Ruined (The Seraphim Series Book 1) (11 page)

“You need to stop molly-coddling me,” Lilliah deadpanned. “It’s going to get really old, really fast.”

“I'm sorry. I just can’t help it!”

Lilliah had woken that morning with Rebecca snuggled in bed beside her. She had refused to leave her side since, only begrudgingly leaving for five minutes when Lilliah had insisted she go check on Sebastian.

“Yeah, well, I’m not made of glass.”

“I know you’re not. Even if we were to actually get into trouble, I doubt I’d be much help,” Rebecca pointed out. “I am literally the only human here.”

“Last night, I honestly thought Azrael was scared of you for a second.” She giggled at the memory of Azrael’s eyes widening when Rebecca had threatened him.

“For a second, I was afraid of myself!” Rebecca laughed. “So what happens now?” she asked after their laughter had died down. “Do we now trust Azrael again? We can’t stay here forever. Soon, my parents are going to realise I’m missing.”

The truth was Lilliah had no idea what would happen next. Every time she was on her own, she got kidnapped. Then there was the fact that they still had to find her mum. Then there was Azrael. The memory of his kiss was still fresh.

She shrugged. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I think staying here is the best choice. Our only choice, really.” She still hadn’t told Rebecca about the kiss, a little unsure how she would take it.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don't,” Rebecca agreed. “Just in this case, it could actually really be the Devil!”

“Well, thanks for that reminder,” Lilliah said sarcastically. “At least while we're here, no one else will try to attack us.”

“Yeah, plus we have no hope of finding your mum on our own. But, well, just be careful of Azrael. Try and stay away from him. We can’t just trust him all of a sudden. He’s still dangerous.”

Lilliah didn’t need reminding. She knew exactly how dangerous Azrael could be. But how could she ever explain to her friend that she didn’t want to stay away from him; that instead, she wanted to run straight up to him, to dive head first into danger? She wouldn’t try and explain. She just couldn’t. Lilliah didn’t understand her own feelings. How could she ever expect her friend to understand them?

Chapter 9

It was beginning to rain. Lilliah lifted her head and let the cold droplets hit her face. She was sitting outside in the garden, reading. In the two weeks she had stayed at the mansion, it had quickly become her favourite place; she felt safe here and a little more connected to what she was trying to learn.

Her phone buzzed in her hand. Jeremy. She smiled when she saw his name pop on the screen. Texting him had been a nice distraction from everything that was going on, but she was finding it more and more difficult to keep her secret. Every time they spoke, he wanted to know more and more about where she was and what she was doing. She wasn’t sure how long she could keep lying to him.

“Why are you always out here?” Lilliah looked up at Sebastian. “It's freezing. And it’s raining.”

“I like it.” Lilliah put her phone back in her pocket. She'd get back to Jeremy later. “Besides, it’s only just started raining.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be resting your leg?”

“It’s fine now.” She lifted it up and stretched it out, just in case he needed a visual. “Completely healed.” She smiled sweetly. “Why are you sweating? What have you been doing?”

“I’ve been training.” He sat down next to her.

“Training?” she repeated sceptically. “Training for what?”

“Training to fight.” He laughed like it was obvious. “Benedict’s teaching me to fight.”

“Benedict is?” She sat forward, not hiding how shocked she was.

Benedict could fight? She couldn’t imagine it. He seemed too nice to fight.

“Why is he teaching you how to fight?” she pressed, now a little irritated. Why hadn't they asked her? She kept getting attacked. Learning how to fight could come in handy.

“Because I asked.”

She wanted to punch the smug smile off his face. “Very funny,” she sneered back. “Would he teach me?”

“I don’t know. Ask him.” He took a swig of his water. “Why do you want to learn anyway?”

“We’ve been attacked twice now, Sebastian.” She held up two of her fingers. “And I’ve not been able to do anything either time. I’m not going to sit around waiting to be saved.” She stood, looking determined. “I’m no damsel in distress. I want to learn too.”

“Where are you
going?” Sebastian called after her.

She didn’t answer. Instead, she headed straight to find Benedict.

“I want to learn how to fight!” she rushed out.

Benedict turned to look at her, surprised. “Lilliah—”

“Why not?” she interrupted. She didn’t need him to finish saying “no.”

“I just don’t think it’s the best idea.” He bent down and picked up a punching bag.

“How can it possibly not be the best idea?” She followed him to the other side of the room. “I keep getting attacked. I could fight back! They wouldn’t expect it.” She got more excited as she spoke. “It would be like, boom! I’ve kicked your ass.” She smiled. “So what do you think?”

“Benedict.” Azrael stalked into the room, his eyes downcast. “I need you for a moment.” He stopped when he saw Lilliah.

“Okay.” Benedict nodded, dropping the punching bag on the floor and walking out of the room. Azrael stood still, staring at her, his face completely expressionless.

“Hey.” She waved awkwardly when he didn’t speak.

He took one deep breath before turning on his heels and walking out.

What the hell was that?
She wanted to scream. So that was it? They just weren’t going to talk anymore? She needed advice.

She ran down the hall.

“The other night Azrael and I kissed!” she said as she burst into the room.

“Huh?” Rebecca lay on the bed, staring at her.

“We kissed!” she repeated, almost falling on the bed. The relief over actually saying the words was amazing—euphoric, almost. She had never been good at keeping secrets.

“You kissed?” Rebecca repeated, letting the words sink in.

“Yes,” Lilliah said. After three days, she needed to talk. “But he hasn’t spoken to me since. Well, I mean, he did, kind of,” she corrected, remembering their strange, one-sided conversation in the gym. “But it wasn’t really talking. He just stared at me and then walked off.”

“Does Azrael have minty breath?” Rebecca asked as if in deep thought, completely ignoring what Lilliah had just said. “I imagine him to have really clean-smelling breath.”

“Rebecca!” Lilliah laughed, grabbing the small cushion and throwing it at her. “Pay attention!”

“I’m sorry,” she replied, holding her hands up defensively. “But you can’t just tell me something this huge and not expect me to be curious. This is amazing!” Both girls giggled.

“So how was the kiss?” Rebecca pressed, still eager for more details.

“Amazing,” Lilliah shared, not caring how her face heated. She knew the kiss had been amazing; it was everything after the kiss she wasn’t sure about.

“Oh, I knew it!” Rebecca sighed, tucking both feet underneath her. “He looks like the kind of guy to take charge, you know? Like the kind of guy who just walks in a room and grabs you. All aggressive and alpha male!”

“It wasn’t just the kiss.” She ran her tongue over her lips. “It was everything he was saying.”

“Oh. What did he say?” Rebecca leant forward, her eyes wide.

“Just . . .” Lilliah stopped, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with sharing something that felt so intimate with Rebecca. “He just said some really nice things, about how his feelings have changed.” She silently prayed Rebecca wouldn’t press for anything more. She wanted to keep the moment she and Azrael had shared private.

“He changed his mind?” Rebecca asked, looking unsure. “Well, that’s good, I guess. Because before, he wanted to kill you.” Lilliah’s faced dropped at the reminder. “But I could tell there was chemistry between the two of you,” Rebecca added quickly.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.”

“You’ll never know unless you speak to him,” Rebecca pointed out. “Take charge. Go in there and demand to know what the hell he’s playing at. You’re not one of his groupies. You’re Lilliah Daniels. You can have your pick of any guy anywhere.”

Lilliah shook her head at Rebecca’s suggestion. “Yeah, right.”

“Listen to me.”  Lilliah looked up, taken aback with how serious Rebecca was. “You’re gorgeous. He’s the lucky one.  Go on in there and show him you can’t be pushed around.”

Rebecca’s suggestion played on Lilliah’s mind all day, getting to a point where she didn’t even realise when she had started walking towards Azrael’s office. But what she did realise was how fast her heart started to beat when she heard his voice.
How can a simple voice make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy?
It wasn’t until Lilliah was at the open door that she realised he was on the phone. She stood just behind the half-closed door, watching him pace behind his desk, looking every bit the predator that she knew was hidden beneath his black shirt and trousers.

“Listen to me.” His voice was deep and threatening. “Vampires attacked a house. They took a woman, a human.”

Lilliah’s heart stopped. He was talking about her mother. She leant forward, trying to hear more.

“I want that human back. I will get her, do you understand me?”

Lilliah flinched as if he were talking to her.

“I will find her,” he continued. “And when I do, and if I find out you were involved . . .” He paused, as if deliberating. “I won’t think twice about ending you.”

She watched as he ended the call. He was trying to find her mother. A small smile played at her mouth. With newfound confidence, she walked in the room, trying not to be put off by Azrael’s shocked expression.

“Are you ignoring me?” she shot out, lifting her chin higher, her hands digging into her hips.

“Hello to you too, Lilliah.” He casually sat in the chair behind him, his eyes not leaving hers as he undid the top two buttons of his shirt with one hand. “Why do you think I’m ignoring you?” he asked after a moment.

“Because you are!” She gulped, his calm composure putting her off, causing her confidence to slip. “We haven’t spoken since you brought me back here.” She realised how pathetic she sounded.

“I know.” He nodded, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “I’m not ignoring you.” He stopped for a moment, his eyes scanning her face. “I wanted the next time we spoke to be when I told you that we had found your mother, and to have earned your complete trust because of it.” His features were grim. “I’m still unable to do that.”

“I heard you talking on the phone,” Lilliah said, wrapping her arms around herself. He wasn’t ignoring her; he was trying to find her mother. That was worth so much more than his just stopping in to say
hi
. “Thank you for still trying to find her.”

“Lilliah.” He sighed, getting up from his desk and walking round to face her. “I will bring her back to you. I know how much you love her. I know how much you need her. I will find her for you. If you’re going to trust or believe in anything, believe in that.”

She couldn’t speak, so instead, she nodded.

“Come on.” His face broke out into a dazzling smile. “I need to get out of this office.” He grabbed her hand and led her out of the room. She silently basked in the feeling of his hand holding hers. She loved this contact with him, his skin touching hers.

She let him lead her out of the mansion and into the lush gardens. When it wasn’t raining, Lilliah tried to spend all her time outside, exploring all of Azrael’s land. The grass was always cut perfectly and the hedges were always perfect, which Lilliah found strange, as she never saw a gardener. But Azrael wasn’t stopping at the gardens; he was heading for the forest at the back.

“You’re not bringing me here to kill me, are you?” Lilliah tried to joke as she followed Azrael farther into the forest, trying not to trip on the uneven surface.

“That’s not funny,” he called back in a very serious voice.

“Sorry. It was a bad joke. Too soon,” Lilliah backtracked quickly. “Where are we going?” she asked, trying to change the subject from her bad joke while trying to hide the tremor in her voice. He was leading her into a forest, alone. Was this wise?

“This,” he said, stopping and turning around to face Lilliah, “is the place I come to be alone. No one comes this far in the forest, and”—he reached in his pocket and held up his mobile—“no reception.”

Smiling, Lilliah looked around the opening, marvelling at the high trees, her fear slowly disappearing. She had never been this far in before; it was beautiful.

“It sure is something.” She breathed in the fresh air, and for a moment, basked in the stillness. “And so quiet. I can’t hear a thing.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “There aren’t many places like this anymore.”

“Do you come here a lot?” Lilliah asked, laughing at her corny question.

“When I can. Any time I need space, or time to think, I come here,” he said, walking to sit on a fallen tree.

“I just lock myself in my room,” Lilliah shared. It wasn’t as cool as his forest, but it was all she had.

“That could work too,” he agreed. “So, you can ask me anything you want. I promise to answer you to the best of my ability.”

Back to business, Lilliah realised, automatically standing straighter and walking over to sit beside him.

“I'm sorry I left,” she said out of the blue, not really sure whether she should be apologising or not. She just felt awkward that he hadn’t mentioned it yet. If she were honest about it, she’d run away again if she had to. “I heard you speaking to Dena in the hall. I was eavesdropping,” she confirmed, unable to control the blush creeping up her neck. “I heard you talking about killing me, as if it were nothing. And I got scared.” She was still so uncomfortable with the whole concept of killing.

“You had every right to be scared.” He moved his head up and down slowly. “If you ever hear anyone talking about killing you again, you run as fast as you can,” he told her, his face a mask, hiding his emotions. She was starting to hate it when he did that. “There was a point when I did want to kill you,” he started, his eyes intensely focused on Lilliah as if he were trying to force her to understand.

“Are you sure you want me to carry on?” he asked, for the first time seeming unsure of himself.

“Yes,” Lilliah said immediately. He had told her all of this before. It was the details of it she didn’t know.

“Right, well, I did want to kill you, for a long time,” he continued, regaining his confidence. “At first, being on Earth didn’t bother me. The demons were locked in Hell, apart from one day every five hundred years, so the angels ruled this earth. We witnessed the mortals become what they are today. At first, they worshiped us like gods.” The corners of his mouth turned up in a cocky grin. “But I knew that something was going to happen. I knew it couldn’t last. I could just feel it. Everything was so easy. That was when I found out you had fallen and that Michael had cast a spell to enable you to be reincarnated. So I went in search of the ring. Just in case anything did happen, I would be covered,” he said, looking down at the golden band on his finger and running his thumb over it. “I was right. Not long after I found it, the others started to change. It was small at first, but then the disease sped up, making some unable to go out in the sun and others slaves to the moon. It was a strange time.” He folded his arms over his chest. Lilliah was too captivated to say anything.