It is
about watching over you, but you have to understand that I watch over you
because of my feelings for you.”

He pauses, looking at me and
searching for something, but what? What does he see? I watch his eyes glance
down at my lips as he licks his. A flame of lust incinerates my body, making my
breasts tingle and everything southbound becomes warmer and wetter. It steals
my breath for a moment, making me forget my loss, my shame, and my future.
Everything disappears, and only Kane remains.

“We both need time. You need
to find your own reasons to live, and I, well, I have to make sure that the
feelings I have are because of us and not the situation.”

My fire within is quickly
doused by his words. Wait, what feelings? I can tell he is seeing the confusion
in my eyes.

“Whenever you need me, call
me. I won’t be sitting at home, but I’ll be waiting.” Leaning down, he lightly
teases my lips with his. He never closes his eyes, and neither do I. Pulling
back, he turns and gets into his car.

“Kane,” I say breathlessly
as he looks up at me, “thank you for the locket. It’s the most beautiful gift
anyone has ever given me, and it means more that you will ever know.” Grasping
the locket tightly, I bring it to my heart.

“He will be with you always,
and I’m okay with that. I could have told you, but I wanted to show you exactly
how I feel and that I understand. The question you need to figure out is if you
can love,” he pauses glancing down and then back up to me, “someone again.” For
several seconds, our gazes never leave one another. Finally, he breaks the
moment as he turns the ignition switch, closes the door, and backs out of the
driveway.

I watch his car until it
disappears around the corner. Looking down again at the locket, my mind tries to
grasp what he just revealed. Or did he? In both pictures, JT is smiling back at
me. Touching them with my fingertips, I remember when the pictures were taken.
The first was in eighth grade. In fact, if I remember correctly, it was the day
before JT broke his arm trying to rescue me from a swarm of yellow jackets one
hot summer afternoon. The memory brings a smile and something that JT said to
my mother that day. He said, “If Jay’s happy, then so am I.”

When I walk into the house,
my mother is standing in the doorway. Without saying a word, she holds out her
hand for the locket. She must have been watching us. Shaking my head, I hand it
to her.

“He told me about it,” she
says, opening the locket and looking down at the pictures. Clearing her throat,
she continues, “Must take a special man to give such a precious gift.”

Blowing out a deep breath, I
reply, “Yeah. I can’t imagine why he would.”

“Can’t you, Jay?” She
knowingly looks at me, handing me the locket back. She nudges my shoulder and
grins as she walks away.

I head upstairs and remove
the locket from the box once I reach my room. I gently place it around my neck
and stare into the mirror. My eyes shift from my face to the necklace, and I
grasp it in my hands. Saying that he is amazing for giving this to me doesn’t
cut it. Nothing can come close to describing what this gift means to me and
what he means to me. I am going to let him go. I care about him enough to let
him find someone else without all this damn baggage. I love him entirely too
much to put him through this; it’s the least I can do.

~~~~~~~

Two days before New Year’s
Eve, I receive a call from a number I don’t recognize. I almost let it go to
voicemail before deciding at the last minute to answer.

“Hello?”

“What’s up, Jay?” flows from
the speaker with a low melodic rhythm.

“Rhye?”

“Yeah, sorry I’m just now
calling. I walked in the door from L.A. a little while ago. When I heard you
were home, I called Cal to get your new number.”

“What were you doing in Los
Angeles?”

“Recording some demos for a
record label. Can you believe it? It’s so fucking crazy. I got the call last
week, and they flew the band out there. We are waiting to hear back from them.”

“That is great, Rhye. I am
so stoked for you guys.”

“What about you? When did
you get home?”

“Last week.” Silence falls
from both sides.

“I’m so sorry about
everything that happened, Jay.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Do you think you could come
out to listen to us play at Vortex on New Year’s Eve?”

“No, I’m sorry, Rhye. My
parents wouldn’t go for it, and to be honest, I’m not ready yet.”

“I get you. Just know that
if you ever need to get out, you can give me a call. I know how you get when
you need to escape. We can just hang.”

I laugh. Rhye really does
know me. “I could have used you last week.”

“Damn it, figures,” he says
laughing. “Well, I’ve got to get to practice. If you change your mind, call me.
Okay?”

“Sure. Listen, I’m really
glad you called. Really.”

“Bye, Jay.”

“Bye, Rhye.”

Hanging up, I can’t quit
smiling. It felt really good talking to him. My phone buzzes, signaling that I
have an incoming picture. I click “open” and burst out laughing. It’s a picture
of Rhye. His dark shaggy hair still falls across his eye, but now, yellow
streaks are laced throughout. His dark chocolate eyes hold so much mischief
within them. He has a single hoop in his eyebrow, one in his lip, and two large
gauges in both ears. A finger is pointed at his huge smile, and the caption
underneath reads, “Big ass grin after talking to you.”

I laugh because I feel the
same way. Noticing a dark spot near the corner of his eye, I click to make the
image bigger. Did he get a tear drop tattooed underneath his eye? Looking
closer, I realize what it is. No, it can’t be. He wouldn’t. It’s a lower case
“j”. It has to mean something else. I have to believe that.

“Jay, can we talk for a
minute?” my mother asks.

Placing my phone down, I
answer, “Yeah, what do you need?”

“I made an appointment with
the new therapist that Dr. Raines suggested. Your appointments will be every
Monday at noon. Is that okay?”

I nod my head, and she
continues.

“We also haven’t talked
about school. I know with the online courses that you’ve completed, you don’t
lack much for your high school diploma equivalent. Your father and I have
thought about enrolling you in the local community college for some courses if
you want. We thought it would be a good opportunity for you to get out of the
house.”

“That actually sounds great.
Let me get online and check it out.” I really do think this would be a good
thing for me. I need something of my own, and it being outside the house makes
it even better.

“Well your father has
contacts, so we can get you in whenever. Just let me know.”

“Sure, Mom,” I reply. As
soon as she leaves, I grab my laptop to see what classes are offered. For once,
I’m excited about the prospect of school.

~~~~~~~

The New Year passes with me
really living it up. Yeah, I stayed in. I haven’t left my house other than to
just ride around. Kane called to invite me to lunch, but when I lied and said I
had plans, he didn’t press seeing me. He talked about how a new job was keeping
him busy and said that he would stop by later in the week. When he hung up, I
wondered if he really would.